Should women change their maiden names?

[TravisandJill]

Well I did change my name but now I wish I did not because there are no males to pass on my fathers last name. There are many males who will pass on my husbands last name.

I am actually considering changing my last name to hyphenating my maiden and last name together.

I know it would probably look wierd to outsiders but I wish I could give my next son my fathers last name since my husband and I already have a son with my DH’s last name.

Plus it kinda bothers me that everybody thinks I am german with my hubbys last name…NO I am a proud Swede!

 

[psr13]

I am very traditional about pretty much everything. As such, I believe so. I believe that it shows unity. The first thing I did after we got married was change my name. I’m an extremely white girl with a Filipino last name. Yes, I do get a lot of second looks. My mom is remarried and now has a Japanese name. My oldest sister has a Hispanic last name. Our last name will die out when my middle sister gets married next year. Does it bother us? Not really. Our family name is common.

 

[VivienneJ]

Interesting thread.

When I married, over 30 years ago, I changed to my husband’s surname. My maiden surname was related to a particular language group which was not our home language and that caused some confusion!!

After my husband’s death, I felt that the only connection I had to his surname was through my daughters (and had I remarried at that stage I would have kept my legal surname the same as that of my children).

Now one is married, the other is soon to follow suit, they will have their husband’s surnames. Now I feel I don’t really belong to either my present surname, or my maiden name anymore.

Here in the Arab world children take their father’s name and keep it throughout life. A male would have his names, then bin Said (son of Said), a female of the same father would be bint Said (daughter of Said); if the Said family had two sons, their children may be distinuished from each other by being bin Mohamed Said, or bin Rashid Said, for example, in this case showing which brother was their father.

 

[Guitar]

It is not a moral issue, and given that it is not, it would be a refreshing if free-thinking adult women who have decided one way could refrain from calling the considered choices of other free-thinking adult women “nonsense”.

 

[noclevername]

It is not a moral issue, and given that it is not, it would be a refreshing if free-thinking adult women who have decided one way could refrain from calling the considered choices of other free-thinking adult women “nonsense”.

HUH?? What post did I miss that called anyone/anything nonsense? Everyone pretty much agrees that it’s a personal choice. For example, my personal choice would be not to change it because I publish papers in my maiden name. But if I have kids they would have my husband’s name.

 

[aloejamb]

I haven’t read a post here yet that has sounded holier than thou but that’s just my take. People are cranky these days…sheesh.

Anyways, I do think that if you have children, it makes it easier to all have the same last name.
We know three couples where the woman did not take her husbands name(one couple does not have children) and when we are out and about they all get called the “smith” family and not the Smith and Mrs. Jones family.
The one couple that does not have children : She did not change her name I think due to her profession and it definitely is NOT a name that you would hyphenate(what a mouthful). I have known her most of my life so it is natural for me to refer to her by her maiden name though.
That’s just my:twocents:

 

[VivienneJ]

I haven’t read a post here yet that has sounded holier than thou but that’s just my take. People are cranky these days…sheesh.

I’ve often wondered if holidays make people more cranky, rather than less …

(Maybe I should duck now?)

 

[Phemie]

You have to take culture and location into consideration.

In Québec a woman’s birth surname is the only legal name recognized. A woman cannot simply assume her husband’s last name as she can elsewhere. If she wants to have his name she must legally change hers to his – this changes the name on her birth certificate.

 

[happymommy]

Well I did change my name but now I wish I did not because there are no males to pass on my fathers last name. There are many males who will pass on my husbands last name.

I am actually considering changing my last name to hyphenating my maiden and last name together.

I know it would probably look wierd to outsiders but I wish I could give my next son my fathers last name since my husband and I already have a son with my DH’s last name.

Plus it kinda bothers me that everybody thinks I am german with my hubbys last name…NO I am a proud Swede!

My brother’s were unable to have children, so there is no one to pass on my dad’s last name, and I’m okay with that.
I took my husbands name, these are our children, not my dad’s. Our son has his father’s last name, not my dad’s. I would never take that away from my husband, for him to have a son without his last name, no matter how many boys God gives us. And I don’t think he would let it happen anyway, since I’m not the only one who gets to name the child. I think it would look more than “weird” from the outside, but think of these kids in school. The other kids find out you have a brother with a different last name, and before they find out any other details, the stories will be flying that you are divorced or had a child with someone else. It just seem like a lot of trouble just to pass on a name, that really does’t belong to the kid anyway. Even if you kept your maiden name, he’s still his father’s child too and that name should be given as well.
My husband’s last name is Polish. Do you have any idea how many Polish jokes I hear, I’m not one bit Polish, but I’m very proud to have this name.

 

[tapiocapudding]

I took my husband’s last name. I was a bit sad because I love my maiden name and there is no one else in the family to pass on my Dad’s name. My solution? I gave my maiden name to my son as a first name
ETA: I don’t think there’s any ‘should’ about it though. I think it really depends on the situation.

