So, I got a good deal on a ring

[montanaman]

Yup. I haven’t purchased it yet, but I’m seriously thinking about it. Clarity’s good. It’s flawless to the naked eye. Good price. The only thing is, whenever I’ve made other major purchases (like my truck) I knew that I would probably sell the thing in a few years. Buying an engagement ring is a little different, you know? Lol.

I have to check out one other place, but after that, it’s decision time. Is it common to feel like you’re just letting yourself fall over a cliff ledge in this situation?

Last night she and I had our priest over to dinner at her place. In the context for discerning for priesthood, Father said when he decided, he just went forward and said “God, if this isn’t right, you’d better get me kicked out of seminary or something, because otherwise I’m just going to do it.” I feel the same way.

Any other guys felt like that when they “mostly” made the Big Decision?

Pertinent info: Dating one year, four months. She’s converting to Catholicism (98% sure).

 

[Princess_Abby]

Keep in mind there are four "C"s to diamond buying…carat, cut, clarity and color. You might consider getting a diamond that also has a certificate to authenticate that you’re buying what the jeweler SAYS you’re buying; such as GIA, EGL, NAJA.

Oh, and look at the ring or stone under a 10x scope to see if the flaws are huge once magnified 10x…such as cracks or clouds. Then once you know where they are, take a look without it and be sure it really looks flawless to the naked eye afterward.

Also, try to get a bonded diamond. That way if anything happens to the ring–it’s lost, stolen, damaged, the stone falls out of it’s setting, etc., the jeweler will usually replace in full according to whatever their policy is. Sometimes the only requirement to keep the ring bonded is to come in every six months and allow the jeweler to sign off after the jeweler inspects it. Other times there is no requirement and you can come in at any time with an issue and they’ll do damage control.

ANyway…that said…and I’m sure you knew all of the above…congrats! Is it right to think you’re considering a Christmas engagement?

 

[Princess_Abby]

Also…what is the hesitancy on your part to fully make The Big Decision?

 

[MrS]

Princess_Abby:

Keep in mind there are four "C"s to diamond buying…carat, cut, clarity and color.

Pehaps there are 5 "C"s… Catholicism should be a plus for your future children. The ONLY reason to marry is to help each other to get to heaven. All else comes second.

Why do you say 98%? Is she in RCIA yet? What does your “dinner guest”, the priest have to add to this. Do you talk to him in private?

 

[montanaman]

Princess_Abby:

Keep in mind there are four "C"s to diamond buying…carat, cut, clarity and color. You might consider getting a diamond that also has a certificate to authenticate that you’re buying what the jeweler SAYS you’re buying; such as GIA, EGL, NAJA.

Oh, and look at the ring or stone under a 10x scope to see if the flaws are huge once magnified 10x…such as cracks or clouds. Then once you know where they are, take a look without it and be sure it really looks flawless to the naked eye afterward.

Also, try to get a bonded diamond. That way if anything happens to the ring–it’s lost, stolen, damaged, the stone falls out of it’s setting, etc., the jeweler will usually replace in full according to whatever their policy is. Sometimes the only requirement to keep the ring bonded is to come in every six months and allow the jeweler to sign off after the jeweler inspects it. Other times there is no requirement and you can come in at any time with an issue and they’ll do damage control.

ANyway…that said…and I’m sure you knew all of the above…congrats! Is it right to think you’re considering a Christmas engagement?

Wow, good info. Thanks. I have a “metrosexual” buddy (who’s one of the most masculine guys I’ve ever known) who says the specs I gave him should make this diamond much more expensive. I saw the official card, so I know they’re not scamming me, except that they say the “sale” price is only good through tomorrow. Whatever.

As far as my hesitancy, well, I’ve discovered a great many things about myself over the last year or so, and one is that I’m very selfish. I don’t WANT to give up all my time. I don’t WANT to grow up and be responsible. I’m also a strange mixture of arrogant and insecure–on one hand, (and please take this with a grain of salt) women seem to like me and I’ve rarely had a difficult time finding dates. On the other, I have profound doubts about my ability to provide for a wife and children. I’m a WRITER, after all.

