Single, Catholic, and possibly pregnant (older readers only - need advice)

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Still_Hoping said:
I agree. My family reacted in the same way. Unfortunately, alot of rumors began to spread. I was the last person this would ever happen to. I was unaware of what was to happen later. I suffered when my boyfriend and I decided to get married quickly. He and his family abused me . I was hurt and alone and ostracized from my family. Whatever you do, dont let anyone influence you to do something that is against your conscience. Listen carefully and the Lord will help you. Marriage shouldnt have to be an option if you are not ready. One thing for sure, your bf should be responsible towards you and if it is so, to the baby.

Another thing, at the time, the priests did not help me much. One even told me to live with my bf before marrying. He said that I already commited the crime why should I get married? Other churches refused to marry us. I had to go through an extensive interview with a parish priest to see if we should get married. I was so sure that that was the best decision to make. I did not see the trap I was to fall in.

The CC does not offer much help to women like us or girls that are pregnant. This still hurts me. They offer no help whether it be spiritual or for the well-being of the woman.

Be strong and pray to the Lord. Our Blessed Mother was of great help to me.

God BlessGod bless and I will pray for you.
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I’m so sorry this was your experience. I too was pregnant and single, and the priest and parish were amazing! The priest did spend a lit of time with us before he agreed to marry us, but only because he wanted to be sure we were marrying for the right reason. He did not feel we should marry only because of the baby. We married in the Church when our son was a few months old.

I remember a homily he gave during that time about marriage, and how women were sometimes pregnant, or the couple already had children or same address. But he spoke so well of God’s forgiveness, and how we needed to encourage with love, and not condemned those who are seeking to right a wrong.

If my daughters ever are in that situation, I hope they will come to us ASAP. We will be disappointed, and ecstatic at the same time. But our first priority will be her and the baby!
 
maryjk said:
Um, there is nothing against Catholic doctrine or belief that precludes someone from giving a baby up for adoption.
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True, but I think when Luvz2travel said “keep the baby” they were merely talking about choosing not to have an abortion.
 
I am a parent (now a grandmother of a precious one year old girl) of a daughter in nearly your exact situation.
She called me one day and told me I was going to be a grandmother. I was surprised but the only thought I had was of how I could best support her through this. At the time, she was in a relationship that she thought was going to lead to marriage. In a matter of weeks, he started to treat her badly and told her to have an abortion. We immediately flew her home and have been supporting her in any way we can ever since. The father is not in the picture at all. I babysit full time for free while she pursues her career in mental health therapy. She just found a place of her own and is creating a nice life for her and her baby.
The people at our church are so supportive. The RCIA team (my daughter was studying for adult confirmation) even gave her a baby shower.
Don’t worry. God works everything out for good. I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
Hello! I just wanted to tell you you are not alone. Try to relax, the stress will cause your cycle to delay. My husband and I were in a similar situation when we were dating and it is very eye opening. We were scared and stressed and even broke up for a bit. No matter the outcome you do need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend to resolve any issues you have. Even if it does mean you break up. Prayers and God Bless!
 
therese3879 said:
I am posting here because I am beside myself with stress right now.

I am a practicing Catholic, mid-20’s, and could possibly be in the most difficult situation I’ll ever face – being a single Catholic mom. And wondering how to break it to my very loyal, conservative family.

Bf and I got carried away a couple weeks ago (never, ever happened before… we both agreed sex is reserved for marriage). We did not even commit the act itself… technically I’m still a virgin… but after researching online, I believe I may still be pregnant.

I don’t have positive proof of pregnancy, am waiting to take a HPT. But I am having symptoms. Although I cannot tell if it’s stress or pregnancy symptoms, but they’re painful. I won’t know for sure for week or so.

A friend of mine urged me to do Plan B but I refused… which sort of makes me feel like a hypocrite (commit one sin but not the other?) Still I couldn’t do that.

