A
aggieints2010
Guest
Hi all,
I’m a single mother of a beautiful toddler girl, who I love with all my heart. I’ll try to make a very long story as short as possible, but give enough details to allow some understanding of my situation.
Her father and I were in a long term relationship and engaged to be married when she was born. The original plan was for me to move back to my hometown so that I could be near my family once I had the baby, and after we were married a couple of months later, I would move back to his hometown. However, after a series of very stressful situations, my family convinced me to stay in my hometown and refuse to go back with him, for the sake of the baby. I tried to convince him that it was best for our family that we stay in my hometown for sometime, because there were a lot of very negative influences in his hometown at the time. He disagreed and decided to move back to his hometown to start a business, and promised he would move back once that was done, but never gave me a timeline of when that would be.
After a couple of more months of disagreeing, I broke off the engagement and relationship, and asked him to please let our daughter and myself go our separate ways. As we both believed this was in her best interest, he did as I asked and we didn’t see or talk with each other for almost a year.
For the entire year, however, I was never at peace with my decision and felt like I had made the wrong decision for us all, and that I was doing an injustice to my daughter by keeping her from her father. I prayed every day for a sign of which way to go, and ended up praying a novena, and asking for a sign as to whether or not I should contact my ex. After speaking with a priest various times as well as others who knew my situation, I decided to reach out to him and ask to try again. He agreed, and we had many discussions on how to resolve past issues, and were moving toward to getting married. However, after a disagreement I became worried and once again broke it off, thinking once again that I was doing what was best. Now, I am back to feeling the same way as I did last year, and praying for guidance as to what is best for my daughter and myself. My ex comes from a rough background and a different family environment than my own. He has a past, but now has a very close relationship with God and has a good heart.
Both of our families are no longer fond of us, and our attempt at resolving our issues brought about divisions between us and our own families. However, I still have a very strong feeling that God wants us together, and wants us both to work toward achieving a happy family environment. He, however, is very hurt and understandably tired of going back and forth between working things out and not, and believes that we are no longer meant to move forward.
With that said, my question is what would be my moral obligation to him and our daughter in this situation? Should I continue to fight as hard as possible to bring about a healthy family environment, or should I move forward and let him go his way and I go mine, and explain the circumstances to my daughter once she’s older? I feel like us breaking things off was the easy way out rather than facing our demons together and moving forward, but on the other hand, maybe it was a blessing in disguise and a means of me finding a better situation for my daughter. I’ve quickly learned that it’s hard enough to make decisions for someone’s well being other than your own, but when it comes to going against someone with whom you should be on the same page, it makes things even more confusing. Also, how should I handle the situation when I firmly believe that God is telling me one thing, and he firmly believes that He is telling him another? How can I determine who is right and wrong?
Apologies for an incredibly long post, and if you’ve made it this far, thank you.
Any advice, along with prayers for strength and clarity would be very much appreciated.
I’m a single mother of a beautiful toddler girl, who I love with all my heart. I’ll try to make a very long story as short as possible, but give enough details to allow some understanding of my situation.
Her father and I were in a long term relationship and engaged to be married when she was born. The original plan was for me to move back to my hometown so that I could be near my family once I had the baby, and after we were married a couple of months later, I would move back to his hometown. However, after a series of very stressful situations, my family convinced me to stay in my hometown and refuse to go back with him, for the sake of the baby. I tried to convince him that it was best for our family that we stay in my hometown for sometime, because there were a lot of very negative influences in his hometown at the time. He disagreed and decided to move back to his hometown to start a business, and promised he would move back once that was done, but never gave me a timeline of when that would be.
After a couple of more months of disagreeing, I broke off the engagement and relationship, and asked him to please let our daughter and myself go our separate ways. As we both believed this was in her best interest, he did as I asked and we didn’t see or talk with each other for almost a year.
For the entire year, however, I was never at peace with my decision and felt like I had made the wrong decision for us all, and that I was doing an injustice to my daughter by keeping her from her father. I prayed every day for a sign of which way to go, and ended up praying a novena, and asking for a sign as to whether or not I should contact my ex. After speaking with a priest various times as well as others who knew my situation, I decided to reach out to him and ask to try again. He agreed, and we had many discussions on how to resolve past issues, and were moving toward to getting married. However, after a disagreement I became worried and once again broke it off, thinking once again that I was doing what was best. Now, I am back to feeling the same way as I did last year, and praying for guidance as to what is best for my daughter and myself. My ex comes from a rough background and a different family environment than my own. He has a past, but now has a very close relationship with God and has a good heart.
Both of our families are no longer fond of us, and our attempt at resolving our issues brought about divisions between us and our own families. However, I still have a very strong feeling that God wants us together, and wants us both to work toward achieving a happy family environment. He, however, is very hurt and understandably tired of going back and forth between working things out and not, and believes that we are no longer meant to move forward.
With that said, my question is what would be my moral obligation to him and our daughter in this situation? Should I continue to fight as hard as possible to bring about a healthy family environment, or should I move forward and let him go his way and I go mine, and explain the circumstances to my daughter once she’s older? I feel like us breaking things off was the easy way out rather than facing our demons together and moving forward, but on the other hand, maybe it was a blessing in disguise and a means of me finding a better situation for my daughter. I’ve quickly learned that it’s hard enough to make decisions for someone’s well being other than your own, but when it comes to going against someone with whom you should be on the same page, it makes things even more confusing. Also, how should I handle the situation when I firmly believe that God is telling me one thing, and he firmly believes that He is telling him another? How can I determine who is right and wrong?
Apologies for an incredibly long post, and if you’ve made it this far, thank you.
Any advice, along with prayers for strength and clarity would be very much appreciated.