Single parent adoption?

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hasikelee

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A young, single adult. Adopt or not?

I was having a conversation with a coworker today about the many stars who have adopted even though they are single.

The coworker asked what the Catholic church says on this.

I wonder?? What are some general thoughts on this?

I have often felt drawn towards the idea of adoption. I don’t know if it is me personally wanting to, a calling from God, or perhaps just being in the situation at the time. (For example, having a teen mother beg me to adopt because she is afraid to carry her baby to term and give her baby to a stranger).

Would it be wrong for me to adopt?
 
I would say two parents are certainly the best thing.

But if you have an extreme case where a child has nobody, and is unlikely to be adopted by a two-parent family, one good parent is better than none at all.
 
LittleRose said:
I would say two parents are certainly the best thing.

But if you have an extreme case where a child has nobody, and is unlikely to be adopted by a two-parent family, one good parent is better than none at all.
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A few months ago I think there was another thread that touched on this subject. I remember a lot of folks saying what you just did, about two parents being “the best thing”.

But you know, I’m not so that holds true as a general rule. It should matter who the parents are. Statistically speaking, a child is quite unlikely to be adopted by two Catholic parents, much less two Catholic parents who take their faith seriously and will care for the moral formation of the child. I think there can be cases in which a child would be better off with one particular person as a parent rather than two other people who wouldn’t do as good of a job.

I don’t think that the Church has taken an official stance on this issue, though I’ve seen apologists argue both ways.

All I know is that if I were terminally ill and had to choose between entrusting my child to someone like the OP or to a random “average American couple”, the single Catholic girl would win, hands down.
 
hasikelee said:
A young, single adult. Adopt or not?

I was having a conversation with a coworker today about the many stars who have adopted even though they are single.

The coworker asked what the Catholic church says on this.

I wonder?? What are some general thoughts on this?

I have often felt drawn towards the idea of adoption. I don’t know if it is me personally wanting to, a calling from God, or perhaps just being in the situation at the time. (For example, having a teen mother beg me to adopt because she is afraid to carry her baby to term and give her baby to a stranger).

Would it be wrong for me to adopt?
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Here’s are some questions for you. Is it okay for a single woman to go out and get pregnant and have a baby to raise on her own? I know that there is the element of having sex outside of marriage, but is that the only reason most people do not feel single women should go out and get pregnant? Is it generally felt that a mixed marriage (where one person is not Catholic) or a married couple who are not Catholic should not have children? Is it better for a single Catholic woman to go out and get pregnant and raise a child on her own? I’m just wondering why it is acceptable for adopted children to be raised by a single parent, but not biological children. Shouldn’t we all believe that the best place for ALL children (at least to start out in) is a 2-parent, mom/dad home?
I say that you should wait until you are married before considering adopting OR having any children.
 
Gianna, I’d argue that it’s the extra-marital sex that’s wrong, not the state of having a child without a father.

I’m a single mother, which means that my child lacks a father right now. Should I go out and marry some random dude right away just so my son can have a father in the home? Clearly not. Should I have given my son up for adoption when his father (to whom I was “married”) left? I don’t think so.

Or which is a better environment for children? Being raised by two married Satanists (or pornographers or meth addicts or mafiosos or materialists), or being raised by one good, clean Christian? Which do you think is most likely to damage the child’s soul?

My point is that these things need to be evaluated on the basis of the individuals. It is not true that in all cases two parents are better than one.

If I were the OP, I would also wait until married before adopting if that’s what I were called to do. But I think it’s an over-simplification to say that it is always preferable for a child to be raised in a two-parent family.
 
JezuUfamTobie said:
Gianna, I’d argue that it’s the extra-marital sex that’s wrong, not the state of having a child without a father.

I’m a single mother, which means that my child lacks a father right now. Should I go out and marry some random dude right away just so my son can have a father in the home? Clearly not. Should I have given my son up for adoption when his father (to whom I was “married”) left? I don’t think so.