But with this girl, “Grace,” she’s virtually the whole package. And she isn’t just someone who meets all the points on a checklist–she actually makes me want to overcome all my pettiness, arrogance and selfishness. I think she’s the best person I’ve ever known, too.

I also hesitate because sometimes it’s like we’ve come from different worlds. She was homeschooled in a non-denominational, yet very fundamentalist home. I’m from public schools in a relatively stronger Catholic home, and I did the usual tour through debauchery in college and immediately afterward. Our cultural references don’t mesh that often (but that actually gives rise to some pretty funny situations). She’s also “city” and I’m “country.” I like simple and functional, she likes brand names and elegance. I like that stuff, too, but if it weren’t for her deep faith, I’d probably think she was too materialistic.

That said, I have all the latest gadgets, and I like 'em. So, who am I kidding here.

Perhaps the biggest hesitancy I have is that we live in D.C. For now, it’s right where I need to be. The other day I was joking with Cal Thomas the day Condi Rice visited my place of work. Not too long ago I was in an elevator with Ed Meese III. That stuff is incredibly interesting to me, but someday I’d like to get back home to the Pacific Northwest and be near my family. I’ve been “on the road” for a very long time now. It’s been about 15 years since I’ve been around the mountains and now my little cousins are all having kids. She doesnt’ want to move–her family’s here. (However, marrying me might just cause them to finally cut her off completely–long story).

As for her RCIA, last night she told the priest that she wanted to go from the “inquiry” stage to “catachumen.” She’s serious about it.

 

[MooCowSteph]

Princess_Abby:

Keep in mind there are four "C"s to diamond buying…carat, cut, clarity and color.

Yep, there’s nothing worse than a cloudy, flawed diamond. We ladies want some sparkle! Check out the clarity scale. I wouldn’t go lower on the scale than VSI (very slightly included). Most of what’s in your average jewelry store is SI (slightly included) and once you get it away from the jewelers lights, it won’t look as good. My personal ranking of importance (not that my opinion really matters all that much…) is clarity, cut, color and then carat. I would rather have a small near perfect diamond that a huge one that’s flawed. And a round diamond will always have more fire than any other cut. It may not be your girlfriend’s preference, which of course is the deciding factor, but a less perfect diamond will look better round than in any other cut. Just my :twocents:.

 

[montanaman]

MooCowSteph:

Yep, there’s nothing worse than a cloudy, flawed diamond. We ladies want some sparkle! Check out the clarity scale. I wouldn’t go lower on the scale than VSI (very slightly included). Most of what’s in your average jewelry store is SI (slightly included) and once you get it away from the jewelers lights, it won’t look as good. My personal ranking of importance (not that my opinion really matters all that much…) is clarity, cut, color and then carat. I would rather have a small near perfect diamond that a huge one that’s flawed. And a round diamond will always have more fire than any other cut. It may not be your girlfriend’s preference, which of course is the deciding factor, but a less perfect diamond will look better round than in any other cut. Just my :twocents:.

Here are the specs on this sucker:

1 carat in a three-stone ring.
D/SI 1

I forget the rest, but that thing sparkled in the dark. The sales lady held it in a deep shadow and the thing was on fire.

Even I know that’s good.

 

[Chovy]

As far as lady selection, I think you have it covered. If you want to take a look at some diamonds and their pricing for comparison purposes, I suggest www.borsheims.com. You can look at loose diamonds, set your specifications as to size, clarity, etc… and see just how much they cost. Congratulations (almost) and keep us posted!

 

[dulcissima]

I wouldn’t really worry too much about the diamond. Sounds like you found the real gem. Congratulations.

 

[ReginaNova]

montanaman:

The other day I was joking with Cal Thomas the day Condi Rice visited my place of work. Not too long ago I was in an elevator with Ed Meese III.

So that is where you work! I hope they pay you well! That organization sure does have some big bucks.

BTW, congrats on the pending engagement. The diamond sounds beautiful, especially “D” color.

 

[montanaman]

ReginaNova:

So that is where you work! I hope they pay you well! That organization sure does have some big bucks.

BTW, congrats on the pending engagement. The diamond sounds beautiful, especially “D” color.

Clearly I’ve said too much. Lol.

