Single People: What Qualities Do You Look For?

[onjac]

What I look for:

• someone who’s genuinely good
• someone who’s honest but considerate enough to understand how his words or actions would affect the other’s feelings
• someone who acts with compassion and kindness
• someone who’s willing to open his heart and can appreciate other people/things
• humility, a bit down-to-earth and can laugh at himself
• intelligence and curiosity
• someone who has a good grasp of who he is and self control
• someone who has an inner strength to him
• someone who doesn’t take me (or others) for granted; reaches out to other people when they reach out to him
• someone who loves life

Physical appearance isn’t too relevant to me as long as I like the guy.

 

[Bezant]

What qualities do you look for in a person of the opposite sex? What sorts of things do you find attractive and what draws you into another person? What are some defining qualities that you absolutely will not settle on when looking for that future Mr. or Mrs. Someone?

Joshua

Attractive. I couldn’t say I could find anyone attractive, even if she is to others. She should have at least an average-looking face and body, clear skin (sorry, I can’t stand acne), nice smile (white, straight, full lips); she should at least dress smart and take good care of herself.
Good humour.
Intelligent, not only in terms of education but also common sense.
Generous.
God-fearing, though not necessarily a Christian.
She should have good terms with her family.
Tact and respect–knowing when to say something, and when not to, is a virtue IMO, and a pre-req for relationships and friendships.
Ambitious and confident outside of a relationship.

 

[erine]

This thread has so many helpful thoughts. My ideal man would…

Be Catholic. Obviously. And really practicing, too.

Be devoted to Christ. That should go without saying regarding the above, but I’ve learned that someone might have a career and attitude that seem totally devoted to Christ and yet be living in a way that doesn’t reflect that. Whereas someone else might be more subtle and less outspoken about it, but live his life in a way that is truly Christian. So I look at actions more than words.

Intellectual and abstract in his thinking, as well as creative and nonsensical at times (in the fun, harmless way.) I click more with people like this than someone more focused on tangible things. And he has to like music, especially some of the older classical stuff I like.

Would be the leader in the marriage and willing to do that, someone I could look up to and get guidance from. We would help each other grow but he would be quietly confident and know he is in charge, without feeling the need to prove it.

And I would want someone who is attracted to me but doesn’t base his opinion of me on looks alone. I don’t mean to say he just acts like my appearance isn’t there or something, because I know how visual men are. But the point is he should know me as a person and find me beautiful for that, not just outer appearances. He would definitely be attracted to me of course.

Would desire to have a wife stay at home and raise children.

Strong and loyal!

Taller than I am, just how it goes.

The maturity and wisdom that comes from having overcome challenges. The kind of person who doesn’t give up at hard times.

Someone who could stand for the truth even if the whole world disagreed; integrity

Believes in love

Probably would like thinking about theology, etc

Most of all it would be whoever God chose for me
I guess that’s all for now

 

[erine]

Does it ever seem like asking these things, which I would normally think are fairly reasonable, are too much to ask for?

I feel like the choices that fit into these categories just keep getting slimmer. Like value, morals, and faith are just gone.

Maybe on our own abilities, but with God anything is possible and if he has called you to marriage he will definitely bring someone who you don’t have to lower your standards for.

 

[Bezant]

Does it ever seem like asking these things, which I would normally think are fairly reasonable, are too much to ask for?

It used to; I used to be willing to put up with anything from a girl short of the extreme, but not anymore. People tell me that I’ll never find someone with my expectations, and I tell them, I’m only looking for one. You’ll certainly find someone, keeping your options too open, but you have to be prepared for a higher failure rate. Our way is not the easy way but it is the safer way and more wholesome.

I feel like the choices that fit into these categories just keep getting slimmer. Like value, morals, and faith are just gone.

I tend to think that people look in the wrong places, and the wrong way.

 

[UntimelyGiggles]

A proverbs 31 man.

 

[joshvanrad]

Maybe on our own abilities, but with God anything is possible and if he has called you to marriage he will definitely bring someone who you don’t have to lower your standards for.

True story.

Thanks,
Joshua

 

[Marybeloved]

Does it ever seem like asking these things, which I would normally think are fairly reasonable, are too much to ask for?

I feel like the choices that fit into these categories just keep getting slimmer. Like value, morals, and faith are just gone.

