Sister-in-law trouble

[acacia12]

Oops! scolded

 

[aspirant]

They started dating when she was 17 and he was 25. She got a full scholarship to a school in another state, but he whined and threatened to break up with her, so she dropped out and lost her scholarship…
He cheats on her, but she forgives him, over and over.
He looks at porn all the time, and laughs at her when she says it offends her.
He constantly puts her down.
He can’t hold a job and lost his drivers licence, so she drives him everywhere.
His sister beat her up when she tried to break up with him the last time.
He is vulgar, drinks too much and I think he is on drugs…

Those behaviors are common in an abusive relationship.

^ THIS.

Please visit the “How can I help a friend or family member who is being abused?” page at the National Domestic Violence Hotline website. It is never too early for someone who is being abused to start developing a safety plan, even if they are not yet ready to leave a relationship. NDVH can help with this.

 

[Musician]

I am a veteran and my husband is retired military. Anyone who really wants out can get out.

 

[Kelfa28]

I am a veteran and my husband is retired military. Anyone who really wants out can get out.

How can they actually do that in only 2 weeks? I’m curious. How is that possible if their is no underlying medical condition?

 

[SamH]

How can they actually do that in only 2 weeks? I’m curious. How is that possible if their is no underlying medical condition?

Drugs in the barracks.

 

[Kelfa28]

Drugs in the barracks.

Not in Basic Training…

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Her military claims are a HUGE discrepancy. While the rest isn’t too far-fetched, the military comment alone tells me she isn’t telling the truth.

You can’t make up something like that about the military and expect it to fly below the radar with anyone who serves.

There is one way to get kicked out of basic training, as a female.

Go in pregnant.

That’s about it. Other than that, you’re pretty well stuck.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think some people use the anonymity of the internet as an excuse to forget their manners.

I don’t want to cut ties with her, but we have been through this over and over for the past 3 years. I’m tired of seeing her hurt. I am tired of her leaving him and saying horrible things about him, then when she goes back to him we are expected to suddenly like him. I’m tired of all the drama. That is why I am so upset.

You are going to have to let go of the drama. Whatever you need to do in order to detach, you must do. Get a coffee can, cover it with pretty paper, cut a hole in the top and label this your “God Can.” Write her name and circumstances on a piece of paper or index card, say a prayer for God to take over, and drop the paper in the can. And then trust that God’s got it, and you don’t have to worry any more. You can continue to pray, but you don’t have to fret and get all upset about her. She is making choices, you know. Regardless of how bad this boyfriend might be, nothing is stopping her from cutting it off with him. She might be in an abusive relationship, but it might not be. No one can force another person to get out of abuse unless and until that person WANTS it.

Don’t listen to her talk about her boyfriend. If it were me, I’d let her calls go mostly to voicemail. Some people will say “that’s heartless,” but I’ve been through the drama and that person CREATES the drama, they’re not as much a victim as one might think, more a willing participant. That’s my experience, every time. People create what they want to live. If you don’t like it, then put some distance between you and your SIL.

 

[Kelfa28]

There is one way to get kicked out of basic training, as a female.

Go in pregnant.

That’s about it. Other than that, you’re pretty well stuck.

You know…it’s entirely plausible for this to happen.

At least for the reservists and the guardsmen. Usually for active duty you are shipped off to basic immediately from MEPS and that is where you take a pregnancy test.

I was tested weeks before I left…when I out-processed from my unit.
I could have easily become pregnant in that time frame.

Also…Tech School in the Air Force…one of the most unregulated times anyone could be in the military.
Every weekend kids were getting hotel rooms just off base to have parties…and as long as you had your paperwork set…you were good to go.

 

[Mariem2]

As a mother, your first duty is to your own children. Take care that she doesn’t become a bad influence on them. As others have said, she has probably picked up some bad habits from the boyfriend.

Sometimes the best way to help people is to let them stand on their own feet and suffer the consequences of their choices in life. Give her the information about the NDVH as provided by Aspirant.

 

[truthquester]

I think some people use the anonymity of the internet as an excuse to forget their manners.

I don’t want to cut ties with her, but we have been through this over and over for the past 3 years. I’m tired of seeing her hurt. I am tired of her leaving him and saying horrible things about him, then when she goes back to him we are expected to suddenly like him. I’m tired of all the drama. That is why I am so upset.

I am sorry for being so rude. I never should have left posted anything here as it hits on another situation so close to home, you could say it hit a nerve.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You know…it’s entirely plausible for this to happen.

