Single People = Invisible?

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To McKrackin:
And what about singles looking the Roman Catholic Church to be their spiritual family, extended spiritual family or otherwise? Is that a lie, too? That we should only be Catholic one day a week, and be un-Catholic the other six days? Of the sacraments dispensed by the Church, singles are by definition excluded from one of them unless they are fortunate enough to find a mate. What, pray tell, does that have to do with “loneliness”?

I believe the original post, should you feel compelled to detract or hijack or otherwise interject your own agenda into this thread, was about how singles seem to be “invisible” in our Church. Loneliness is a non sequitur. Married people, who by definition if they were married in the Church and enjoyed the blessings of a sacrament that some singles may never get to know, are clearly treated differently. When a married man or a married woman raises his or her hand to say, “Hey there! I’m here! Look over here! Here I am!,” nobody treats them like a second-class citizen and tells them to deal with it. Their concerns are acknowledged and addressed seriously. Yet, a single Catholic can express those exact same concerns and it either falls on deaf ears or is pooh-pooh’d away with a laundry list of insinuations and stereotypes. It’s a double standard any way you look at it: Single Catholics are treated differently.

It’s not about “me.” It’s not about “I.” It’s about how “we,” all of us, treat our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I’m a little confused as to why that’s such a foreign or threatening concept.
 
McKrackin said:
Everyone: I find it very interesting that so many people share this same single element of loneliness. What does this mean about us; about society and how we have evolved? So many of my sad and depressing days can be traced back to this little emotional splinter that if I could find a cure for it, I would honestly know the feeling of true happiness because it is the single thing that prevents me from seeing the beauty in the world more than half of the time.

Going through this same issue of loneliness you all seem to experience, I have found that my faith in God has dissolved into hatred for religion and whatever is responsible for the creation of everything we call “existence”. I often watch people who get prepared for church on Sundays and think to myself that it must be Halloween again as these people are amongst the majority who have never truly searched their souls for answers, but instead, keep repeating the same mistakes only to believe that the mistakes they made throughout the prior week can simply be erased with one little 10-second whisper to the air with their eyes closed underneath the roof of a building that has stained glass on every “Sabbath”. These same people almost always lack critical social skills necessary to live 45 minutes away from their family or friends, have never lived on their own and know little about how to tackle problems in their lives without the help of someone else beside them. Oops, maybe my bitterness for these people just broke the lip padlock, but am I alone in thinking this way? It’s not that I hate these people, but often times, I instead feel sorry for them and detest them at the same time because while they have something I do not (harmony, friends and family that are worth being with on a day-to-day basis), they also lack something that I have which is the realization that their beliefs are simply based on lies.
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I’ve honestly felt the same way: how is it possible that people can profess to worship and follow the teachings of a God Who became a man and rubbed shoulders with people of all walks of life – from prostitutes and tax collectors to rich men and government officials – and yet they fail to emulate His love for all these people? Christ might have corrected the people He met when they needed correction and He definitely taught them how to live a better life, but He didn’t tell them who to be. I’ve embraced my singlehood. I am content with it; my problem is the people who let themselves be defined by their marital status and/or reproductive history and who expect the same of me.
 
Perhaps the point of this entire thread is “stigma”. How many of us has experienced a stigma from being…

single (whether wanted or not)
lonely (for whatever reason or just “there”)
unhappily married
forcibly divorced (this one is awful :sad_yes: )
infertile while married
spacing babies while married
having lots of children while married
disabled (one or more)
ill with AIDS/illness that shows up on skin
balding
getting older
depressed
suicidal
wanting to do something nice for our Lord
expressing interest in Religious Life
wanting to dress more modestly
wanting to veil
a woman (insert attitudes by men)
a man (insert attitudes by women)
born with both genders
homosexual (not talking about the “act”)
wanting to try out an EF Mass
codependent people
poor people
homeless people
coloured people
learned/speak/know other languages
would rather only take natural medicine
etc.

