Single Parents

[Moore11]

No, that’s not what I meant at all. I just meant that it’s a shame it takes so many steps to adopt a child, especially considering that people like me only want to provide good homes to kids that need them.

It’s not always wise to get pregnant if you’re not prepared to raise a child. Everybody has a right to have a child, yet there are thousands of abortions in this country every year.

Maybe my choice of words was poor. But I was suggesting that perhaps we could reduce the number of abortions in this country by promoting adoption more. And it seems many people who would like to adopt someday are a little intimidated by all the steps and scrutiny that’s involved.

Nobody said anything about eugenics. I hope you’re not trying to imply something about me. I’m actually hurt that you would say that I’m in favor of eugenics, when I made absolutely no mention of anything like that.

You think I’m anti-life??

I just signed up for this website about a week ago. I’m sorry, maybe it’s time for me to go.

Well you probably will need thicker skin to hang around here. But I think it is a valid point. You chose to point out that it is hard to adopt while saying that it is unfair that adoption requires more qualifications than Gods design for procreation. That can only mean 2 things. 1) You think people should not be able to have children who an authority deems unworthy. That is dangerous. Or
2) You think adoptions should be less scrutinized. (Also very dangerous)

I actually think you were venting about how hard it is to adopt rather than making a point. so maybe it was just a poor choice of words and we should move on…

 

[VirtusTransitus]

It’s great that you want kids and are willing to adopt. I salute your intentions.

Single parent families are difficult and not ideal for a lot of reasons. If you are young, maybe be a tad more patient about finding a spouse? Loving and caring for a kiddo with a spouse is so much more rewarding and effective for everyone involved.

I’m not judging single parents. Quite the contrary - I think successful single parents are remarkable, really.

Perhaps there is a legitimate reason you think you’ll never find a spouse to share your parental future with. I obviously can’t comment on that. But if you are simply tired of waiting for your spouse to show up, that’s different IMO. In that case, I’d urge patience.

Raising even a single kid is a contact “sport” and requires teamwork. As someone else said, you’ll need some help - a spouse, siblings, parents, someone.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Do you have anyone else in your life to help? My mom was an amazing single mother for the first 13 or so years of my life. I had the best childhood and despite the fact that we were extremely poor I look back and think that I had the absolute best childhood anyone could have. But my mom had a lot of help from her mom, and my grandmother and I were very close. I spent a lot of time with her and that allowed my mother to finish school and work jobs that required odd hours until she moved up in the company and was able to work 9-5.

One of my favorite movies is ‘Martian Child’. I really think you’d enjoy it. Its about a single man science fiction author who adopts a troubled young boy who thinks he’s from Mars and the issues they face and the struggles they overcome. I love that movie. (The kid is not actually from Mars, there is no alien twist at the end.)

 

[chequamegon]

I actually think you were venting about how hard it is to adopt rather than making a point. so maybe it was just a poor choice of words and we should move on…

You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I’m sorry. I’m not very smart.

 

[Moore11]

You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I’m sorry. I’m not very smart.

I wouldn’t say you aren’t very smart!!! That is an awful thing to think.

as my father might have said. I’m sure you gots plenty of brains, boy!

 

[chequamegon]

I wouldn’t say you aren’t very smart!!! That is an awful thing to think.

as my father might have said. I’m sure you gots plenty of brains, boy!

I said some stupid stuff. Maybe I’m “in over my head”. Before we get too off topic…

It seems to me that the general consensus here is that it’s probably not a good idea for me to adopt. I’m just a single guy, who doesn’t have the support of a spouse. So I think I’ve made up my mind. I don’t think I’ll do it.

I just want to provide a little background information about my why I started this thread in the first place. There is a woman who I work with, who is pregnant and talked about having an abortion. She and I discussed the possibility of me adopting the baby. She wants an abortion unless someone starts the adoption process. No one else is currently interested in adopting the child.

As a single person, I’m doubting whether adopting the child would be a good idea. The kid would have no “mom”. Without the support of a spouse, and the long adoption process, I’m just discouraged. I think I’ll give her a call this evening and tell her how I’m feeling.

