Same here. What I think is that people have bought so thoroughly into gender stereotypes, they look at the stereotype of their own gender and say, “Well, that’s nothing like me. Therefore, I must be the opposite sex, in reality.”
They don’t realize that nobody is like that. Real girls don’t like pink (or don’t care one way or the other about it) so not liking pink doesn’t make you “a boy in a girl’s body.” Actually, it makes you a perfectly normal girl. Just as an example.
I’m sorry, but this is too superficial.
Transsexualism has nothing whatsoever to do with gender stereotype. It has to do with how the brain handles hormones produced by the gonads. The condition would persist if stranded alone and naked on a deserted island.
Most transgender people are
very much aware that nobody is like the gender stereotypes. It’s actually a source of frustration for many, since they themselves (including me) aren’t, but many of the traditional (and useless) psychometric tests traditionally used by many gender clinics are based on gender stereotype. So in countries where such tests are still used, transgender people have to adapt to said stereotypes to receive treatment - this again reinforces the idea that trans women are overly feminine and trans men are overly masculine. It’s stupid.
In reality, trans women are everything from extremely feminine to tomboys. Trans men are everything from extremely masculine to very feminine (for a man). Trans people fill the entire spectrum (not to be confused with gender spectrum theory - I just didn’t find a better word) of personalities belonging to either gender. Their only common trait is gender dysphoria - extreme distress caused by one’s physical traits, especially caused by the gonads producing the wrong hormones. Many trans women feel comfortable as “butch” women, while many trans men feel comfortable as effeminate. Transsexualism has nothing whatsoever to do with gender stereotype.
Personally, I have traits that are stereotypically female, and traits that are stereotypically male. This is why such stereotyping doesn’t work. The facts that in the end made me “give up” and pursue transgender treatment are on a much deeper level.
It has to do with social traits; especially for a “male” with Asperger’s, I am abnormally good at reading female social cues but still completely hopeless at reading male social cues - this is why I simply hate going to “guys’ nights out”, while I enjoy “girls’ nights”. In addition to disliking the typical activities in the former, I also just don’t connect with the people there. This is also why I can count my male friends on one hand, while my female friends are far more numerous.
But even social traits are in my view not enough; there are men who may interact socially that way too. The deciding factor was the long-term, complete distress caused by testosterone poisoning during puberty. The horror at seeing my body change into something that wasn’t me; it’s far worse than simply “not liking” the changes - I was completely horrified. I once found myself in the kitchen with a kitchen knife, trying to find the courage to correct myself - thankfully, I didn’t, as it would most probably have killed me.
Now if this distress had passed, it would be one thing - but it didn’t. I managed to repress it for years due to fearing the social ramifications of pursuing transition - after a few years, I had repressed it to the point of not even being consciously aware of my struggle, it only returned in dreams and “weak” moments. However, in my late twenties, I finally got body hair (had close to none before then), and the dysphoria rebounded like crazy. At one point, I came close to dissociative depersonalization - my body just felt like a sort of attachment to my head, and not something that really belonged to me. At that point I was truly in danger of suicide - that I currently live is due to luck, or God, or both.
In addition, to even make repression possible, I numbed myself by disconnecting from emotion, to the point of my parents sometimes asking me where I disappeared to - they in many ways felt they could no longer see the happy, albeit troubled, child I used to be. I still had the occasional autistic tantrum (though thankfully rare and never in public or among friends, so most people actually don’t know about my condition), and I could enjoy things, but I was never really happy. My parents in many ways felt they had lost their child - which is why they’re happy to accept the changes I’m making, if it can help restore some of what I used to be as a little girl.
The above is what gender dysphoria is about. I may like pink (and insisted on wearing it as a child), but it really has nothing do do with me liking pink. There’s no need to grow breasts to wear pink. I wore pink shirts to my suits even in my repressed period. I only stopped when people made me aware that I looked like a Lutheran bishop.
It has to do with extreme suffering and pain, which can only be dealt with by removing its cause, which is hormonal. Preferences in toys and clothes may
indicate a problem, since such preferences have been shown to be, to an extent, biological - children generally do choose toys “appropriate” to their gender even when presented with both. But erasing such gender differences would not erase the transgender condition.
I kind of digressed a bit here, but I hope at least this makes it somewhat easier to understand how transgender people feel - it’s probably impossible to understand for someone who isn’t in the same situation, but at least people should know that it is a lot deeper than wanting to wear pink. I have in many ways lost two decades of my life to trying to repress this condition - and I’m among the lucky ones.
). The charitable choice is to address your sibling like they ask to be addressed; perhaps even more so when it’s about something as deeply personal as this. For someone who is transgender, being called by the wrong (from their own perspective) pronouns or name feels like being cut by a sword. Respecting their wishes costs you so little (other parts of the process may cost you more, but seriously, switching names/pronouns takes no effort at all), and will gain you so much in terms of trust and respect.