This list would obviously get exhaustive. But stigma is something I think the Church could and should eradicate. If you think stigma is worth discussing since it would explain the OP’s issue, I’ll open a topic on it; just not sure where to put it.
 
Hi Country Singer,

I think you should try a different parish. By your comments, it does not sound like you are happy there and they are making you lose focus on why you go to church and volunteer.

You shouldn’t stop volunteering or participating in the Church. Don’t punish God.
God bless you and I hope you find a new church soon.

I am single too and feel left out at times, until I realized perhaps I am supposed oto be single and do my part from this end.

God bless.
 
Thank you. your post helped me. I like being Catholic just have a hard time fitting in the Catholic church. I like your perspective on being single – I will continue to search for a Catholic church - one post mentioned one without kids school as an idea. I will continue as I want a Catholic church and not another denomination. I recently have been doing my estate planning and looking at Little Brothers which is a non profit to help elderly with community - think I will volunteer here - areas that speak to my heart. And continue my search for a Catholic church – maybe I was trying to hard to have everything under one roof 🙂 (Catholic church, community, volunteer …)
 
So many things on this list apply to my situation:
seremina said:
Perhaps the point of this entire thread is “stigma”. How many of us has experienced a stigma from being…

single (whether wanted or not) (Check)
lonely (for whatever reason or just “there”) (Check)
unhappily married
forcibly divorced (this one is awful :sad_yes: )
infertile while married
spacing babies while married
having lots of children while married
disabled (one or more) (Check)
ill with AIDS/illness that shows up on skin
balding
getting older
depressed (Check)
suicidal (Check)
wanting to do something nice for our Lord (Check)
expressing interest in Religious Life
wanting to dress more modestly
wanting to veil
a woman (insert attitudes by men) (Check)
a man (insert attitudes by women)
born with both genders
homosexual (not talking about the “act”)
wanting to try out an EF Mass
codependent people
poor people (Check - sort of)
homeless people
coloured people
learned/speak/know other languages
would rather only take natural medicine (Check)
etc.

This list would obviously get exhaustive. But stigma is something I think the Church could and should eradicate. If you think stigma is worth discussing since it would explain the OP’s issue, I’ll open a topic on it; just not sure where to put it.
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More that could be added:

Separated/divorced (even for a good reason, such as abuse, adultery, or a spouse just being immature or unrealistic about married life)

Wanting to dress more casually but within reason

Sinful mistakes made in ones past

Education or lack thereof

The kind of job you work at or the number of hours you work (I work grocery retail, and I get people asking me “When are you going to get a real job?”)

Housing status, such as living with ones parents because it’s more economical (another thing I hear all too often: “When are you going to get your own place, MR?” And the cheapest apartments I’ve come across are studio apartments with a remote shared bathroom, in a crime-infested part of town)

I think we do need a separate thread on stigmas in general. It’s almost depressing to think of how many things people deal with cause them to get treated the way the lepers were, at least emotionally.
 
Norseman82 said:
The other thing is that many (if not the vast majority!) singles do indeed want to be married and have families, but it is hard to find a compatible Catholic spouse in this rotten world. Instead of addressing this issue, many in the Church speak to us condescendingly about how it OK to be single or fault us for seeking marriage as though marriage was some crime. How about just once someone write an intention “for all single people having a hard time finding spouses”?
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I’ve also noticed that kind of vibe from some individuals in the church as well. Last time I checked marriage is a sacrament of the church too. Another great example of why to put full trust in God and not in man.:cool:
 
It seems that there are a lot of stigmas in the church. This is so horribly sad.

I am married, but currently spacing births. This is a horrific limbo as well. It seems like the only way to be adequately recognised as married in my parish is to have a gaggle of kids following you. Not only do you have to deal with the pain of not being able to have a child at the moment, but you get to listen to how the properly married have kids, how selfish couples are the ones NOT to have kids, and then there is the assumption that anyone who can space births for 2 years must be contracepting sinfully! grrr!

