Single Catholics, Ignored. an Account

[ExLibris]

Just out of curiosity, who runs them?

Is it single volunteers, married volunteers, or staff?

I’ve observed two and have been invited to one. Admittedly, these are rather large Baptist churches so my experience is no doubt skewed.

From my experience, older married couples seem to run them at the request of the pastor. A typical meeting involved the pastor coming in and running what is essentially a standard Bible study. Participation is encouraged, specifically turning to the people around you and asking what they think. After 45 minutes to an hour, the pastor leaves and the older married couple takes over. They would briefly talk about themselves and ask if any of the new people would like to introduce themselves. There would then be an analysis of either Scripture or an article or some other media dealing with Christian singleness, loneliness, or the other.

The experience was okay but being surrounded by Protestants wasn’t that much fun.

 

[Xantippe]

The diversity of Protestant programs can be as diverse as there are many types of single people.

P.S.

Come to think of it, I find it funny how singles are also viewed as people who have no family to support. (Honest question: Is this an American thing?) I’m a single working man but I don’t let anyone tell me I do nothing for my family. Tuition. Bills. Insurance. Even allowance. I’ve often told people how much I pay out for any family expense and yet I’m not even married!

Traditionally in the US, young single people support only themselves.

Currently, middle class and upper middle class US parents often support or subsidize adult children well into their 20s, while one of the curses of poorer US young people is that they have to deal with financially struggling parents.

In short, richer US families often help their adult children while poorer US parents often expect to be helped.

The traditional White Anglo Saxon Protestant US cultural ideal is financial independence between adult relatives. A few years ago, my dad needed a surgery. I pleaded with him to let me give him the $1,000 that was necessary, but he wouldn’t take it. (He got the surgery eventually–saved up for it.) Likewise, when I was a newlywed, I was offended by the fact that my “ethnic” in-laws sent us large checks. How dare they think we couldn’t manage perfectly well without help! I thought at the time. I have since gotten much less proud and more pragmatic, but that was my cultural programming.

 

[Xantippe]

In my experience it was frequently married volunteers. In many cases the singles group was essentially a “college” group - which is a fine thing to have, but I think all of us posting here are past that age (I suspect I’m the youngest at 26).

Come to think of it, when I attended a Southern Baptist college-based church, I attended a small group that was all singles. The membership would have been probably college students through young professionals (so, late teens to 20-somethings), but at the time, I didn’t think of it as a singles group. But it’s quite likely that the church formed it as a singles small group.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Traditionally in the US, young single people support only themselves.

Currently, middle class and upper middle class US parents often support or subsidize adult children well into their 20s, while one of the curses of poorer US young people is that they have to deal with financially struggling parents.

In short, richer US families often help their adult children while poorer US parents often expect to be helped.

Well over here, even rich families still maintain a sort of clan-like connection with their members (and yes, extended family included). There may be those of use who freely choose our careers but we are all given a lot of economic and personal incentives to ‘band together’ as it were.

My parents are still working in their own small businesses (then there’s the farm my father inherited from our late grandad). Me and my brother share nearly half our salaries for additional support. Two other siblings are still in school (but we hope my sister will eventually share some of the load some time after graduating this year).

And yet, here I am on these boards reading about how some lazy singles in America are apparently molding the perception of a supposedly Universal Church.

 

[Xantippe]

Well over here, even rich families still maintain a sort of clan-like connection with their members (and yes, extended family included). There may be those of use who freely choose our careers but we are all given a lot of economic and personal incentives to ‘band together’ as it were.

My parents are still working in their own small businesses (then there’s the farm my father inherited from our late grandad). Me and my brother share nearly half our salaries for additional support. Two other siblings are still in school (but we hope my sister will eventually share some of the load some time after graduating this year).

And yet, here I am on these boards reading about how some lazy singles in America are apparently molding the perception of a supposedly Universal Church.

When American Catholics are talking on a US based discussion forum, we’re talking about our conditions, not yours, unless there’s some other explicit mention. Just sprinkle in an occasional “in the US” for the sake of reading comprehension.

I would expect that Filipino forums talk about conditions in the Philippines, unless it’s explicitly stated that some other place is under discussion.

Another thing–it’s quite common in the US for young adult Catholics to disappear from church until they are married and have children.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

When American Catholics are talking on a US based discussion forum, we’re talking about our conditions, not yours, unless there’s some other explicit mention. Just sprinkle in an occasional “in the US” for the sake of reading comprehension.

I’m aware of the context. I’m just saying I’m not the only foreigner on these boards who sometimes feels alienated by this particular bent. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the case for the last synod.

Another thing–it’s quite common in the US for young adult Catholics to disappear from church until they are married and have children.

What’s funny is that while many American Catholics seem to champion countries such as Mexico and mine, a more dedicated Church attendance doesn’t mean all is well (or even better).

Most of the people here are arguably poorer than even the poor American family. And while they attend church weekly, these masses include the same people who spend their money/time drinking, watching porn, visiting brothels, beating their wives/children, and having/romanticizing affairs.

All the while, us single Catholics (cradle, lapsed, and otherwise) are exposed to this sort of hypocrisy, this irony, and the Church as a whole is left scratching its head regardless of nationality.

 

[Naskor]

I’ve observed two and have been invited to one. Admittedly, these are rather large Baptist churches so my experience is no doubt skewed.

From my experience, older married couples seem to run them at the request of the pastor. A typical meeting involved the pastor coming in and running what is essentially a standard Bible study. Participation is encouraged, specifically turning to the people around you and asking what they think. After 45 minutes to an hour, the pastor leaves and the older married couple takes over. They would briefly talk about themselves and ask if any of the new people would like to introduce themselves. There would then be an analysis of either Scripture or an article or some other media dealing with Christian singleness, loneliness, or the other.

The experience was okay but being surrounded by Protestants wasn’t that much fun.

I know in my Catholic community the whole idea or “if you need a ministry start it yourself” cause us to have a lot of redundant and competing ministries that end up not doing much because time and money are spread between all of them. My parish alone has 3 separately run single mother groups. I’m sure if single moms weren’t the ones forced to be managing them, the groups would be able to do some useful ministry work.

 

[Xantippe]

I know in my Catholic community the whole idea or “if you need a ministry start it yourself” cause us to have a lot of redundant and competing ministries that end up not doing much because time and money are spread between all of them. My parish alone has 3 separately run single mother groups. I’m sure if single moms weren’t the ones forced to be managing them, the groups would be able to do some useful ministry work.

3 single parent groups in a single parish has got to be some sort of national record.

Well, 3 is better than none.