At least for the reservists and the guardsmen. Usually for active duty you are shipped off to basic immediately from MEPS and that is where you take a pregnancy test.

I was tested weeks before I left…when I out-processed from my unit.
I could have easily become pregnant in that time frame.

Also…Tech School in the Air Force…one of the most unregulated times anyone could be in the military.
Every weekend kids were getting hotel rooms just off base to have parties…and as long as you had your paperwork set…you were good to go.

I knew someone who went to basic, made it as far as the medical, they found out she was pregnant and she was out that day.

 

[ShanaA1984]

I knew someone who went to basic, made it as far as the medical, they found out she was pregnant and she was out that day.

I find this hard to believe. Simply because I just went thru basic (Army) 5 years ago and there were 2 girls in my cycle that were pregnant. They were not discharged they were simply told to have their babies and return. There was also 1 girl in my AIT class that was pregnant and she was not told to go home either. Now when I got pregnant I was given the CHOICE to leave the Army but I was not forced out like some people here are giving the impression. But if what you are referring to is the medical screening before being shipped to basic TRJ. Then that is possible because she had yet to be shipped off to start her training.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I find this hard to believe. Simply because I just went thru basic (Army) 5 years ago and there were 2 girls in my cycle that were pregnant. They were not discharged they were simply told to have their babies and return. There was also 1 girl in my AIT class that was pregnant and she was not told to go home either. Now when I got pregnant I was given the CHOICE to leave the Army but I was not forced out like some people here are giving the impression. But if what you are referring to is the medical screening before being shipped to basic TRJ. Then that is possible because she had yet to be shipped off to start her training.

No, she was in basic. It was the first week, within a couple of days of starting. Maybe she had the pregnancy test as she was processing in? I don’t remember now, but she was definitely in basic training in San Antonio. It could be that she was given the choice, I didn’t say she was forced out, only that she was out that day.

p.s. This was the Air Force.

 

[ShanaA1984]

Ah! The Chair Force (tee hee hee) Sorry could not resist. I still don’t see how it would be possible either way.because whether your Army, Air Force, or Marine it all falls under the DOD in the end.

 

[Annie39]

You are going to have to let go of the drama. Whatever you need to do in order to detach, you must do. Get a coffee can, cover it with pretty paper, cut a hole in the top and label this your “God Can.” Write her name and circumstances on a piece of paper or index card, say a prayer for God to take over, and drop the paper in the can. And then trust that God’s got it, and you don’t have to worry any more. You can continue to pray, but you don’t have to fret and get all upset about her. She is making choices, you know. Regardless of how bad this

boyfriend might be, nothing is stopping her from cutting it off with him. She might be in an abusive relationship, but it might not be. No one can force another person to get out of abuse unless and until that person WANTS it.

Don’t listen to her talk about her boyfriend. If it were me, I’d let her calls go mostly to voicemail. Some people will say “that’s heartless,” but I’ve been through the drama and that person CREATES the drama, they’re not as much a victim as one might think, more a willing participant. That’s my experience, every time. People create what they want to live. If you don’t like it, then put some distance between you and your SIL.

IMHO This is excellent advice. Especially thenpart after the can.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t want to cut ties with her, but we have been through this over and over for the past 3 years. I’m tired of seeing her hurt. ** I am tired of her leaving him and saying horrible things about him, then when she goes back to him we are expected to suddenly like him.** I’m tired of all the drama. That is why I am so upset.

Have you confronted her on this? I know it is hard to set boundaries with people like SIL but if you are going to keep contact, you do need to set strong boundaries and not let her get away with anything.

The first boundary I would set is ‘I do not like your boyfriend and just because you choose to be with him doesn’t make me have to’ If SIL can actually get people to pretend to like her BF, she has way too much power over people

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Ah! The Chair Force (tee hee hee) Sorry could not resist. I still don’t see how it would be possible either way.because whether your Army, Air Force, or Marine it all falls under the DOD in the end.

Well it was a long time ago. In the early 1980’s. Don’t know if the regs have changed since then. All I know is that she went in, was found to be pregnant, and was out.

 

[SouthCatholic]

How can they actually do that in only 2 weeks? I’m curious. How is that possible if their is no underlying medical condition?

I know someone who was booted within a month. They call it failure to acclimate or something like that… and, at a time when we are in reduction mode, they will happily get rid of potential problems.