Single Parents

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chequamegon

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I’m a single young male, who makes a good living in a professional job. I’ve never been married, and I have no girlfriend or “signifigant other”.

I would like to start a family, and have considered adopting children. I’m very strongly Pro-Life. And I believe that one of the best ways to help reduce the number of aborted children is to help facilitate adoption, and get some of those unwanted babies into loving homes, where they can grow up and be loved. So it has always seemed that adopting one or more children would be a good thing to do someday. I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and it’s just something I would like to do.

But I was wondering what the Church’s stance was, regarding single parents. As a single person with no spouse, how would the church feel about me adopting children?

I know the Church is against gay couples adopting, because they claim that children should be raised in a “nornal” household, which includes a “mom and dad”. So considering this, I wasn’t sure if the church approves of single people being parents, either.

I have the ability to provide a nice life for any children that I adopt. However, the kids just wouldn’t have a “mom”. Unless I happen to meet the right person and get married at a later time.

Any opinions?
 
I’m a single Dad. Wife decided to move out when the kids were 12, 14 and 18.

Kids need a mom and dad. One person can not be both, a man can not be a mom. One person can not model a relationship. Kids’ view of relationships are based on what they see in the home. My wife actually asked me once, why I treated her so well, even when she was being standoffish to me. I wanted my daughters to have high standards for the way they should be treated by someone who truly loves them. What they see is what they expect as the norm.

Parenting is a very difficult thing to do alone. I don’t think I could have made it through the colichy stage with my middle child. She would cry for hours, literally, at night. I would pace around with her, then when I reached my limit, hand her to my wife. She would do the same.

My wife moved out as my middle child started high school, a very difficult time period for a girl. I can’t begin to describe to you the challenges for a man to be supportive and understanding of what a girl is going through in high school.

Having two parents is the ideal and what I strived for and deeply regret not being able to provide for my children. Their mother visits them in their home, which isn’t anywhere near the same. I get them around their grandmothers and other female role models, it isn’t the same.

Now, if you are truly called to mentor children. Perhaps you could look into the boys club or big brothers or those types of organizations. Not the same as raising a child, but there are so many children without good male role models in their lives, you could really make a difference to some children.
 
I think it’s actually pretty tough to qualify as an adoptive parent if you are single. Heck it’s tough for a lot of married people to qualify. I know we see famous people doing it, but they have unlimited resources and clout to influence the process. I think it would be tough for the average single joe to do it.
 
chequamegon said:
I’m a single young male, who makes a good living in a professional job. I’ve never been married, and I have no girlfriend or “signifigant other”.

I would like to start a family, and have considered adopting children. I’m very strongly Pro-Life. And I believe that one of the best ways to help reduce the number of aborted children is to help facilitate adoption, and get some of those unwanted babies into loving homes, where they can grow up and be loved. So it has always seemed that adopting one or more children would be a good thing to do someday. I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and it’s just something I would like to do.

But I was wondering what the Church’s stance was, regarding single parents. As a single person with no spouse, how would the church feel about me adopting children?

I know the Church is against gay couples adopting, because they claim that children should be raised in a “nornal” household, which includes a “mom and dad”. So considering this, I wasn’t sure if the church approves of single people being parents, either.

I have the ability to provide a nice life for any children that I adopt. However, the kids just wouldn’t have a “mom”. Unless I happen to meet the right person and get married at a later time.

Any opinions?
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Here is my opinion. If you think your vocation is parenthood then find a nice girl and marry her!
 
single men can adopt. Even though it is the best to have both parents, one parent is better than none at all. the best thing to do is start reading books on adoptions. there is also a good magazine called “Adoptive families”. they do cover a number of resources and issues. (I’m an adoptive mom). Here are some questions to ponder: do you want to stay home or adopt international? do you want and infant or young child or are you willing to adopt older? As a single parent, what kind of support system do you have? do you have other sibs or very good friends that can help you or watch the child to get a much needed break? The single parents either male or female that do adopt do have a very strong support system. that is one thing an agency will look for. I’ve read about single men adopting from China, but that was a while ago and I’m not sure if that is still true. Despite what some of the posters said above, single men and women do adopt and maybe this is your call. One parent is better than none. One agency I could recommend is Adoption Associates out of Grand Rapids Mi. I’m not sure what what State you live in but they do work all over and can help. Likewise, you can foster parent to adopt, this can give you a chance to parent a child before it is official. The more you read and educate yourself, the better the adoption experience will be for you. After having been in very poor countries to adopt and seeing the need of so many children in the world that need a parent and a home, there should be no reason for you if you have a strong desire to have a child not to go ahead and pursue it. No one should discourage you just because you are a single man.
 
anp1215 said:
I think it’s actually pretty tough to qualify as an adoptive parent if you are single. Heck it’s tough for a lot of married people to qualify. I know we see famous people doing it, but they have unlimited resources and clout to influence the process. I think it would be tough for the average single joe to do it.
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that is not necessarily true at all and there are a lot of single women and some men that do adopt here as well as abroad. That is a wonder thing because there are too many children that need homes and a parent and one parent is better than none or an orphenage or the street or being bounced around in foster homes. There are a number of great resources available and while it is mostly single women, there are some single men too!
 