Or which is a better environment for children? Being raised by two married Satanists (or pornographers or meth addicts or mafiosos or materialists), or being raised by one good, clean Christian? Which do you think is most likely to damage the child’s soul?

My point is that these things need to be evaluated on the basis of the individuals. It is not true that in all cases two parents are better than one.

If I were the OP, I would also wait until married before adopting if that’s what I were called to do. But I think it’s an over-simplification to say that it is always preferable for a child to be raised in a two-parent family.
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Was it your choice to have a child and raise him/her on your own? Did you set out to do that? I’m sure you didn’t. I am also sure that you are doing the best you can in your situation. My point is that people who adopt babies as a single person are setting out to do so. They are making the determination that they are a better choice than the thousands of married mom/dad couples who are on waiting lists to adopt. If one has enough money and can hire enough lawyers, one can adopt a child. It does not matter what their situation is. They can be satanists, atheists, etc. I’m sure haskilee is not talking about adopting an 11 y.o. who has been in foster care for 3 years. The celebrities in question are adopting infants/toddlers. With regard to adoption, the choice of a single person over married mom/dad couples should not be an option, because IT DOESN"T NEED TO BE!!! There are just too many of us out here wanting to adopt. Most adoptive parents I know are churchgoing, Christian families who are unable to have children (or more children in the case of secondary infertility). God calls married couples to adoption to express their generosity should they be infertile. Sometimes, just because WE want something, it is not necessarily the best thing for someone else.
 
Regarding American newborns–you’re right. There are plenty of people waiting in line. Those people include all kinds, such as active homosexual couples. I know of a lesbian couple in my town who have adopted two babies. I guess I’d want to know what sort of folk the mother would be willing to give her child to, and if I thought I could do a better job, I’d take the child. I think such an action by a single woman would be even more justified if she had a personal relationship with the birth mother. I mean, I would rather that my son go to my Catholic, single sister than to a couple we don’t know.

This is personal for me in more ways than one, because I have worked in orphanages in a 3rd world country, and I’ve seen how children who are adopted out are not always going to great homes, even when they go to homes with two parents. I’ve also seen how common it is for children to be abused in foster homes. The stories that grown children told me were horrifying. I know this doesn’t apply to the OP’s situation, but it’s very much on my mind. The kids in those countries need good people to adopt them. They’re piling up in the orphanages down there because there aren’t enough good people who are willing and able.

Also, I want to add that the Church has canonized single Catholics who have taken orphans into their homes. The Church seems to regard such an actions as an act of charity, not as an act of preventing a married couple from raising the children.
 
We have to focus on objective truth so that we are not clouded by emotions.
** The objective truth is that God designed families to have a mother, father, and children. The mother and father each have unique contributions to the family/child rearing that cannot be duplicated by a single parent of either sex (or a homosexual “couple”).**
So, for all of the single parents out there, you just have to do your best, but I’m sure you realize that something is “missing” and would prefer a two-parent, committed, loving home for your children if you were given the opportunity.
**But of course, when you look at each case on an individual basis, you must choose the lesser of the two wrongs. A single moral parent is better than two immoral parents anyday. But the child will still miss out on the things that are supposed to be provided by the missing parent. **
That can be true in married parents as well. Many children are raised in two parent homes, but one parent isn’t fulfilling their responsibilities.
As to the original issue… I don’t feel it is right for a single person to seek to adopt a young child. There are many loving two parent families in line for those babies. But notice I said seek. If a situation should present itself the you need to discern what God is calling you to do. It may be that He wants you to adopt the unborn baby of a coworker so that she doesn’t go through with an abortion…or it may be that He is calling you to counsel the young woman and have her make a good choice for her baby. We can’t get wrapped up in what we want…we need to focus on what He wants from us.
On the other hand, I think there is definitely a place for singles to adopt. There are so many older “unwanted” children in foster care who are in much need of a “forever home”. ONE parent in this situation is certainly better than NONE.
That’s my two cents!
Malia
 
A single person could be called to do that, certainly. It would have to be a very serious process of discernment, however.

