Sin to sleep with girlfriend?

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thebookofesther said:
“Just as you must get up with much modesty and in doing so give an indication of your piety, so you must also go to bed in a Christian manner, doing this with all possible propriety, only after having prayed to God. To act like this, you must neither undress nor go to bed when anyone else is present. Unless you are married, you must, above all, never go to bed in the presence of anyone of the other sex, for this is entirely contrary to decency and refinement. It is even less allowable for people of different sexes to sleep in the same bed, even if they are only young children, nor is it appropriate for people of the same sex to sleep together. This is what Saint Francis de Sales recommended to Madame de Chantal in regard to her children, when she still lived in the world, as something extremely important and as much a practice of decorum as one of Christian morality and piety.” -St. Jean Baptiste de la Salle
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Why is it inappropriate for two people of the same sex to sleep in the same bed?
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Well, it wasn’t a near occasion for sin, because we both knew that we were not going to have any sort of intimate physical act at all. it may be difficult for you to believe, but I have slept over with her several times, and there was very low (if any at all) risk of sin occurring.

Just because something (e.g. sleeping in same bed as gf) is a near occasion for sin for one person, does not mean it is a near occasion for sin for everyone. Different people have different capacities for restraint.

And yes, I am fairly certain no one knows.
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I’m going to go ahead and back up thomasemmanuel on this, as he makes a fairly valid point. each person does indeed have a different threshold for sin, so to speak, and each person reacts to different stimuli in different ways. For one couple, the near occasion of sin might be sleeping together in the same bed fully disrobed, and for another it might be simply sleeping in the same building as one another. Now thomasemmanuel, I would agree with many others here that we should definitely avoid the near occasion of sin. As the old adage goes, if you play with fire, eventually you will get burned. But, what the near occasion of sin is does indeed vary from person to person. As Aristotle says in Book II, Chapter VI of Nicomachean Ethics, “Virtue, therefore, is a characteristic marked by choice, residing in the mean relative to us, a characteristic defined by reason and as the prudent person would define it.” Notice, “the mean relative to us.” Virtue is defined as a mean between two extremes, an excess and a deficiency, and each person must act within the mean in order to be virtuous. But the mean differs from person to person, but that does not make one person more virtuous than the other simply because of the differences in the mean. To apply that to this situation, one is not less virtuous than another because the former falls into sin due to a simple kiss and the latter falls into sin due to embracing his lover while both are lying in bed disrobed. Both are equally virtuous by remaining within the mean relative to themselves and not allowing themselves to indulge in the excess nor avoid it through deficiency. The mean is different, but both are equally virtuous.
 
Gorgias said:
Yep – and that’s where you’re missing the notion of “the near occasion of sin”… 😉

That’s just the point: the whole idea of the “near occasion of sin” is that, even when you don’t intend to sin, sometimes you put yourself in a situation in which sinning is more likely.

As others have mentioned – since the OP put himself in a situation in which intercourse may likely have occurred (even if they didn’t intend to have sex, or have successfully avoided sex in this situation before, or ‘knew’ that they wouldn’t), they were still putting themselves in a situation that had a greater risk of sin.

Now, let’s be perfectly clear: finding oneself in a ‘near occasion of sin’ isn’t sinful; deliberately putting oneself into a ‘near occasion of sin’ is.
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Do you truly think only Catholics can understand near “occasion of sin?” Maybe you’re correct, but I am not yet convinced.
 
underacloud said:
Indeed, this is not merely about having sex. The fact that you didnt have sex doesn’t mean other sins weren’t committed by you and/or her.

Yes, as I alluded to earlier, if you are lying in bed with a girl, and you have no temptation to have sex with her, and you don’t even have lustful thoughts about her, then maybe this isn’t the right girl for you. 😉
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Are you tempted to have sex with your spouse every single time you crawl into bed together?

I’m not, sometimes I’m really tired. I guess we should get divorced.
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Hi!

Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?

I’ve read various other threads about this topic, so I’d like to clarify:
  1. here, I’ve ALREADY slept in the same bed as her, and we did nothing except sleep.
  2. I am not asking about whether it is inappropriate, or whether it is a near occasion for sin. I am asking if it is an ACTUAL sin.
  3. No one else knew about us sleeping in the same bed, so there is no scandal.
Thank you, I await your answers.
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You are right to question the morality of risky behavior. If you are not octogenarians then perhaps not as important but still worth inquiry, if you did nothing (even thinking about sex), is your testosterone level.
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Hi!

Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?

I’ve read various other threads about this topic, so I’d like to clarify:
  1. here, I’ve ALREADY slept in the same bed as her, and we did nothing except sleep.
  2. I am not asking about whether it is inappropriate, or whether it is a near occasion for sin. I am asking if it is an ACTUAL sin.
  3. No one else knew about us sleeping in the same bed, so there is no scandal.
Thank you, I await your answers.
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Yes it was a sin
 
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