So frustrated with my parish!

[quiet52]

I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.

Your parish is very fortunate to have a lay minister counselor. He or she might be just as, or even more, gifted than the pastor is in providing spiritual direction.

Be careful about the expectations you place upon any priest. They only have as many hours in a day as we do, and cannot do everything we want them to do.

If you only have one priest in such a large parish, he needs to tend to the sacramental needs first (preparing homilies, scheduled Masses, anointing of the sick, appointments for confession, meeting with engaged couples, etc. He must tend to his own spiritual needs and enrichment – liturgy of the hours and other prayer times, each day. He must attend meetings in his vicariate and diocese as required by his bishop. He must prepare for and attend monthly meetings with his parish council, finance committee, facilities committee, and liturgical committee – and maybe other committes, all for the common good of the entire parish. He also has legal and administrative duties he MUST fulfill in his role as pastor. He is entitled to some time off each day for friends or rest, for his day off each week and for his four vacation weeks off per year. Pray for your pastor and for all priests, and be grateful for all that he does for you, even if you don’t fully understand what those things are.

That being said, your spiritual needs are important. Make an appointment with the lay counselor. If you’re not satisfied, talk with a deacon. If your needs are still not met, meet with another deacon, if there is one. If your needs continue to be pressing, then write a note to the pastor. But before you do anything, do your part by praying and by attending Mass.

 

[kmuestwin]

Well, in my humble opinion, Satan drags more priests to hell with the simple tactic of making them “busy” apart from their real job, than any other thing he does. I can see it now. “Well, Lord, I didn’t have time to save souls through the ministry of the priesthood and the Sacraments. I was BUSY! I had committees and meetings and a lot of other things going on that I thought were more important than souls.” I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. He needs LOTS of prayer!

I really don’t like this kind of response. This priest is obviously under way too much pressure. I’m sure he is really busy but not because he chose to be.

1 man taking care of 5000 is a lot. The priest in my parish is constantly on the move. He runs two churches and probably takes care of about 400 families. He ALWAYS makes as much time as he can for the people under his care. He has two really good secretaries that handle tons of the business side of the church for him but he is still incredibly busy. My priest is more driven to bring souls to Christ than any person I have ever met in my life. I would never say that because he had to run his life on a tight schedule to get everything done he is on his way to hell.

The OP’s priest is overstretched. There is no way for him to just stop his day and have a random meeting. An unscheduled meeting with a parishioner might keep him from being able to say a mass or hear a confession. A man as hardworking as the OP’s priest needs to have a schedule to do the most good.

My suggestion is not to pray that this priest stops being too busy running the church but to pray for more seminarians to increase the number of priests.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

I really don’t like this kind of response. This priest is obviously under way too much pressure. I’m sure he is really busy but not because he chose to be.

1 man taking care of 5000 is a lot. The priest in my parish is constantly on the move. He runs two churches and probably takes care of about 400 families. He ALWAYS makes as much time as he can for the people under his care. He has two really good secretaries that handle tons of the business side of the church for him but he is still incredibly busy. My priest is more driven to bring souls to Christ than any person I have ever met in my life. I would never say that because he had to run his life on a tight schedule to get everything done he is on his way to hell.

The OP’s priest is overstretched. There is no way for him to just stop his day and have a random meeting. An unscheduled meeting with a parishioner might keep him from being able to say a mass or hear a confession. A man as hardworking as the OP’s priest needs to have a schedule to do the most good.

My suggestion is not to pray that this priest stops being too busy running the church but to pray for more seminarians to increase the number of priests.

I agree with you 100% Our priest takes care of almost 2,000 families. He is our only priest and is extremely busy. But…he always takes time to respond to email…the only thing is that I’m always patient…especially when I don’t know if he had to run out in the middle of the night to administer last rites… You just don’t know. It seems like people are not giving our priests a break. Everyone wants to complain about something.

I try to help by writing a thank you note every now and then or cooking a meal for him. Maybe a small thing…but the only thing I can do. And at least I’m not complaining about every little thing. We need to be more supportive of our priests…IMHO.

 

[laszlo]

The real job of the priest is to provide the Sacraments for the faithful, and to pray for the faithful.

Quite unfortunately above that pastors should run a parish, which is large parishes means the disposition of several million dollars. This could be run by laity under the strict supervision of the diocese, but this is not so.

Free counsel is not part of the priest’s job, especially if the parish provides other means (de acon, lay counselors) for that function.

Usually priests provide some time for their parishioners after the mass, which could be an opportunity even to set appointment

 

[Joannm]

I work in a parish, and many times when people call and say they need to speak to a priest, more often than not it is regarding a matter that can be handled by someone else on staff, a deacon , the DRE, parish social minister or me.