The parent-to-be would have to rally the other people they would be counting on to be their support system–for married couples, they call this a “wedding”–and in the case of those in the inner circle, consult them. Are your parents willing to help you as the grandparents of someone else’s child, possibly a child who carries some very serious wounds? How about your siblings, your best friends?

Parenthood should never be something you attempt to do with no support system, but this is ten times more true for the single parent than for the married parent.

Also, as a single parent you have to consider whether your career is stable enough to securely provide for a child. Can you afford disability insurance? Life insurance? You don’t have to be on such a firm footing that Providence seems not to be needed, but if you do not have a spouse to help with that load you need to be even more cognizant of financial peril than a two-parent family must be. Again, this goes to your support system…if your child gets sick and you cannot miss work or–heaven forbid!–if you are hospitalized or so seriously ill that you can’t care for your child yourself, who is going to be your backup?

Consider, too, that your future spouse may have an opinon about this, even though you have no way to consult him/her. I don’t mean “don’t adopt, you’ll never find someone to marry you”. I mean that you should consider that the circle of people affected by your decision goes far beyond just you and your child.

BTW, if you find you have love and time to spare, consider whether you may be called to give respite care to parents who do not have a support system equal to the challenges that their life presents. You may be called to be something like the “big brother/big sister” program, which very often helps single and struggling parents fill a void in their child’s life that they cannot fill. These are not less sacrificial choices than becoming a parent yourself, just because you don’t have to sign up for the remainder of the child’s first 18 years. If nothing else, you might consider starting in foster care. The good you do while you discern whether you are called to a more permanent commitment will be real. In many areas, it is desparately needed.

As for stars who adopt, I worry that even the biological children of the famous can have an especially difficult life, because of the warping effect of ever-present-fame. That is a worry. Nevertheless, becoming famous does not make a person less human. It very often gives a person tremendous material advantages. It is natural that someone with so much to give would want to make a commitment to give more than just money. Those of us on the outside are in a poor position to discern if that house of fame will make a good home. We can hope…and be thankful when someone given so many gifts decides that their life is about more than just themselves.
 
I know a single parent who has adopted two children and is providing a loving stable home for her children. I know in my heart those children are so much better off in her care. She adopted from two different third world countries and there were way more babies than potential adoptive parents.

My friend was able to provide medical care to one child that she could have not received in her own country. For that child, this single Mom is probably like an angel sent from heaven.

I am single and volunteer at an orphanage. I am not ready to be a parent, nor able to provide the financial security a child would need. As a young single woman, I do not feel capable of taking this responsibility on, so volunteering is something I can do to help these children now. But I am open to adoption down the road. I feel called to marriage, but if I never find the right man, and am financially able to, I would be honored and willing to provide a home to a child who needs one. Especially to an “older” child who is less likely to be adopted by other families.

I agree that a two parent home is ideal, but a single parent home can still provide a child in need with a loving warm environment. All families have their challenges, whether the family has two parents or one. I do think in a single parent household, it is important to identify an alternative family member who is willing to raise the child if something should happen to the single parent who chose to adopt.

Sincerely,
Mariai1212
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
We have to focus on objective truth so that we are not clouded by emotions.

The objective truth is that God designed families to have a mother, father, and children. The mother and father each have unique contributions to the family/child rearing that cannot be duplicated by a single parent of either sex (or a homosexual “couple”).

So, for all of the single parents out there, you just have to do your best, but I’m sure you realize that something is “missing” and would prefer a two-parent, committed, loving home for your children if you were given the opportunity.

**But of course, when you look at each case on an individual basis, you must choose the lesser of the two wrongs. A single moral parent is better than two immoral parents anyday. But the child will still miss out on the things that are supposed to be provided by the missing parent. **

That can be true in married parents as well. Many children are raised in two parent homes, but one parent isn’t fulfilling their responsibilities.

