Six reasons NOT to send your daughter to college

[Sarabande]

The question isn’t whether she is better off for having gone to college. The question is whether or not her brother would have been better off if he had gone. It is a profitable experience in its own right, without regards to money, but that is not without regards to whether or not it is an experience that fits the person going through it. It is also an enterprise that is too demanding, too expensive, and too time-consuming to put someone through when they aren’t in a position to reap the personal rewards that it offers to those suited to it.

The military is like that, too. It is a life-altering and life-affirming experience for some, it is necessary that some do it, but others find it nothing but pure H$%#. Those others shouldn’t be pushed into it just because it was great for their parent or for a sibling.

if you can’t trust that the faith has taken hold enough for your daughter to handle herself appropriately, why would you think it will hold up when faced with challenges later? it’s strength of belief and conviction that matters not trying to shield someone from every possible temptation. btw, as an educated male, it is nice to be able to have educated conversations with my spouse. and what if she’s unable to have children?

Yes, yes, and yes to both of you.

 

[EasterJoy]

The honest difference here is that these women you cited were educated in a very different setting compared to ours. Universities today = drinking, partying, clubbing, drugs, alcohol, sex, sex, and lot more sex.

Your orientation day begins with giving you a packet of condoms in most Universities.

So given that a woman will be a stay at home mother, there is a real question as to whether she should attend University and put herself at risk.

I personally think a good compromise is to have the daughter attend the University closest to ones home so that she can continue to live at home with the family to help her through the peer pressure. Most women who stay in residence or off-campus housing just give into peer pressure out of loneliness.

As for women who want to be other things like Doctors or Nuns, they have a cause worthy of putting themselves through that risk. Though Nuns should probably be educated in a different setting is possible. I would hate to have a Church full of nuns that partied, drank and had lots and lots of of sex before they put on their habit. Seems like it undermines the whole point of being a Nun.

Not every university is like that, though. There are respected universities where the expected behavior is mature and moral. Even at the “party schools”, there are almost always places where the knot of students who don’t buy into that congregate. I went to a college that got onto some national magazine’s list of Top Ten Party Schools, but even there we had a quiet dorm–(“quiet hours” were 24/7, rather than only at night, and if I remember correctly guests were not allowed in the living areas of the dorm) where the sensible students lived apart from all of that. I wish I’d chosen that dorm instead of the “science” dorm. The best science students were at the quiet dorm, while it seemed as if half of the science students in the “science” dorm were destined to change majors or flunk out. (The “science” dorm had the lowest GPA on campus.)

It is a good idea to do some research on that kind of thing before sending your 18 year old off to college. A young man or woman who just wants to study and have an appropriate social life is going to be miserable if they are surrounded by peers whose behavior turns their stomach. If the peers aren’t a pressure, watching the life of the peers is like witnessing a train wreck every day. I lasted two terms in that dorm before transferring out, and I would never go through that again, if I could avoid it.

 

[Jaberwocky]

Honestly, it’s the kind of people with whom you hang around and many times, that begins sooner than college. It also depends on how good of an influence your parents were. I never drank, clubbed, did drugs or had sex whilst in university. In fact, my husband and I were both virgins when we married. We attended the same university. I mention this not because I think it made us any better, but to show that if you have the right kind of support from parents before going away to college and had a strong moral and spiritual conviction, it’s not as uncommon to successfully avoid the temptations. We had many friends who also did not engage in the kind of lifestyle that some young adults do. We also had friends who did. I always made it clear to those who did that I was not interested in that kind of activity. They respected that and left me alone. Many of the people I knew who did all of the underaged drinking, sex, clubbing, drugs, etc. were doing it when their were high school… some as young as 13 or 14. I’m sure there were some who went wild after leaving their parents’ wings, but it often times was not the case. They were doing it before they even left their homes for college.

Very true and there are indeed many who get through unscathed. But the problem is that the many are few compared to the vast groups that are lost. For you to get through unscathed, you have to find someone else that shares your views to hang out with for the 4-5 years of University. Otherwise you most likely will have to join someone’s group out of loneliness. The chances of you finding a group that clicks with you that is also pro-Christian values are slim because there are less of those in every campus.

If you are in a very busy program like Engineering, it helps a bit. But even then, Engineering students like to unwind after a tough project and they don’t usually do that in the most Christian friendly manner.

