Sin or No Sin?

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JenniferMoon

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Here’s the situation: I’m married almost 19 years. During that time we practiced NFP and welcomed the babies whenever God chose to bless us with one. We had 4, as you can see in my siggy.

4 c-sections and bad scarring have left me with not much of a uterus. I hemorrhaged during the last surgery. This time I was lucky, but the doctor says I am surely headed for a hysterectomy in a couple years. Hyperemesis throughout each pregnancy (meaning colors, light, fabrics, textures, smells, certain people, foods~ all make me vomit, all day long for the entire pregnancy. Much of that time I am bedridden), multiple sclerosis the past 12 years~ I can’t take injectable meds while pregnant so the risk of nerve damage is high. Throw in a a severely troubled marriage (verbal/emotional abuse) for which I am getting help.

So here’s the thing. I went to my confessor during the last part of my pregnancy and told him all of this & that I simply cannot take another pregnancy. I have no trouble with having as many children as God sees fit. Its *pregnancy itself *I cannot physically handle anymore. I’d adopt at least 2 children in a heartbeat, if our marriage was good.

He told me that yes, while the Church is against BC, he can on a pastoral level recommend that I choose the lesser of two evils when there is no good option. He said I had to think of the children I already have and protect my life for them. He said he could not see me suffering through more pregnancies when I could very well die from it. Also, he said my husband and I could carry on living “like brother and sister”, having no intimacy, but that would surely lead to divorce. He said that is not the life God intends married people to lead.
So he said on a patoral level, one on one, he agreed I should have my tubes tied.
And that’s what my doctor did during the last surgery, right before they closed me up.

Now I wonder if what I did was a sin. Did my confessor advise me wrong? This decision was not to prevent life. I’m always open to babies. It was merely to protect my body, my life and make sure my existing children kept their mother.

What would you have done in the same situation?

Would you continue to receive Communion?

Do I go to another priest and make a confession?

Thanks for your replies!
 
Having your tubes tied was a sin, but I think your culpability is lessened considering your priest pretty much encouraged you to do it.

I think you should definitely go to Confession and confess this. It’s a shame that priest doesn’t know more about NFP and it’s effectiveness so he can properly counsel his flock. 😦
 
a hysterectomy as a remedy for any physical ailment, not intended solely to prevent pregnancy is morally acceptable. In any case, you follow your priest’s direction in the confessional and do not discuss it with any third party except your husband, and of course your doctor.
 
:console: I wish that I had the answers and the right words to make you feel better. I am sorry about all that you have been through.

I nearly died my last two deliveries. My marriage was rocky and I too made a decision to have my tubes tied.

(I’m not Catholic yet, FYI)

My marriage is much better now. Actually great. I’m starting to be the mother that I want to be. And we are open for adoption in the new few years.

Sin or no sin? I don’t know.

Praying for you today.
 
The Church teaches that artifical birth control, including sterilization, is never a moral option, even in cases of concern for the mother’s health. Unfortuantely, your priest did not tell you this. So, while the action was inherently sinful, I doubt this was a mortal sin on your part (you lacked the knowlegde neccessary for committing mortal sin). You are free to continue recieving communion, given that only mortal sin removes that right. I might suggest finding another confessor who is more likely to tell you the truth about what the Church teaches, even when that teaching is tough. As for what I would have done - if I had the same information you had, I likely would have done exactly what you did. 🙂

MJ
 
Hi Jennifer, I am sorry to hear about the difficult pregnancies you have had and the problems in your marriage. Prayers for you. :gopray:

I don’t think you did any malicious - but like others are saying, go to confession about it. Maybe another priest on this one? God will forgive you if it is a sin.

God bless
 
JenniferMoon said:
What would you have done in the same situation?

Would you continue to receive Communion?

Do I go to another priest and make a confession?

Thanks for your replies!
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Hi, Jennifer! I agree with Masondoggy, and I’ll answer your questions, too.
  1. Without knowing what I know about sterilization, I probably would have done what you did. It’s a scary situation to be in, and I don’t think you sinned mortally, since it seems you didn’t know that sterilization was a very serious sin.
  2. Since you didn’t know about sterilization, and was told by your priest that it was okay, you committed no mortal sin as far as I can tell. It is only mortal sin that keeps us from receiving Our Lord.
  3. I would. I think making a good confession about it will help put your heart at rest.
Bless you, Hon.
 
Jennifer,

While I hate to write this, I have had 4 c-sections, and this made be read be lots of people, and they may not like what I say,

I think you did the right thing, and only God knows your heart, and His love for us is so big that we cannot measure it.

Go to confession if you want.

I really cannot have another child, but I would love too, but my body just can’t, and I really am not a believer of npf for me, I take meds every day, and it is very risky if I get pregnant again, not that I would love too. But how many c-sections can one really have?

But, you should do what you believe in, I feel the Church paints everyone with one stroke, not taking into account of their personal lives, you seem to have alot going on, so no one judge you, I know that God does not, I think that you were given the best possible advice at the time.

I have walked alittle in your shoes, so I would not choose to share this with many people in our Church, they our too judgemental.

I think they God has blessed your family, and your mind should rest easy that you are doing the best you can.
 
Dear Jennifer,
I think you did the right thing, considering you hemorrhaged in your last delivery. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for a MEDICAL reason to have your tubes tied. If it was just to avoid pregnancy with no valid reason, it would be a sin but I don’t think that is the case here. It was to protect your life!
I had my tubes tied after my last baby and it WAS a sin, because I was so afraid of another terrible pregnancy and delivery. I could have given the Lord a chance to ease my fears and I didn’t…just made the choice on my own. So that was a sin and I had to confess it when I became Catholic. Another thing is I have always regretted not having more children.
But that isn’t your situation. Go and confess if you feel you need to, but if there is a medical reason behind a sterilization, I can’t see why you would need to confess.
 
