Sin to live with girlfriend?

[RosaryFan]

You cannot listen to these people on this board,they are all sinners.

…Yourself included, I presume???

 

[Ruthie]

1 Cor 8 is a Bible passage about giving scandal.

Paraphrasing it to the OP’s situation:

We know that OP is not having sex with his GF. He and she love God and are known to Him. However, not all possess this knowledge. But some, through being hitherto accustomed to “free love,” sleep with their girlfriends, and their conscience, being weak, allows them to have sex.** Take care lest this liberty of yours somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if any one sees you, a man of knowledge, leaving in the morning with your girlfriend, might he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to fornicate?
And so by your knowledge this weak man is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died.** Thus, sinning against your brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if innocently sleeping with my girlfriend is a cause of my brother’s falling, I will never have her stay overnight, lest I cause my brother to fall. Based on 1 Cor 8:7-13 (RSV).

I hope that clarifies how giving scandal becomes sin.

God bless,

Ruthie

 

[lsu]

Rosary Fan

I never clamied to be perfect.And i am a SINNER.

Seems to me that perfect catholic people cannot handle the truth.

Just to let you people know i’m also a catholic.not that i’m proud to be one.

 

[RosaryFan]

Rosary Fan

I never clamied to be perfect.And i am a SINNER.

Seems to me that perfect catholic people cannot handle the truth.

Just to let you people know i’m also a catholic.not that i’m proud to be one.

I know you never claimed to be perfect - however, isn’t this web site for those seeking the opinions of others? We ARE all sinners, but we can still offer our opinions. To say that someone shouldn’t listen to us “because we’re sinners” isn’t really an appropriate thing to say, since they are here specifically seeking opinions, not to mention that the person making such a statement is also a sinner. I was merely pointing out the irony of your statement.

As far as “perfect Catholic people”, there is no such thing, except for Jesus and Mary, of course.

Give me the truth - I can handle it. That’s why I’m Catholic.

 

[kaws]

Is it a sin to live with my girlfriend? We are NOT engaging in sexual activities. We sleep in the same bed but it is not sexual. I do not think of anything sexual when we sleep together either. I just see it as sleep.

I used to do the same with my then boyfriend (now husband). At first all it was was sleep and cuddling, but it DID lead to sex eventually:blush: . If I had to do it all over again I wish I had waited.

Not saying you are lying, but isn’t that impossible?

If you are a young person between the ages of 15 and 70, and you can sleep in the same bed and not “think of anything sexual” when you are in bed together, then you BOTH need to see a doctor.

I know some sexually disordered people who can sleep with the opposite sex and cuddle without having sex. But they are disordered. They are not attracted that way to the opposite sex.
That’s what it sounds like to me.

It is not impossible to cuddle and sleep next to someone of the opposite sex without having sex! My husband and I do it all the time. (Maybe we’re disordered:blush: )

As long as you are chaste and not trying to create scandal I don’t think it is necessarily a sin, but I would make it clear to anyone who knows about the arrangement that it is NOT sexual and I would especially consider sleeping on the couch so the temptation of sexual sin is not so great.

 

[patrickofirelan]

Rosary Fan

I never clamied to be perfect.And i am a SINNER.

Seems to me that perfect catholic people cannot handle the truth.

Just to let you people know i’m also a catholic.not that i’m proud to be one.

If you are not proud to be catholic and don’t care to be catholic then why are you? I am not trying to offend just curious.

 

[fms]

Cf. These Threads in Forum: Ask an Apologist

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=250678

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=243424

 

[coco2]

Weird. Really weird.
Why share a bed?

Maybe you aren’t attracted to her that way.

So why is she your girlfriend?

Do you expect that by living together your intimacy will increase, and you will become MORE attracted to her?

Something’s really weird here.

It is possible that you aren’t attracted to her that way, so why are you using her? Why is she your girlfriend?

What keeps you from having sex with her? If you’re not concerned what people think of Catholics co-habitating, what is it that keeps your concupiscence in check?

It’s not saintly, that’s for sure. Saints know that it would cause scandal if they were to shack up. Saints are concerned for other’s souls.

I know some sexually disordered people who can sleep with the opposite sex and cuddle without having sex. But they are disordered. They are not attracted that way to the opposite sex.
That’s what it sounds like to me.

Something’s very odd about this situation.

I hope you both choose to do the right thing.