Very often people call to speak to the pastor and it may just be to schedule a baptism (done by me), ask about getting financial assistance (handled by Parish SOcial ministry) or sometimes they just want to complain. Yes there are legitimate times when a person needs to speak to a priest but unless it is for confession, there are others, at least on our staff, who can handle it.

I am sure if you went to see the deacon, and he saw it as something beyond his capabilities, he would refer you to the pastor or someone else. I usually am sent phone calls with complaints. The secretaries don’t want to bother the pastor, or is really busy, so I am the one to sort of diffuse the situation. If I can’t I arrange a meeting with the person and the pastor. Sometimes people just want to talk. They ask for the pastor but it is really an issue that they need a question answered or want to debate an issue. I have enough theological education, most of it from our seminary, that I can handle almost any question that comes in. This saves the pastor a lot of time and energy as, I can tell you, some of the people who call really can drain me. But I am a professional and most times the meeting or phone call ends with the person satisfied and not annoyed at all that they didn’t speak to the priest. Also, some of the complaints I get are about the priests, or about how something is being done in the parish. They feel they can talk to me easier than to talk to the priest himself.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

If a priest is not a diocesan priest but belongs to an order, such as Jesuit, a bishop can still assign him a parish. But the priest would be called an “administrator” and serve in the role of a pastor, but would not be called a “pastor.” That’s how it is in my diocese. I know one parish “administrator” who has been pastoring a parish for 15 years, without the title.

Did the OP mention if the priest was from a religious order? Sorry if I missed it.

 

[SMHW]

Did the OP mention if the priest was from a religious order? Sorry if I missed it.

The OP didn’t say anything one way or the other. The religious order idea was just speculation.

 

[thequeen]

Well, in my humble opinion, Satan drags more priests to hell with the simple tactic of making them “busy” apart from their real job, than any other thing he does. I can see it now. “Well, Lord, I didn’t have time to save souls through the ministry of the priesthood and the Sacraments. I was BUSY! I had committees and meetings and a lot of other things going on that I thought were more important than souls.” I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. He needs LOTS of prayer!

Wow that sounds like our former priest he was more interested in having dinners for his wealthy friends right at the church and making sure that those of us who were not as rich were kept out of the dining hall if they had something they needed to talk to him about he was more than willing to take the time but those of us who were not as rich had to make an appointment and when we did it could take 6 months or more we have a better priest now and his assistants are wonderful it is a whole different atmosphere hope your situation improves

 

[Sheadad]

Wow that sounds like our former priest he was more interested in having dinners for his wealthy friends right at the church and making sure that those of us who were not as rich were kept out of the dining hall if they had something they needed to talk to him about he was more than willing to take the time but those of us who were not as rich had to make an appointment and when we did it could take 6 months or more we have a better priest now and his assistants are wonderful it is a whole different atmosphere hope your situation improves

Please think about what you are saying here. There is no way that you can possibly know what your former priest’s motives were. The success of a parish, especially with a large congregation is an overwhelming task. The priests in many of the diocese’ are taken to task unfairly many times. Remember that their job is to tend to their flock, but to do that effectively, one has to many times keep a multimillion dollar organization running smoothly so that people can be seen, listened to and pampered. This is why it is so important to have the utmost respect for what a priest brings to the table. Take the approach of praying for Christ to open your eyes to what you can also “bring” to the table, instead of what you can take from it.

 

[thequeen]

Please think about what you are saying here. There is no way that you can possibly know what your former priest’s motives were. The success of a parish, especially with a large congregation is an overwhelming task. The priests in many of the diocese’ are taken to task unfairly many times. Remember that their job is to tend to their flock, but to do that effectively, one has to many times keep a multimillion dollar organization running smoothly so that people can be seen, listened to and pampered. This is why it is so important to have the utmost respect for what a priest brings to the table. Take the approach of praying for Christ to open your eyes to what you can also “bring” to the table, instead of what you can take from it.

Let me say this he was more interested in keeping those parishioners who were the big givers than in speaking the truth from his homilies.and those dinners he had were paid for by us not so rich parishioners because he took the funds from the church I know this because i work one day a week for the bank that my parish has their account with and i also saw him many times tell someone that he was busy when they needed him to come and see their dying loved one I realize that the priests are busy but he never had time for the working class people in our parish Yes I am glad he is gone in fact our priest we have now didn’t even invite him back to give a retreat or anything like that this past lent he said that he was gone and we needed to have a time of healing for our parish.I have brought alot to the table I take care of a library which is better now because our new priest got rid of the liberal people that our former priest had in certain positions and now the library looks like a Catholic library.and we are finally hearing Catholic truth from the priest that we have now.

 

[excubitor]

If the priests were not so busy running schools for neo-pagans, and running weddings, funerals, and confirmations for apostate catholics, then they would have plenty of time for the real catholics in their parish. Out of those 5000 families I bet there are only 500 families who can properly be called catholics. These should have the time and attention of the priest.

