Sightseeing dilemna - opinions please?

[MtnDwellar]

The dunes in Peru are about 5 times taller than the tallest dune in Colorado.

Tell him that you are not that easily impressed.

 

[Trishie]

Part of give and take.
Be happy your husband isn’t an ancient small engine restorer.
Be happy that you don’t need to kindly listen to every new little new development in magneto and any other necessary part of those early 20th century machines.
And for years, but I do so because without that hobby he wouldn’t have much. He surely knows that I have no capacity for passion for these things, but my patient kind interest in what he needs, not the engines themselves, rusty dusty things he makes a new creation of, like a whole network of men around the world. Even go with him to swap meets looking out for the appropriate missing rusty dusty parts!
But I do give him that, because it’s what he needs, what he wants.

In marriage we do things we don’t really want to do, for the good and the satisfaction of the other person.

Go look at the sand with him, give it full credit with him, full attention and appreciation, and then it’s done. My ‘give’ to my husband’s special interest is daily. E.g., Lunch-time talk!!! Sitting on the sofa talk!!! But he allows me CAF.

But then, I know that you are a warm caring, sensitive, wise person…as you demonstrate in posts over and over again,
so you already know,
and I think you are mostly just entertaining yourself in this thread! Am I not correct!

 

[Fan_of_Francis]

OK, Juliane here goes.

I plan on getting beat up on this one. My future wife and I were driving I-40 when I seperated from the Air Force. There was a sign for a tourist attraction twenty miles away but I was on a time schedule, had a certain amount of petty cash, and was a stubborn 23 year old so I drove by. Twenty five years later she still won’t let me live it down.

The tourist attraction? The Grand Canyon.

Go see the dune, dear.

Reminds me of the old joke:
The statute of limitation for a woman to forgive her husband is 10 years. After his death

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

OK, Juliane here goes.

I plan on getting beat up on this one. My future wife and I were driving I-40 when I seperated from the Air Force. There was a sign for a tourist attraction twenty miles away but I was on a time schedule, had a certain amount of petty cash, and was a stubborn 23 year old so I drove by. Twenty five years later she still won’t let me live it down.

The tourist attraction? The Grand Canyon.

Go see the dune, dear.

You aren’t my Ex are you? LOL. We had the same experience while still in the USAF. We were driving on I-90 traveling between South Carolina to his home in Seattle. I wanted to see Pompey’s Pillar where Lewis and Clark carved their names. He refused to stop as we headed west, and also refused to stop as we headed east again. It has been nearly 30 years and he regrets it now! LOL.

 

[L_piperatus]

Juliane, as a wife who has been dragged to more than my fair share of geologic, historic or geographic sites, that in most cases bored me to tears, every adventure helped me to see the world through my husband’s eyes and made me realize all the more why I loved him!

Of course you love him, because he is so good to you that he drags you all the time to sites that bore you to death!

Sorry, I couldn’t resist! And I’m praying for my future mate who would be as excited as I get upon spotting some specimen of a new/rarer kind of wildflower or mushroom on the side of the road! (or at least pretend it )

 

[L_piperatus]

It has been nearly 30 years and he regrets it now! LOL.

I’m sure he regrets it now!

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

Remember when you were dating, how every word that came out of his mouth was like golden wine from the heavens? If he liked baseball, you were up all night reading the encyclopedia of baseball and you would sit beside him and cheer as if that game was the second coming of the Lord? If he liked blueberry muffins you would bake 19 batches until you made 6 perfect muffins for him?

Sometimes we need to remember what it is like to treat our husbands as if we are in love with them.

And you know how it is when you read a book you love how you want every one you know to read it? How you want to share joy and beauty with the people YOU love?

Go see the and, don’t just shut up and like it - see it through his eyes, see it with love.

I agree with Castello.

He wants to share something with you that is of interest to him. Be grateful he that he thinks that highly of you. I have been very hurt in the past having a husband who didn’t care to join me in things that interested me.

Someday, he will be gone and you will think abou all the things you did with him, and you may regret the times that you disappointed him. Forever is a long time to live with those regrets.

Go to the sand dune and enjoy it with him. You may find your true love there.

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

I’m sure he regrets it now!

Yes, he has learned. He takes his second wife everywhere she wants to go.

 

[puzzleannie]

After I do have a stubborn streak, it’s true, and I don’t like someone telling me what I “must” do. But to me, there is a larger principle at work here, which is that if someone is visiting an area, you ask them what they would like to do out of a number of possible choices. You don’t just say, “Here’s what you are doing, whether you want to or not.”

at least the way you tell the story, this is not what is happening, because no where do you say he has laid down the law about what you will see on this trip. The “larger issue” seems to by why are you resisting his suggestion and preference, simply because he suggested and prefers it. That could be a productive starting point for considering how you will respond to this specific suggestion, and how the rest of this trip is going to go. Not to mention how every vacation for the rest of your life is going to go.

ps. a sand dune is not just a huge pile of sand, it is an entire ecosystem and a natural phenomenon.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

That is quite a dilemma.

I went to see some sand dunes over the summer. We watched the sun set. Literally, it was above the horizon one second, and below the horizon the next. You could like see it move. It was weird.

It was a beautiful evening and there were people with kites. We asked some random people to take pictures of us. It was a pleasant experience.