Okay, so forget everything I said about that diamond. I found another of similar, though slightly SLIGHTLY less quality at a much better place for all kinds of reasons. Providence (I guess) directed me to meet this guy. This guy had gotten his engagement ring from this guy who has a private business selecting and cutting his own business. He’s Israeli, and uses Israeli diamonds. My girlfriend would LOVE that, having such a connection to the Holy Land.

Anyway, I drove way the HECK outside of D.C. today with that metrosexual buddy of mine. He consulted with me and the Israeli (who now has an actual, very elegant store). Now, I couldn’t tell the difference between the diamond I looked at at the other place and this one, but my buddy kept saying “That’s beautiful.” If he’d said “gorgeous,” I would have made him ride in the back of the truck on the way home.

Anyway, I got a GREAT deal, it’s a very sparkly ring, and I have a feeling she’s going to bawl her head off–either because of the proposal or the ring. I’m not sure which. Hopefully both.

Then again, am I going to go through with it?

Surprisingly, just before I plunked down more money than I’ve ever spent before, I felt at peace. The ring part was easy. A couple of questions still remained, but I wasn’t afraid and I didn’t feel a sense of dread like I expected.

I had to go to Confession today, and afterward I lit a candle, prayed to the Holy Family, and said basically what the priest told me last night: “Lord, I want to do your will, but I feel like I’ve put into motion something here, and unless you say otherwise, I’m going to go through with it. If it’s not meant to be, I trust you to show me. Please give me eyes to see your will, and the strength to do it.”

So, the plan is to take her to the sight of where our first date ended–at the Franciscan Monastery–on Christmas Eve. She’ll freeze, but a plan is forming in my mind…

Oh yes, I’ll keep you posted.

 

[Princess_Abby]

montanaman:

Then again, am I going to go through with it?

Oh puhlease stop ruining it with questions/statements like this one! Are you always the type to second guess something up until the very last moment? You would so drive me crazy! Why are you buying an engagement ring if you don’t KNOW for sure? (Hint: you DO know.)

 

[montanaman]

Princess_Abby:

Oh puhlease stop ruining it with questions/statements like this one! Are you always the type to second guess something up until the very last moment? You would so drive me crazy! Why are you buying an engagement ring if you don’t KNOW for sure? (Hint: you DO know.)

That’s the theory I’m operating under.

And yes, I AM the type to question everything right up until the last second…

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

About the ring - quality is nice, but I wouldn’t recommend picking it out without her. It’s something she’s ging to wear for the rest of her life every single day - so make sure it’s a style that she likes.

If you aren’t 100% sure about any part of getting married, don’t buy the ring.

 

[montanaman]

About the ring - quality is nice, but I wouldn’t recommend picking it out without her. It’s something she’s ging to wear for the rest of her life every single day - so make sure it’s a style that she likes.

If you aren’t 100% sure about any part of getting married, don’t buy the ring.

We “accidentally” ended up in a jewelry store a few months ago, and I got a good education about what she likes. It’s definitely her style.

As for being sure, who is? I’m not sure about anything in my life, really. The best I can get to–on almost everything–is “seems about right.” And “seems about right” has pushed me to do some things I never thought I could. I’ve also discovered that when it comes to discernment for anything, praying is good but if you just sit around and wait for an answer, you’re going to be waiting a long time. I’ve always gotten a lot of static in response to desperate prayers seeking direction. But when I *act * I find that answers present themselves quite clearly. In this case, I’ve been praying for direction for a year, apparently getting nothing other than equally contradictory vague impressions. When I finally just said “screw it, I’m looking at rings,” things fell into place right away.

Of course, I may be completly wrong and deluded (wouldn’t be the first time) but I trust God to show us what he wants in the next six months or so. If it’s not meant to be, he’ll make that clear. Or, he could strike me down with a heart attack in the next couple of days. If you never hear from me again, well, that might be why.

 

[sententia]

Or, he could strike me down with a heart attack in the next couple of days

Wouldn’t that be lovely? I’m always praying stuff like “God, please hit me over thehead withlighting because I am incredibly dense, and you know I have trouble figuring out your will.”

A friend of mine seems to recieve answers like it’s no-ones business. She’ll pray about something, and recieve news on in, or even something she needs, the very next day (she is very poor). It’s incredible. LOL. Only once that I can recognize God really pointed me in one direction (I think), and he did so quite literally. Unfortunatly, that doesn’t seem the norm. Why must I always recognize providance AFTER the fact? ROTFL.

