Single People: What Qualities Do You Look For?

  • Thread starter Thread starter joshvanrad
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

joshvanrad

Guest
What qualities do you look for in a person of the opposite sex? What sorts of things do you find attractive and what draws you into another person? What are some defining qualities that you absolutely will not settle on when looking for that future Mr. or Mrs. Someone?

Joshua
 
joshvanrad said:
What qualities do you look for in a person of the opposite sex? What sorts of things do you find attractive and what draws you into another person? What are some defining qualities that you absolutely will not settle on when looking for that future Mr. or Mrs. Someone?

Joshua
Click to expand...
A lot about what I find attractive in a guy has certainly changed over the years. But I can say that I’ve always found a basic decency/goodness exuding from a strong man to be thoroughly effective in hooking me quite successfully . It’s quite strange, I don’t know how to put it, but let us just say that there’s a certain sense of someone’s fundamental goodness that manifests itself in little ways. When it comes from a strong, responsible, independent man, it’s the most irresistible thing in the world to me. 😉

Peace.
 
Well, there is always the Catholic faith aspect. I used to be naive enough to believe that as long as they were a good, practicing Catholic, physically attractive to me, and had at least a few things in common with me, that’d be enough. Was I EVER wrong.

Now I generally look for a certain type of emotional maturity I rarely see in people. I need an abstract thinker as well, otherwise we can’t communicate…they need to be a romantic.

Basically, I couldn’t date an unemotional engineer type person…
 
Well as a 19 year old male college student, who is also a strong Catholic, I look for quite a few things. However, I’ve found out more recently that there’s not really an exact match to the list. I think I need to lower my expectations. 😛
  • Catholic (Dedicated, Accepts Churches Teachings, etc.)
  • Not Too Shy, but Not Overly Talkative
  • Decently Attractive
  • Cute Hair (I’m a hair guy)
  • Someone who would be a good spouse
  • Someone who would be a good mother
Not necessarily criteria, but these are basically the main qualities I look for.
 
First off I want a man who is a devout Catholic, i.e Mass every Sunday or Saturday evening/night, regular confession ( I won’t determine what regular is for anyone but more than once or twice a year), a personal prayer life (church must not be the only time you spend time with God). Daily Mass attendance and regular adoration or time in front of the Blessed Sacrament would be appreciated but not a deal breaker, availability and other circumstances will be taken into consideration.

When I eat out or at work I say grace, I am kind of shy and reserved so I don’t like to call attention to myself, I am also looking for someone willing and able to say grace in public (I know many who won’t even quietly).

Someone who loves kids and wants a large family, I am willing to settle for 5 kids but I really want more.

Someone open to discussion on all decisions and open to compromise. Although I want a lot of kids so right now I am open to continuing to work once that works for our family but that could also change so I want someone who is flexible where needed.

Someone open and always striving for personal and spiritual growth, we all start our journey at different points and get there from different paths. It is not place to judge your past only accept or reject but if you continue to wallow in it or go back or waffle then that is what I have a problem with. If you are striving to be better than, you have left what you need to leave behind and are keeping your heart, mind and actions on the cross then there may be something there for us.

Someone outgoing and fun, two shy people will get nowhere or get there in the next millennium. Plus I maybe shy but once we get to know each other I like to talk and I also like to try new things so I want to share his hobbies (as long as it does not involve guns or ice fishing or any fishing that involves sitting in a boat in the middle a lake in the cold early morning before the sun has the good sense to show it face but the mosquitoes are all present and accounted for).

Someone over 5’9", I’m a little traditional that way and prefer my guy to be taller than me although I don’t mind someone who is the same height.

Someone who can and will give himself totally, freely, faithfully and fruitfully in marriage.
 
  • I have to be attracted to her physically
  • She must be a catholic following the beliefs of the church. It would be nice if she attended mass daily, but I don’t require that.
  • She must be committed to the idea of a relationship and realize that it isn’t some sort of game.
  • She must be able to hold a conversation with me and she should have some good communication skills to build off of in order to make the relationship work.
  • It would be really nice if she had a strong interest in music and instruments.
  • She must be family oriented in order to fulfill a commitment as a mother, wife, and relative.
  • She must be able to deal with problems that arise in daily life and in the relationship. It is terrible being with someone who just avoids working on the problem.
Those are probably the key points I am looking for.
 