All this while your biological clock is ticking away, and you’re waiting for God to give you the green light…
 
Whitacre_Girl said:
It seems that there are a lot of stigmas in the church. This is so horribly sad.

I am married, but currently spacing births. This is a horrific limbo as well. It seems like the only way to be adequately recognised as married in my parish is to have a gaggle of kids following you. Not only do you have to deal with the pain of not being able to have a child at the moment, but you get to listen to how the properly married have kids, how selfish couples are the ones NOT to have kids, and then there is the assumption that anyone who can space births for 2 years must be contracepting sinfully! grrr!

All this while your biological clock is ticking away, and you’re waiting for God to give you the green light…
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Adopt, end of story there.
 
McKrackin said:
Everyone: I find it very interesting that so many people share this same single element of loneliness. What does this mean about us; about society and how we have evolved? So many of my sad and depressing days can be traced back to this little emotional splinter that if I could find a cure for it, I would honestly know the feeling of true happiness because it is the single thing that prevents me from seeing the beauty in the world more than half of the time.

Going through this same issue of loneliness you all seem to experience, I have found that my faith in God has dissolved into hatred for religion and whatever is responsible for the creation of everything we call “existence”. I often watch people who get prepared for church on Sundays and think to myself that it must be Halloween again as these people are amongst the majority who have never truly searched their souls for answers, but instead, keep repeating the same mistakes only to believe that the mistakes they made throughout the prior week can simply be erased with one little 10-second whisper to the air with their eyes closed underneath the roof of a building that has stained glass on every “Sabbath”. These same people almost always lack critical social skills necessary to live 45 minutes away from their family or friends, have never lived on their own and know little about how to tackle problems in their lives without the help of someone else beside them. Oops, maybe my bitterness for these people just broke the lip padlock, but am I alone in thinking this way? It’s not that I hate these people, but often times, I instead feel sorry for them and detest them at the same time because while they have something I do not (harmony, friends and family that are worth being with on a day-to-day basis), they also lack something that I have which is the realization that their beliefs are simply based on lies.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, this person may have been banned from this place for saying what I’m sure many others feel, but are afraid to say here. The underlying theme behind it, with those that have found their mate, do NOT take it for granted, the frustrating part I see is where couples are tearing each other down, and you as a single person are agast as to how too often people throw away such a precious gift simply because they have no real appreciation for it in the first place, and the reality is, often they cannot stand on their own, by themselves.

The elaboration on the quote, I have to admit takes the expression too far, but to be honest, you have no idea how painful it is when the subject and context, both in scripture and in the church, when it comes to discussing anything and the story line revolves around your mate, like us single people are supposed to be able to relate, falls so short.

The part that takes away the steam of it all, in life, both physical and spiritual, no matter what you do in this life, no matter how great of an accomplishment you have achieved, no matter how much wealth you have, no matter how many people you help, no matter how much in line with living your life the way God wants you to, it all eventually falls flat on it’s face, entirely because there is nobody there to share it with. I can literally win every lottery on the planet at once, make world peace, end hunger, end disease, singlehandedly, it still would be absolutely meaningless in the end, and that’s the sad truth to it all and I know I am not alone with this statement.

When you have been single too long, life does lose it’s meaning, you end up feeling like an outcast, how can you not when everybody around you either is engaged, or married, or still growing up, and you remain single, it’s simply not possible to truly fit in because it’s all geared towards married couples and their families. This goes for all churches Catholic and Protestant alike, we have been left behind, no wonder so many end up getting married to non believers, there simply are no other options.

I hope within the next few weeks I finally get out of this nightmare, I have something lined up I so hope works, it’s a long shot, but this is all I have, if it doesn’t work out, I will simply account it as one of life’s cruel lessons and will be par for the course and I will be totally and completely done with even attempting to find anyone of quality within the church at all, end of game, end of story forever.
 
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