Sightseeing dilemna - opinions please?

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TheRealJuliane

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After Christmas, I am traveling to an area where my husband has been working during the course of this year. Amongst other area attractions, he wants me to see a tourist attraction which is a large sand dune. I am not interested in seeing this large pile of sand, but when I tell him that, he dismisses my statement and tells me that I am being stubborn because “everyone should see this.” I told him I have already seen one pile of sand in Colorado and I don’t need to see another one. I like beaches, but I don’t care if I never see another sand dune, seriously.

I do have a stubborn streak, it’s true, and I don’t like someone telling me what I “must” do. But to me, there is a larger principle at work here, which is that if someone is visiting an area, you ask them what they would like to do out of a number of possible choices. You don’t just say, “Here’s what you are doing, whether you want to or not.” As in, if someone came to our area, I would not force them to go to a wax museum or the Veteran’s cemetery unless they had an interest in that. I would say, “You can pick from all these options, and we will do what you would like.”

So, give me your honest opinion. Should I shut up and just go to see The Huge Pile of Sand? (This presumes I also give up complaining rights, if I do this, I have to do it “for fun or for free,” no doing it and then extracting a payment from him later.) Or should I stand my ground, and if you say yes to this, HOW can I get this across to him, that I am not stupid or stubborn just because I don’t want to go see a whole bunch of silica in one place?

:confused:🤷
 
I thought perhaps your DH wanted to go see something immoral.:o

Go look at the sand with him.

How long could it take, an afternoon? It’s just a small way to make him happy.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I thought perhaps your DH wanted to go see something immoral.:o

Go look at the sand with him.

How long could it take, an afternoon? It’s just a small way to make him happy.
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:rotfl::bigyikes: That would be a CRISIS, not just a dilemma! No, he’s not that type, thank God!

Okay, that’s one vote for Shut Up and Go See the Pile of Sand.
 
I need to ask a few questions before voting 🙂

Do you always do what he wants? When on vacation do you take turns picking were to visit? Does he do things with you because you like them but it would not be something he would choose to do?

If it is always about what he wants to do and where he wants to go then I would speak up. Let him know what you want to do. Not just that you don’t want to go visit sand but what you would prefer to do.

Maybe a compromise. One day with the dirt and one day doing whatever you want to do.
 
That is quite a dilemma. 😉

I went to see some sand dunes over the summer. We watched the sun set. Literally, it was above the horizon one second, and below the horizon the next. You could like see it move. It was weird.

It was a beautiful evening and there were people with kites. We asked some random people to take pictures of us. It was a pleasant experience.

But if you are going when it is cold and winter, it would not be so pleasant.:winter: So if where you are going it is nice weather, I think you should suck it up and go see the dunes. It might be a nice time even if the dunes do not impress you.

If you are going where it’s cold and winter, I would try to get out of it (unless he would be satisfied with a drive by?) Don’t tell your husband “I don’t want to see the sand dunes.” Say, “I’d rather spend our time doing…” (think of something else.) That way it won’t seem like you are being negative by rejecting his idea.
 
Remember when you were dating, how every word that came out of his mouth was like golden wine from the heavens? If he liked baseball, you were up all night reading the encyclopedia of baseball and you would sit beside him and cheer as if that game was the second coming of the Lord? If he liked blueberry muffins you would bake 19 batches until you made 6 perfect muffins for him?

Sometimes we need to remember what it is like to treat our husbands as if we are in love with them.

And you know how it is when you read a book you love how you want every one you know to read it? How you want to share joy and beauty with the people YOU love?

Go see the and, don’t just shut up and like it - see it through his eyes, see it with love.
 
Go and look at the sand dune, and have an additional sightseeing option all lined up and ready to suggest. Something like, “Of course. And after we see the sand dune, let’s go to see the (insert local attraction.)”

When someone says, “you have to see this,” it’s usually because the thing struck them so that they want to share it with you, not that they want to make you see it. Respond to this in that spirit. Sure, it might be a big pile of silica, but if so many people supposedly are going to see it, it must have some sort of elan to it. There probably aren’t all that many people who would be so enthusiastic about just a plain old pile of sand. Go, notice, and try to find out just why your husband said “you just gotta see this!”

I’ve gone along on jaunts with my husband that I thought would bore me to tears, but when I got there I was interested, pleasantly surprised, and enjoyed the experience.
 
I vote for Shut Up and Look at a Pile of Sand! 🙂 Hopefully, it won`t be torturous and maybe you can see more interesting things after. And, who knows, this might be the best pile of sand ever! :rotfl:
 
Bite the bullet with a smile on your face. By being stubborn you may win the battle but lose the war.
The friction caused by winning a petty thing like not going to somewhere that bores you can easily escalate to a more serious confrontation. Never be so smug in a marriage that you think you can transform or reform your mate or even get to go to and see only things you want to see.
What if you wanted to see a major concert with hard to get tickets and he said I don’t want to go because I don’t like the music or I don’t like the performer and going is a waste of money. Or, worse, he did go and just sat there like a lump with a grim look on his face and afterwards did not want to discuss it!
Remember, very often it is the wife who “grins and bears it” because she is the stronger of the pair.
 
cviolette said:
I need to ask a few questions before voting 🙂

Do you always do what he wants? When on vacation do you take turns picking were to visit? Does he do things with you because you like them but it would not be something he would choose to do?