Disordered? What? People who can cuddle with the opposite sex and not have sex are NOT disordered. Women can cuddle all night and not even consider it, and I do believe guys ( shock!) can do it too.

 

[That_one_guy]

I haven’t read any of the responses to this question.But, I have to wonder how you could possibly lie next to your girlfriend and not feel any sexual tension,…unless you were gay.
It’s probably not a sin.But, I think it gives the appearance of sin.We are instructed to avoid the appearance of sin, for the sake of not causing our brothers and sisters to sin by judging your actions harshly.(scandal)Like St.Pauls discussion of eating meat. If your action causes your brother in Christ to sin, then you have inadvertantly sinned yourself,…I think.
I couldn’t do it.But,then again,I’m not gay.

 

[mlz]

Yes it is a sin. You should not be giving the level of intimacy that belongs to your wife to this woman. Not the physical kind, not the sexual kind, not the emotional or psychological intimacy . We reserve parts of ourselves in life that are gifted only to our spouses. She should not be giving any of this to you either.

Absolutely! I agree with this as it IS a special intimacy reserved for the person you are married to.

Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like you are either trying to justify your situation. Have you prayed about this? Are you WILLING to not sleep with your girlfriend if you were shown that God didn’t see it as His best for both of you?? In James it tells us to ask for wisdom and He will so this is my recommendation. If you have a true heart for His answer, He will give it to you

Blessings,
Mary

 

[coco2]

I haven’t read any of the responses to this question.But, I have to wonder how you could possibly lie next to your girlfriend and not feel any sexual tension,…unless you were gay.
It’s probably not a sin.But, I think it gives the appearance of sin.We are instructed to avoid the appearance of sin, for the sake of not causing our brothers and sisters to sin by judging your actions harshly.(scandal)Like St.Pauls discussion of eating meat. If your action causes your brother in Christ to sin, then you have inadvertantly sinned yourself,…I think.
I couldn’t do it.But,then again,I’m not gay.

These comments about being “disordered” or gay because you can lay down next to someone you love and not think about sex are ridiculous. I’m beginning to think those of you who could not do it without wanting to have sex are the ones with the problem.

 

[That_one_guy]

These comments about being “disordered” or gay because you can lay down next to someone you love and not think about sex are ridiculous. I’m beginning to think those of you who could not do it without wanting to have sex are the ones with the problem.

My apologies.I was out of line to insinuate that you were probably gay.I meant it in jest and it was uncharitable and not Christ-like at all.
If you have the self-discipline to resist the temptations that would logically arise from such a situation,…then ‘kudos’ to you:thumbsup:
I certainly couldn’t do it.
However,there could arise an issue of scandal…

 

[Chatter163]

Ok, evidentally people have a few assumptions here that need to be straightened out

You can’t sleep in the same bed as someone of the opposite gender without sexual thoughts? Thats more your own issue than anyone elses. I used to share a bed with two sisters, the worst we ever did was make a fort. And the worst I ever thought was “I wish this fort was bigger” (the last time I was 16, so hardly the mind of an innocent)

As a student (So I fall well within the danger age of 15 - 70. I’m 21) I’ve been out drinking, went back to a friends house where the central heating was broke and ended up curled up in a duvet in front of the only heater (an electric heater fan). Never once did either of us engage in indecent actions, nor sinful ones. She had a boyfriend, I have a (very catholic) girlfriend. Do i feel bad? of course not.

Coming in late here, I know…Neither of these situations involved a girlfriend and boyfriend. Most of us can avoid thinking of siblings and platonic friends in a physical way, including when we are in close physical contact with them (even the latter can be difficult at times, especially for males). However, sharing a bed with one’s paramour is definitely what the Church calls placing oneself in a near (or proximate) occasion of sin. It is human nature, and the Church recognzes this. Scandal, another possibility, has already been discussed.

 

[BiologyBrain]

I want to remain chaste and not have sex until we are married and so we do not have sexual relations.

I realize you said you wanted facts & not opinions, but I feel like my experience might be useful to you…

When I was 25 I began dating the man that is now my husband. I had never had sex or even slept all night in a man’s bed. My now-husband was(is) sexually experienced. I told him of my desire to stay chaste & celibate until our marriage. It wasn’t so hard when we were w/ others or at my family’s home. However, when we were at his home (in his room) it became MUCH MUCH more difficult. As time passed, the difficulty quadrupled b/c I realized I was very attracted to him & he was to me. Granted, my now-husband didn’t have the same moral boundries I did (still doesn’t), so he tempted me sorely. It was almost too much to stand. I had to teach him to think about his grandmother, picket fences, anything besides what he desired & I had to do the same thing. The physical closeness of our bodies was enough to elicit responses that we weren’t intentionally initiating. That’s biology (and also 25 years of self-denial).