I remember seeing a video on youtube, it was a Catholic single’s type of conference and the speaker give a good quote from Galatians 5:22-24 on the fruit’s of the spirit. Essentially the fruit’s of the spirit is** love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control**. It goes on to say “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with it’s passions and desires. If we live by the spirit let us also be guided by the spirit” I think therefore this is and should be what Catholic’s should desire. Secularist’s however may contain many good characteristic’s the same as Catholic’s however because they are godless they can not ground them on anything truthful. This mean’s their spirit is more likely to be aroused and drift with the world
 
I first typed a long narrative that I subsequently deleted. Basically:

– Catholic belief and action (not an absolute deal-breaker but hard to imagine connecting on the right level otherwise); and definitely pro-life;
– subjective attractiveness (being attractive to me) in terms of an overall feel, which is something I can’t give you clear rules for—a tall, lanky girl between 5’7’’ and 6’’ with a specific face and proud of bearing (or radiating goodness or wisdom) is likely to be at least moderately attractive to me but I can’t tell you anything more exact, nor do all the ladies I’ve been attracted to or even pursuing fit this description;
– kindness, good manners, positive disposition, warmth, ability to rein in silliness and to keep composure, dignity, chastity, lack of vulgarity, decorum;
– goodness of heart;
– appreciation of beauty as opposed to a fascination with ugliness; this includes preferring to dress or act pretty rather than ugly (as in not consciously or subconsciously making a point of ugliness as some of the current fashion lines do);
– honesty, trustworthiness;
– ability to smile and be cheerful, and ability to understand sadness (without which happiness and cheerfulness probably can’t fully be understood);
– intelligence and learning but without looking down on those who have less of it;
– no looking at other people as servants or minions to be manipulated;
– no regarding men as a lesser race (this features in some women’s upbringing);
– no wanting to dominate or manipulate the life partner (and I don’t mean just a strong personality or merely being persuasive or fast-talking through an issue, or batting the lashes once in a while; I mean building a consistent and structured balance of power based on domination or manipulation);
– belief that a happy marriage is possible, realistic and a reasonable goal to follow, and willingness to follow it—as opposed to viewing marriage as necessarily a source of misery that has to go through in order to have children (at the cost of suffering a mentally semi-divorced no good of a spouse);
– a positive message, not being negative all the time;
– charm (romance doesn’t really arise from pertinent matter-of-fact discussion, as much as I respect and long for that ability);
– empathy, genuine care and respect for the other person, wishing and desiring good for another human being, including for a relationship partner;
– ability to resist irrational, self-destructive and relationship-destroying urges such as having a one night stand on a whim or cheating out of fear of commitment;
– ability to rein in anger, especially name calling or insults (a generic “you bastard” or even “you idiot” is one thing, a tailored insult is a totally different cup of fish);
– good quality of language used and good command of one’s native language; occasional mistakes are one thing but there are limits; in turn, I very much appreciate beautiful expression, it is something to impress me with;
– I actually have trouble connecting with someone who won’t have a coffee or a drink with me (or especially someone who will have neither);
– sharing my interests is helpful, as hopelessly scattered as they are, I need this to connect; on the other hand I’d love to hear about different ones.

I sometimes talk or write long. Ability to tolerate this is probably required for mental stability. Listening isn’t necessary but ability to put up a decent pretence of doing is helpful.
 
Note: I am not single.

That said, I think more people should look for:

–A good heart/“basic goodness;”

–Steadiness reflective of solidity and maturity, evidenced by, for example, ability to hold down a job without many job changes;

–Common sense/street smarts, reflective of “not being an airhead;”

–Sense regarding money. All of Chevalier’s good qualities, in a young woman, will nonetheless be VERY difficult to take if she 1) always spends 100% of her paycheck; 2) on shoes and nothing else.

–In a woman, someone who is productive and industrious, and can hold her own in a man’s world. How does that translate? I know 2 married lawyers. Lawyer A is married to a professional woman, who is smart, industrious, and respected in her place of employment. She’s “married to a lawyer.” Lawyer B is married to a lady who, while reasonably nice, would be lost without hubby. She’s “a lawyer’s wife.” There’s a HUGE difference. IMHO there are just sooooo many women out there who are just way, way too happy to let hubby take the lead in life and just go along for the ride. IMHO, that’s a pretty poor recipe for a nice marriage.
 
Wow…I never thought of that, I was always one of those “just wow me” guys and I knew what I wanted, but never made a list…I guess.
  • Someone attractive (very general, any body type, hair, eye color…though I’m a sucker for very colorful eyes like green and blue and the curvier body type)
  • Someone who has a good sense of humor
  • Someone who is mature (big importance)
  • Someone who is intelligent (not into the whole “What? what?” from women)
  • Good Finances (One of the number one reasons for divorces is poor financial management)
  • Compassion and Tenderness (great qualities for a mother)
  • Be able to be a good mother
  • Sense of adventure (I want a girl who’s open to the idea of "hey let’s just get in the car and drive and see where it takes us)
  • Curiosity (a big turn on I love women who are just as curious of trying new things as I am)
  • Someone who can carry on a conversation (not someone who talks too much, or doesn’t talk at all)
  • Devout Christian (though now I’m thinking about being a Catholic…definitely a devout Catholic)
  • NO TATTOOS! PERIOD! :tsktsk:
Really I guess you can say it’s more of the personality than anything…the first girl I fell in love with was by all means a Plain Jane and I mean she was plain plain plain…plain in just about every way…not ugly but definitely no physical attributes that stick out…however her personality and character I fell head over heels…and strangely all of those deficiencies in her beauty melted away and I was attracted to her physically as well…I was dating models and all I wanted to do was be with the plain Jane.

