Small children masturbating

[BettyBoop416]

I can clearly remember having my first orgasm from manual stimulation when I was about 4 years old. I can’t remember exactly what I was doing, but suddenly…WOW! That feels good. A few days later my mother caught me trying to (innocently) show my 6 year old brother how to do it. My mother didn’t seem to be mad, but even as a 4 year old I could tell that she was extremely uncomfortable, and I knew to hide it from her from that point forward.

I agree that you should gently re-direct the child’s behavior, but don’t go all crazy and dramatic about it. Although the child certainly needs to know, in no uncertain terms, that such behavior is not something to share with others, you can really warp a kid with an overboard response.

 

[familyof4]

You’ve received some prudent advice. Redirect as much as possible, and the child will lose interest. If you have a dramatic reaction, you’re likely to drive the behavior into secrecy rather than hopefully redirecting it so that they forget about it.

I have two children, and was a stay at home parent until the youngest started school full time. No baby sitters aside from grandparents, and yes, both of the kids did this at one point or another. Totally normal because the kids find that certain things feel extremely pleasurable. It isn’t sexual, it’s curiosity.

I have to wonder if the people who had such strong reactions have ever had toddlers. I know I was surprised when my oldest did it, because I hadn’t considered the fact that a child might do this.

God bless!

 

[djalk]

Dr. Ray addressed this vary issue on his radio show last week. He said to redirect, that it is not a sexual thing beyond that they know it feels good, so they do it.

I say keep it simple, address her while she is doing it and as simply as possible tell her not to do it and find something else to do. I think children make a big a deal as you make it. If you are nonchalant about it, they just move on…hopefully.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

A lot of small children are innocently curious and they don’t know that this is not a good thing to do. Redirect her and tell her that it is not something she should do. You probably shouldn’t get into specifics-after all she is very little and probably won’t even remember this when she is older. Just explain that it is natural for children to be curious about their bodies, but there are certain things you do and do not do.

 

[child_of_God85]

It’s funny, I had never heard of little kids doing this, but most of the posts make sense.
I never did this as a child, but it was because I was scared of anything touching that part of my body. I had server kidney and bladder problems as a child, and once a month (sometimes more) I had to have a VCUG at the doctors office (where they insert a catherter into the urethra). So I guess I was pretty justified in not being overly curiouse about that part of my body.

 

[RonF]

I can assure you that I did start masturbating long before puberty - by then it had become an entrenched practice. I didn’t fully recognize what I was doing, but I did it nonetheless. Of course during puberty I did it more. I had no guidance to tell me to stop and that it was wrong. I developed habits and fantasies that haunt me to this day, and I am 55 years old. Trust me, if a parent can re-direct a child and interfere with this when it starts, it’s a lot better for their future sexual life than letting it go on for years and develop a life of its own.

I am a 53-year-old man - Juliane’s self-description describes my own. From my personal experience I know that very small children can and do masturbate and they don’t know what they’re doing. I don’t even know how and when I discovered it - and I was certainly not abused. I wish I could have been re-directed, but my parents did not know about it, so it developed into a major part of my adolescent and adult life, much to my grief. I am only now mastering this part of my life, thanks be to God.

A sensitive redirection of the young child will be doing her an incredible service.

 

[chazk728]

My daughter (age 4) has started to masturbate by rubbing up against the couch. My pediatrician says this is normal and developmentally appropriate, and that I should redirect her to a private place for this activity, but not shame her for doing it or tell her it’s dirty/bad. What I am reading on the internet is similar.

But I know masturbation is a sin according to the Church and I am not really sure what I should do. It’s uncomfortable for us when she does it out in the open, but obviously she only sees it as something that feels good. Should I tell her she’s being sinful? Should I just tell her to knock it off?

The last time she did it, I told her to stop right away and she said she hadn’t gotten to the “good part” yet.

I’m embarrassed and confused : (

I am a pediatric resident. This is normal behavior for a child, and from a Catholic perspective, given that she is younger than the age of reason, she is not in any way morally culpable (nor are you for allowing her to engage in it). Trust me, she will outgrow it. It won’t become a moral issue until later in her life.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am a pediatric resident. This is normal behavior for a child, and from a Catholic perspective, given that she is younger than the age of reason, she is not in any way morally culpable (nor are you for allowing her to engage in it). Trust me, she will outgrow it. It won’t become a moral issue until later in her life.

