Should women change their maiden names?

[sanctamaria17]

It is true. I work with many people from South and Central America and I sponsor a Honduran boy. They all confirmed this for me.

That’s cool if changing your name works for you. But I guess I don’t see how just because something is traditionally Western (not even Catholic) makes something an automatic right or wrong according to our faith.

 

[ac_claire]

It is true. I work with many people from South and Central America and I sponsor a Honduran boy. They all confirmed this for me.

That’s cool if changing your name works for you. But I guess I don’t see how just because something is traditionally Western (not even Catholic) makes something an automatic right or wrong according to our faith.

Well I never did say that it was an automatic right or wrong according to the faith because it was traditionally Western or Catholic. What I have said is that since we are living in a western Catholic culture, it is traditional to our culture.

Because of that, we’re not talking about both ways being equal. One way is traditional (taking the husband’s name) and another way is a newer innovation (keeping the maiden name or hyphenating). So I wonder, why is it that some women prefer to keep their father’s names rather than take their husband’s? Just curious, because St. Paul makes it clear where this tradition comes from:

*“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh.” *- Matt 19:5.

As for the Latin American thing, don’t worry…like I said, if it’s true, it’s cool. It’s just we weren’t really talking about what the different traditions were across different cultures. Also, Mexico is part of Central America and from what I know, Mexican women traditionally take their husband’s last names and keep their maiden name as their middle name. (Which is what my mom did, btw.)

 

[Leonius]

It’s HER name.

She never choose it though did she? It was given to her by her father and she should change it to mark the truth that in marriage she becomes one with her husband.

To think that it is not an insult to the husband and his family for a woman to refuse to take his name and mark her union with him and also of his family is quite delusional, it is a huge slap in the face and any man who would accept such a affront from his future wife and still go through with the wedding must be quite desperate as it reveals some quite serious flaws with either her character or her judgement.

Husband and Wife should have the same name to mark the truth that two become one as far as God is concerned as taught by the Catholic Church, then there is also the issue of the children’s surname, which one would they get if the husband and wife have different names? This then also undermines the unity of the family.

**Disclaimer:**Leonius disclaims all responsibility for and accepts no liability for any emotional trauma that may result from exposure to his communicated thoughts.

The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the author and should not be construed as representing the policy of his parish, diocese, the Vatican, the Holy Spirit or anyone else unless explicitly stated.

 

[shannyk]

Here’s a question that is along the lines of this…why doesn’t my sister go back to her maiden name? She has been divorced for nearly 5 years! Their marriage is still a marriage in the eyes of the Church, but for legal reasons…not sure why she holds onto her married last name. I notice a lot of divorced women to that until they remarry. Just curious…maybe it’s a lot of work to get everything switched over?

Could it be because her children share her last name?

I have been asked why Idon’t go back to my maiden name, several years after my husbands death, especially since I always hated my married name, and my maiden name with my first name sounds MUCH nicer. Yet, I would never do it, because our last name is part of what makes us a family and connects the children to their deceased father. It unifies us in his absence.

For whatever reason, I would not like having a different name than my children.:twocents:

Ladies, this is one of those things that calls for some humility and some meekness IMHO.

 

[ac_claire]

For whatever reason, I would not like having a different name than my children.:twocents:

Ladies, this is one of those things that calls for some humility and some meekness IMHO.

I agree, and of course it makes sense you’d want the same last name as your children. That’s one of the things that binds families together, having the same name.

 

[bella5]

I’m very traditional when it comes to this (well, and most things actually ). I think that when two become one it is the husband’s name the couple should take, and none of this hyphenated nonsense.

If someone has professional reasons to keep a maiden name, such as the post above of someone who has many published papers in her name, then it is always possible to use the maiden name professionally and the married name the rest of the time. I see no issues with this. But the legal name should be that of the husband.

My opinion - not popular, not trendy, but mine.

~Liza

I too am a traditionalist and agree the women should take her husband’s name. Recently we were at a wedding the reading that was chosen was Genesis Chaperte 2. While listening the verses 21-24 stood out to me and it all made sense why a husband and wife are one and long for each other. “21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; 22 and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.” God is good…

 

[shannyk]

I too am a traditionalist and agree the women should **take **

her husband’s name.

Ah I like that you say take, because it implies someone is giving you something, offering you something, and you accept it, graciously receive it. That is at the essence of the marriage dynamic. The man gives in order to receive, the woman receives in order to give.

 

[Cattitude]

I kept my maiden name when DH and I got married 10 years ago. Mainly for professional reasons. We are both veterinarians and have almost always worked in the same practice. It was just easier professionally to go by Dr. T and Dr. G, rather than Dr. G - which one? Or “Mrs-Dr-G” and “Mrs-Dr-G”.