Thanks to everyone who expressed an opinion here. You’ve helped me make up my mind.

Good evening and God Bless.

 

[Moore11]

I said some stupid stuff. Maybe I’m “in over my head”. Before we get too off topic…

It seems to me that the general consensus here is that it’s probably not a good idea for me to adopt. I’m just a single guy, who doesn’t have the support of a spouse. So I think I’ve made up my mind. I don’t think I’ll do it.

I just want to provide a little background information about my why I started this thread in the first place. There is a woman who I work with, who is pregnant and talked about having an abortion. She and I discussed the possibility of me adopting the baby. She wants an abortion unless someone starts the adoption process. No one else is currently interested in adopting the child.

As a single person, I’m doubting whether adopting the child would be a good idea. The kid would have no “mom”. Without the support of a spouse, and the long adoption process, I’m just discouraged. I think I’ll give her a call this evening and tell her how I’m feeling.

Thanks to everyone who expressed an opinion here. You’ve helped me make up my mind.

Good evening and God Bless.

Those are some pretty heavy questions you are wrestling with. Heavier than anonymous people on the internet can really help you with…
compared to abortion adoptions by ANYONE is the moral better of the two. But I’ll tell you you are wrong that no one else is interested in the adoption process. There are thousands and thousands of families waiting hoping and praying to adopt. I have 4 kids I am a stay at home homeschooling dad. If your friend is weighing murder with adoption I’ll happily make my family a family of 5 kids. PM me if this is a serious life and death situation.
Bottom line is if the actual choice is kill a baby or you adopt, then why would you even have to think about it…

As a Catholic you need to help your friend and her innocent baby. Perhaps you are called to lead her to a pro life organization in your area or a crisis pregnancy center that can get her some good pro life help. I think many women are scared and really have no idea of the options or the absolute culture of death places like PP provide them.

Intellectually it is a horrible argument. “Adopt or I will kill it.”
She needs help. And more help than you can give her.
PM me to get some good resources in your area if you need to.

How is it that you have not gone to your parish or your priest with this?

 

[ExGratia]

I said some stupid stuff. Maybe I’m “in over my head”. Before we get too off topic…

It seems to me that the general consensus here is that it’s probably not a good idea for me to adopt. I’m just a single guy, who doesn’t have the support of a spouse. So I think I’ve made up my mind. I don’t think I’ll do it.

I just want to provide a little background information about my why I started this thread in the first place. There is a woman who I work with, who is pregnant and talked about having an abortion. She and I discussed the possibility of me adopting the baby. She wants an abortion unless someone starts the adoption process. No one else is currently interested in adopting the child.

As a single person, I’m doubting whether adopting the child would be a good idea. The kid would have no “mom”. Without the support of a spouse, and the long adoption process, I’m just discouraged. I think I’ll give her a call this evening and tell her how I’m feeling.

Thanks to everyone who expressed an opinion here. You’ve helped me make up my mind.

Good evening and God Bless.

I don’t think you should let a group of anonymous posters make your mind up so quickly. I am pretty sure that the process takes less time when it is more of a transaction (horrible word to use, I know) between 2 people. It would, of course, be a VERY open adoption, and I’m not sure what that would do for office/restaurant/factory relations (not sure what field you are in!).

I’m surprised she wouldn’t want to go to an agency and open her pool of perspective parents up a bit. In spite of what you’ve said, there is no such thing as an unwanted, healthy infant. People stay on waiting lists for a loooong time for those. That’s why parents of older children and special needs children are so needed!

Perhaps you could help by researching adoption options in your area and showing her what options she has.

It sounds like your heart is in the right place, but an emotional response to a difficult situation may have clouded your judgment. You may be called to help in a different, although important way.

 

[chequamegon]

I’m surprised she wouldn’t want to go to an agency and open her pool of perspective parents up a bit. In spite of what you’ve said, there is no such thing as an unwanted, healthy infant. People stay on waiting lists for a loooong time for those. That’s why parents of older children and special needs children are so needed!