My deepest fears are because my family is very conservative Catholics, which makes my situation all the more unbearably hard. I find myself feeling lost and hopeless, because my family and even friends have looked to me as a role model for chastity. Because I always was, til weeks ago. So this is just the most humbling and painful experience I could ever imagine right now…

Looking for advice… if you are a parent of somebody my age, how would you recommend that I break the news, if I have to (if I AM pregnant) to my parents? And how on earth am I going to explain a pregnancy to my friends? What about at Mass, where it seems like everybody knows me?
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It wasn’t that many years ago when my daughter shared that news with me. Now I have a wonderful grandchild and my daughter is a fabulous single mom.
I still remember the day, Easter sunday, when I visited her and she told me she was expecting. I hugged her and told her I loved her. God is good. I helped her break the news to others and was in the hospital supporting her when she gave birth. I am so proud of her strength and so grateful that she was able to stand up against friends who urged her to consider wrongful acts that she would have to live with forever.
If you need to P.M. me please do so. I will pray for you, and your parents and the gift God may have given you. May God bless us all! Amen.
 
A few thoughts:

a) As others have addressed, the numbers don’t really add up. No actual intercourse a couple of weeks ago, ovulation about a week later, and now some pains. Doesn’t sound like pregnancy to me. But anyway, a test will reveal all. (also, as far as I know, one won’t get pregnancy symptoms until the hCG rises anyway, so any symptoms you feel you have, if there isn’t an hCG reading, are something different…and maybe a reason to see your doctor regardless).

b) My sister fell pregnant when she was I think 20. We expected my dad to hit the roof. He wasn’t happy, but got over it promptly and the whole family got on with doing what was needed for my sister and her child. She’s now married (to the father of the first) and has a very large family.

c) This ought to make you think about your current boyfriend and dating in general. If this proves to be a false alarm, it will hopefully also be an epiphany. When you evenutally do fall pregnant, I’m sure you’ll want it to be in the right circumstances. So find the man that you want as a father for your children (and a good husband to you) and marry him. Don’t waste your time, and your sexuality, on people who aren’t husband/daddy material to begin with.

All the best. We’ll be praying for you.
 
First of all…you’re probably not pregnant. You need to miss a period in order to know if you might be pregnant…and if you missed a period…then you can test.
You don’t have to wait if you know you’ve missed your period.

Stop going online and looking up phantom symptoms because you will drive yourself nuts.

Also, how would your boyfriend react to this? Will he marry you?

The reason I ask is because I faced a fairly similar situation. The BIG difference was my boyfriend and I wanted to have a baby…I was committing more sins then I can count but I was a fallen away Catholic and I honestly didn’t think a majority of them were wrong.

My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years, marriage was discussed and we both knew we wanted to marry each other soon. I had just come home from training for the air force and had decided I wanted to quit using birth control because I hated it. My boyfriend didn’t want to use condoms either.

So…after a few months…obviously I was pregnant. Our parents were overjoyed…except for my grandmother…she’s the only Catholic holdout in my family. She wasn’t pleased and kept asking when are we going to get married.

So, my boyfriend and I became engaged and decided we wanted to get married in the church anyway. I had rediscovered my faith while my boyfriend was converting and the two of us wanted to do RCIA.

Then we found out just how many sins we had committed. Ashamed doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt about myself and my situation. I was mortified, stressed and really upset and sometimes just angry. I was embarrassed every time we went to mass because the church knew what was going on since we had both just started RCIA and most parishioners wanted to meet the new RCIA candidates.

How could I wait to be married in 8 months? How could I raise a good Catholic daughter when we weren’t married when we had her? How could our marriage survive since we co-habitated before?

My point is…consequences come with actions and you have to face them head on and try to make light of a pretty bad situation.
My husband and I did and we’re both really happy.

If you are pregnant then you need to just tell everyone and make a plan. You should use this as a wake up call and make a plan anyway that includes engagement and marriage.

That and go to confession. I was dreading confession because I was so ashamed at myself but my confession was amazing and, instead, I felt awesome. I go regularly now because I love that feeling of absolution so much.