The priests are for the sacraments and prayer primarily. Spiritual counselling of the flock is a reasonable secondary purpose in important matters. One duty that priests have failed very badly on is chasing up families which have been regular attenders, but fall away. It is the pastors job to seek after the sheep that have gone astray and bring them back to the fold. This is rarely done. I personally believe that priests should get a lot more involved with catechesis. They spent 6 years in the seminary, they really should be imparting this knowledge to the flock. To much of the vital role of catechesis gets shovelled on to teachers of dubious quality and learning. That is tragic.

Less important, routine, counselling, and organising duties should be handled by deacons and senior layfolk. That’s what they are there for. The church has recently allowed married men to join the diaconate. They need to do several years of study for this role and so should be quite capable to handle most of these routine functions of the church.

Besides, as Catholics, we get what we pay for. It is the Catholic’s duty to avoid contraception and potentially have lots of sons which they raise to desire to be priests. We also should be putting money in the plate to fund a larger priesthood. But modern Catholics, even the real ones, are selfish. Its a disgrace how much jingling I hear in the plate when I should be hearing rustling. It’s a disgrace how Catholics limit the size of their families so that they can fund second cars, holidays, and luxury living.

If we are going to be selfish and miserly, then we should not moan when we don’t receive the blessings of a large and flourishing priesthood. We are getting to the point now, where even if we can find a priest to give us the sacraments, that we are blessed beyond words. The days will come when a priest will be like gold on the earth.

 

[Sheadad]

Let me say this he was more interested in keeping those parishioners who were the big givers than in speaking the truth from his homilies.and those dinners he had were paid for by us not so rich parishioners because he took the funds from the church I know this because i work one day a week for the bank that my parish has their account with and i also saw him many times tell someone that he was busy when they needed him to come and see their dying loved one I realize that the priests are busy but he never had time for the working class people in our parish Yes I am glad he is gone in fact our priest we have now didn’t even invite him back to give a retreat or anything like that this past lent he said that he was gone and we needed to have a time of healing for our parish.I have brought alot to the table I take care of a library which is better now because our new priest got rid of the liberal people that our former priest had in certain positions and now the library looks like a Catholic library.and we are finally hearing Catholic truth from the priest that we have now.

Now that you have expounded on your experience, I understand it more. A priest, although busy, is in big trouble for not coming to see a loved one that is dying. Also, I’m happy to hear that you are involved in your parish library. You know what would be so cool for a Catholic library is to hunt down almost EVERY single biography on the Saints and then have a sort of book club with parishioners focusing on a Saint in some way.

 

[Cider]

I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.

no that isn’t normal at all. If he is regularly unavailable for appointments ( they sure seemed to be basically telling you he doesn’t take appointments) and the parish only has :45 minutes a week for confessions in parish of over 5000 families then something is most definitely not normal.

I’d seek out another parish.

 

[thequeen]

Now that you have expounded on your experience, I understand it more. A priest, although busy, is in big trouble for not coming to see a loved one that is dying. Also, I’m happy to hear that you are involved in your parish library. You know what would be so cool for a Catholic library is to hunt down almost EVERY single biography on the Saints and then have a sort of book club with parishioners focusing on a Saint in some way.
Well we do have two shelves in the library for books about the saints one for books about our blessed mother and one for the other saints in the Church but I will pass on your idea to the pastor.

 

[thequeen]

Now that you have expounded on your experience, I understand it more. A priest, although busy, is in big trouble for not coming to see a loved one that is dying. Also, I’m happy to hear that you are involved in your parish library. You know what would be so cool for a Catholic library is to hunt down almost EVERY single biography on the Saints and then have a sort of book club with parishioners focusing on a Saint in some way.

Well we do have two shelves for books about the saints one for books about our Blessed mother and the other one for books about other saints in the Church however I will pass on you idea to the priest that we have now.

 

[PodunkMommy]

This is just to point out that he is extremely busy. It is unfortunate that we cannot have personal relationships with priests.

No wonder so few young boys are interested in the priesthood - when they do not have any one-on-one interaction with their own pastors it is hard to get excited about the calling!

You are so true. We have moved and finally, after two years are switching to what would be considered our “home” parish. OUr previous parish was very big and their were two priests but the main priest was very busy. I am hoping at our home parish which is smaller, there will be time for us to build a more personal relationship with our priest. I’d love to have him over for dinner, have the kids get to know him, etc. I have an 11 yo who thinks about becoming a priest and I don’t see how that will ever be a real discernment unless her gets to know our priests on a personal level.

Blessings.

 

[annecatholic]

I’m in New York City where Catholic Churches tend to be very impersonal - and there are no coffee hours so that parishioners can get to know each other, let alone their priests.

This impersonal approach leads to low attendance which is now resulting in churches and Catholic schools being closed. As simplistic as this may sound, I feel just creating a way for parishioners to share a cup of coffee after mass could reserve this sad trend.