 

[montanaman]

sententia:

Wouldn’t that be lovely? I’m always praying stuff like “God, please hit me over thehead withlighting because I am incredibly dense, and you know I have trouble figuring out your will.”

A friend of mine seems to recieve answers like it’s no-ones business. She’ll pray about something, and recieve news on in, or even something she needs, the very next day (she is very poor). It’s incredible. LOL. Only once that I can recognize God really pointed me in one direction (I think), and he did so quite literally. Unfortunatly, that doesn’t seem the norm. Why must I always recognize providance AFTER the fact? ROTFL.

Hmm. In the past I’d read something like that and think “Why does God hate me?” Now, I just think, “Well, she’s clearly needs more help than the rest of us.”

 

[jrabs]

Why are you buying a ring without being absolutely sure in your heart that this is what you want?

And I don’t think you should be feeling like " you’re just letting yourself fall over a cliff ledge in this situation" . Gosh, if my fiancee had said that as he was contemplating marriage to me, I have questioned the proposal.

Do you think you need to take more time possibly until you are clear?
And why are you inviting a priest over to discern the priesthood? Or was he talking about his discernment process? A little confusing here, but if you are trying to discern your vocation, why are you buying a ring?

 

[montanaman]

jrabs:

Why are you buying a ring without being absolutely sure in your heart that this is what you want?

And I don’t think you should be feeling like " you’re just letting yourself fall over a cliff ledge in this situation" . Gosh, if my fiancee had said that as he was contemplating marriage to me, I have questioned the proposal.

Do you think you need to take more time possibly until you are clear?
And why are you inviting a priest over to discern the priesthood? Or was he talking about his discernment process? A little confusing here, but if you are trying to discern your vocation, why are you buying a ring?

No, we didn’t invite the priest over so I could discern for it. It was just dinner, and since I knew I wouldn’t have time to chat with him alone, I steered the converasation toward discernment to maybe glean some insights from him.

As for my certainty, that’s one of those infuriating things it’s best I don’t focus too intensely on. I have been pushed to rage before because I wanted to do what God wanted of me, but I never received anything but silence. These people who say they’re getting messages from Heaven I’m convinced are either blessed and rare, or so self-absorbed they mistake their own imaginations for God’s voice. I was in the latter category for a while. I’ve come to learn that in the end, you just have to move forward with a little faith and trust.

Left to myself, I would go back and forth on the decision forever. If people are granted more certainty than what I have right now, then it’s best that I don’t think about it because I’ll just get mad at God. I’ve never been certain about anything–not even the Church. I’ve been defending Catholicism all my life but in the end, do I really REALLY believe it? I suppose. Either it’s all true or it’s all a joke, a lie and a fraud. I CHOOSE to believe it’s true.

I could go on about that, but I won’t because there are certain things I find fruitless to talk about. After nearly killing myself over God’s silence on the direction of my life back in college, I’ve learned that Augustine’s advice on discernment is simple and true: “Love God and do as you will.”

If I sit around and wait for a divine green light I’ll be dust before I get an answer. I’m sorry, but my faith only goes so far.

 

[montanaman]

One more note on my level of certainty here:

About four months ago I was presented with a decision–stay at my unfulfilling job where I made a sizeable amount of money more, or, take a job that was much more along the lines of what I believe is my calling in life. I had a short period of time to decide. I prayed and prayed and prayed and received exactly squat for hard, practical advice or direction from above. I was nearly tearing my hair out trying to decide what to do, and I knew there were larger questions resting on this question–not the least of which is the marriage question I’m considering.

In the end I just “took a leap” because this was a great opportunity for various reasons, if not financial ones. It turned out to be a great decision.

God helps us the best way he can reach us. For some, that’s direct influence on the intellect and consciousness. For others, they can only see God’s hand in their life by looking back on their past.

All that said, I love Grace. There’s no doubt she’s everything I want. The big question is “Is this what God wants for me (us)?”

On questions like that, for me, God has always been silent. I get the feeling he’s helping out behind the scenes, but as for what he’s doing, I’ll have to wait until I face him before I know what he’s been up to.