Or…Not. I never did, I found different ways to experience the same thing and by the time I was about 12, masturbation was an entrenched part of my life.

I state again: Redirect your child away from doing this.

 

[chazk728]

Or…Not. I never did, I found different ways to experience the same thing and by the time I was about 12, masturbation was an entrenched part of my life.

I state again: Redirect your child away from doing this.

Fair enough. If your experience was consistent with the minority of children for whom this remained an issue into adolescence, I completely understand your opinion and respect it. I stand by what I said earlier, however, that until the age of reason (defined by Code of Canon Law 97, 2) as the completion of the seventh year of life (ie, age 8) a child is not morally culpable, and given that she is likely to outgrow it, it would be reasonable to let her outgrow and stop the behavior by that time. Of course, if she does not follow the typical pattern, she should be re-directed from it.

 

[anruari]

At the risk of vain repetition, I would like to add my voice here:

I am a dad of a male toddler. He likes to play with his bits whenever he can. In the bath we ignore it (apart from cringing as some of what he does would be painful to an adult).

He’s normally in “real” nappies (daipers to our US bretheren). these are bulky and make it difficult for him, so he distracts himself with other activities.

He gets told off if he plays with himself inside his nappy, as he developed a habit of folding his nappy down, and pointing his “Pee-Pee” up resulting is urine soaked bedding or clothing - at it’s worst he did this in our bed!!!

Obviously at 2 years old we are able to explain to him that there’s a very good reason we don’t want that to happen.

On another occasion he was in a disposable. in a social situation. He stood in front of a couch full of our friends and pulled his bits up out of his nappy to show everyone. - Again that resulted in a rebuke - it’s an affront to normal social rules which he needs to learn about.

Other than where specific problems like those arose we deal with the issue by gentle redirection.

Making a big deal out of this behaviour is definitely a potentially damaging mistake.

I will point out that it can be harder to re-direct little girls. They don’t need manual access, as they can stimulate themselves by wriggling. This habit has to be prevented from forming as it can become very embarrassing if it becomes entrenched and a child does it in public.

As is visible above, other people seeing this behaviour can be prone to jumping to the assumption that a child has been exposed to some form of sexual abuse. - very hurtful for the parents, and at it’s worst could result in a “concerned citizen” making a Tip-off to the local Social Services. - While that should not result in anything worse than an embarrassing visit from a social worker - (rare) misscarrages of justice can occur in any country.

I know someone who was engaging in this behaviour when she started school a habit that had started when she was in nappies. She would refuse to be redirected. Social workers did get called in by the school. the child was then directed to therapy to help break the habit.

On a biological stand point: I would note to the sceptics who doubt the possibility of this issue:
There is a high concentration of nerve endings linking the genitals to the pleasure centres of the brain. These nerves do not magically appear at puberty, but are present at birth.
Any parent will tell you that baby boys are capable of having erections the day they are born. It is Highly unusual for them not to play with themselves as they explore their bodies.- of course they will discover that playing with their genitals feels different from playing with their toes, and strangely pleasurable.
As parents we need to use a range of technques to teach our children modesty, and correct social behaviour.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Fair enough. If your experience was consistent with the minority of children for whom this remained an issue into adolescence, I completely understand your opinion and respect it. I stand by what I said earlier, however, that until the age of reason (defined by Code of Canon Law 97, 2) as the completion of the seventh year of life (ie, age 8) a child is not morally culpable, and given that she is likely to outgrow it, it would be reasonable to let her outgrow and stop the behavior by that time. Of course, if she does not follow the typical pattern, she should be re-directed from it.

Well you have your perspective as a physician. I have my own as someone who has suffered the inner struggles. I would rather re-direct a child without shaming him/her and not take the risk of allowing a grave sin to get hold of that child for their entire life.

I don’t care about statistics because this practice can cause so much pain within a life, and that pain spreads to others.