Maybe on our own abilities, but with God anything is possible and if he has called you to marriage he will definitely bring someone who you don’t have to lower your standards for.

Josh & Erine,

You’re right- sometimes our lists can be unreasonable- but it all depends on where we are right now and where God intends to take us in future. I recently went through a spiritual, emotional (horrendous) experience that taught me experentially, down to my very core, this one truth in a way that nothing ever could. “I truly don’t know what is good for me.”

We sometimes say these things in prayer without believing them, ut we assume a lot. Just think about it- You don’t know what your future will be five minutes from now, you’re not in tomorrow, next year, or decades in the future- You have no idea what sorts of challenges are laid in store for you, what problems- How could you possibly know who exactly is suited to be with you through those times? God knows so much more- and we truly know nothing! No matter how much we convince ourselves we do in our plans and lists of future situations not yet manifest.

For example, perhaps God wants to help you grow in holiness by sending you a challenged child, and you might need a more caring, self-sacrificing, service-oriented wife than a money-manager, right? Perhaps you will go through a devastating experience and will need a spiritual-soul mate to walk with through it all, right?

I know for sure that God will not send you anyone without a significant fault in one area or the other- How exactly will you learn true self-sacrifice, compromise, true love when you are never challenged to exercise charity, patience, tolerance, prudence in your intimate life? Also, those people simply do not exist on this Planet .

So you don’t have necessarily to lower your standards- But you may have to alter your perspective. Marriage is not so much about getting something you want- it’s a path to holiness, so our priority as single Catholics should be to intensify our focus on God, Eucharist, rosary, prayer- For God’s sake alone! To seek him and his will for you, then God will arrange your life for you. But our conviction of our own wisdom will be dashed against the rocks of disappointment when we choose something or someone we perceive as possessing all these qualities we list for ourselves only to discover late that we have committed the biggest blunder of our lives. We have a problem believing that God’s will really is the absolute best thing for us, we are afraid deep down that he may want for us what we don’t want for ourselves- The goodness of God’s will, this is what we must convince ourselves of. Be convinced that you don’t and can’t know for yourself what you really need and what is good for you, then trust and struggle to trust God alone, who knows exactly what you need and just what is good for you, then concentrate on your relationship with him and seek his will for you. That’s my plan- But of course, it’s much easier said than done .

Peace.

 

[UntimelyGiggles]

Josh & Erine,
So you don’t have necessarily to lower your standards- But you may have to alter your perspective. Marriage is not so much about getting something you want- it’s a path to holiness, so our priority as single Catholics should be to intensify our focus on God, Eucharist, rosary, prayer- For God’s sake alone! To seek him and his will for you, then God will arrange your life for you.

There should be ‘like’ buttons in here. Haha, but really, well said Marybeloved. Well said.

 

[austenbosten]

Josh & Erine,

So you don’t have necessarily to lower your standards- But you may have to alter your perspective. Marriage is not so much about getting something you want- it’s a path to holiness, so our priority as single Catholics should be to intensify our focus on God, Eucharist, rosary, prayer- For God’s sake alone! To seek him and his will for you, then God will arrange your life for you. But our conviction of our own wisdom will be dashed against the rocks of disappointment when we choose something or someone we perceive as possessing all these qualities we list for ourselves only to discover late that we have committed the biggest blunder of our lives…Be convinced that you don’t and can’t know for yourself what you really need and what is good for you, then trust and struggle to trust God alone, who knows exactly what you need and just what is good for you, then concentrate on your relationship with him and seek his will for you. That’s my plan- But of course, it’s much easier said than done .

Peace.

Yes very well said, but I believe God can utilize you in an infinite number of ways to accomplish the things He has in store for you. Having said that, the idea of “lowering expectations” I say…“What’s wrong with an open mind?”

I for one would love my ideal wife to be very voluptuous and curvy…however perhaps God will send me a more slender woman simply because well maybe He thinks that I will objectify my wife if she’s very buxom, or maybe He will send me exactly what I ask for either way I think it’s the idea of having a woman (or husband, sorry ladies I’m a guy and I speak for myself) that will serve me spiritually and physically and No this is not some misogynist thing of “Hey Woman! Go fetch me a sandwich.” I would be serving her too and together we’d be serving God.

