Single and Socializing

[valient_Lucy]

I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a “you’ll meet someone in time” attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles?

Amen! I couldn’t agree more. I used to feel that way before I found the St. Rose of Lima group in Cleveland, OH, the BEST Young Adult Group in Cleveland! I’ve lots of great people there, no boyfriends (yet) but it’s SUCH a joy to meet other people my age who share my beliefs! BTW, if anyone reading this is from Cleveland OH, we’re having a retreat May 21 through the 23.

 

[ack]

It’s great to hear that the group is still around! I knew a couple people that had been involved in that group in Cleveland, but it was unclear that the group would outlive the closure of its parish.

Amen! I couldn’t agree more. I used to feel that way before I found the St. Rose of Lima group in Cleveland, OH, the BEST Young Adult Group in Cleveland! I’ve lots of great people there, no boyfriends (yet) but it’s SUCH a joy to meet other people my age who share my beliefs! BTW, if anyone reading this is from Cleveland OH, we’re having a retreat May 21 through the 23.

 

[leitis]

Amen! I couldn’t agree more. I used to feel that way before I found the St. Rose of Lima group in Cleveland, OH, the BEST Young Adult Group in Cleveland! I’ve lots of great people there, no boyfriends (yet) but it’s SUCH a joy to meet other people my age who share my beliefs! BTW, if anyone reading this is from Cleveland OH, we’re having a retreat May 21 through the 23.

Mm! It’s good to hear that there are groups like that! Now, if only I can find one…

 

[Bataar]

I am so sorry you have Aspergers. I don’t know much about it, but from what little (and I mean LITTLE) I’ve heard-it can be a serious social block.

What I do when I meet women in books stores (it’s happend twice) is I say something like ,“Hello…oh, you like reading X?” X is usuallly what she is holding in her hands or looking at. It helps being an aavid reader, because I can converse on alot of writers. I never walk up with a stupid pick up line-I usually find that “Hi, I noticed you over there-are you from the area?” works very well.

I’m serious here, I’m really this stupid when it comes to social interactions, but how do you transition from asking what what they like to read to asking them out or getting their phone number?

 

[rusty20]

I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a “you’ll meet someone in time” attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles?

Yeah, you definitely can feel alienated and ignored as a single person. It is unfortunate.

Yea, there unfortunately tends to be nothing for young adults between high school graduation and your wedding date

 

[Rascalking]

I’m serious here, I’m really this stupid when it comes to social interactions, but how do you transition from asking what what they like to read to asking them out or getting their phone number?

Don’t say that about yourself bro!

I simply let the conversation flow. If the conversation is rough or doesn’t have a natural rythmn, I’d simply walk away. If it works well, I’d say, “So, if you’d like to go out sometime, let me know…can I have your email adress or do you want mine?”

 

[Bataar]

Don’t say that about yourself bro!

I simply let the conversation flow. If the conversation is rough or doesn’t have a natural rythmn, I’d simply walk away. If it works well, I’d say, “So, if you’d like to go out sometime, let me know…can I have your email adress or do you want mine?”

Yeah, that’s good advice. Unfortunately, it’s the conversing that kills me, especially if it’s with someone I don’t know. For me, talking is about the exchange of information. Talking just to talk is nearly an alien concept for me. For me, the subject being discussed is the most important thing. If there’s nothing worth being discussed or if I don’t know enough about someone’s interests to have a dicsussion on a topic, it’s very hard, if not impossible to have a conversation. Walking up to some random girl and asking what her favorite season of Lost is probably would seem pretty weird.

 

[valient_Lucy]

It’s great to hear that the group is still around! I knew a couple people that had been involved in that group in Cleveland, but it was unclear that the group would outlive the closure of its parish.

We’ve transferred to St. Stephen’s, which will stay open. But the young adults involved in the group (both single and married) come from all over Cleveland, both East and West side.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Yea, there unfortunately tends to be nothing for young adults between high school graduation and your wedding date

Sadly, that’s true. And if there’s nothing for young adults to do together, it seems unlikely that you’re going to have a wedding date! You start to feel as though your choices are 1 staying single forever, or 2 have a mixed marriages.

Even if you don’t find a spouse in a young adult group, a young adult group can go a LONG way to easing loneliness. It certainly has for me!

 

[valient_Lucy]

Countrysinger is right. So many Catholics seem to be soooooo serious. I’ve dated Catholic women who drop the marraige word on the first or second date. Hopefully, that’s not everybody! You can have fun, go to concerts, be flirty, do everything and still be a good Catholic-I want to tell that to some people I meet!

I meet people at karate, the gym, bookstores, a few websites-perhaps the regular places where people meet. If they turn out to be busts, hey, at least I took the chance…

I understand how everyone feels about being single and being a bit “left out” from their churches. I guess I just don’t personally feel that way.

I think women just tend to be more “marriage minded” than men.