As for those who fool around even before coming to University, that is unfortunate and they form part of the problem. You have a culture in the University that is entirely against chaste values.

Perhaps the real question is actually should any parent feel safe sending their SON or DAUGHTER to a university. If we believe the idea that most kids will fall into sin when they attend college (which I still believe is not the case), shouldn’t we also be protecting our sons from sinful falls and ruining themselves with venerial diseases, potential for alcoholism, drug overdoses, etc. ? Why all of the focus on the women? You know, I have this feeling that there are some people who think that females are somehow weak-minded and can’t handle themselves when placed “at risk”. (I’m not saying you think this way as I haven’t been acquainted enough with your ideas and opinions.) Not all males need to go to college, either, yet, I know of no articles that touch on that subject of putting our sons “at risk”.

I also think the next question is the maturity level of your SON and DAUGHTER. Can you evaluate how well your child can handle living on his/her own in a college environment, to be able to walk away from situations that can lead them to sin? If a child seems to not be emotionally, spiritually or mentally mature enough, maybe it is time to rethink sending them away to college or to college, period.

In regards to having kids live at home, I don’t have a problem with that, especially if both sons and daughters are encouraged to live at home and especially if they are not quite at the maturity level they should be at to handle these kinds of situations. It would certainly save money, as on-campus living can be pricey. I valued living on campus, too, though. It helped me acclimate to living on my own once I graduated from college, because I really loved my family and being at home. I turned down a scholarship to an out-of-state university because I didn’t want to be so far away from my parents. I attended in-state, but stayed on campus and went home many weekends to continue my music training along with my normal studies. I knew, though, through my prayers that I had to push myself to let my wings grow and eventually fly. I would not have been able to do that had I decided to stay at home. I’m just thankful college tuition was not like it is now.

Yes, all Children should ideally study from home, whether male of female.

There is however an extra risk if you are a woman. To explain, at a University party, a man is more likely to force himself on the woman rather than other way around. Almost all rape cases at Universities at parties are men raping women than the other way around.

Apart from rape, sex is generally initiated by men rather than a woman initiating it. The usual trend is, man (possibly boy friend) asks, woman refuses, talks with girl friends, they say do it, she gives in.

So in this sense, you can say there is a better chance for a man than a woman to make it through.

But you are absolutely right that in this day and age, both should study while living at home. Having the support and watchful care of parents can help avoid most of the bad habits one learns during these University years.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes, all Children should ideally study from home, whether male of female.

There is however an extra risk if you are a woman. To explain, at a University party, a man is more likely to force himself on the woman rather than other way around. Almost all rape cases at Universities at parties are men raping women than the other way around.

Apart from rape, sex is generally initiated by men rather than a woman initiating it. The usual trend is, man (possibly boy friend) asks, woman refuses, talks with girl friends, they say do it, she gives in.

So in this sense, you can say there is a better chance for a man than a woman to make it through.

But you are absolutely right that in this day and age, both should study while living at home. Having the support and watchful care of parents can help avoid most of the bad habits one learns during these University years.

You make it sound as if teens have no temptations or ways to fall into sin for as long as they are living under their parents’ roof. It does not work like that.

I don’t know where you got the idea that sex is generally initiated by men “apart from rape”. Biology inclines both sexes to feel sexual attraction and to feel desire for intimacy with an attractive person. Women seduce to indulge their passions too not just men

drat my keyboard won"t let me punctuate sorry>>

 

[marymary1975]

Honestly, it’s the kind of people with whom you hang around and many times, that begins sooner than college. It also depends on how good of an influence your parents were. I never drank, clubbed, did drugs or had sex whilst in university. In fact, my husband and I were both virgins when we married. We attended the same university. I mention this not because I think it made us any better, but to show that if you have the right kind of support from parents before going away to college and had a strong moral and spiritual conviction, it’s not as uncommon to successfully avoid the temptations. We had many friends who also did not engage in the kind of lifestyle that some young adults do. We also had friends who did. I always made it clear to those who did that I was not interested in that kind of activity. They respected that and left me alone. Many of the people I knew who did all of the underaged drinking, sex, clubbing, drugs, etc. were doing it when their were high school… some as young as 13 or 14. I’m sure there were some who went wild after leaving their parents’ wings, but it often times was not the case. They were doing it before they even left their homes for college.