If it is always about what he wants to do and where he wants to go then I would speak up. Let him know what you want to do. Not just that you don’t want to go visit sand but what you would prefer to do.

Maybe a compromise. One day with the dirt and one day doing whatever you want to do.
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I like these thoughts. Depending upon your answer, you may want to lovingly go to see his famous sanddunes, or take a position and hold to it. If you are feeling controlled, it may be important to say that. If on the other hand, he isjust excited about this “sand dune” and wants to share his excitement with you. I might give him a chance! It may be off target, but it is nice and living.
 
cviolette said:
I need to ask a few questions before voting 🙂

Do you always do what he wants? When on vacation do you take turns picking were to visit? Does he do things with you because you like them but it would not be something he would choose to do?

If it is always about what he wants to do and where he wants to go then I would speak up. Let him know what you want to do. Not just that you don’t want to go visit sand but what you would prefer to do.

Maybe a compromise. One day with the dirt and one day doing whatever you want to do.
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No, we don’t always do what he wants. In fact, we mostly agree on what we want to do and see. He does want to go to Las Vegas and I am again, not interested in that sort of atmosphere and all the gambling, prostitution, etc. although I wouldn’t mind seeing “O.” But normally when we travel with the boys, we all agree on what we want to do. We don’t get to go away by ourselves very often.

“One day with the dirt.” LOL, thanks, I think One Day With the Dirt is winning.

😃
 
Castello said:
Remember when you were dating, how every word that came out of his mouth was like golden wine from the heavens? If he liked baseball, you were up all night reading the encyclopedia of baseball and you would sit beside him and cheer as if that game was the second coming of the Lord? If he liked blueberry muffins you would bake 19 batches until you made 6 perfect muffins for him?

Sometimes we need to remember what it is like to treat our husbands as if we are in love with them.

And you know how it is when you read a book you love how you want every one you know to read it? How you want to share joy and beauty with the people YOU love?

Go see the and, don’t just shut up and like it - see it through his eyes, see it with love.
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😊

Boy, am I glad you guys are being honest! After reading this, I feel like a heel for even thinking how stupid a big pile of sand could be!

After the last year, it’s been hard to imagine treating him as though I am in love with him. Perhaps I’d better try it, eh??

:o
 
OK, Juliane here goes.

I plan on getting beat up on this one. My future wife and I were driving I-40 when I seperated from the Air Force. There was a sign for a tourist attraction twenty miles away but I was on a time schedule, had a certain amount of petty cash, and was a stubborn 23 year old so I drove by. Twenty five years later she still won’t let me live it down.

The tourist attraction? The Grand Canyon. :o

Go see the dune, dear.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
No, we don’t always do what he wants. In fact, we mostly agree on what we want to do and see. He does want to go to Las Vegas and I am again, not interested in that sort of atmosphere and all the gambling, prostitution, etc. although I wouldn’t mind seeing “O.” But normally when we travel with the boys, we all agree on what we want to do. We don’t get to go away by ourselves very often.

“One day with the dirt.” LOL, thanks, I think One Day With the Dirt is winning.

😃
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Okay then my vote is for the dirt 🙂 Just enjoy the time you are with him. If there is something special in the area that you want to see, let him know and maybe you can fit that into your schedule too.
 
:newidea:

Maybe there’s a jewelry store nearby! Ha ha ha.

Seriously I’d love to go horseback riding but I’m not sure they do that in the winter. He’s going to take me to some churches so…

I guess I can go look at the sand…

👍
 
I am afraid that if you keep up this approach and attitude with your husband, he will soon be doing his sightseeing with another woman who is actually nice to him. Maybe that is what you want. You seem to be really angry with him about something. What is it? Anger is often the result of a fear. What are you afraid of? If you had sweet feelings about your husband, it would matter a bit what sightseeing thing you saw with him or didn’t see with him. All these sightseeing things are soon forgotten anyway.
 
CatholicFireman said:
OK, Juliane here goes.

I plan on getting beat up on this one. My future wife and I were driving I-40 when I seperated from the Air Force. There was a sign for a tourist attraction twenty miles away but I was on a time schedule, had a certain amount of petty cash, and was a stubborn 23 year old so I drove by. Twenty five years later she still won’t let me live it down.

The tourist attraction? The Grand Canyon. :o

Go see the dune, dear.
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Cute story, thanks for sharing! 🙂

Juliane, as a wife who has been dragged to more than my fair share of geologic, historic or geographic sites, that in most cases bored me to tears, every adventure helped me to see the world through my husband’s eyes and made me realize all the more why I loved him! 😃
 
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