Sleepover at girl friend's place

[NewsTheMan]

I feel like everything goes as long it is not a moral sin.

Oh goodness no, no my friend. No. You’re not trying to just do the bare minimum here friend. You’re trying to do all you can to love, serve and please Christ. Not everything goes. Oh no.

But spending the night with the girlfriend on her bed, when one goes to visit her as she lives in the different part of the country - not a sin. (fingers crossed)

Cross your fingers all you like, it is a sin and the Church says as much. Knowing this, if you go ahead, you are mortally sinning. You’ve been given a lot of good advice and you’re pretty much telling us you couldn’t care less about the posts or, more importantly, about Christ.

 

[kancharles]

Cross your fingers all you like, it is a sin and the Church says as much. Knowing this, if you go ahead, you are mortally sinning. You’ve been given a lot of good advice and you’re pretty much telling us you couldn’t care less about the posts or, more importantly, about Christ.

That’s why I keep asking if its immoral? Most of the answers say that I need to avoid the near occasion of sin.
If the church says that its immoral to spend the night at a girl’s place even if there is no sexual passion but only sweetness, then I’ll follow it.

 

[anruari]

To say that you can lie in or on your girlfriends bed and not be tempted is insane.
You are either lying to us or to yourself.

As others have said: chastity is about far more than keeping ones trousers on!

yes you can spend the night at her house: you on the sofa and her in her bed.
I know many people who would refuse to do even that to avoid scandal: but would arrange for the visiting person to sleep in the house of someone else from her church.

I lived a life that was so far from chastity before I got married that I don’t even like to remember it.

You may be able to resist the temptation to commit fornication once or twice - but why risk it - there are many other sins against chastity which you are committing by just being in the situation.

It is a sin to drive drunk, on drugs or to fast… Because the risk of causing harm is too great.
In the same way it is sinful to deliberately do what you suggest because the risk of committing fornication is too great. Fornicating is causing harm. (and carries a high risk of causing greater harm).

---

A question that has been referred to but I don’t think it was directly asked: You refere to the girl as your girlfriend. (not Fiancée). Are you “Courting” - i.e. are you trying to discern whether you should marry this girl - but have not yet popped the question?
Can you see the possiblity of marrying this girl in the not to distant future?
If not then the topic should not even be up for discussion. You should not be dating - only courting.

 

[kancharles]

All the replies are greatly appreciated! I think I got my answer. We are not engaged, but in a committed relationship, with a good possibility to being married at some point in the future.
I am content with the answer I got so far. A part of me wants to find loopholes but ultimately I am here to learn and follow the teaching of Christ!

Thanks again

 

[White_Peony]

Hello,
I wanted to know your opinion regarding this matter. I know that many people say it is not good for a boy to spend the night at his girl friend’s place or vice versa. This is because it might cause a temptation to sin. In a hypothetical case if the boy and girl were to spend a night together and there is definitely nothing sexual going to happen between them (because they have awesome self-control), and all they want to do is spend time in each other’s arms. How is this different from a boy and girl cuddling up on a couch and watching a movie together? Is this just frowned upon or immoral?
Thanks!

Hmm. I say there should be a third party present to make sure nothing happens…

 

[domandcarols]

All the replies are greatly appreciated! I think I got my answer. We are not engaged, but in a committed relationship, with a good possibility to being married at some point in the future.
I am content with the answer I got so far. A part of me wants to find loopholes but ultimately I am here to learn and follow the teaching of Christ!

Thanks again

Good luck. I’ll pray for you.

 

[ExLibris]

That’s why I keep asking if its immoral? Most of the answers say that I need to avoid the near occasion of sin.
If the church says that its immoral to spend the night at a girl’s place even if there is no sexual passion but only sweetness, then I’ll follow it.

Why would you mention the both of you have excellent “self-control” if there was no sexual passion to control? So, by your own admission, there is not only “sweetness” here.