As to the original issue… I don’t feel it is right for a single person to seek to adopt a young child. There are many loving two parent families in line for those babies. But notice I said seek. If a situation should present itself the you need to discern what God is calling you to do. It may be that He wants you to adopt the unborn baby of a coworker so that she doesn’t go through with an abortion…or it may be that He is calling you to counsel the young woman and have her make a good choice for her baby. We can’t get wrapped up in what we want…we need to focus on what He wants from us.

On the other hand, I think there is definitely a place for singles to adopt. There are so many older “unwanted” children in foster care who are in much need of a “forever home”. ONE parent in this situation is certainly better than NONE.

That’s my two cents!

Malia
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Malia,
You said exactly what I was TRYING to say, but much, much betters. Thank you.
 
JezuUfamTobie said:
Regarding American newborns–you’re right. There are plenty of people waiting in line. Those people include all kinds, such as active homosexual couples. I know of a lesbian couple in my town who have adopted two babies. I guess I’d want to know what sort of folk the mother would be willing to give her child to, and if I thought I could do a better job, I’d take the child. I think such an action by a single woman would be even more justified if she had a personal relationship with the birth mother. I mean, I would rather that my son go to my Catholic, single sister than to a couple we don’t know.

This is personal for me in more ways than one, because I have worked in orphanages in a 3rd world country, and I’ve seen how children who are adopted out are not always going to great homes, even when they go to homes with two parents. I’ve also seen how common it is for children to be abused in foster homes. The stories that grown children told me were horrifying. I know this doesn’t apply to the OP’s situation, but it’s very much on my mind. The kids in those countries need good people to adopt them. They’re piling up in the orphanages down there because there aren’t enough good people who are willing and able.

Also, I want to add that the Church has canonized single Catholics who have taken orphans into their homes. The Church seems to regard such an actions as an act of charity, not as an act of preventing a married couple from raising the children.
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I agree with most of what you said above. I have been involved with 3rd world adoptions as well. Unfortunately, I think the primary reason that “kids are piling up” is the ridiculous cost, the tortuous paperwork and delays, as well as the corrupt systems in those countries. It is heartbreaking for couples to go through total hell to adopt children from 3rd world countries, only to have the adoption fall through or the country to “close” their adoptions right in the middle of the process.
As far as choosing your single, Catholic sister over a couple of strangers to adopt your child, I wholeheartedly agree. Of course you would choose family. It does not appear that the OP is talking about a situation such as that.
To take in orphans desperately needing a home is indeed charitable. Babies in this country (as you stated above) are adopted very quickly. More times than not, adoptions are arranged even BEFORE the child is born in this country. There are no waiting lists for families. Only waiting families for children.
Malia made all the points I was trying to make. I did not mean to make my comments personal. However, it is such an emotional topic for me. Adopting can be so frustrating and painful. I would do it all again for the wonderful children we have----not one tear or disappointment would I change. Many young women simply want to adopt because they want a baby NOW. Of course, there are always exceptions. However, most cases (that I’ve seen) are not as charitable and unselfish as most people might think.
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
So, for all of the single parents out there, you just have to do your best, but I’m sure you realize that something is “missing” and would prefer a two-parent, committed, loving home for your children if you were given the opportunity.

Malia, I very much agree with your statement about the adoption of older children who are currently in the foster care system. I have always felt called to make a difference in this community.

Now that I am a single mom, by my ex’s choice, I have some discernment to do. Do I pursue dating (after the annulment of course) and a husband? If I don’t pursue a husband, does that make me a bad mom for not giving my son what is “missing”? These are tender spots in my heart, for no surprising reasons.

I believe that single persons who feel called to adoption have similar questions as they discern God’s will. But the fact of the matter is, often it’s the single people who are able to open their lives and homes to children in need. Those married Catholics who are following Church teaching may just have no room for children other than their own. I think these singles may be the blessing of God, rather than second best.