Perhaps the real question is actually should any parent feel safe sending their SON or DAUGHTER to a university. If we believe the idea that most kids will fall into sin when they attend college (which I still believe is not the case), shouldn’t we also be protecting our sons from sinful falls and ruining themselves with venerial diseases, potential for alcoholism, drug overdoses, etc. ? Why all of the focus on the women? You know, I have this feeling that there are some people who think that females are somehow weak-minded and can’t handle themselves when placed “at risk”. (I’m not saying you think this way as I haven’t been acquainted enough with your ideas and opinions.) Not all males need to go to college, either, yet, I know of no articles that touch on that subject of putting our sons “at risk”.

I also think the next question is the maturity level of your SON and DAUGHTER. Can you evaluate how well your child can handle living on his/her own in a college environment, to be able to walk away from situations that can lead them to sin? If a child seems to not be emotionally, spiritually or mentally mature enough, maybe it is time to rethink sending them away to college or to college, period.

In regards to having kids live at home, I don’t have a problem with that, especially if both sons and daughters are encouraged to live at home and especially if they are not quite at the maturity level they should be at to handle these kinds of situations. It would certainly save money, as on-campus living can be pricey. I valued living on campus, too, though. It helped me acclimate to living on my own once I graduated from college, because I really loved my family and being at home. I turned down a scholarship to an out-of-state university because I didn’t want to be so far away from my parents. I attended in-state, but stayed on campus and went home many weekends to continue my music training along with my normal studies. I knew, though, through my prayers that I had to push myself to let my wings grow and eventually fly. I would not have been able to do that had I decided to stay at home. I’m just thankful college tuition was not like it is now.

:clapping:

 

[SerraSemper]

But you are absolutely right that in this day and age, both should study while living at home. Having the support and watchful care of parents can help avoid most of the bad habits one learns during these University years.

I couldn’t disagree more. The whole idea of parenting is to WEAN the children so that they become adults. College is an occupation for adults, and if an adult does not have the moral spine and intellectual prowess to be good Catholics on campus, they should discern how to develop at least moral spine so as to become the mature Catholics God has created them to be. Education is worthwhile for its own sake. That it can have practical implications in the job market does not negate the fact that true education is about the study of truth across the disciplines. Therefore women should have equal access because they too have minds that are deserving of development as men.

 

[EasterJoy]

I couldn’t disagree more. The whole idea of parenting is to WEAN the children so that they become adults. College is an occupation for adults, and if an adult does not have the moral spine and intellectual prowess to be good Catholics on campus, they should discern how to develop at least moral spine so as to become the mature Catholics God has created them to be. Education is worthwhile for its own sake. That it can have practical implications in the job market does not negate the fact that true education is about the study of truth across the disciplines. Therefore women should have equal access because they too have minds that are deserving of development as men.

Still, “We are not paying to send you off to college because your self-discipline when it comes to study habits are non-existent and you regularly get yourself into trouble whenever you get your hands on more than $20 and three hours without a chaperone” is a fair assessment. A young person who consistently seeks out the worst kinds of companionship is also not a good bet for one’s hard-saved educational funding dollars. The least you can do is to preserve them from at least some temptation–it is not fair to accuse someone of failure when you knowingly sent them off on a mission that was beyond their ability–not to mention saving yourself the money on their travel expenses and dorm rooms. Some of us mature later than others, and would do well to wait for maturity before being thrown into the deep end of the pool.

A young person who lacks maturity might justly be denied an opportunity to go waste a lot of time and money when nothing worse than a bad transcript is the about the best outcome that can be hoped for. It is not unfair to ask that young person to live at home, attend a relatively less-expensive junior college, and show himself or herself to have finally grown up before handing over the $$$ for time in a far-away university. Student exchange programs do not take just anyone who raises their hand with a willingness to “study” abroad, and parents ought to be just as sober in their assessment of their child’s readiness to fly solo. That, I find totally fair, whether it is a young man or a young woman who has to prove they merit a chance at college.

Other students, though, will act no worse in college than at home and will even learn to do more when they are put in charge of their own care. There are many things learned at college that are difficult to learn at home, including what sorts of person one can tolerate as a roommate and what sorts of living habits one needs to poll about when choosing a mate. (A female is as good as a male when it comes to teaching a young woman that she cannot stand living with a slob without wanting to kill a human being before it is over! )

 

[Luigi_Daniele]

Raise your daughters in the Faith, and you don’t have to worry about it.

