Single, Catholic, and possibly pregnant (older readers only - need advice)

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therese3879

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I am posting here because I am beside myself with stress right now.

I am a practicing Catholic, mid-20’s, and could possibly be in the most difficult situation I’ll ever face – being a single Catholic mom. And wondering how to break it to my very loyal, conservative family.

Bf and I got carried away a couple weeks ago (never, ever happened before… we both agreed sex is reserved for marriage). We did not even commit the act itself… technically I’m still a virgin… but after researching online, I believe I may still be pregnant.

I don’t have positive proof of pregnancy, am waiting to take a HPT. But I am having symptoms. Although I cannot tell if it’s stress or pregnancy symptoms, but they’re painful. I won’t know for sure for week or so.

A friend of mine urged me to do Plan B but I refused… which sort of makes me feel like a hypocrite (commit one sin but not the other?) Still I couldn’t do that.

My deepest fears are because my family is very conservative Catholics, which makes my situation all the more unbearably hard. I find myself feeling lost and hopeless, because my family and even friends have looked to me as a role model for chastity. Because I always was, til weeks ago. So this is just the most humbling and painful experience I could ever imagine right now…

Looking for advice… if you are a parent of somebody my age, how would you recommend that I break the news, if I have to (if I AM pregnant) to my parents? And how on earth am I going to explain a pregnancy to my friends? What about at Mass, where it seems like everybody knows me?
 
I recommend that you don’t assume that you are pregnant. What are your symptoms? If you are having pain, that’s probably not a pregnancy.

But what you can do right now is pray, for all the girls who really ARE pregnant and having to face this moment of truth with their families. It’s all about the baby now, not their pride or shame. What is right for that baby? They (and possibly you, although it sounds somewhat less likely) got carried away and created a life - now their own lives are less important because that baby is totally innocent and undeserving of any consequence of their parents’ sin. Now comes the sacrifice that a parent must make. What is right for my child, not for me?

I will put you in my prayers. Try not to think too far ahead. Depending on how far you went, it may not be pregnancy.

p.s. You already know that using “Plan B” is sinful as is an abortion. Don’t even consider it.
 
I’d just like to point out that “Plan B” is NOT the abortion pill. They work in completely different ways. Plan B is basically an extra strength birth control pill. It does not interfere with an already existing pregnancy, and is only effective within 5 days of the act. The abortion pill is not over the counter like plan B is, and it is an actual abortion. Generally, it is 2 pills, one administered by your doctor, one taken at home. The first causes the pregnancy to cease to grow, and the other expels the fetus/embryo from your body.

It just bothers me a lot when people confuse the two pills. I have pro life friends that support plan B but not the abortion pill.
 
Sapphiregirl said:
I’d just like to point out that “Plan B” is NOT the abortion pill. They work in completely different ways. Plan B is basically an extra strength birth control pill. It does not interfere with an already existing pregnancy, and is only effective within 5 days of the act. The abortion pill is not over the counter like plan B is, and it is an actual abortion. Generally, it is 2 pills, one administered by your doctor, one taken at home. The first causes the pregnancy to cease to grow, and the other expels the fetus/embryo from your body.

It just bothers me a lot when people confuse the two pills. I have pro life friends that support plan B but not the abortion pill.
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Some people confuse them, but generally Catholics do not. They are against both. Because Plan B can prevent implantation they consider it to cause abortions. Same with the birth control pill that you (rightfully) compared it to.
 
If you didn’t have intercourse then it is extremely unlikely that you are pregnant.
 
Sapphiregirl said:
expels the fetus/embryo from your body.
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You list yourself as a secular humanist. That explains everything. This is a Catholic forum, and as Catholics, we believe that life begins at conception, and as such, a pill that “expels a fetus/embryo from your body” IS abortion.
 
Arlene said:
You list yourself as a secular humanist. That explains everything. This is a Catholic forum, and as Catholics, we believe that life begins at conception, and as such, a pill that “expels a fetus/embryo from your body” IS abortion.
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No. She was talking about the abortion pill expelling the embryo. Plan B is OTC extra strength birth control. The abortion pill on the other hand is actually two pills that you take a day apart. The first in the clinic (blocks progesterone and stops fetal growth) the second you take at home that causes the cramping and bleeding.

But Catholics still consider Plan B to be abortion just like birth control because while they don’t expell a fetus from the body they can prevent a zygote from implanting.
 