You might consider fostering first. A colleague of mine is single and he went through a really neat foster program. They gave him alot of training for taking care of little kids, good discipline methods, and expecially working with kids with special needs. I believe he’d had five different boys come to stay with him and from all accounts, it’s been a rewarding experience for them. Currently, he has one eight-year-old boy who has been with him for almost two years. If he becomes eligable for adoption, my coworker will be asked first.
 
I think many of you are probably right. It might be a good idea to start Fostering some kids, first. Fostering may be a good way to start. And perhaps having experience as a foster parent may increase my chances of being allowed to adopt kids.

I’ll definitely do some research into the adoption process, so I’m prepared to know what to expect.

I know the adoption process takes some time and energy.

I’ve always thought it was ironic that the people who end up having unwanted babies are free to have kids and more kids. Yet the people who want to adopt those unwanted kids, are subjected to lots of scrutiny before they’re allowed to give the kid a good home. Instead, I say they should scrutinize the people who have kids, but can’t take care of them. And not make adopting a long process.
 
I think if you keep praying, you will know in your heart if it is God’s will for you to adopt or not. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it.

However, I do want to point out one thing. You do need to think about how much you would like to eventually marry. The reason I say this is because the sad truth is, one you have a kid, some women may now see you as someone they would not consider marrying. If you are OK with that, then go for it. However, if you do meet a woman and marry and have kids with her, then you have a blended family. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with blended families. Unfortunately, they do bring a lot of challenges and you need to make sure you are up to the task

CMS
 
cmscms said:
I think if you keep praying, you will know in your heart if it is God’s will for you to adopt or not. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it.

However, I do want to point out one thing. You do need to think about how much you would like to eventually marry. The reason I say this is because the sad truth is, one you have a kid, some women may now see you as someone they would not consider marrying. If you are OK with that, then go for it. However, if you do meet a woman and marry and have kids with her, then you have a blended family. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with blended families. Unfortunately, they do bring a lot of challenges and you need to make sure you are up to the task

CMS
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my sister-in-law’s sister lost her husband, they had no kids. she wanted children so she used the life insurance from his death to adopt as a single women two children from Guatemala. A little later, she met someone and he married her with the two kids. One never knows. Having a kid doesn’t neccessarily proclude a marriage later on at all. In fact it does show that one is selfless and willing to go beyond themselves to adopt a child and that should be more of an attraction for marriage than being some older single male that never settled down and never had any responsibilities beyond himself.
 
chequamegon said:
I think many of you are probably right. It might be a good idea to start Fostering some kids, first. Fostering may be a good way to start. And perhaps having experience as a foster parent may increase my chances of being allowed to adopt kids.

I’ll definitely do some research into the adoption process, so I’m prepared to know what to expect.

I know the adoption process takes some time and energy.

I’ve always thought it was ironic that the people who end up having unwanted babies are free to have kids and more kids. Yet the people who want to adopt those unwanted kids, are subjected to lots of scrutiny before they’re allowed to give the kid a good home. Instead, I say they should scrutinize the people who have kids, but can’t take care of them. And not make adopting a long process.
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you sound like a special man. I think that it is neat that a single man who desires children is willing to step out and do this. God bless you in your efforts.
 
robwar said:
my sister-in-law’s sister lost her husband, they had no kids. she wanted children so she used the life insurance from his death to adopt as a single women two children from Guatemala. A little later, she met someone and he married her with the two kids. One never knows. Having a kid doesn’t neccessarily proclude a marriage later on at all. In fact it does show that one is selfless and willing to go beyond themselves to adopt a child and that should be more of an attraction for marriage than being some older single male that never settled down and never had any responsibilities beyond himself.
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I never said single people should not adopt. But it is a fact that the dynamics change and different issue can arise. As long as the person doing the adopting is aware of it and is willing to accept it, that is OK. But I do think it is a valid point to consider before adopting. I know first hand. My parents though they could not have kids and after they adopt my brother, my mom was pregnant with me. There are challenges
 
chequamegon said:
Maybe I’ll check out www.catholicmatch.com
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Or ask a nice girl out after Mass…🤷 People still talk with a voice box right?

The other thing you can do and maybe you are doing is being very active in the lives of youth. Boys and girls Clubs, Big Bros, Even your Church’s youth programs. I would be very well versed and active in these things before I just thought “I’m going to adopt someone, just me myself and I”… These are not kittens we are talking about. And would you be taking a child from potentially healthy two parent family?