Some of the women here I have to laugh, I love the “He must be tall” I can understand things like tattoos, bad skin, poor hygiene, appearance…because these are things that can be changed (or avoided in my case) however a poor short guy can’t magically grow himself. Man feel pity for the short guys…absolutely little love for them from the ladies…I guess that’s why they either become neurotic national leaders who marry celebrities like Nick Sarkozy, or have wild escapades like Silvio Berlosconi, or just have a Napoleonic attitude about dominating an entire people like Vlad Putin.

 

[erine]

Josh & Erine,

You’re right- sometimes our lists can be unreasonable- but it all depends on where we are right now and where God intends to take us in future. I recently went through a spiritual, emotional (horrendous) experience that taught me experentially, down to my very core, this one truth in a way that nothing ever could. “I truly don’t know what is good for me.”

We sometimes say these things in prayer without believing them, ut we assume a lot. Just think about it- You don’t know what your future will be five minutes from now, you’re not in tomorrow, next year, or decades in the future- You have no idea what sorts of challenges are laid in store for you, what problems- How could you possibly know who exactly is suited to be with you through those times? God knows so much more- and we truly know nothing! No matter how much we convince ourselves we do in our plans and lists of future situations not yet manifest.

For example, perhaps God wants to help you grow in holiness by sending you a challenged child, and you might need a more caring, self-sacrificing, service-oriented wife than a money-manager, right? Perhaps you will go through a devastating experience and will need a spiritual-soul mate to walk with through it all, right?

I know for sure that God will not send you anyone without a significant fault in one area or the other- How exactly will you learn true self-sacrifice, compromise, true love when you are never challenged to exercise charity, patience, tolerance, prudence in your intimate life? Also, those people simply do not exist on this Planet .

So you don’t have necessarily to lower your standards- But you may have to alter your perspective. Marriage is not so much about getting something you want- it’s a path to holiness, so our priority as single Catholics should be to intensify our focus on God, Eucharist, rosary, prayer- For God’s sake alone! To seek him and his will for you, then God will arrange your life for you. But our conviction of our own wisdom will be dashed against the rocks of disappointment when we choose something or someone we perceive as possessing all these qualities we list for ourselves only to discover late that we have committed the biggest blunder of our lives. We have a problem believing that God’s will really is the absolute best thing for us, we are afraid deep down that he may want for us what we don’t want for ourselves- The goodness of God’s will, this is what we must convince ourselves of. Be convinced that you don’t and can’t know for yourself what you really need and what is good for you, then trust and struggle to trust God alone, who knows exactly what you need and just what is good for you, then concentrate on your relationship with him and seek his will for you. That’s my plan- But of course, it’s much easier said than done .

Peace.

I “Like” this too! Hehe. It much more eloquently elaborates on what I was getting at. I think we will know at some point along the way, if we discern carefully, that it’s the right person…and they may not be what we expect, while someone who seems to fit the list might not really fit it on closer examination. Maybe our perspective will shift and we will realize the person is our ideal, but in a most unexpected way.
I think it’s best to pray for God’s ideal, too, because I also agree that I don’t know what’s good for me!

 

[joshvanrad]

“Like”

 

[UntimelyGiggles]

“Like”

That’s what I said. Hahaha

 

[runwaymodel]

Some of the women here I have to laugh, I love the “He must be tall” I can understand things like tattoos, bad skin, poor hygiene, appearance…because these are things that can be changed (or avoided in my case) however a poor short guy can’t magically grow himself. Man feel pity for the short guys…absolutely little love for them from the ladies…I guess that’s why they either become neurotic national leaders who marry celebrities like Nick Sarkozy, or have wild escapades like Silvio Berlosconi, or just have a Napoleonic attitude about dominating an entire people like Vlad Putin.

I am not single but have to defend my ladies on this one, sorry. You think it is laughable that they won’t date someone who isn’t a certain height? Well I can say the same about your requirement of ‘no tattoo’s’. How is that a non-negotaible? I can understand a sleeve of tattoos or if they are very noticable because that can draw unwanted attention, but what if that tattoo is not visible? I’m just saying. Women have certain things they are looking for (like the poster who wanted someone tall) and men have other things (like you and no tattoos).

 

[joshvanrad]

I can sort of understand the height thing. I would have a hard time dating a girl who is taller than me. Luckily I am 6’ so there aren’t a ton of girls taller than I am.