I’m the one who approached HER about adoption. Adoption actually never crossed her mind. She was open to the idea of me adopting, but isn’t interested in contacting an adoption agency if I don’t. She said she doesn’t want to be “tangled up with a some agency” (her words exactly).

 

[Sarcelle]

Have you considered spiritual fatherhood, like mentoring in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization?

You could start with that.

 

[chequamegon]

Bottom line is if the actual choice is kill a baby or you adopt, then why would you even have to think about it…

At first I thought the answer was obvious. I wanted to adopt.

But in this forum, I think some people have a legitimate concern when thay say it’s rough being a single parent. And especially after today’s tense posts, I just don’t know what to do anymore.

 

[chequamegon]

Have you considered spiritual fatherhood, like mentoring in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization?

You could start with that.

I actually have done something like that, as a volunteer leader for the Boy Scouts.

 

[Moore11]

I’m the one who approached HER about adoption. Adoption actually never crossed her mind. She was open to the idea of me adopting, but isn’t interested in contacting an adoption agency if I don’t. She said she doesn’t want to be “tangled up with a some agency” (her words exactly).

She would rather be tangled up in you? Odd. Something doesn’t quite make sense here.
Again. If she is saying that she would have you adopt or kill a baby AND THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO CHOICES It sounds like you must save a life. But honestly those are not the only two choices. You know it and she knows it. Anyone who would kill a baby or only adopt it to one person that she works with is not sane.
Could she being trying to manipulate you?
Does she want a marriage? What is the father’s situation?
Honestly you post something that is a general question and then drop this specific situation that we know nothing about. In fact your original question does not even make sense with the new information you have posted.
You NEED to help her get the help she needs. If she trusts you to adopt her unborn child she needs to trust you to find her some help.

I think either you are being played or we are being played. But to be charitable it is possible that you and she are just scared and confused and feel pushed into a situation you both are not ready for. If that is the case and she does not want any messy problems. I will flat out adopt the Child myself. Anytime, any day, any amount. A life is precious.

 

[Moore11]

I think many of you are probably right. It might be a good idea to start Fostering some kids, first. Fostering may be a good way to start. And perhaps having experience as a foster parent may increase my chances of being allowed to adopt kids.

I’ll definitely do some research into the adoption process, so I’m prepared to know what to expect.

I know the adoption process takes some time and energy.

I’ve always thought it was ironic that the people who end up having unwanted babies are free to have kids and more kids. Yet the people who want to adopt those unwanted kids, are subjected to lots of scrutiny before they’re allowed to give the kid a good home. Instead, I say they should scrutinize the people who have kids, but can’t take care of them. And not make adopting a long process.

How in the world does this jive with the information you have just given us? You went from a general future adoption to a crisis pregnancy with the threat of abortion?

 

[chequamegon]

How in the world does this jive with the information you have just given us? You went from a general future adoption to a crisis pregnancy with the threat of abortion?

I’m just confused and stressed out.

At first I didn’t want to go into the personal details, so I didn’t. In the end, I don’t know why I did.

 

[chequamegon]

She would rather be tangled up in you? Odd. Something doesn’t quite make sense here.
Again. If she is saying that she would have you adopt or kill a baby AND THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO CHOICES It sounds like you must save a life. But honestly those are not the only two choices. You know it and she knows it. Anyone who would kill a baby or only adopt it to one person that she works with is not sane.
Could she being trying to manipulate you?
Does she want a marriage? What is the father’s situation?
Honestly you post something that is a general question and then drop this specific situation that we know nothing about. In fact your original question does not even make sense with the new information you have posted.
You NEED to help her get the help she needs. If she trusts you to adopt her unborn child she needs to trust you to find her some help.

I think either you are being played or we are being played. But to be charitable it is possible that you and she are just scared and confused and feel pushed into a situation you both are not ready for. If that is the case and she does not want any messy problems. I will flat out adopt the Child myself. Anytime, any day, any amount. A life is precious.

I agree that things don’t seem to be adding up. On the other hand, she’s scared and maybe not thinking clearly. She told me the father was a man she met on a “one-night stand”.

You may be right. I very well could be getting “played”.