I think that singling out daughters is pretty sexist. And I hate charges of sexism 99% of the time. Train your sons to respect women and there would be no problem.

 

[marymary1975]

Very true and there are indeed many who get through unscathed. But the problem is that the many are few compared to the vast groups that are lost. For you to get through unscathed, you have to find someone else that shares your views to hang out with for the 4-5 years of University. Otherwise you most likely will have to join someone’s group out of loneliness. The chances of you finding a group that clicks with you that is also pro-Christian values are slim because there are less of those in every campus.

If you are in a very busy program like Engineering, it helps a bit. But even then, Engineering students like to unwind after a tough project and they don’t usually do that in the most Christian friendly manner.

As for those who fool around even before coming to University, that is unfortunate and they form part of the problem. You have a culture in the University that is entirely against chaste values.

Yes, all Children should ideally study from home, whether male of female.

There is however an extra risk if you are a woman. To explain, at a University party, a man is more likely to force himself on the woman rather than other way around. Almost all rape cases at Universities at parties are men raping women than the other way around.

Apart from rape, sex is generally initiated by men rather than a woman initiating it. The usual trend is, man (possibly boy friend) asks, woman refuses, talks with girl friends, they say do it, she gives in.

So in this sense, you can say there is a better chance for a man than a woman to make it through.

But you are absolutely right that in this day and age, both should study while living at home. Having the support and watchful care of parents can help avoid most of the bad habits one learns during these University years.

Actually if you are a woman it is much more easier to find on.campus other woman who share catholic/Christian views, there are many women in college who don’t involve themselves in those activities. On the other hand is much more difficult for a guy as guys who don’t involve in these activities are harder to find. In fact in my experience the way to find these guys is to look for the guys who constantly hang out with women…precisely because there are more women who are serious so they tend to befriend the women instead of other guys.

I don’t like your reasoning because is.based on fear, because there are risk let’s lock ourselves home, hide and segregate ourselves from the risks. Imagine if st john vianney and many other saints would have had that reasoning? That reasoning is damaging to the person specially since you are raising them based on fear, that is a terrible thing to do.and it is not the catholic thing to do. The bible is clear that we have to be the light of the world, you don’t turn on a lamp.to.hide it in a corner. You turn it on to place it where there is darkness so it can shine light. So I think that idea of don’t send them because there is sin is quite contrary to what Jesus says.

I also agree with what Easterjoy says about your idea of sex, specially your trend as your trend in most women’s.mind would be practically falling into rape. I have never heard of a woman who refuses to have sex with a guy and the girlfriends push her to do it, again that would be short of rape. I also.don’t like what you say about rape. rape happens everywhere, so because there are people with twisted and.sick minds women now have to lock themselves? The idea is ridiculous.

And one more thing, if you think that a 20 something year old needs the support and watchful care of parents to avoid bad habits you have very little experience with parenting. If you didnt teach your kids way before 18 what is wrong and what bad habits they shouldn’t follow, you are at lost, and if you are expecting to have a watchful eye over a person who legally is an adult and that through your watchful eye that adult won’t fall into bad habits, you are about to hit a serious trouble, so don’t dream on that side because what you didn’t teach them before 17, they are not going to learn it after 18.

 

[Jaberwocky]

Actually if you are a woman it is much more easier to find on.campus other woman who share catholic/Christian views, there are many women in college who don’t involve themselves in those activities. On the other hand is much more difficult for a guy as guys who don’t involve in these activities are harder to find. In fact in my experience the way to find these guys is to look for the guys who constantly hang out with women…precisely because there are more women who are serious so they tend to befriend the women instead of other guys.

I don’t like your reasoning because is.based on fear, because there are risk let’s lock ourselves home, hide and segregate ourselves from the risks. Imagine if st john vianney and many other saints would have had that reasoning? That reasoning is damaging to the person specially since you are raising them based on fear, that is a terrible thing to do.and it is not the catholic thing to do. The bible is clear that we have to be the light of the world, you don’t turn on a lamp.to.hide it in a corner. You turn it on to place it where there is darkness so it can shine light. So I think that idea of don’t send them because there is sin is quite contrary to what Jesus says.

I also agree with what Easterjoy says about your idea of sex, specially what you suggest. I can assure you that me or any woman I know (even the.not catholic ones) if a guy would have came asking to convince one of our friends to have sex with him, would have thought that the guy is a pervert and crazy. I also.don’t like what you say about rape. rape happens everywhere, so because there are people with twisted and.sick minds women now have to lock themselves? The idea is ridiculous.