As for our church? The parishioners were just awesome anyway. They were all so nice and so helpful.
 
maryjk said:
Um, there is nothing against Catholic doctrine or belief that precludes someone from giving a baby up for adoption.
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I don’t see a problem with that either but my answer was more directed at her not having an abortion if she decided to put the child up for adoption verses keeping it is up to her and what she feels is best for the child. Killing the child is not her choice or at least shouldn’t be her choice.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Some people confuse them, but generally Catholics do not. They are against both. Because Plan B can prevent implantation they consider it to cause abortions. Same with the birth control pill that you (rightfully) compared it to.
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👍
BlueEyedLady said:
No. She was talking about the abortion pill expelling the embryo. Plan B is OTC extra strength birth control. The abortion pill on the other hand is actually two pills that you take a day apart. The first in the clinic (blocks progesterone and stops fetal growth) the second you take at home that causes the cramping and bleeding.

But Catholics still consider Plan B to be abortion just like birth control because while they don’t expell a fetus from the body they can prevent a zygote from implanting.
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👍

Just want to add - Contraception is a sin, so no need to even be discussing it really.

I’m sorry about your situation, I will pray for you. I agree it’s highly unlikely you are pregnant, but if you are a child is a huge gift and God will never give you more than you can handle
 
adv said:
Don’t get ahead of yourself. If you didn’t have actual intercourse, pregnancy is unlikely. I don’t know what symptoms your having but pain isn’t a symptom of pregnancy… Usually nausea especially in the morning, fatigue and breast sensitivity. Go see a doctor first before you do anything.

I was 23 y.o. with my first child. I was unmarried going to school. People or so called friends suggested to me to have an abortion. I could never do that. Keep God first in your life, he will guide you. My parents were disappointed at first but they were very supportive. I am 43 years old, I ended up married to the father. We have been 4 beautiful children and a beautiful grandaughter. who wouldn’t of been here if I chose to abort my first child. But no matter what happens or the circumstance, God will be there… choose life… that will be the most courageous thing that you can to do. protect your child like a mother should.
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You know, this is really the classic story in these situations. Years later, the thankfulness that one didn’t have an abortion, how great the mother-child relationship can be, despite the initial awkward stuff. Kids are a great joy–people forget that, especially when trained to only stare into their own navels.
 
therese3879 said:
I appreciate your care and advice. <3 I agree with you about Plan B and any contraceptives/ birth control/ abortifacients, whether they are similar or dissimilar to each other (am referring to the last few posts).

About the pains, I should have been more specific. Since ovulating 7 days ago, my breasts have been sore/painful, and I am cramping in front. But I am thinking stress may be causing the cramps… but I cannot explain the breast pain. Normally it goes away 2-3 days after ovulating, but they’re still strong a week later.

I know that, if I am pregnant, it’s going to be about the baby more than anything else. Part of my huge worry is that bf and I have grown apart, and marriage is not an option. He’s not Catholic, and we have some irreconcilable differences… if only marriage were an option, I might feel so much less stressed about this.
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Chances are you are not… it could be possible but highly unlikely. Turn your fears over to God. Try not to dwell on it. Googling symptoms etc will just make you go crazy. We can offer up all our stresses and worries with those on the cross. Go to confession.

I think sometimes God gives us little tests to show how we would/will respond to His will. At least I have found that true…

(It was always my understanding that Plan B worked by keeping the embryo from implanting… which would be an early chemical abortion… But what do I know. Either way, you did the right thing by not going that route. (And to the poster that said some pro-lifers approve Plan B… In all my pro-life work, I haven’t met one… either way IMO I don’t think they should be considered truely prolife in a Catholic sense))

Praying for you.
 
I cannot describe how touched I am to see 4 PAGES of replies to my topic!! I have been rather down in the dumps, depressed, etc, so thought it best to stay off the internet because all I was doing was making myself crazy.I think I found a nest of guardian angels on this site, and it means so much to see all of your heartfelt comments and advice. I’ve read all the replies and there are so many lessons in all of them. ❤️❤️❤️

The GOOD NEWS (!!!) is… I am NOT pregnant. major sigh of relief It’s that time of month finally, and today I got it. No doubts about it, and I also took a HPT test, which came back negative.