Just my two cents’ worth.
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Giannawannabe said:
I have been involved with 3rd world adoptions as well. Unfortunately, I think the primary reason that “kids are piling up” is the ridiculous cost, the tortuous paperwork and delays, as well as the corrupt systems in those countries. It is heartbreaking for couples to go through total hell to adopt children from 3rd world countries, only to have the adoption fall through or the country to “close” their adoptions right in the middle of the process.
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I’ve seen that happen. 😦 I wish it were easier and less expensive to adopt. There are so many people out there who could afford another child, but can’t afford all the hoops they have to jump through just to get to that point.

Thanks for being gentle with me, by the way. I think we’re all basically in agreement… it’s just an emotion laden subject.
 
The one thing I didn’t notice anyone saying is that in a single parent adoption (which I endorse given the right circumstances, BTW) or a 2 parent adoption, the parties involved should be PRACTICING their faith. I would take a single parent practicing Catholic over a nonpracticing anything couple. Just “being” Catholic (or any religion) is not necessarily indicative of suitability. There is the need to be “practicing” their faith.
Kathy
 
Katie1723 said:
The one thing I didn’t notice anyone saying is that in a single parent adoption (which I endorse given the right circumstances, BTW) or a 2 parent adoption, the parties involved should be PRACTICING their faith. I would take a single parent practicing Catholic over a nonpracticing anything couple. Just “being” Catholic (or any religion) is not necessarily indicative of suitability. There is the need to be “practicing” their faith.
Kathy
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I totally agree with you on this Katie.

Sincerely,
Maria1212
 
Maria1212 said:
I know a single parent who has adopted two children and is providing a loving stable home for her children. I know in my heart those children are so much better off in her care. She adopted from two different third world countries and there were way more babies than potential adoptive parents.

My friend was able to provide medical care to one child that she could have not received in her own country. For that child, this single Mom is probably like an angel sent from heaven.

I am single and volunteer at an orphanage. I am not ready to be a parent, nor able to provide the financial security a child would need. As a young single woman, I do not feel capable of taking this responsibility on, so volunteering is something I can do to help these children now. But I am open to adoption down the road. I feel called to marriage, but if I never find the right man, and am financially able to, I would be honored and willing to provide a home to a child who needs one. Especially to an “older” child who is less likely to be adopted by other families.

I agree that a two parent home is ideal, but a single parent home can still provide a child in need with a loving warm environment. All families have their challenges, whether the family has two parents or one. I do think in a single parent household, it is important to identify an alternative family member who is willing to raise the child if something should happen to the single parent who chose to adopt.

Sincerely,
Mariai1212
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This perfectly illustrates the kind of discernment that is required. I’m sure your friend’s children feel that just having their new mother in it makes their new home “ideal”! It is a matter of giving what you have to give, and the continual openness and self-questioning that is needed to be honest about what that is.

Bless you for providing all you have for the kids you give your love to, too! 👍
 
About ten years ago I went through just such a discernment process. Without sharing and boring you all with the details I determined that my adopting a child as a single woman was not a good idea.

I would always hope that a child would be adopted by a complete family in terms of a mother and a father. I would further hope that the adopting couple would raise their child as good Catholics should raise their child.

I also know that there may be situations where a single woman or single man would be the ideal parent.

As BLB has stated it should never be a spur of the moment decision and it should not be done in order to be fashionable OR because the person adopting is lonely or afraid they will never marry and have children of their own. And this type of discernment must be done with reverence and prayer.

As for the Catholic Church position on single adoption, the Church does define family in the Catechism. However, as for expressly forbiding the adoption of children by single adults? No. It is not expressly forbidden.
 
I totally agree with what Katie said.And i hope to read more opinions here about it as one of my friends had the same question good day everyone 🙂
 
I didn’t have time to read through all the replies so I apologize if this is repetitive.

My personal opinion is that it is certainly okay for a single person to adopt an older (or maybe special needs) child. I think that if at all possible a baby (or child) should go to a two-parent, in tact family; but it is certainly a beautiful thing for a child to be “rescued” – by that I mean take a child who has no family and provide a loving parent. I’ve thought about it myself; however, I do not have the kind of job that would allow me the freedom to be home a lot with a child – so I just spoil my nieces and nephews:D
 
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