So all a lady needs to do is win my heart over…don’t worry about looks that much because my heart will make me attracted to you physically.
 
I forgot the finance bit! She MUST be able to finance as I am very fiscally conservative!
 
joshvanrad said:
I forgot the finance bit! She MUST be able to finance as I am very fiscally conservative!
Click to expand...
And so do a lot of other singles getting married 😃

“Awww honey I’m so happy we’re married, by the way…do you have $300 I have a student loan payment to make tomorrow…what? WHAT! You need $240 from me because you have a credit card debt payment tomorrow?”
 
chevalier said:
Is that a fancy way to say penny pincher? 😛
Click to expand...
lol Not at all. I like to spend a lot too! But I have been extremely financially blessed and I have learned how to manage my money and to be motivated to work…

so I am looking for another person who knows how to manage money and is motivated to work.
 
joshvanrad said:
lol Not at all. I like to spend a lot too! But I have been extremely financially blessed and I have learned how to manage my money and to be motivated to work…

so I am looking for another person who knows how to manage money and is motivated to work.
Click to expand...
It might possible work out for you with a girl who’s clueless as to finance or management but is simply not a careless spender, since your talents should be enough for the both of you! Just saying. 😉
 
chevalier said:
It might possible work out for you with a girl who’s clueless as to finance or management but is simply not a careless spender, since your talents should be enough for the both of you! Just saying. 😉
Click to expand...
I think Josh as I am are saying exactly that. We want a wife that’s not going to cause money troubles by constantly getting into debt, putting superficial things like shoes above say saving for retirement or the children’s college education.
 
Does it ever seem like asking these things, which I would normally think are fairly reasonable, are too much to ask for?

I feel like the choices that fit into these categories just keep getting slimmer. Like value, morals, and faith are just gone.
 
joshvanrad said:
Does it ever seem like asking these things, which I would normally think are fairly reasonable, are too much to ask for?

I feel like the choices that fit into these categories just keep getting slimmer. Like value, morals, and faith are just gone.
Click to expand...
I think there’s a fine line between asking too much and asking too little. I think some of us really want a wife badly and as a result we tend to get very lax with our standards and end up in a marriage that we struggle with and ends up faltering. However some ask way too much and end up finding no one.

I think one need’s to be open that they might not find a woman that fits 100% of the criteria but if she can fit 100% of the very important stuff and 75% overall…then that’s a home-run in my opinion. I also think that women can change and so for example if she has terrible money management but wants to stop but doesn’t know how? Then that shouldn’t be a disqualifer, perhaps she really doesn’t know and if she’s open to join you in a plan to get the money problems solved then that will be a great marriage.

Speaking for myself, I don’t just want a wife that fits the categories I’ve listed, I don’t just want a lover, a mother, a child, a brother, a sinner…Oh wait I got that song in my head 😛

I want a wife who’s going to help me grow and teach me things that will help me overcome my difficulties and problems in life…someone who will open my eyes to new things. Someone that will help me evolve into a better person.
 
As a single guy, what I look for (I should say NOW look for lol) in a girlfriend are the following:

-Accepting (and even hopefully sharing) of my Catholic faith.
-Loves the same music as I do (The Beatles, Cat Stevens, The Byrds, etc.) 👍
-Does not rush to judgement/doesn’t judge and stereotype much, if at all.
-Tries her best to help a friend or boyfriend or family member, etc. in times of distress (like providing moral support, someone to talk to in confidence, etc.) :console:
-Would like to travel to/live in the same places as I do. I’m talking about YOU, Boston ❤️
-Has a genuine, pleasant, kind, cheerful personality 👋
-Makes me want to be around her/with literally all the time
-Doesn’t like to fight/tries to resolve any conflicts civily
-Someone who helps me grow in faith, in intellect, and is there for me (as I would her) when times are hard.
-Someone who makes me feel special and loved :blushing:
-Someone who (if we were married, of course) would enjoy having a very good sex life 😉
and last, but not least,
-Someone who is beautiful and attractive in their own special way, regardless of weight, height, etc. I believe the most beautiful in the world are those who take pride in their appearance, but don’t try to make themselves look “hot”. A pleasant personality makes anyone hotter IMO :love:

That pretty much does it for me 🙂
 
iHeartThe60s said:
-Someone who is beautiful and attractive in their own special way, regardless of weight, height, etc. I believe the most beautiful in the world are those who take pride in their appearance, but don’t try to make themselves look “hot”. A pleasant personality makes anyone hotter IMO :love:

That pretty much does it for me 🙂
Click to expand...
Yes I too can look past pretty much anything (except tattoos which sadly most women I’ve seen have :() if she takes pride in her appearance and of course a great personality makes any woman really hot.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top