So, there's this guy

[Laktian]

Thank you all for your messages and (name removed by moderator)ut. I want to clarify that when I said he’s tested the waters, so to speak, that I meant he’d hinted that he might want pre-marital sex with me somewhere down the road. His relationship with his ex-fianceé lasted closer to 10 years than 5, and he didn’t marry her because she wasn’t religious… whereas I’m too religious. Go figure.

Anyway, he and I met last night and talked. I told him how I view dating, and he told me that he didn’t think we’d be able to find a good compromise given our differing views. He said that I live my faith like someone in a convent would - in the “strictest possible way” - and things are different out in the “real world” and that he doubted very much that I’d find anyone willing to live by my “rules”. But he said he knew himself too well to know that he wouldn’t be able to give me the kind of pre-marital relationship that I’m seeking, so we’ve parted ways. He said that he knew from the moment I mentioned chastity to him in an e-mail that this - our breaking up and moving on - would be the final result.

We said goodbye with a hug and then his final words to me were: “if you ever feel like changing the way you live your life, give me a call.”

I’ll miss him (I know it’s stupid), but hey ho, that’s how it goes.

 

[PaulGH]

Thank you all for your messages and (name removed by moderator)ut. I want to clarify that when I said he’s tested the waters, so to speak, that I meant he’d hinted that he might want pre-marital sex with me somewhere down the road. His relationship with his ex-fianceé lasted closer to 10 years than 5, and he didn’t marry her because she wasn’t religious… whereas I’m too religious. Go figure.

Anyway, he and I met last night and talked. I told him how I view dating, and he told me that he didn’t think we’d be able to find a good compromise given our differing views. He said that I live my faith like someone in a convent would - in the “strictest possible way” - and things are different out in the “real world” and that he doubted very much that I’d find anyone willing to live by my “rules”. But he said he knew himself too well to know that he wouldn’t be able to give me the kind of pre-marital relationship that I’m seeking, so we’ve parted ways. He said that he knew from the moment I mentioned chastity to him in an e-mail that this - our breaking up and moving on - would be the final result.

We said goodbye with a hug and then his final words to me were: “if you ever feel like changing the way you live your life, give me a call.”

I’ll miss him (I know it’s stupid), but hey ho, that’s how it goes.

I’m very sorry to hear that the relationship didn’t work out. It sounds like the break-up is for the best, but that doesn’t stop it from being a sad and difficult situation.

I think that this gentleman is wrong though when he says that you aren’t likely to find anyone willing to live by your rules. Men like that probably are hard to find, but I am quite sure they are out there. You might try Catholic dating sites, or local events for young Catholic adults. Or you might even find someone right here on this forum – I have seen some posts by single Catholic guys who are interested in chaste dating and discerning marriage.

 

[Luvz2travel]

… and we’ve been dating for a few months. We’re both Catholic - he is a cultural Catholic and I am a convert. Prior to dating me, he was in a long-term sexual relationship of 5+ years with his ex-fianceé. I basically told him straight-up from the beginning that pre-marital sex isn’t for me. He said it was okay although he’s tested the waters a couple of times since, I’ve stood firm in my convictions - it’s not going to happen, pure and simple.

Being chaste in dating is hugely important to me, but he talks of the need to keep the passion alive without sex and wants us to find a good “compromise”. He wants us to engage in french kissing and said it would be so nice to wake up next to me in his bed! I said that I don’t believe in that, he says “some people’s faith is deeper than others”.

As far as I’m concerned, dating - or courting, if you will - should be as simple and innocent as possible. A quick kiss on the lips (not french kissing!) and a hug (not in a bed!) snd maybe some hand-holding and a lot of chatting and spending time together… is this a wrong view of Catholic dating?

Usually I’m so good with knowing what’s right and what’s not right for me, and I keep thinking that I should end it with him, but at the same time, I think what if this is the person God wants me to marry and I kick him to the curb like that. I’m totally irrational about the whole thing and would appreciate any non-bias (name removed by moderator)ut - the more honest, the better!

My ex did the same thing and wouldn’t give up and that’s one of the main reasons he’s my ex. I would tell him if he can’t respect how you feel and your beliefs you need to go your separate ways. He may view you as a challenge but if he were a real gentleman he wouldn’t be quite so forward about pushing the limits you’ve laid down. Most guys will try to push at some point but when they get agressive or overt with it it’s time to call it a day. Just my 2 cent’s.

 

[Chevaleresse]

he doubted very much that I’d find anyone willing to live by my “rules”.

Those types always say that. They just try to break you down. Be wary.

Go to a Catholic dating site and don’t compromise. Did you see what happened to his last girlfriend? She did what he wanted and still got dumped. You’re better than that.

 

[Gwendolen]

Those types always say that. They just try to break you down. Be wary.

Go to a Catholic dating site and don’t compromise. Did you see what happened to his last girlfriend? She did what he wanted and still got dumped. You’re better than that.

Yep, my boyfriend when I was 20 broke up with me because I wouldn’t sleep with him, and the next summer, I met my husband, who was respectful of my beliefs.

That poor ex of his wasted 10 years of her life, you are wiser than her!

 

[Allegra]

I’ll miss him (I know it’s stupid), but hey ho, that’s how it goes.

That’s not stupid. It’s normal to miss a boyfriend. At least he was man enough to tell you the truth. I’m glad it worked out for the best.

 

[thewanderer]

I just wanted to add two things. Like otherss have said, there really are men out there who want to remain chaste until marriage, so don’t settle for less then that. On top of other people’s advice I would add looking at solid Catholic Colleges, there really are a lot of great men out there, you just need to know where to look.

(snip)

he doubted very much that I’d find anyone willing to live by my “rules”.

(snip)

We said goodbye with a hug and then his final words to me were: “if you ever feel like changing the way you live your life, give me a call.”

Also, I just wanted to point out that this sounds very manipulative to me. Well, if you keep your standards so high you’ll never find someone, but you know, if you would just lower them a little, then you could have me back and not be alone." I’m pretty sure you will be much better off without someone this manipulative. :yup:

 

[KCT]

You go, girl! Do not lower your standards.

Too bad he won’t raise his standards…

 

[Greg_N]

He said that I live my faith like someone in a convent would - in the “strictest possible way” - and things are different out in the “real world” and that he doubted very much that I’d find anyone willing to live by my “rules”.

We said goodbye with a hug and then his final words to me were: “if you ever feel like changing the way you live your life, give me a call.”

I’ll miss him (I know it’s stupid), but hey ho, that’s how it goes.

This might sound harsh, but he doesn’t care about you and I doubt he ever did.

As a dude, I can tell you that this chick has the right idea.

peace