The problem here is we are trying to lean toward our personal evidence over actual data. The data out of Universities is that most men and women DO engage in sexual activity. There are relatively few who choose to remain chaste. So there is nothing wrong with fear of sin. One must try to do everything possible to avoid it.

Living at home and traveling to campus is a good way of doing that.

As for rape, while rape happens anywhere and everywhere, there are places that it is more likely to happen. A campus party is one of them. The chances of you attending a campus party if you are a student living away from home is pretty high as well.

I couldn’t disagree more. The whole idea of parenting is to WEAN the children so that they become adults. College is an occupation for adults, and if an adult does not have the moral spine and intellectual prowess to be good Catholics on campus, they should discern how to develop at least moral spine so as to become the mature Catholics God has created them to be. Education is worthwhile for its own sake. That it can have practical implications in the job market does not negate the fact that true education is about the study of truth across the disciplines. Therefore women should have equal access because they too have minds that are deserving of development as men.

I think you may have misunderstood.

If a person is planing to be stay at home wife/mother and does not have a close by academic institution, the point was that its better to stay at home. Otherwise, do go and get an education.

As for the moral spine comments, the irony here is that most teenagers who do attend Universities are missing this spine. They make very bad decisions at that age because their frontal lobe associated with long term decision making is still developing (Hence why its better to study at a University while living at home).

The whole reason why University students in any place on earth are prone to partying and having fun in the most extreme ways has to do with that.

So you may give him the full Catechism in to his/her brain but if they continue in such a culture for too long without much comfort (from family and friends), they will more likely join in and go from Saint to…

 

[joshvanrad]

The problem here is we are trying to lean toward our personal evidence over actual data. The data out of Universities is that most men and women DO engage in sexual activity. There are relatively few who choose to remain chaste. So there is nothing wrong with fear of sin. One must try to do everything possible to avoid it.

Than raise children who know better than to become a statistic. Treating symptoms doesn’t solve an issue- treat the problem.

 

[marymary1975]

Raise your daughters in the Faith, and you don’t have to worry about it.

Train your sons to respect women and there would be no problem.

I think this comment is between the wisest ones we have had in this thread.

 

[Jaberwocky]

Than raise children who know better than to become a statistic. Treating symptoms doesn’t solve an issue- treat the problem.

Well said. This is why we need to have more prudence on the part of the parents. Knowing that ones Children do suffer from a disability till they reach an age close to 21-24, it is better to make sure they are close to them to make sure they do not take a wrong turn in the final moment of their development.

This applies to both men and women. Men just have no choice sometimes because they must become breadwinners for the family they want to raise. But it should still be avoided if possible by attending a local University rather than going to far off places.

The prevalent culture today is such that our kids automatically look for far away places (and for what?) to get away from parents. We help them along and hope everything will work out fine. It is time for Parents to take responsibility. God didn’t say take care of them till they are 17. Parents have a job till they die to advise their children and care for them. More so till they are given away in marriage.

 

[Jaberwocky]

I think this comment is between the wisest ones we have had in this thread.

It is impractical because not every parent takes the message to heart. So when you enter University, you see the product of different parenting ranging from the abusive family to the liberal Christian one.

Prudence people, its a word that we have ignored for too long and something we desperately need on part of both Parents, Teachers and our Priests who are in charge of young ones.

 

[Serap]

I like the idea of kids living at home while attending college personally. My son will be 17 years old when he first starts college!!! No way do I want him in a dorm somewhere partying when he’s not even old enough to drink!

 

[EasterJoy]

I like the idea of kids living at home while attending college personally. My son will be 17 years old when he first starts college!!! No way do I want him in a dorm somewhere partying when he’s not even old enough to drink!

If you don’t think your child is going to be responsible around people who are engaging in underage drinking, sending them off to a mainstream university is asking for more temptation than he or she is likely to resist. Where there is excessive alcohol, there are unintended sexual encounters and yes, even rapes. I’m not suggesting at all that these are not real concerns.