The Church does say that it is immoral. Every word of every Papal encyclical, the writings of all the Doctors of the Church, and the entirety of the Catechism testify to God’s Natural Law. To deny the biological makeup of man and his weakness when it comes to sexual desire is to deny the purposeful creation of the Father Almighty.

But even if we didn’t have any of those great Catholic works we would still have the infallible and complete Word of God.

Ecclesiasticus 9:11-13

[11] Many by admiring the beauty of another man’s wife, have become reprobate, for her conversation burneth as fire. [12] Sit not at all with another man’s wife, nor repose upon the bed with her: [13] And strive not with her over wine, lest thy heart decline towards her, and by thy blood thou fall into destruction.

Corinthians I 8:7-13

                [[7]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=7#x)  But there is not knowledge in every one. For some until this present,  with conscience of the idol: eat as a thing sacrificed to an idol, and  their conscience, being weak, is defiled.                     [[8]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=8#x)  But meat doth not commend us to God. For neither, if we eat, shall we  have the more; nor, if we eat not, shall we have the less.                     [[9]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=9#x) But take heed lest perhaps this your liberty become a stumblingblock to the weak.                     [[10]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=10#x)  For if a man see him that hath knowledge sit at meat in the idol's  temple, shall not his conscience, being weak, be emboldened to eat those  things which are sacrificed to idols?                                          [[11]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=11#x) And through thy knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ hath died?                     [[12]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=12#x) Now when you sin thus against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.                     [[13]](http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=13#x) Wherefore, if meat scandalize my brother, I will never eat flesh, lest I should scandalize my brother.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

get…real!

I thought you were going to say wet, if you did I would have dismembered you for your own good.

Thank you for you (name removed by moderator)ut. I understand what you are saying. I know we should avoid the near occasion of sin. But if the boy and his girlfriend have absolutely no intentions of being sexual as they are religious and want to save it until marriage. There could be occasions where they spend the night talking to each other and fall asleep in the same bed. I am not saying that they should make this a regular habit,but if it happens once in a while; not harm, no foul. Right?

Look, I’m not into girls and even I wouldn’t share a bed with a girl

Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I did ask this question in the Apologist section couple days ago but I never got a reply so I started a thread here last night. Apparently I did get the reply today.
Not all boys/men want to have sex every time they have a girl in the bed with them. Just because one is a healthy male it doesn’t mean that he cannot respect a woman. This is just my personal opinion.

Being that close in that location is going to cause hormones that are going to seriously impair your judgement

Well, there is the matter of scandal.

If there is absolutely-no-way-that-anything-sexual-can-happen in the scenario you describe, then at least one of them is gay or dead. Possibly both.

I can very much understand the former, but the latter?

Sadly, this has been my experience. :’)

I’ve pretty much been in the former position,

I feel like everything goes as long it is not a moral sin. Pre-marital sex and teasing each other sexually are all moral sins. But spending the night with the girlfriend on her bed, when one goes to visit her as she lives in the different part of the country - not a sin. (fingers crossed)

What would it say to the girl if the guy was willing to take the floor?

Hmm. I say there should be a third party present to make sure nothing happens…

Knowing that the father will put the fear of God in him would probably be a major “cock blocker” (as the youth say)

 

[bz5]

I’ll add what a priest said to a caller on this topic: if there really is no great temptation, this is not the woman for you. Stop wasting her time.

 

[domandcarols]

Knowing that the father will put the fear of God in him would probably be a major “cock blocker” (as the youth say)

:yup:

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I feel like everything goes as long it is not a moral sin. Pre-marital sex and teasing each other sexually are all moral sins. But spending the night with the girlfriend on her bed, when one goes to visit her as she lives in the different part of the country - not a sin. (fingers crossed)

In Her Bed…only? And nothing ?!? You are my Hero !!!

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

All the replies are greatly appreciated! I think I got my answer. We are not engaged, but in a committed relationship, with a good possibility to being married at some point in the future.
I am content with the answer I got so far. A part of me wants to find loopholes but ultimately I am here to learn and follow the teaching of Christ!