Socially, I am Mrs. G and I never thought twice about the kids taking my husband’s last name. That is our family name. My name is just different on legal documents, that’s all.

I will admit thought that I was a C & E Catholic at that time. I may have done things differently had I been a devout Catholic back then.

 

[Salonika]

She never choose it though did she? It was given to her by her father and she should change it to mark the truth that in marriage she becomes one with her husband.

She also didn’'t choose her first name so following the above view shouldn’t she have to take his first name as well - not just for formal commuication but all the time.

But then if two become one on marriage maybe the guy could change his names, instead?

To think that it is not an insult to the husband and his family for a woman to refuse to take his name and mark her union with him and also of his family is quite delusional, it is a huge slap in the face and any man who would accept such a affront from his future wife and still go through with the wedding must be quite desperate as it reveals some quite serious flaws with either her character or her judgement.

Maybe he doesn’t see it as an affront or a character defect on her part. Maybe he views her commitment to the relationship as what is most important.

Also are you suggesting that those of us who have no problem with the couple involved deciding on the surname(s) are delusional and have serious character or judgement flaws? Do you have any particular flaws in mind? Thought you had to know/know about indivudals before you so label them.

 

[dakotagirl]

No. Men should change to their wives’ names. After all, the Good Book says “blessed are the meek”.

 

[ac_claire]

No. Men should change to their wives’ names. After all, the Good Book says “blessed are the meek”.

I’m pretty sure you’re being funny, but in case you aren’t…what does being meek have to do with anything? Is taking your husband’s name an issue of pride?

 

[mommamia]

She never choose it though did she? It was given to her by her father and she should change it to mark the truth that in marriage she becomes one with her husband.

To think that it is not an insult to the husband and his family for a woman to refuse to take his name and mark her union with him and also of his family is quite delusional, it is a huge slap in the face and any man who would accept such a affront from his future wife and still go through with the wedding must be quite desperate as it reveals some quite serious flaws with either her character or her judgement.

Husband and Wife should have the same name to mark the truth that two become one as far as God is concerned as taught by the Catholic Church, then there is also the issue of the children’s surname, which one would they get if the husband and wife have different names? This then also undermines the unity of the family.

Lol, this is too funny.
Seriously I don’t think dh was “desperate”. And while I am sure I have many flaws in my character, the fact that I kept my maiden name isn’t one of them. Nor was it an insult to him or his family, it was just practical. We are very much a family, and socially I generally use his name. Heck when I teach at the kids school I go by Mrs.Hisname, its just easier. However professionally I needed to keep my name, he doesn’t care and neither do I.

FWIW, I don’t have my father’s last name, he died when I was a few months old and when my grandparents adopted me they gave me their last name, my mother’s last name, and dh is adopted by his step dad who always treated him and his brothers as “second class” to the one son he and dh’s mother have, so he has no real attachment to his name. When we discussed this we decided that either we would both change our name to something totally new, or we would both keep our names and give the kids his name.

There is no “should” on this. If there was the Catholic Church would have some guidelines on this, the fact that they don’t says to me that it is a personal choice. Obviously if a marriage is to work, we must be able to talk about this and respect each others feelings on the subject. If dh had been adament, I would have probably changed it, or at least tried to work out a compromise. But this was just an area where we had total agreement, and the priest who did our pre-cana had no problem whatsoever with what was OUR choice.

 

[Leonius]

The character flaw isn’t keeping the maiden name, as I thought was clear in my post, rather the decision to rebel against the traditional cultural practice of taking the husbands name indicates the possible existence of excessive individualism, something which for obvious reasons would not be good in a marriage.

I’m not judging anyone, and if you are reading this and think it is about you then you are wrong as I don’t even know you and really do not care to know about your personal life which is frankly no ones business but your own.

 

[hope1986]

If and when I get married I will either have a hyphenated name or i will keep my maiden name

 

[Desert_Dancer]

Ah I like that you say take, because it implies someone is giving you something, offering you something, and you accept it, graciously receive it. That is at the essence of the marriage dynamic. The man gives in order to receive, the woman receives in order to give.

shannyk, thank you for posting this. Being married is something of a drag right now, and this is exactly what I needed to hear. God bless you !

 

[Salonika]

Leonius:

I’m not judging anyone, and if you are reading this and think it is about you then you are wrong as I don’t even know you and really do not care to know about your personal life which is frankly no ones business but your own.

I don’t understand how you can say that you are not judgng anyone when you say
Leonious:

To think that it is not an insult to the husband and his family for a woman to refuse to take his name and mark her union with him and also of his family is quite delusional, it is a huge slap in the face and any man who would accept such a affront from his future wife and still go through with the wedding must be quite desperate as it reveals some quite serious flaws with either her character or her judgement."

Why reply if you

Leonius:

really do not care to know about your personal life which is frankly no one’s business but your own.

.