There are good sides of communal living at college, but if the obvious downsides are inevitably going to go with that opportunity, I wouldn’t feel I was depriving a son or daughter if I were to prevent them from having those chances. If a particular campus dorm has a permissive attitude towards drinking–not by the administration, but judging by what actually goes on in those dorms–then a wise student will *want *to be kept out of them and a foolish student will *need *to be kept out of them. (That is, unfortunately, an awful lot of dorms at an awful lot of universities, alas, even if not all of them. )

Any one of us who has been the sober person in a room full of drunks know what a downer that situation is. It is like having to watch a train wreck. Pathetic or disgusting is usually the word that comes to mind…not the way you want to see your classmates. Even if your son or daughter wants to live in the dorms in college, at least if they live nearby they can come home and get away from what goes on during the weekends.

 

[Sarabande]

Very true and there are indeed many who get through unscathed. But the problem is that the many are few compared to the vast groups that are lost. For you to get through unscathed, you have to find someone else that shares your views to hang out with for the 4-5 years of University. Otherwise you most likely will have to join someone’s group out of loneliness. The chances of you finding a group that clicks with you that is also pro-Christian values are slim because there are less of those in every campus.

If you are in a very busy program like Engineering, it helps a bit. But even then, Engineering students like to unwind after a tough project and they don’t usually do that in the most Christian friendly manner.

As for those who fool around even before coming to University, that is unfortunate and they form part of the problem. You have a culture in the University that is entirely against chaste values.

I don’t know what the stats are, but I would venture to guess that the “vast groups” were the ones who were already engaging in that kind of activity and/or didn’t have much parental or spiritual guidance in their formative years. In other words, they will probably get themselves involved in those kinds of activities whether or not they go to college. They will connect with those kinds of people anywhere they go. Again, most of the people I know who were/are involved in that kind of activity were people who did it before going to college.

When you have kids who had the proper instructions, support and encouragement from parents, most of the time, they will make the right choices. Sometimes they don’t. Everyone is human. Many older adults who pretty much make the right decisions will make the wrong ones as well. But it is my belief that when you have the right upbringing, you usually surround yourself with the right kinds of people when you are at that age. I attended a city university with people from all walks of life and beliefs. I was able to find the right kinds of people whether they agreed with my morals, beliefs and values or people who differed, but respected my beliefs. I know I wasn’t unusual and believe there are many others who are like that out there.

 

[Sarabande]

Yes, all Children should ideally study from home, whether male of female.

There is however an extra risk if you are a woman. To explain, at a University party, a man is more likely to force himself on the woman rather than other way around. Almost all rape cases at Universities at parties are men raping women than the other way around.

Apart from rape, sex is generally initiated by men rather than a woman initiating it. The usual trend is, man (possibly boy friend) asks, woman refuses, talks with girl friends, they say do it, she gives in.

So in this sense, you can say there is a better chance for a man than a woman to make it through.

See, with exception of very bright children who start college a few years before their 18th birthday, I do think that people who go off to college are no longer children. They are young men and women who could very easily go off and try to make their way through the world. They are adults, as most are either 18 or older.

In regards to sex, in this day and age, I don’t think sex is generally initiated by men. It’s initiated by both sexes - sometimes the women are much more aggressive than the men. My cousin is in his teens and his mother is going crazy with how sexually aggressive many of his female classmates are today. His parents are doing their best to teach him that he has to respect women no matter how much these girls throw themselves on him. The kind of peer pressure you are talking about with girlfriends pressuring their other girlfriends into having relations with their boyfriends is more in line with what happens in middle school and high school - less likely in college, although I won’t say that it doesn’t happen. But, again, college students are considered adults, and these are the kinds of choices they will be making whether in college or out in the world. I had great-uncles and great-aunts who were very much involved in swinging with their friends when they were young. None of them went to college, as it was back in the 1950s, but they found the kinds of people they wanted to surround themselves with and involved themselves in that kind of sexual activity.

At the same time, I do understand the concern of rape. Women are more likely to be raped than men, just as females, in general, no matter what their age, is more likely to be abused than males. But to me, that isn’t a reason to keep a girl from attending college or using it as a reason to live at home. A young woman can still get raped if she is not street-saavy or just not in the right place at the right time. This is where a parent can be crucial in helping a daughter out in protecting herself from these situations so that she knows to avoid them. It’s also the time for years before going to college in teaching your sons to respect women and to not drink wildly so that you make the wrong decisions where you might end up forcing yourself on another drunk or sober young lady.

But you are absolutely right that in this day and age, both should study while living at home. Having the support and watchful care of parents can help avoid most of the bad habits one learns during these University years.