 

[JSSebastianoP]

Well I did change my name but now I wish I did not because there are no males to pass on my fathers last name. There are many males who will pass on my husbands last name.

Being rather traditional, I think that the bride should usually take the groom’s name; but this is an exception. I am the only male child in my father’s family to have a brother in four generations, so I think that it is extremely important to pass down a name. I guess the ultimate decision is the couple’s.

 

[noclevername]

I haven’t read a post here yet that has sounded holier than thou but that’s just my take. People are cranky these days…sheesh.

Anyways, I do think that if you have children, it makes it easier to all have the same last name.
We know three couples where the woman did not take her husbands name(one couple does not have children) and when we are out and about they all get called the “smith” family and not the Smith and Mrs. Jones family.
The one couple that does not have children : She did not change her name I think due to her profession and it definitely is NOT a name that you would hyphenate(what a mouthful). I have known her most of my life so it is natural for me to refer to her by her maiden name though.
That’s just my:twocents:

If I am married and keep my maiden name but am out iwth my family I would be honored to be called the Smith family even if my last name happens to be Jones. That’s not an issue. It’s just for professional reasons I need to keep my maiden name.

 

[blessourhome]

I took my husband’s last name for many reasons, mostly as an act of showing him how much I love him and his family. I also really like tradition and felt like I was doing the “right” thing. As well, it can act as a kind of new beginning, especially if you have issues with your father.

 

[Anne1964]

I took my husband’s last name, but I still use my maiden name at work. This was a compromise that made both of us happy.

 

[Guitar]

HUH?? What post did I miss that called anyone/anything nonsense? Everyone pretty much agrees that it’s a personal choice. For example, my personal choice would be not to change it because I publish papers in my maiden name. But if I have kids they would have my husband’s name.

A PP did - she was expressing her personal opinion but referred to the personal choice of others as nonsense.

I haven’t read a post here yet that has sounded holier than thou but that’s just my take. People are cranky these days…sheesh.

I’ve often wondered if holidays make people more cranky, rather than less …

And BTW I’m not actually cranky at all right now and it isn’t even holidays where I live. I just grew up in a household where matters of opinion, taste, culture and personal choice were elevated to the status of moral issues, and I have seen several previous threads on this topic where some women who make Choice A don’t make much effort to hide their attitude to Choices B and C and make unwarranted assumptions about the reasons behind them.

 

[graceandglory]

You have to take culture and location into consideration…

So, I live in the post Christian, pro-abort, sex means nothing, we kill our babies, we kill our aged, we kill our sick, we marry our same gender, culture of America.

And I’m Catholic.

Now… Should women change their maiden names?

 

[blessourhome]

Um… yes. I don’t know, I’m pretty traditional so I think women should but a lot of women say doing so goes against women/feminism. Sorry, but being anti-men is not true feminism. I guess a better question might be why shouldn’t** women change their maiden names?

 

[Salonika]

Um… yes. I don’t know, I’m pretty traditional so I think women should but a lot of women say doing so goes against women/feminism. Sorry, but being anti-men is not true feminism. I guess a better question might be why shouldn’t** women change their maiden names?

I don’t see a married woman retaining her maiden name (or hyphenating her maiden surname with her husband’'s) as anti-men. It’s about choice and feminism is about making choices.

Also, if I decided to change my first name(s) would that mean that I was being anti my parents? Showing lack of filial respect?

Also what about the past practice in some countries (well gone in my view) to refer to a married woman by her husband’s full name eg Mrs John Smith.

 

[Phemie]

I don’t see a married woman retaining her maiden name (or hyphenating her maiden surname with her husband’'s) as anti-men. It’s about choice and feminism is about making choices.

Also, if I decided to change my first name(s) would that mean that I was being anti my parents? Showing lack of filial respect?

Also what about the past practice in some countries (well gone in my view) to refer to a married woman by her husband’s full name eg Mrs John Smith.

Mrs John Smith is still the proper way to address a letter to John Smith’s wife.

I think if the husband has no problem with his wife not using his name it’s nobody else’s business. I’ve said it before, if DH hadn’t been in the military I would have kept my maiden name. Were I getting married today I certainly would. OTOH, DD assumed her husband’s when they got married.

 

[Tsuwano]

Here in Japan it often happens that a man will take his wife’s name and join her family if there is no male to carry on the family name in that family. A Mr. Takahashi in our school assumed the name Mr. Nagase when he married and took his wife’s family name. I’m wondering how many male subscribers to this thread would be willing to do the same and change his name to his wife’s maiden name if the situation required it? Speaking for myself, I think I would be willing to do it but I have a strange cultural hesitation about it. I would really be reluctant about it, but probably would do it in the end for the sake of my wife’s family.