A
Aramis
Guest
I have done a variety of responses…
JW’s:
The one that had the most profound effect was simply answering the door nude with a bloody meat cleaver in hand. (Waiting for the shower, making stew. College.) They ran. Literally.
In general, I simply ask them to note the sign that says “No Soliciting. No preaching.” Then I point out that I’m unwilling to convert, and would really appreciate being added to their scary people list. If they still haven’t given up, I start showing off my weapons (swords and knives). I’ve never had one stick around after I pick up a rapier. They then don’t come around again until I move.
Mormons:
Mormons are, to be honest, more fun. They’re more prone to ignore the sign, too… mostly due to youth.
Fun things to ask Mormon Missionaries:
“Isn’t coffee banned to you mormons cause of the caffeine?” [Nods] “Want some cocoa?” [Nods] Cup profferred, then label shown to them showing caffeine… and then the article showing that Chocolate is a (very very mild) Narcotic.
“You guys don’t drink alcohol, right?” [nods] “Christ makes wine, and gives it to people to drink. Christ drinks wine, in the Gospels. So what’s wrong with Wine?”
“Are you wearing the famous Mormon Underwear?” [if yes:] “Can I see it?”
“Is the Order of Nephi still serving as the Mormon Inquisition, or is that the order of holy magi? I forget…” (Based upon references in the game “Mage: The Ascencion” and its supplement “Sorcerers”)
“Since Christ promised to be with the Church Always, and he’s the son of God, how come you make him out to be a liar?” [sputtering usually, especially if the cocoa bit worked.] “Well, y’all claim he withdrew his spirit at the end of the Apostolic Era. So, either Christ Lied, or the spirit remained with the church.”
“Do you realize just how [pick one of: Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican] your ward service looks?”
“So, like, y’all claim that the virtuous become like God is now in the afterlife… So if I die and go to heaven, I get to create a universe?”
“If God once was as man is now, and Man shall become like what God is now, what will God be like by then?”
I’ve shaken a few up that way. At least one later joined an RCIA program. Usualy, that gets me off the list for AT LEAST a year.
If they’ve been really obnoxious with a neighbor:
“Стравтвица! У вас ест Книга в Мормонь? Хорошо, спасибо! Я надобнося туалетная бумага!”
(Hi! Do you have a Book of Mormon? Good, thank-you! I need toilet paper.)
In general, tho’, the sign does the trick.
JW’s:
The one that had the most profound effect was simply answering the door nude with a bloody meat cleaver in hand. (Waiting for the shower, making stew. College.) They ran. Literally.
In general, I simply ask them to note the sign that says “No Soliciting. No preaching.” Then I point out that I’m unwilling to convert, and would really appreciate being added to their scary people list. If they still haven’t given up, I start showing off my weapons (swords and knives). I’ve never had one stick around after I pick up a rapier. They then don’t come around again until I move.
Mormons:
Mormons are, to be honest, more fun. They’re more prone to ignore the sign, too… mostly due to youth.
Fun things to ask Mormon Missionaries:
“Isn’t coffee banned to you mormons cause of the caffeine?” [Nods] “Want some cocoa?” [Nods] Cup profferred, then label shown to them showing caffeine… and then the article showing that Chocolate is a (very very mild) Narcotic.
“You guys don’t drink alcohol, right?” [nods] “Christ makes wine, and gives it to people to drink. Christ drinks wine, in the Gospels. So what’s wrong with Wine?”
“Are you wearing the famous Mormon Underwear?” [if yes:] “Can I see it?”
“Is the Order of Nephi still serving as the Mormon Inquisition, or is that the order of holy magi? I forget…” (Based upon references in the game “Mage: The Ascencion” and its supplement “Sorcerers”)
“Since Christ promised to be with the Church Always, and he’s the son of God, how come you make him out to be a liar?” [sputtering usually, especially if the cocoa bit worked.] “Well, y’all claim he withdrew his spirit at the end of the Apostolic Era. So, either Christ Lied, or the spirit remained with the church.”
“Do you realize just how [pick one of: Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican] your ward service looks?”
“So, like, y’all claim that the virtuous become like God is now in the afterlife… So if I die and go to heaven, I get to create a universe?”
“If God once was as man is now, and Man shall become like what God is now, what will God be like by then?”
I’ve shaken a few up that way. At least one later joined an RCIA program. Usualy, that gets me off the list for AT LEAST a year.
If they’ve been really obnoxious with a neighbor:
“Стравтвица! У вас ест Книга в Мормонь? Хорошо, спасибо! Я надобнося туалетная бумага!”
(Hi! Do you have a Book of Mormon? Good, thank-you! I need toilet paper.)
In general, tho’, the sign does the trick.