It’s not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that you are pregnant since you didn’t actually have intercourse. You’re probably just a bit paranoid since you went further than you should have.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I recommend that you don’t assume that you are pregnant. What are your symptoms? If you are having pain, that’s probably not a pregnancy.

But what you can do right now is pray, for all the girls who really ARE pregnant and having to face this moment of truth with their families. It’s all about the baby now, not their pride or shame. What is right for that baby? They (and possibly you, although it sounds somewhat less likely) got carried away and created a life - now their own lives are less important because that baby is totally innocent and undeserving of any consequence of their parents’ sin. Now comes the sacrifice that a parent must make. What is right for my child, not for me?

I will put you in my prayers. Try not to think too far ahead. Depending on how far you went, it may not be pregnancy.

p.s. You already know that using “Plan B” is sinful as is an abortion. Don’t even consider it.
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I appreciate your care and advice. <3 I agree with you about Plan B and any contraceptives/ birth control/ abortifacients, whether they are similar or dissimilar to each other (am referring to the last few posts).

About the pains, I should have been more specific. Since ovulating 7 days ago, my breasts have been sore/painful, and I am cramping in front. But I am thinking stress may be causing the cramps… but I cannot explain the breast pain. Normally it goes away 2-3 days after ovulating, but they’re still strong a week later.

I know that, if I am pregnant, it’s going to be about the baby more than anything else. Part of my huge worry is that bf and I have grown apart, and marriage is not an option. He’s not Catholic, and we have some irreconcilable differences… if only marriage were an option, I might feel so much less stressed about this.
 
mini_me640 said:
It’s not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that you are pregnant since you didn’t actually have intercourse. You’re probably just a bit paranoid since you went further than you should have.
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This IS possible and I do feel paranoid… but I understand any time sperm comes into any contact with even exterior parts (am trying not to be too graphic…) there’s a risk for pregnancy. I just want to be prepared in case.

In any event, this experience has opened my eyes wide to the stress women go through with unplanned pregnancies. Definitely know who I’ll be praying more often in years to come!
 
You might want to your gp. I don’t know if this counts as medical advice, but if you aren’t pregnant, it could be a sign that something is wrong completely unrelated to a pregnancy risk. Weird pains and cramps shouldn’t be ignored if they are out of the ordinary.
 
therese3879 said:
This IS possible and I do feel paranoid… but I understand any time sperm comes into any contact with even exterior parts (am trying not to be too graphic…) there’s a risk for pregnancy. I just want to be prepared in case.

In any event, this experience has opened my eyes wide to the stress women go through with unplanned pregnancies. Definitely know who I’ll be praying more often in years to come!
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Yes it is technicaly possible in the situation you describe, but very unlikely. It’s a verrry long swim from the outside. Also, if you only ovulated 7 days ago, the embryo probably wouldn’t have even implanted yet, so the odds of you having pregnancy symptoms are very low (but of course not impossible). And if the “event” in question happened 2 weeks ago but ovulation not until a week ago, the sperm almost certainly would not have survived 7 days to meet up with the egg. The odds of pregnancy here are incredibly low. Try not to stress out too much!
 
She shouldn’t stress out too much about being pregnant (at least not until you actually do have a late period, then I would pregnancy test), but she should be aware of the cramping, it could be a sign of something like a cyst. Or it could be stress. I just think you should let your dr know about it. If you have an OBGYN, maybe call him and let him know about it. He can be the judge of whether or not it warrants a trip to the dr based on your medical history.
 
“A friend of mine urged me to do Plan B but I refused… which sort of makes me feel like a hypocrite (commit one sin but not the other?) Still I couldn’t do that.”

You’ve already made the most important decision you can- placing the child above yourself. As for being a hypocrite, I can’t name more then 3 or 4 saints that can’t be labeled as such.

“My deepest fears are because my family is very conservative Catholics, which makes my situation all the more unbearably hard. I find myself feeling lost and hopeless, because my family and even friends have looked to me as a role model for chastity. Because I always was, til weeks ago. So this is just the most humbling and painful experience I could ever imagine right now…”

If you are any indication of how your family will react [your plan B comment] then they’ll place their concern for the child and you above any negative reaction on their part. As for being humbled, it’s a good thing. I’ve been humbled several times and, though painful to go through at the time, have found myself to be better for going through the experiences.

I know that there are Catholic organizations that exist to help single and/or unwed mothers [and please don’t marry your boyfriend just because you are/may be pregnant], but I don’t know any specifics on them. Hopefully someone will more knowledge of them will post some links.
 