I just want to clarify that I didn’t actually say that both young men and women should always live at home while they pursue a university education, although I don’t have a problem with people living at home. What I do think is for parents to ask questions and honestly evaluate the maturity level of their children when considering sending their child at school. They should also sit down and speak with their children to find out what they are really looking for in a college education and what you expect from your children if they decide that a college education is a right fit for them.

 

[marymary1975]

The problem here is we are trying to lean toward our personal evidence over actual data. The data out of Universities is that most men and women DO engage in sexual activity. There are relatively few who choose to remain chaste. So there is nothing wrong with fear of sin. One must try to do everything possible to avoid it.

Living at home and traveling to campus is a good way of doing that.

As for rape, while rape happens anywhere and everywhere, there are places that it is more likely to happen. A campus party is one of them. The chances of you attending a campus party if you are a student living away from home is pretty high as well.

I think you may have misunderstood.

If a person is planing to be stay at home wife/mother and does not have a close by academic institution, the point was that its better to stay at home. Otherwise, do go and get an education.

As for the moral spine comments, the irony here is that most teenagers who do attend Universities are missing this spine. They make very bad decisions at that age because their frontal lobe associated with long term decision making is still developing (Hence why its better to study at a University while living at home).

The whole reason why University students in any place on earth are prone to partying and having fun in the most extreme ways has to do with that.

So you may give him the full Catechism in to his/her brain but if they continue in such a culture for too long without much comfort (from family and friends), they will more likely join in and go from Saint to…

As to rape happens in campus more that is absolutely false, I am a lawyer and I have worked long enough in criminal law, so believe me it is not true. 50% of rapes in the US happen at the victim’s home and 47% of rapists are either a close relative or close friend. Go and look at the real statistics from the Department of justice or go to your local Court and take a look at the crime of rape. what happens is that what you hear in the new is what happens in campuses but is far away from being most of it. If we go by your reasoning actually keeping your daughter home increases her risk to be raped as usually most rapist are the woman’s own relatives or people close to her and her family.

I also disagree with that reason of being prone to party has to do with the frontal lube, it has to do with their parents and their home. While I know that what you mention about the frontal lube does happen until about 18, if what you are saying is true then ALL young people would be prone to that. There are many teenagers and young adult who have never engaged or even liked that stuff, so how come if all lack the ability of good decision, there are teenagers and young adults who are perfectly capable of making very good decisions? In fact there are many many teenagers and young adults who live their religion way better and are way more mature than many 30 something years old. How do you explain that? The frontal lube thing is just an excuse to justify mas behavior, of you teach your kid properly way before 18 you are going to have a responsible adult.

I also don’t agree that a woman who plans to stay at home should avoid going to college. If you are expecting someone with hardly a high school education to be able to properly manage a household you are dreaming. And if you expect two people with radically different levels of education to have a happily ever after you are dreaming too. Now I don’t say that college is going to teach you how to run a household, that was supposes to be taught by the parents, but there are many things that you learn through going to College that are going to give her a better knowledge of how things in the everyday life are done. How do you expect a.woman who doesn’t even know where Surinam is to properly teach your children. And what is she going to do in case of divorce, death, accident?? Keeping a stay at home.mother dumb is one of the biggest mistakes someone can do.

Now I agree with living at home while attending to the university (and hopefully that is what my daughter will do ) but what I don’t agree is with the idea of because there is sin/risk let’s hide them from the risks. yes I agree we have to avoid sin but the way you avoid sin is by teaching your kids what is right from.what is wrong. hiding people.from the risk only causes what had happened in the US, that one day people who were hidden from the risk found out the real.world and ran to the risk (this happens very frequently between Muslims too, the minute they get away from their sin free environment they run to comment every possible sin) the reason why some many people in college is uncharted is not because of the college per se, is because of the culture in the US, because of the brainwashing that goes around, and because they aren’t taught any better at home.

 

[Luigi_Daniele]

It is impractical because not every parent takes the message to heart. So when you enter University, you see the product of different parenting ranging from the abusive family to the liberal Christian one.

Prudence people, its a word that we have ignored for too long and something we desperately need on part of both Parents, Teachers and our Priests who are in charge of young ones.

Again, if the daughters sent to college were trained in the Faith, there would be no problem (I speak, praise God, from personal experience). I can only train my daughters. I can’t train others. I’ll pray for others, but I will “worry” about those that are directly my responsibility.