The only real deal breakers for me though are FAITH, MATURITY, AND GOOD NATURED. Aside from that I am not too picky. The only reason I mentioned physical appearance is because I do appreciate beauty and I think it brings that initial spark that gets things going.

 

[trinichiqn]

Yes very well said, but I believe God can utilize you in an infinite number of ways to accomplish the things He has in store for you. Having said that, the idea of “lowering expectations” I say…“What’s wrong with an open mind?”

I for one would love my ideal wife to be very voluptuous and curvy…however perhaps God will send me a more slender woman simply because well maybe He thinks that I will objectify my wife if she’s very buxom, or maybe He will send me exactly what I ask for either way I think it’s the idea of having a woman (or husband, sorry ladies I’m a guy and I speak for myself) that will serve me spiritually and physically and No this is not some misogynist thing of “Hey Woman! Go fetch me a sandwich.” I would be serving her too and together we’d be serving God.

Some of the women here I have to laugh, I love the “He must be tall” I can understand things like tattoos, bad skin, poor hygiene, appearance…because these are things that can be changed (or avoided in my case) however a poor short guy can’t magically grow himself. Man feel pity for the short guys…absolutely little love for them from the ladies…I guess that’s why they either become neurotic national leaders who marry celebrities like Nick Sarkozy, or have wild escapades like Silvio Berlosconi, or just have a Napoleonic attitude about dominating an entire people like Vlad Putin.

Since I sort of said that (although I only said at least 5’9" which is my height, I will defend myself. I grew up skinny and tall or long as my mother says (I was so happy to stop when I did), I was taller that my cousin who was older than me and I was taller than most of the boys until I was around 14 years old so I got it all - beanpole, string bean, hey (pick an appropriate company) called they are looking for their lamppost back, their thinners, etc. I may be grown up now but some things stick and I prefer to look at or up to my guy. Did I mention the soup comments.

 

[Rascalking]

They have to be happy and not cynical. For me, that’s the number one and number two thing I look for. If they are cynical-it’s the biggest turn off to me. If they’re not happy, then move on-they’re not for me. Number three is that they don’t use drugs. If you reach all those three non-negtionables, then your I can deal with anything else.

 

[austenbosten]

I am not single but have to defend my ladies on this one, sorry. You think it is laughable that they won’t date someone who isn’t a certain height? Well I can say the same about your requirement of ‘no tattoo’s’. How is that a non-negotaible? I can understand a sleeve of tattoos or if they are very noticable because that can draw unwanted attention, but what if that tattoo is not visible? I’m just saying. Women have certain things they are looking for (like the poster who wanted someone tall) and men have other things (like you and no tattoos).

Well it’s simple, someone isn’t born with tattoos and therefore they have control over it, now if it was a little tattoo and she got it or planned on getting it removed then I’m okay with that. However if it’s a big giant back tattoo I will have a prob regardless because it will still show up except it will look like a scar.

Either way people have control over getting or not getting a tattoo, people cannot control their height. It’s the same how some guys are very picky about women’s breast size. There are guys who are extremely shallow about that and won’t date a girl if she’s too small. I find that pretty shallow since she has no control over her bust size the same way a guy has no control over his size. My point is this, don’t be too fixated on outward appearances because that “hot” person could turn into a real dog as they get older.

I should have included the guy part about men being picky over women’s outward appearances, I forget how sensitive people are on here and if a guy says something about women he must automatically say something about men too, otherwise people are going to think he thinks “men good, woman bad”

Since I sort of said that (although I only said at least 5’9" which is my height, I will defend myself. I grew up skinny and tall or long as my mother says (I was so happy to stop when I did), I was taller that my cousin who was older than me and I was taller than most of the boys until I was around 14 years old so I got it all - beanpole, string bean, hey (pick an appropriate company) called they are looking for their lamppost back, their thinners, etc. I may be grown up now but some things stick and I prefer to look at or up to my guy. Did I mention the soup comments.