Don’t get ahead of yourself. If you didn’t have actual intercourse, pregnancy is unlikely. I don’t know what symptoms your having but pain isn’t a symptom of pregnancy… Usually nausea especially in the morning, fatigue and breast sensitivity. Go see a doctor first before you do anything.

I was 23 y.o. with my first child. I was unmarried going to school. People or so called friends suggested to me to have an abortion. I could never do that. Keep God first in your life, he will guide you. My parents were disappointed at first but they were very supportive. I am 43 years old, I ended up married to the father. We have been 4 beautiful children and a beautiful grandaughter. who wouldn’t of been here if I chose to abort my first child. But no matter what happens or the circumstance, God will be there… choose life… that will be the most courageous thing that you can to do. protect your child like a mother should.
 
Regardless of whether you end up pregnant or not, you need to have a very serious talk with this boyfriend of yours. You say marriage is not an option. Is he not Catholic or Christian at all? I think the two of you need to break up if you can’t even see yourselves marrying and having the same values to raise children Catholic. This is why dating is for discernment not recreation. If you are pregnant, adoption is ALWAYS an option. You don’t have to raise a child alone if the boyfriend doesn’t want to step up. Not saying he won’t but, it’s something to consider.
 
Put your mind at ease the best you can for right now. How to do that? If you haven’t yet done so, go to confession. Not later. Do it as soon as possible. Make an appointment if you have to.

Then pray. Pray that God gives you peace no matter what life throws at you (and I don’t mean just in your immediate circumstances). Pray unceasingly for peace, tranquility and humility in your heart and in the hearts of your family members.

That’s about all you can do. From a pure scientific perspective I wholeheartedly agree that the odds are overwhelmingly against your being pregnant. But there’s always an infinitesimal chance in this situation. Best thing you can do is confess your sin, pray and ask God for humility even if you “dodge a bullet” here.

I know plenty, PLENTY about being humbled after once being upheld as a paragon of virtue by some people. Best thing that ever happened for my marriage, my family and my soul.
 
“therese3879”’

If it should happen to be a pregnancy, do not fear your parents. If they are practicing Catholics they may be shocked at first, but will still love you.

Please be aware that there are alternatives such as adoption if that should come to your mind. If it comes to that, it is an unselfish act to do.
 
therese3879 said:
I am posting here because I am beside myself with stress right now.

I am a practicing Catholic, mid-20’s, and could possibly be in the most difficult situation I’ll ever face – being a single Catholic mom. And wondering how to break it to my very loyal, conservative family.

Bf and I got carried away a couple weeks ago (never, ever happened before… we both agreed sex is reserved for marriage). We did not even commit the act itself… technically I’m still a virgin… but after researching online, I believe I may still be pregnant.

I don’t have positive proof of pregnancy, am waiting to take a HPT. But I am having symptoms. Although I cannot tell if it’s stress or pregnancy symptoms, but they’re painful. I won’t know for sure for week or so.

A friend of mine urged me to do Plan B but I refused… which sort of makes me feel like a hypocrite (commit one sin but not the other?) Still I couldn’t do that.

My deepest fears are because my family is very conservative Catholics, which makes my situation all the more unbearably hard. I find myself feeling lost and hopeless, because my family and even friends have looked to me as a role model for chastity. Because I always was, til weeks ago. So this is just the most humbling and painful experience I could ever imagine right now…

Looking for advice… if you are a parent of somebody my age, how would you recommend that I break the news, if I have to (if I AM pregnant) to my parents? And how on earth am I going to explain a pregnancy to my friends? What about at Mass, where it seems like everybody knows me?
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  1. If you are pregnant: congratulations on the new life within you. That baby will be/is a child of God, created in God’s image and likeness, and beautiful and wonderful in God’s eyes. All else pales into insignificance against this.
  2. If my beautiful, faithfilled daughter told me she was pregnant I would tell her I loved her and would support her and the baby, no matter what personal feelings I might have about the circumstances.
Truly Conservative (i.e. orthodox and believing Catholics) will accept the God given new life despite the circumstances surrounding it.
  1. If you are not pregnant, accept this as a lesson in deep humility, and thank God for what you learn through this experience. (BTW God has hit me with a moral baseball bat a few times 😉 so I’m definately NOT holier-than-thou!)
  2. Go to confession.
  3. Whatever the outcome you will survive and be a stronger and perhaps better person because of this.
 
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