Sitting with militant athiest at wedding - what to do?

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I am going to be attending a wedding in a few weeks and have recently found out I will be seated at the reception with someone who is a militant athiest. To be clear, I have no problem with individuals who choose to be athiests. This person however has personally attacked my faith in the past. I’d like some feedback on how to respond should this person make extreme or persistent inappropriate remarks. Out of consideration of the bride and groom it’s my goal to try to ignore any comments or remarks. Is there a point though where it would be appropriate to say something? I just know my character and I’m going to have a hard time not saying anything if previous behavior repeats itself.
 
aligill82 said:
I am going to be attending a wedding in a few weeks and have recently found out I will be seated at the reception with someone who is a militant athiest. To be clear, I have no problem with individuals who choose to be athiests. This person however has personally attacked my faith in the past. I’d like some feedback on how to respond should this person make extreme or persistent inappropriate remarks. Out of consideration of the bride and groom it’s my goal to try to ignore any comments or remarks. Is there a point though where it would be appropriate to say something? I just know my character and I’m going to have a hard time not saying anything if previous behavior repeats itself.
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There is no reason to have an uncomfortable conversation with this person. If they make bad comments then you can just say that you would appreciate that they not offend you any more. Most likely they will be there more to party than to argue.
 
You say something like, “C’mon. We’re at a wedding. Let’s call it a truce and just not go there. It won’t kill us.” If they keep it up, just look at them in disbelief and don’t respond.
 
Isn’t the bride beautiful?

The cake is gorgeous!

Try the punch!

Love the color scheme!

And, if you’re feeling naughty:

What a beautiful church they picked!!!
 
Be pleasant and friendly. If the person brings up religion in a negative way, simply say “that’s not how I believe, let’s change the subject.” And continue to be pleasant.

I’m guessing they will be nice, and it won’t be an issue. If it is, as soon as the meal is over go sit somewhere else or start dancing…preferably not with that person lol!!!
 
Xantippe said:
Isn’t the bride beautiful?

The cake is gorgeous!

Try the punch!

Love the color scheme!
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Yes
Xantippe said:
And, if you’re feeling naughty:

What a beautiful church they picked!!!
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Be a true friend of the bride and groom, and avoid this temptation!! 😃

That should be your entire focus, OP: that is, to keep the focus on the bride and groom and off of yourself. You are facing someone who will not be convinced by arguments when it comes to religion, but only over time by your charitable manner. You don’t want to hear their “side,” either. Don’t go there, then.

OK, if you want to be “naughty,” I’d say this: Bob, you know are tossing pearls before swine. Give it a rest! Then laugh and change the subject. Don’t let the teasing ramp up beyond that. If the person has no sense of humor, though, avoid jokes and just calmly refuse to take whatever “bait” is proffered.

PS Whoever decided to seat you next to this person either has a twisted sense of humor or else thinks that you are the guest most likely to be able to cope graciously with this fellow. (That is, if by “militant” you are politely saying not that this guy is passionate in his beliefs, but that he uses his antipathy towards religion as an excuse to be a boorish jerk to anyone within range of his purposefully provocative baiting.)
 
Thank you everyone for the language suggestions. That is helpful. This person is known for being confrontational so having some casual and positive language to respond with is super helpful!
 
DaddyGirl said:
Is a “militant atheist” same thing degree-wise, passion-wise, and intent-wise–as a “militant catholic”?

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I would say, yes. To me someone who is “militant” is anyone who lacks tolerance for others. They feel they are right and you are wrong. There is no “agree to disagree”. This attitude, of course, exists in any religion.
 
aligill82 said:
I would say, yes. To me someone who is “militant” is anyone who lacks tolerance for others. They feel they are right and you are wrong. There is no “agree to disagree”. This attitude, of course, exists in any religion.
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The Church Militant refers to that part of the Mystical Body of Christ on earth that struggle daily against the devil, the world and our flesh. We fight against this by fasting, praying and speaking out by proclaiming the Truth. The Truth itself is polarizing and no matter how charitable one is in proclaiming it they will still be called bigot, intolerant, hater and every other name society uses to bury the Truth in relativism.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Is a “militant atheist” same thing degree-wise, passion-wise, and intent-wise–as a “militant catholic”?

.
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To me, the term “militant” implies that the person is very, very pushy, to the point of inappropriateness, about his beliefs. So yes, there can be a militant Catholic, just like a militant atheist or any other flavor of belief.