But if you are going when it is cold and winter, it would not be so pleasant.:winter: So if where you are going it is nice weather, I think you should suck it up and go see the dunes. It might be a nice time even if the dunes do not impress you.

If you are going where it’s cold and winter, I would try to get out of it (unless he would be satisfied with a drive by?) Don’t tell your husband “I don’t want to see the sand dunes.” Say, “I’d rather spend our time doing…” (think of something else.) That way it won’t seem like you are being negative by rejecting his idea.

I am glad that your dune experience was so nice! I love kites!

I’m afraid this WILL be in the middle of winter…and not in the tropics. But I don’t mind cold weather, and I actually do own a jacket with a liner, and a pair of gloves.

And he, a very lapsed Catholic who can’t even say he believes in God, has gone to Mass with me most of the time, over nearly 20 years, so our sons will have a faith in God that he doesn’t. He’s probably going to go to Mass with me on the trip, although he hasn’t gone by himself (of course, what atheist goes to church?).

I think I can sacrifice and go see the dune.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Bite the bullet with a smile on your face. By being stubborn you may win the battle but lose the war.
The friction caused by winning a petty thing like not going to somewhere that bores you can easily escalate to a more serious confrontation. Never be so smug in a marriage that you think you can transform or reform your mate or even get to go to and see only things you want to see.
What if you wanted to see a major concert with hard to get tickets and he said I don’t want to go because I don’t like the music or I don’t like the performer and going is a waste of money. Or, worse, he did go and just sat there like a lump with a grim look on his face and afterwards did not want to discuss it!
Remember, very often it is the wife who “grins and bears it” because she is the stronger of the pair.

You’re right of course. I would be very hurt and angry about that. He never does that.

You agree with everyone else, so you are all in good company together.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Part of give and take.
Be happy your husband isn’t an ancient small engine restorer.
Be happy that you don’t need to kindly listen to every new little new development in magneto and any other necessary part of those early 20th century machines.
And for years, but I do so because without that hobby he wouldn’t have much. He surely knows that I have no capacity for passion for these things, but my patient kind interest in what he needs, not the engines themselves, rusty dusty things he makes a new creation of, like a whole network of men around the world. Even go with him to swap meets looking out for the appropriate missing rusty dusty parts!
But I do give him that, because it’s what he needs, what he wants.

In marriage we do things we don’t really want to do, for the good and the satisfaction of the other person.

Go look at the sand with him, give it full credit with him, full attention and appreciation, and then it’s done. My ‘give’ to my husband’s special interest is daily. E.g., Lunch-time talk!!! Sitting on the sofa talk!!! But he allows me CAF.

But then, I know that you are a warm caring, sensitive, wise person…as you demonstrate in posts over and over again,
so you already know,
and I think you are mostly just entertaining yourself in this thread! Am I not correct!

Oh Trishie, this is just what I would expect from you, you are such a caring person yourself! I feel really petty and small-hearted, like a Grinch, for even saying I would not go see the dune, when your dear husband is being treated so lovingly every single day.

I am embarrassed to say that I really was needing to hear from caring Catholics, not merely entertaining myself. I guess that stubborn part of me just doesn’t want to do what everyone else does, no matter what! Even if it would make my husband happy. That doesn’t seem very wise to me, my friend! Unless I really do want my husband to come home one day and say to me, “I am in love with another woman and I am leaving you,” I guess I’d better think about my character defects more seriously…I can see how people turn to others in desperation.

 

[aloe]

I hope you do go see the pile of sand happily together. Can you attempt to make a deal, you guys can see the sand dune. And you get to pick the next adventure/thing?

 

[CatholicFireman]

Reminds me of the old joke:
The statute of limitation for a woman to forgive her husband is 10 years. After his death

 

[CatholicFireman]

You aren’t my Ex are you? LOL. We had the same experience while still in the USAF. We were driving on I-90 traveling between South Carolina to his home in Seattle. I wanted to see Pompey’s Pillar where Lewis and Clark carved their names. He refused to stop as we headed west, and also refused to stop as we headed east again. It has been nearly 30 years and he regrets it now! LOL.

LOL

I definately regret it now. I would have like to see it too. Ah youth.

 

[Catholic90]

Go see it. It’s one day.

 

[faithfully]

Ok, So I grew up in an area that sand dunes are all along the beach. Nothing exciting. Not even remotely. I’m with you, I can’t imagine anything more boring.

So, I wonder, where are these amazing sand dunes? Any chance you’ll share this info? I feel I must google!

I’m just so curious. I’m actually can’t fathom piles of sand so amazing that someone says, “you’ve GOT to see the sand dunes.” that almost makes me want to go. I’d either expect to see something I couldn’t even fathom, or I’d be gaining the confirmation necessary that DH had officialy become brain dead.

 

[mexilad]

Go look at the sand with him. It’s not that hard to make us men happy. Sometimes you just gotta humor us.

 

[mexilad]

DRAT!!! If only I’d known!

 

[admonsta]

Coincidentally, I just finished reading a book called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Laura Schlessinger.

It tackles just this issue among others, and her advice to you would be shut up and look at the sand.

You’ll be doing a great service to your marriage by indulging him in this, and it’s flattering to think that he really wants to share this place with you that he finds so wonderful.