I am just incredibly grateful to God for prayers answered – it looks like my life won’t be upside down anymore!! At least, not from this, lol.

The stress from this entire situation though has definitely taught me so many things though… there’s a reason why sex should be saved for marriage, but also the incredibly humbling experience of all this has been very beneficial to me in the long run.

Thank you all for your prayers and support!! God bless.
 
Thank you for the update. I am glad to hear such good news. Even better you are today stronger in your faith and morals. True blessings from above. God is amazing isn’t he? I think he was working in your heart all along.
 
therese3879 said:
I cannot describe how touched I am to see 4 PAGES of replies to my topic!! I have been rather down in the dumps, depressed, etc, so thought it best to stay off the internet because all I was doing was making myself crazy.I think I found a nest of guardian angels on this site, and it means so much to see all of your heartfelt comments and advice. I’ve read all the replies and there are so many lessons in all of them. ❤️❤️❤️

The GOOD NEWS (!!!) is… I am NOT pregnant. major sigh of relief It’s that time of month finally, and today I got it. No doubts about it, and I also took a HPT test, which came back negative.

I am just incredibly grateful to God for prayers answered – it looks like my life won’t be upside down anymore!! At least, not from this, lol.

The stress from this entire situation though has definitely taught me so many things though… there’s a reason why sex should be saved for marriage, but also the incredibly humbling experience of all this has been very beneficial to me in the long run.

Thank you all for your prayers and support!! God bless.
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I am very glad that you were not pregnant after all. You were very wise to stay off the internet in the meantime! I hope that your pain has resolved, if you still have any pain, please go see a doctor. I’m sure you won’t be repeating your mistake again!
 
Thanks for the update!. and now in the words of our Blessed Savior, " Go forth and sin no more". 👍
 
therese3879 said:
I cannot describe how touched I am to see 4 PAGES of replies to my topic!! I have been rather down in the dumps, depressed, etc, so thought it best to stay off the internet because all I was doing was making myself crazy.I think I found a nest of guardian angels on this site, and it means so much to see all of your heartfelt comments and advice. I’ve read all the replies and there are so many lessons in all of them. ❤️❤️❤️

The GOOD NEWS (!!!) is… I am NOT pregnant. major sigh of relief It’s that time of month finally, and today I got it. No doubts about it, and I also took a HPT test, which came back negative.

I am just incredibly grateful to God for prayers answered – it looks like my life won’t be upside down anymore!! At least, not from this, lol.

The stress from this entire situation though has definitely taught me so many things though… there’s a reason why sex should be saved for marriage, but also the incredibly humbling experience of all this has been very beneficial to me in the long run.

Thank you all for your prayers and support!! God bless.
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God love you!
 
May God bless you and your boyfriend. I am sure that you will both be a blessing to others.
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to stand by you during a difficult time.:grouphug:
 
therese3879 said:
I cannot describe how touched I am to see 4 PAGES of replies to my topic!! I have been rather down in the dumps, depressed, etc, so thought it best to stay off the internet because all I was doing was making myself crazy.I think I found a nest of guardian angels on this site, and it means so much to see all of your heartfelt comments and advice. I’ve read all the replies and there are so many lessons in all of them. ❤️❤️❤️

The GOOD NEWS (!!!) is… I am NOT pregnant. major sigh of relief It’s that time of month finally, and today I got it. No doubts about it, and I also took a HPT test, which came back negative.

I am just incredibly grateful to God for prayers answered – it looks like my life won’t be upside down anymore!! At least, not from this, lol.

The stress from this entire situation though has definitely taught me so many things though… there’s a reason why sex should be saved for marriage, but also the incredibly humbling experience of all this has been very beneficial to me in the long run.

Thank you all for your prayers and support!! God bless.
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I am so glad. Remember that we all are vulnerable to sin and as long as we confess our sins and truely repent and desire not to hurt our Lord by our sins He gives us GRACE through this wonderful sacrament to continue on IN FAITH.

Blessings to you as your journey of faith continues!
mlz
 
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