OP, in this situation, just be polite and courteous, and if necessary, give the person a funny look as one would any other social faux pas if they take this opportunity to get up on their soapbox. The point of wedding receptions is to celebrate a wonderful event and have a darn good time while doing so. People don’t generally enjoy being preached to. Being offered more wine, on the other hand… 😃
 
UbiCaritas said:
To me, the term “militant” implies that the person is very, very pushy, to the point of inappropriateness, about his beliefs. So yes, there can be a militant Catholic, just like a militant atheist or any other flavor of belief.

OP, in this situation, just be polite and courteous, and if necessary, give the person a funny look as one would any other social faux pas if they take this opportunity to get up on their soapbox. The point of wedding receptions is to celebrate a wonderful event and have a darn good time while doing so. People don’t generally enjoy being preached to. Being offered more wine, on the other hand… 😃
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I suppose the apostles all fit that definition, huh?
 
aligill82 said:
I am going to be attending a wedding in a few weeks and have recently found out I will be seated at the reception with someone who is a militant athiest. To be clear, I have no problem with individuals who choose to be athiests. This person however has personally attacked my faith in the past. I’d like some feedback on how to respond should this person make extreme or persistent inappropriate remarks. Out of consideration of the bride and groom it’s my goal to try to ignore any comments or remarks. Is there a point though where it would be appropriate to say something? I just know my character and I’m going to have a hard time not saying anything if previous behavior repeats itself.
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If they try to pick a fight or make inappropriate remarks, just say “I came to celebrate the wedding of my friends. If you’d like to discuss this matter at a more appropriate time, get in touch with me and we can chat about it then.”
 
Ignatius said:
If they try to pick a fight or make inappropriate remarks, just say “I came to celebrate the wedding of my friends. If you’d like to discuss this matter at a more appropriate time, get in touch with me and we can chat about it then.”
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👍
 
There are always “no-shows” Look around for an empty chair, perhaps near someone you know, a mutual friend. Pick up your appetizer and move.
Nobody cares after the initial 5 minutes where anyone is sitting. If it “throws” the servers, simply explain what you put as a preference for the entrée and say (apologetically of course) that you elected to move from the assigned seat. No worries. It happens.
 
aligill82 said:
I am going to be attending a wedding in a few weeks and have recently found out I will be seated at the reception with someone who is a militant athiest. To be clear, I have no problem with individuals who choose to be athiests. This person however has personally attacked my faith in the past. I’d like some feedback on how to respond should this person make extreme or persistent inappropriate remarks. Out of consideration of the bride and groom it’s my goal to try to ignore any comments or remarks. Is there a point though where it would be appropriate to say something? I just know my character and I’m going to have a hard time not saying anything if previous behavior repeats itself.
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Well, there are several ways to handle this.

It’s too bad you couldn’t find a third person to negotiate a truce before the wedding reception begins.

If not, have a response all ready in your mind as to how you will handle it if he says something.

You could say that you are a Catholic, that in the interest of peace and harmony, getting along, and that you want the wedding reception to be a happy one, that you’d like to not talk about the issue of religion for the duration of the reception.

Hopefully, he will agree to this. If he does, and if he still raises the issue anyway, you gently remind him, “Remember, we agreed not to talk about religion during the reception”.

Another way would be if you could, before the event, see if you can do something about the seating arrangements, say you would prefer to be seated near so-and-so, if at all possible.

If all else fails, you can eat the dinner and move elsewhere. Don’t feel you are tied down to that one place for the entire reception . Go out and dance, talk, mingle.

Often with receptions, I move about anyway, often end up sitting with others.

If, during the reception, he continues to bash religion…don’t respond. Keep turning the conversation to something else.

For instance, he can say, “The Pope…” The Church… …

You can say, “How about those Yankees!” or any sports team…I’m not into sports, don’t know. Or, you can pretend each time as if you didn’t hear the comment, just ignore it.

You can talk about the wedding.

“The Pope…” …You: “Now, wasn’t THAT a** beautiful** wedding?!”

😉

You, “Hey! There’s Phyllis! Would you excuse me? PHYLLIS!” 👍
 
If it gets really bad, “Listen, I need to go to the ladies’ room…would you excuse me?”

Come back…more insults…

“I need to get some of that punch!”
 
pianistclare said:
There are always “no-shows” Look around for an empty chair, perhaps near someone you know, a mutual friend. Pick up your appetizer and move.
Nobody cares after the 5 minutes where anyone is sitting. If it “throws” the servers, simply explain what you put as a preference for the entrée and say (apologetically of course) that you elected to move from the assigned seat. No worries. It happens.
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Yes! 🙂
 
Have a Plan B before you go in. Have someone else lined up that you want to sit with.
Have that person come over, invite you to sit over at that table.

Then, you turn to the person you are trying to avoid, and explain that you’re old friends with him/her, and would he kindly excuse you. How can he refuse under those circumstances?
 
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