Something I Can't Understand

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I’m very embarrassed by my habits of prayer and I can’t find the time alone to say it with a bible to read the passages.
 
You don’t need to read the Bible passages if it is by yourself.
Perhaps say the Rosary in the bathtub. I recall having to do the sorrowful mysteries like that because of how badly I would try to put it off.
 
Something is triggering your impulse. TV shows, movies, DVDs, magazines, advertisements, YouTube vids - something. Just as a gun will not fire without a trigger, look for the triggers in your life and remove them. This may take some shock therapy, but we live in an age of unprecedented sexual saturation - much more so than any other age or civilization. It’s everywhere.

Take your eyes off of this world and its sensual attractions, and orient yourself to that which is above. Go spend time with our Lord at Adoration. Ask Him - beg Him - for help. Then be patient, and do not bash yourself if you fail - the Lord knows that you are made of imperfect stuff.

Frequent confession, and spiritual direction. Often times, the sheer shame of confessing sexual sins is a strong enough motivator to help you to stop.
 
Also at the moment of getting tempting thoughts pray for Grace from God and strike yourself lightly (not enough to harm you, just enough to cause slight discomfort to where your mind stops thinking about it, perhaps on the side to help think of Christ). Think of Christ crucified.
 
Welcome to CAF, and Merry Christmas!

As you said in your original post, you got in too deep. There is a sort of psychological conditioning involved, patterns getting imprinted in your mind, also known as habits. The good news is that old patterns can fade in time. You wrote that you have been able to drastically reduce it, and that is a huge step in the right direction.

Old habits can often be replaced by new habits. What sort of habit of mind do you think could work for you? You need some way you can respond to temptation without dwelling on it, something that takes your mind off of it, like a distraction or another purpose.

For example, you could go for a walk or doing some other activity that precludes masturbation and fixes your mind on other things. Of course, if you are in bed trying to sleep, going for a walk may not be an option, but there may be something else you could do to take your mind off it and help yourself get to sleep.
 
Capta(name removed by moderator)rudeman said:
I suppose, but I’m just worried I’m not living like I should if I’m seemingly addicted to a sin. Also, I couldn’t care less about myself if she’s still agnostic. My own salvation is second to hers in my mind.
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It is wonderful that you want to share your faith and to help her to grow in faith, but this has little or nothing to do with your own struggle with masturbation. No matter how virtuous and holy you are, she will be saved not by your merits but by God’s grace. Of course you can cooperate in God’s plan, but don’t feel like it all depends on you. God will do the heavy lifting for her (and for you too).
 
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What is so wrong about hating a person? Not hurting them, or mistreating them, but just taking glee in their suffering, wishing for them to suffer, and perhaps even imagining yourself bringing them suffering. Why is that wrong? It doesn’t hurt them. They might not even know you feel that way. So why would it be wrong to actively despise a person?
 
Perhaps starting another thread regarding your not understanding the Church’s teachings would be better than hijacking this one.
 
Capta(name removed by moderator)rudeman said:
I honestly don’t get it. I’m a prude through and through; porn disgusts me, discussing graphic sex disgusts me, masturbation disgusts me. But I still struggle with masturbating. I started at 12 and by the time I learned it was a mortal sin, I was in too deep. I’ve been able to drastically reduce it but ever so often it’ll happen. I’ll be screaming at myself to stop but it’s like I can’t control my body anymore. Afterwards I’ll feel terrible but I can’t find a way to stop it. I’m starting to fear being anywhere close to nude because I’m afraid it’ll happen. I pray every morning and night, along with a daily Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and it’s the only mortal sin I commit. Why can’t I stop?
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Catechism
1792 Ignorance of Christ and his Gospel, bad example given by others, enslavement to one’s passions, assertion of a mistaken notion of autonomy of conscience, rejection of the Church’s authority and her teaching, lack of conversion and of charity: these can be at the source of errors of judgment in moral conduct.

1735 Imputability and responsibility for an action can be diminished or even nullified by ignorance, inadvertence, duress, fear, habit, inordinate attachments, and other psychological or social factors.

2352 … To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
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But you did change the subject. The OP has set a goal for himself to quit masturbation, and he asked why it is difficult, and asked for help to achieve his goal. You responded by arguing against the worthiness of his goal.

If your question were posed in a separate thread, it would not divert this discussion and undermine the OP’s choice to live in chastity.
 
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This is a common problem in spiritual warfare. Learning about the discernment of spirits would probably be good for you, but very quickly and amateurishly: the devil wants our souls and lays ingenious plots to do so. While tempting us, he tells us how great the act will be. He overwhelms to small voice of conscience, which becomes quieter the more often we listen to the devil.

After we have committed the act: bang! The devil hits us with how awful, how terrible, how disloyal to God we are, how we will never be able to change, etc.

The devil also tempts us with ideas that seem good, but which are covers for temptations to pride, etc. You seem to be getting hit with a one-two punch, because in addition to the above, you have the idea 1. That your friend’s salvation is more important to you than yours is and that yours is even worthless without hers, 2. That her salvation is contingent on your uttter perfection, 3. And that God is not in the picture of your friend’s salvation.

So I would recommend that you 1. Put your friend in God’s Hands; He has a plan for her just as He does for you. 2. That you pray and offer up some of your sufferings for her (offer up some for the salvation of your family!). 3. Discuss your original problem with a good priest. 4. Until you meet with the priest, when you are tempted, pray immediately to St Michael the Archangel, and an Our Father, and a Hail Mary; repeat as needed. If you are in private, pray a decade of the Rosary or read a chapter from the Bible. Again, repeat those as needed.

It would be good if you could get to Confession more often, because one gets additional Grace’s from the sacrament, but if you can’t, make (pray) an Act of Contrition.

ETA: listen to the podcasts by Friday Timothy Gallagher at Discerning Hearts, and read at least the beginning of Spiritual Combat by Dom Scupoli, which is online in both text and audio at CCEL. pM me if you need help with links.
 
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God allows us to suffer many afflictions as part of our human condition. They test our resolve and patience . Our failings also teach us to be humble and not to become prideful or think we’re above reproach.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
 
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