 

[CountrySinger]

Sadly, that’s true. And if there’s nothing for young adults to do together, it seems unlikely that you’re going to have a wedding date! You start to feel as though your choices are 1 staying single forever, or 2 have a mixed marriages.

Even if you don’t find a spouse in a young adult group, a young adult group can go a LONG way to easing loneliness. It certainly has for me!

And then people whine that singles are not as strong in their faith. And that they are all doomed to eternal warm place (or maybe that is just where I’m from). I would rather be in an inter-faith marriage than single forever, btw.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

1. How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends?

Well, speaking from a married woman’s perspective, I’d suggest that you try organizing a girls’ night out. Lots of women like to take a break from the husband and the kids for a little bit and have some girl talk instead.

I’ve never understood why married people let their single friends go so easily. My only girl friends live on opposite sides of the country, so I’d love to have female friends in the area, single OR married.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

What I do when I meet women in books stores (it’s happend twice) is I say something like ,“Hello…oh, you like reading X?” X is usuallly what she is holding in her hands or looking at. It helps being an aavid reader, because I can converse on alot of writers. I never walk up with a stupid pick up line-I usually find that “Hi, I noticed you over there-are you from the area?” works very well.

Oooooh, I just had this flashback of when I used to work in a bookstore, and all of these antisocial men used to ask me for my phone number. . .some of them MUCH older than me!

(Of course, I know you aren’t one of the creepy ones. . . .I just seemed to be a magnet for them!)

 

[valient_Lucy]

And then people whine that singles are not as strong in their faith. And that they are all doomed to eternal warm place (or maybe that is just where I’m from). I would rather be in an inter-faith marriage than single forever, btw.

I’d rather be married to a Catholic than either of the above. My mom was a Christian and my dad was not anything in particular. They divorced. No thanks! But I hope I don’t have to be single forever.

 

[Jay82]

I’ve never understood why married people let their single friends go so easily.

Nor do I. Friends are a very important aspect of life. You may not see them as much when you are married and with kids, but effort should be made to stay in touch and see them periodically.

Oooooh, I just had this flashback of when I used to work in a bookstore, and all of these antisocial men used to ask me for my phone number. . .some of them MUCH older than me!

(Of course, I know you aren’t one of the creepy ones. . . .I just seemed to be a magnet for them!)

To second Cajun Girl, I have been approached by some creepy people in bookstores. A few times when I have been looking at ‘business’ books I’ve been approached by people trying to get me to ‘partner’ with them on what seems like shady deals. Or they will tell me about their business and how I can ‘earn some extra money on the side’ with them. It is sooo sketchy. One was clearly a 419er scam. I was pretty surprised to actually see that in person rather than via e-mail or USPS.

 

[valient_Lucy]

(Of course, I know you aren’t one of the creepy ones. . . .I just seemed to be a magnet for them!)

That happened to me once! It was really weird. He skipped right from the small talk to telling me all this weird information about him. Bizarre! Doesn’t help with the frustration.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I’ve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing they’ve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically “get out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately you’re out there and socializing” or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^^). Before I get into it, I’m a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think I’m a 35 year old male ). My silly little problem is that I can’t find people to socialize with -- . This leads to two different questions:

1. Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups I’ve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that can’t be right People must be talking about something else. I’ve also seen “at church events” as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if it’s just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And I’m in university so you’d think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university’s Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or two…until they all paired up or went on mission . So I’m on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really don’t know where to look. I’m not necessarily talking about “socializing with the intent of finding a spouse” or anything, but it’d be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because I’m a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyone’s-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When there’s that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.
2. How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but it’s near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I can’t relate to them at all. I’d like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I don’t know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?

I feel your pain. Fortunately for me, I have found a Young Adult Group in my diocese that has helped me tremendously with this issue. I’ve found a few friends, even some in my apartment complex! That has helped a lot. I found that group simply by searching the Internet.

I hear you also on people getting married. It’s hard, not only because of the lifestyle changes, but also from a jealousy angle. It’s really tough to watch people getting married and having children, and all the while thinking, “Why can’t that be me?” I mean, I’m happy for them, but I’d also like to be happy for myself.

 

[Kimothy80]

I hear you also on people getting married. It’s hard, not only because of the lifestyle changes, but also from a jealousy angle. It’s really tough to watch people getting married and having children, and all the while thinking, “Why can’t that be me?” I mean, I’m happy for them, but I’d also like to be happy for myself.

I hear ya Lucy! :sad_yes: :hug3:

 

[CountrySinger]

I’d rather be married to a Catholic than either of the above. My mom was a Christian and my dad was not anything in particular. They divorced. No thanks! But I hope I don’t have to be single forever.

I would rather marry a Catholic as well, but I don’t want to be single for too much longer either. I’m tried of having to be HAPPY for everyone else. But crying on the inside.

 

[Rascalking]

(Of course, I know you aren’t one of the creepy ones. . . .I just seemed to be a magnet for them!)

Thank you my friend! I don’t think I’m creepy either!