These are just questions. I think your line of thinking is absolutely holy and honorable. But I also think you need to be honest with yourself about what it is you are wanting to do.
 
robwar said:
single men can adopt. Even though it is the best to have both parents, one parent is better than none at all. the best thing to do is start reading books on adoptions. there is also a good magazine called “Adoptive families”. they do cover a number of resources and issues. (I’m an adoptive mom). Here are some questions to ponder: do you want to stay home or adopt international? do you want and infant or young child or are you willing to adopt older? As a single parent, what kind of support system do you have? do you have other sibs or very good friends that can help you or watch the child to get a much needed break? The single parents either male or female that do adopt do have a very strong support system. that is one thing an agency will look for. I’ve read about single men adopting from China, but that was a while ago and I’m not sure if that is still true. Despite what some of the posters said above, single men and women do adopt and maybe this is your call. One parent is better than none. One agency I could recommend is Adoption Associates out of Grand Rapids Mi. I’m not sure what what State you live in but they do work all over and can help. Likewise, you can foster parent to adopt, this can give you a chance to parent a child before it is official. The more you read and educate yourself, the better the adoption experience will be for you. After having been in very poor countries to adopt and seeing the need of so many children in the world that need a parent and a home, there should be no reason for you if you have a strong desire to have a child not to go ahead and pursue it. No one should discourage you just because you are a single man.
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Robwar did you adopt internationally? How much does adoption cost?
 
crystal_waters said:
Robwar did you adopt internationally? How much does adoption cost?
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I did 3 times!. Looking back not sure how it even happen. I won’t go into pricing because that always changes and the 2 countries we went to have closed so it wouldn’t be accurate anyway. It would be better to discuss that with the agencies you are thinking about. International can be a roller coaster ride with many ups and downs and things happen that you have no control over. If someone is telling you it will be quick and easy, that isn’t always true at all. You need nerves of steel and great patients. The last one took 14 months to complete just to give you an idea. I am not trying to scare you but give a realistic picture. All the wait is worth it in the end!
 
chequamegon said:
I’m a single young male, who makes a good living in a professional job. I’ve never been married, and I have no girlfriend or “signifigant other”.

I would like to start a family, and have considered adopting children. I’m very strongly Pro-Life. And I believe that one of the best ways to help reduce the number of aborted children is to help facilitate adoption, and get some of those unwanted babies into loving homes, where they can grow up and be loved. So it has always seemed that adopting one or more children would be a good thing to do someday. I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and it’s just something I would like to do.

But I was wondering what the Church’s stance was, regarding single parents. As a single person with no spouse, how would the church feel about me adopting children?

I know the Church is against gay couples adopting, because they claim that children should be raised in a “nornal” household, which includes a “mom and dad”. So considering this, I wasn’t sure if the church approves of single people being parents, either.

I have the ability to provide a nice life for any children that I adopt. However, the kids just wouldn’t have a “mom”. Unless I happen to meet the right person and get married at a later time.

Any opinions?
Click to expand...
Go for it!!! Somewhere there is a child waiting for a loving father!! Do your research and don’t let the lack of a wife stop you. There are so many children out there that need loving homes and there are many good agencies that will assist you despite your marital status. I know 3 people that did this. One woman has 3, another guy has 2, and one guy adopted 1, got married and adopted 2 more with his wife!!!
Anything is possible with love!!! Go for it!!!
 
chequamegon said:
I’ve always thought it was ironic that the people who end up having unwanted babies are free to have kids and more kids. Yet the people who want to adopt those unwanted kids, are subjected to lots of scrutiny before they’re allowed to give the kid a good home. Instead, I say they should scrutinize the people who have kids, but can’t take care of them. And not make adopting a long process.
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What alternative do you suggest? That certain people some how not be “allowed” to reproduce?! 😦 I ask because that sounds like something an anti-life person would say. I hope we aren’t getting into eugenics territory! :eek:
 
ExGratia said:
What alternative do you suggest? That certain people some how not be “allowed” to reproduce?! 😦 I ask because that sounds like something an anti-life person would say. I hope we aren’t getting into eugenics territory! :eek:
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No, that’s not what I meant at all. I just meant that it’s a shame it takes so many steps to adopt a child, especially considering that people like me only want to provide good homes to kids that need them.

It’s not always wise to get pregnant if you’re not prepared to raise a child. Everybody has a right to have a child, yet there are thousands of abortions in this country every year.

Maybe my choice of words was poor. But I was suggesting that perhaps we could reduce the number of abortions in this country by promoting adoption more. And it seems many people who would like to adopt someday are a little intimidated by all the steps and scrutiny that’s involved.

Nobody said anything about eugenics. I hope you’re not trying to imply something about me. I’m actually hurt that you would suggest I’m in favor of eugenics, when I made absolutely no mention of anything like that.

You think what I say sounds anti-life??

I just signed up for this website about a week ago. I’m sorry, maybe it’s time for me to go. 😦 😦 Sorry everyone.
 
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