Hey this isn’t directed all at you, I know a lot of women who go for the “taller than me” in fact it’s almost every woman’s demand. I’m just saying you might miss out on something great if you focus too much on outward appearances bc like I told runaway…people get old, get wrinkles, osteoporosis, ugly, fat, bald, saggy…and in the end it doesn’t matter NOW that does not mean that I said you have to date guys you’re completely unattractive to, I’m saying that if there’s a cute guy with a great personality don’t shrug him off cause of something trivial like “he’s 3 inches shorter than me”. That’s all I’m saying

As for people teasing when you were younger I’m truly sorry. Kids can be the most sadistic little kpeople: on the face of the planet. That’s why I usually smashed some kid’s face against the locker when he got on my nerves with the teasing.

 

[runwaymodel]

Well it’s simple, someone isn’t born with tattoos and therefore they have control over it, now if it was a little tattoo and she got it or planned on getting it removed then I’m okay with that. However if it’s a big giant back tattoo I will have a prob regardless because it will still show up except it will look like a scar.

Either way people have control over getting or not getting a tattoo, people cannot control their height. It’s the same how some guys are very picky about women’s breast size. There are guys who are extremely shallow about that and won’t date a girl if she’s too small. I find that pretty shallow since she has no control over her bust size the same way a guy has no control over his size. My point is this, don’t be too fixated on outward appearances because that “hot” person could turn into a real dog as they get older.

I should have included the guy part about men being picky over women’s outward appearances, I forget how sensitive people are on here and if a guy says something about women he must automatically say something about men too, otherwise people are going to think he thinks “men good, woman bad”

Hey this isn’t directed all at you, I know a lot of women who go for the “taller than me” in fact it’s almost every woman’s demand. I’m just saying you might miss out on something great if you focus too much on outward appearances bc like I told runaway…people get old, get wrinkles, osteoporosis, ugly, fat, bald, saggy…and in the end it doesn’t matter NOW that does not mean that I said you have to date guys you’re completely unattractive to, I’m saying that if there’s a cute guy with a great personality don’t shrug him off cause of something trivial like “he’s 3 inches shorter than me”. That’s all I’m saying

As for people teasing when you were younger I’m truly sorry. Kids can be the most sadistic little kpeople: on the face of the planet. That’s why I usually smashed some kid’s face against the locker when he got on my nerves with the teasing.

I can respect that. Its your personal taste so thats fine. Yes, you are right that a person cannot help being short or tall, but (Oh Lord, this is going to sound horrible again, so I apologize for those who take offense…) there are also people who are born unattractive and they cannot help that. Do people dismiss them because they are ugly? Absolutely. Is it fair? Depends on who you ask. So just like some dismiss people for their lack of looks, others dismiss some for their height. That’s life.
As for the height, its not a deal breaker but I definitely want someone taller than me. I am a model and I look down on a lot of women especially when I have heels on.

I agree with the massive or many tattoos. I guess I meant the little ones. I know a couple fellow models who have 1 or 2 tattoos but one would never know because they are small or hidden. But again, personal taste and I respect that. I even knew a former monk who had a tattoo…:yup:

 

[austenbosten]

I can respect that. Its your personal taste so thats fine. Yes, you are right that a person cannot help being short or tall, but (Oh Lord, this is going to sound horrible again, so I apologize for those who take offense…) there are also people who are born unattractive and they cannot help that. Do people dismiss them because they are ugly? Absolutely. Is it fair? Depends on who you ask. So just like some dismiss people for their lack of looks, others dismiss some for their height. That’s life.
As for the height, its not a deal breaker but I definitely want someone taller than me. I am a model and I look down on a lot of women especially when I have heels on.

I agree with the massive or many tattoos. I guess I meant the little ones. I know a couple fellow models who have 1 or 2 tattoos but one would never know because they are small or hidden. But again, personal taste and I respect that. I even knew a former monk who had a tattoo…:yup:

Yeah that’s my point, I know you prefer a guy who’s taller that’s okay. I prefer a woman who’s “bigger” in other ways. However I’m just saying don’t let that be the deal-breaker cause you ladies could be losing out big time. Nothing wrong with preferences.

As for the tats…I don’t know why in the life of me ppl want tats? Your skin gets old and wrinkles and that “hot” Madonna tattoo you got 20 years ago looks like…well Madonna today (runs for toilet…wish there was a green sick emoticon). I guess it was the way my Father raised me and he had a tattoo and he regretted it everyday of his life (though he really didn’t have a choice in the matter when he got it) and I made a vow to him I’d never get a tattoo ever.