The moral of that story is that it would have been MUCH easier, guaranteed moral, and safer to stay out of his bedroom. Placing yourself in the near occassion of sin can eventually lead to the sin itself. I would advise to avoid the near occasion of sin (sleeping in bed together) simply b/c I know how difficult it was for me and my husband. Its not sinful per say if there’s nothing immoral occuring (sex, almost-sex, lustful thoughts, erotic dreams brought on by the physical closeness of your ‘mate’, etc), but its a VERY slippery slope. Tread it with much caution.

 

[Methodi]

Why do you assume I am lying? I asked a question and stated the facts, do not assume I am lying. It is not impossible. A near occasion of sin is not Sin. I am asking IS IT A SIN?

It is NOT scandal because no one knows she is living with me. She does not live with me everyday actually, just 1 or 2 days a week and we do not have any kind of sexual intercourse. We do kiss though, but not even passionately. No, I am not lying, please do not assume I am. Also, I don’t understand how assumptions on other peoples part could mean scandal. So if you decide to “assume” someone stole and got away with it, even if they didn’t, and then go steal something yourself, it is that person’s fault?

If someone were to know about this, and I specifically told them we were not sexually active, but they refused to believe me and assumed we were sexually active, how could that be scandal? He chooses to not believe me even though I stated the truth. Just like the first poster here. I can’t believe assumptions which are wrong are my fault. Anyway, this is not important as NO ONE knows.

I am not ruining my girlfriends reputation. Okay let me elaborate more.

If we are not having sex, and we are not living scandal (no one knows) then is it a sin?

No I am not going to move out, it is my apartment and I would not tell her to leave either. I don’t want opinions, I want some facts. (Also don’t say now people know because I posted on the internet so it is a scandal because I don’t think that applies since none of you know who I am.)

No, It`s not a sin> People who are married outside the church can live together as brother & sister, without pain of sin, so in essence, You & she are together as Brother & sister, if U are not having sex, which I believe U are not

 

[BRZ]

The other day my girlfriend and I were out late and I was worried about her going home alone so I told her to stay at my apartment. We did not have sex nor was I even tempted to do so. She also knows about my conviction and understands this as well. This isn’t something I normally do, it was a rare occasion, did I sin?

 

[Methodi]

The other day my girlfriend and I were out late and I was worried about her going home alone so I told her to stay at my apartment. We did not have sex nor was I even tempted to do so. She also knows about my conviction and understands this as well. This isn’t something I normally do, it was a rare occasion, did I sin?

No way did You sin

 

[Kit15]

These comments about being “disordered” or gay because you can lay down next to someone you love and not think about sex are ridiculous.

I know the poster you had quoted had said his piece but I still need to say mine.

I’m also really disturbed by the “disordered” and the “needs to see a doctor” comments (in general…not just from this one person) regarding those who can chill with their significant other without feeling temptation. We need to see a doctor to make being chaste more DIFFICULT?!

My husband and I never lived together before marriage. But we were one of those couples that could be left alone with each other and not think about sex. We started dating in college and as our friends slowly began to loose themselves…basically it felt like we were the last virgins standing. It was kinda frustrating like “GEEZ! Is it really THAT hard to NOT have sex?!”

But you know…maybe we really are the weirdos. Even now that we’re married and we \enjoy sex and living together as a married couple…my husband and I can still lie in bed next to each other and not think about sex. The abstinence period as we practice NFP isn’t particularly difficult. It has it’s moments…but it nothing compared to how I’ve heard other couples struggle with it.

You can call it what you want…I think it’s a blessing.

 

[BRZ]

Yeah I see disturbing comments on here as well about how people think it is impossible to resist sex. I don’t understand this at all. I have no difficulty resisting it at all. I believe that God gives me the strength I need to resist.

 

[Methodi]

These comments about being “disordered” or gay because you can lay down next to someone you love and not think about sex are ridiculous. I’m beginning to think those of you who could not do it without wanting to have sex are the ones with the problem.

I agree with you, some of these fine catholics are so small minded, I have found that out since I started coming to these forums. They are worse than any protestants I ever met