This is getting to be too much of a situation for this Forum, and I should speak with a Priest instead. Perhaps I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I just came here for advice on being a single parent, but this discussion is turning into something I didn’t expect it to turn into.

I just need advice from my Priest and let’s leave it at that.

 

[Moore11]

I’m just confused and stressed out.

At first I didn’t want to go into the personal details, so I didn’t. In the end, I don’t know why I did.

why dont you clarify then.

you start by wondering if the same logic applied to homosexual adoption applies to a young man with a good job, then you talked of future adoptions, then you talked of a specific example of a crisis pregnancy, then you were given adequate help and advice only to ignore it and change the parameters of the dilema.
If I didnt know any better I’d say you were trying to debunk Catholic reasoning about homosexual adoptions…

Again. Find her some help. Find yourself some help. Go to your parish and tell us what they say. If all else fails give me a baby to love and nurture in a loving nurturing family with a mom and a dad.

 

[chequamegon]

why dont you clarify then.

you start by wondering if the same logic applied to homosexual adoption applies to a young man with a good job, then you talked of future adoptions, then you talked of a specific example of a crisis pregnancy, then you were given adequate help and advice only to ignore it and change the parameters of the dilema.
If I didnt know any better I’d say you were trying to debunk Catholic reasoning about homosexual adoptions…

Again. Find her some help. Find yourself some help. Go to your parish and tell us what they say. If all else fails give me a baby to love and nurture in a loving nurturing family with a mom and a dad.

OK, I’ll clarify. The reason why I phrased my origional post the way I did was because my father told me that being a single parent is “against God’s plan”, which is something he also says about gay adoptions. That was the root of my question. At the time I wanted to do the adoption for sure, and thinking of what my father said, that’s where I was coming from.

I phrased it as a future scenario, because I didn’t want to get into what I’m dealing with. But I did mention it, and I don’t know why I did, exactly. Maybe I’m just not thinking straight. Like how my co-worker isn’t thinking straight. I’m just stressed out.

I agree with you that help is needed.

 

[chequamegon]

I just wanted to apologize to everyone. I’m in a personal situation that I wasn’t upfront about in my origional post. Perhaps I shouldn’t have come here, but just went straight to my Priest for advice. I’m dealing with some things that are complex, and perhaps would have been best resolved elsewhere. However I appreciate the kind support of everyone who offered it.

I have some family members who are not being supportive and I feel like I’m being attacked at all angles.

At the end of the day, I just want to do whatever is the most moral thing to do. I try to be a good Catholic, but these are difficult times for me and I don’t have many good answers.

I’m just at the “end of my rope” and I hope you understand.

 

[robwar]

I just wanted to apologize to everyone. I’m in a personal situation that I wasn’t upfront about in my origional post. Perhaps I shouldn’t have come here, but just went straight to my Priest for advice. I’m dealing with some things that are complex, and perhaps would have been best resolved elsewhere. However I appreciate the kind support of everyone who offered it.

I have some family members who are not being supportive and I feel like I’m being attacked at all angles.

At the end of the day, I just want to do whatever is the most moral thing to do. I try to be a good Catholic, but these are difficult times for me and I don’t have many good answers.

I’m just at the “end of my rope” and I hope you understand.

don’t worry about it. Usually and I think unfairly, single guys might face more of an uphill battle than single women. It seems like society will judge a single man that want children and willing to adopt as some kind of secret pervert. This is unfair and untrue. Your dad is just stating silly stereotypes and some of the posts here are coming from well meaning and uninformed. The co-worker who is pregnant should look at an agency. there are adoption lawyers that will set up adoption like she is thinking but and agency will give counsel and support that she needs to make this big and difficult decision. This also comes from stereotypes society has about adoption agencies and any one making an adoption plan for their child SHOULD get counseling. She would also need to get the father to sign off as well, (based on what state you are in and their laws). Again, instead of listening to uninformed posters or family and friends, please read up about adoption and single parents. There are many support groups, books and info for you. Being a single parent is very challenging but the successful ones usually have a supportive and involved family and friends. Take a deep breath, you will be ok.