Thanks again

Pray for You… You are a nice guy, better than me…you search for answers…

 

[graceandglory]

.

It is a VERY BAD Idea, and any parent that allowed this is crazy. …

Thank you, I have this challenge with a child right now. Only I’m the one being called crazy for not permitting it. I’ve been told my strictness will cause him to rebel. I’m holding my ground on this one. Don’t want any grandbabies yet.
And just for suggesting that, makes my child so mad at me for judging him.

 

[Kit15]

I actually feel for you on the self-control bit. Sex was a bit of a non-issue for DH and I. Yeah I guess temptation was there. But we were of a mindset that having pre-marital sex because we liked each other seemed just about as smart as drinking until we vomit because we liked the taste of beer. The timing was just…undesirable.

I don’t know if that’s how you feel…but that’s how I felt so I’m willing to give you the benefit if the doubt.

But the ONLY time I ever slept at my then-boyfriend’s place was when we were struck by a flash blizzard while we were out seeing a Broadway play for my birthday and my parents told me to stay put. I never went there for the night just because.

So…if you are really as good as you think you are…visit her. Watch a movie. Enjoy a cuddle. Then go home.

 

[silicasandra]

Thank you, I have this challenge with a child right now. Only I’m the one being called crazy for not permitting it. I’ve been told my strictness will cause him to rebel. I’m holding my ground on this one. Don’t want any grandbabies yet.
And just for suggesting that, makes my child so mad at me for judging him.

I got mad at my mom once because she wouldn’t let me have a male friend over and hang out in my room. I wanted privacy, but not because I was going to screw around or anything, but because my younger brother and sisters were obnoxious and I didn’t want to deal with them.

She stood firm and held her ground, and it turned out that we were fine to hang out in the living room and she was understanding and shooed my siblings out so they wouldn’t bother us (and she periodically came in to see how we were doing - unobtrusively, like carrying a load of laundry through the room.) Probably nothing would have happened if she hadn’t checked up on us, BUT she had consistency to fall back on when my sister, who was a little less…um, “goody-two-shoes” wanted to do the same thing.

Now that I’m a parent, even a new one, I have a completely new perspective on this. Kids think they are adults and that they can make adult decisions rationally - but they are not and they can not. I like to think that most of us once we grow up realize that. You are doing the right thing!!

 

[Dan_Daly]

Hello,
I wanted to know your opinion regarding this matter. I know that many people say it is not good for a boy to spend the night at his girl friend’s place or vice versa. This is because it might cause a temptation to sin. In a hypothetical case if the boy and girl were to spend a night together and there is definitely nothing sexual going to happen between them (because they have awesome self-control), and all they want to do is spend time in each other’s arms. How is this different from a boy and girl cuddling up on a couch and watching a movie together? Is this just frowned upon or immoral?
Thanks!

I would strongly caution against either scenario you mention in your example:

-spending the night
-cuddling up on the couch and watchng a movie together.

It is important to remember that any willful and knowing arousal of the sexual passions outside of marriage is a mortal sin. So if cuddling up on the couch is turning you on (and as someone who has cuddled up on the couch, I can speak for the effect it has had on me), you are playing with fire. The fires of hell not to dance around the issue.

Kissing your girlfriend in a way that arouses either of you would again be something of grave matter. Yes, I know this is radically counter-cultural in our society. God gives us the grace we need to follow Him though.

pax

 

[MissRose73]

I’ve sat on a couch and had my best male friend put his arm around me while we watched tv or has held my hand while walking out in public. Nothing wrong with that as our relationship is and will never be sexual as he considers me like a sister. He understands my viewpoints as I’ve made them known and respects them as a gentleman should. But not all men have that type of self control. We do not put ourselves in situations where virtue would be compromised in any way.

If I was to be in a dating relationship with someone currently, spending the night in the same room would be out of the question, and if he did not respect that then the relationship would be kaput.

My mother instilled in me about no sex before marriage, etc. Most people would consider her very much a prude for the way she raised her kids.