There’s nothing more disheartening than hearing a number of presumptively faithful Christians confirm a sister in her sinful error. As I read the original poster’s description of the situation, her decision to get a tubal ligation was founded upon the wish to avoid a medical condition that would not exist until conception. The aim, therefore, was sterilization. This is qualitatively different from the sterilization that would occur as a byproduct from, say, the removal of a diseased ovary.

Medical issues arising from pregnancy, or strained relations with her husband are both irrelevant. Neither can excuse intentionally divorcing the sexual act from its reproductive end. Divorce, physical pain and even unavoidable death are to be offered to Christ on the Cross. These trials are to be accepted every bit as cheerfully as the creation of a new life as they are all manifestations of God’s ultimate judgement.
 
Eric, I think only 2 or 3 posters so far have told her that it wasn’t a sin at all. 😉 Most of us have acknowledged the sinfulness of sterilization.

Sterilization is a sin, period. No matter the reason. To get surgery to prevent pregnancy is a sin. I’ll find the Vatican documents on the Holy See’s website if anyone wants me to. 🤓

While sterilization has the potential to be a mortal sin (full knowledge, full consent, all that jazz), if you honestly didn’t know it was forbidden for everyone, for all reasons, then I don’t think you mortally sinned.
 
To all of you, I try really not to get into someone’s “sin”,

I know that she asked, and people have answered her,

but, if she needs to feel forgiven, then that can be up to her and God.

but, let me caution all of you, to try and put yourselves into her shoes, then tell her she is wrong now, how wrong of you, Eric. I know having 4 c-sections, what can happen, while, my life is very different from the OP, and my marriage different, I do not judge her. My last was a difficult pregnancy, and I can have no more.

We should all try just to help one another, I really in my heart do not believe she committed a sin, if pressed for an answer. What would her kids do without their mom?
 
monkey6 said:
What would her kids do without their mom?
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As OP mentioned in her post, the priest did mention that she and her husband could live as “brother and sister.” This is what is put forth in the CCC for such a situation.

To OP: You sought to do the right thing, and you were misled. You did the best with the information you had.
 
Jennifer,

You acted in good faith and sought council from your priest. If anyone sinned, it was the priest for misleading you (if he did mislead you)

I believe you are feeling remorse not for doing something wrong, but for the loss you have suffered.

If your situation is such that your life is at risk, then tying your tubes was not birth control but self-preservation.

Puzzlelannie said: “a hysterectomy as a remedy for any physical ailment, not intended solely to prevent pregnancy is morally acceptable.” That applies to getting your tubes tied in this case. (ie Jennifer said: “4 c-sections and bad scarring have left me with not much of a uterus. I hemorrhaged during the last surgery. This time I was lucky, but the doctor says I am surely headed for a hysterectomy in a couple years.”)

To ignore your own health and put your life at risk would be a sin.

I should tell you that I am no longer Catholic, but I believe what I said is consistent with CCC.

Talk it out with God. He’ll help you through this. He loves you.

Ginger2
 
In your circumstances, what else could you have done?

I agree with the teaching on contraception but I think that you had no other choice but to have your tubes tied.

It’s easy for people here to say that you comitted a sin, when they aren’t the ones risking their lives. You did the best thing for your family. It would be a sin to get pregnant knowing that it could kill you - you have to think of your children. Can you imagine how they would feel if they lost you?

You followed the advice of your Priest. I think the things he told you were right. You didn’t have the surgery to PREVENT life, you had it to SAVE your life out of love for your family. I think that’s the most important thing to remember.
 
Again, I find myself appalled at the individuals in this forum who are willing to excuse that which is objectively sinful. Let’s face the hard reality: chastity in continence would have preserved the OP’s life every bit as much as the sterilization the OP subjected herself to. Since the only reason to prefer sterilization to abstinence was because her husband could not tolerate the latter, the OP willingly participated her husband’s lust by transforming her body into nothing more than his tawdry sexual receptacle. To excuse this is to deny the OP’s dignity as a child of God.

Furthermore, I am unmoved by appeals that address the fatal nature of a subsequent pregnancy. Personal suffering is irrelevant and should conceit move one to think one’s own suffering is excessive, I would draw one’s attention to a crucifix in order to contemplate the true nature of undeserved suffering. Should the OP’s children lose their mother, they will have learned a valuable lesson about sacred nature of human reproduction and the lengths they must go through to preserve the purity of their own sexuality.

Any individual giving advice that attempts to assuage this rock solid truth under the guise of malformed compassion is every bit as guilty as the priest who was initially responsible for leading the OP away from God.
 
3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11"No one, sir," she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John chapter 6)

Romans 2:1
 
First of all, Other Eric,

I don’t mind taking you on for the sake of Jennifer,

she does not owe you an answer to her marriage or her husband, and who are you to say those things about her life?

Let me open the bible, since maybe you need to read yours, and remember this:

The Woman caught in Adultery, John, 8, go read it,

“Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her”.

So, you know what, take your stone, and go home, that is what I really despise about some so called Catholics, their willingness to throw their stones,

What would Jesus do, just love her, which He already does.
 
Wow! Monkey6, I can’t believe we posted the same thing at the same time! I consider that affirmation…
 
Thanks, Ginger2,

I forgot to add, because I was so mad, that he wanted her dead, that he thought that would be better for her family, then alive, so all the rules could be followed. Great, dead mom, four kids without a mom, messed up dad.

What Christian love on this board!
 
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