Something I Need to Know Before Marriage

[Gisella]

I hope this isn’t TMI, but I really want to marry an uncircumcised man. This is really a must for me! I’ve taken an abstinence pledge, and I plan on keeping it. I just don’t know an apropriate way to bring this issue up before marriage. I don’t want to be disappointed on my wedding night. I’m sorry if this thread offends anyone. I just don’t feel comfortable bringing up the issue with anyone in my life, and I’m really concerned about how I should approach this.

 

[bunnynessuk]

I dont understand why you would need to marry an uncircumsised man? It seems a strange request given that the most important things pre-marriage should be love and respect but hey,
the best way to know is to ask. My h2b is uncirc but his best friend was as a child?
Its really not that difficult a question!!!

In the UK it isnt much of an issue as most boys are not circumsised as a rule but I dont know about the situation in the US.

 

[KCT]

That could make for an interesting first date conversation!

 

[KCT]

I hope this isn’t TMI, but I really want to marry an uncircumcised man. I’ve taken an abstinence pledge, and I plan on keeping it.

What do those two things have to do with eachother?

 

[drafdog]

You are no different from the girl who wants to marry a millionaire and can’t work up the nerve to ask what her boyfriend’s bank balance is.
On the other hand most girls who want to marry a millionaire realize in the end that the bank balance isn’t that important after all.

Matthew

 

[Gisella]

I dont understand why you would need to marry an uncircumsised man? .

I’ve been told by several people that being with a circumcised man causes dryness and just doesn’t feel as good(without getting too explicit). I’d feel like I’d be missing out if I married a circimcised man. Since I don’t plan on having pre-marital sex, I can’t exactly compare.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I’ve been told by several people that being with a circumcised man causes dryness and just doesn’t feel as good(without getting too explicit). I’d feel like I’d be missing out if I married a circimcised man. Since I don’t plan on having pre-marital sex, I can’t exactly compare.

That’s what lubricants are for.

Seriously, though: if you find someone who you love, little things like this won’t make a difference. What are you going to do if he’s perfect in every other respect for you? “Oh, sorry dear, I love you, you’re amazing, and absolutely perfect in every way, but I can’t marry you… you’re circumsized.” It would be more than a bit silly. Bottom line, don’t worry about it. There are bigger things to worry about in terms of finding the right man than whether he has a foreskin or not.

 

[bunnynessuk]

Sex is not the most important part of marriage and you will appreciate your husband regardless of his umm package. Since you will have no-one to compare him to you would I hope not be judging him on other peoples sex advice - you could say the thing about ‘small’ men or whatever. Sex advice from anyone is never going to be unbiased and the chances are that the source is ill-advised. You should love your husband regardless of his manhood because sex isnt just physical its emotional and mental.

You will not be missing out you will be married!

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

I’ve been told by several people that being with a circumcised man causes dryness and just doesn’t feel as good(without getting too explicit). I’d feel like I’d be missing out if I married a circimcised man. Since I don’t plan on having pre-marital sex, I can’t exactly compare.

And, since you’re not planning to ever have sex with more than one man in your life, you never will have any comparison.

Seriously… this is a total non-issue.

But, if you want to worry about trivial things like this before you even meet a man you might like to marry… have you considered the issue of yeast infections? Hah!

(And, seriously… the above poster made a good point about size. You don’t get to check THAT bit of info out first, either. Come to think about it… he’s not going to know about your genitalia, either. It’s a leap of faith, sweetie! )

 

[meh56]

Always keep the honeymoon going. Because the day the honeymoon is over is when the marraige begins.

The bride needs to be as picky about the marriage as they are the wedding day

 

[dulcissima]

I think the real issue is that the people that you are talking to have the wrong impression about sex. How detached can you be, how far away from intimacy, if you are making comparisons like that. There is so much that goes into a healthy sexual relationship between a husband and a wife that having objective expectations like that just really shouldn’t be part of the equation.

If you want to have great sex when you marry, then marry a man who truly cares about you and who you would sacrifice all that you have to be with him. Marry a man that you can communicate with, who you can share your heart with, without being uncomfortable or afraid. Marry a man who is very giving, and who you want nothing more than to make him happy. When it comes right down to it, that is what sex is, an expression of the total gift of self, made without reservation. I think if you are putting qualifiers on it, like he must be uncircumsized, then you are certainly making reservations.

Look for a man who will be a good father, and will help you get to heaven. These should be your priorities when you think about marriage, not the gossip that your friends who appear to know nothing at all about truly great sexual intimacy are fillling your head with.

 

[Gisella]

I agree with what everyone says about other things being much more important, but I think bad sex can affect a relationship. I’ve done research on this along with hearing friends’ experiences. It really seems like sex with an uncircumcised man is much more comfortable and pleasurable. I just don’t want to stuck in a marriage where sex is a chore.

 

[JudieK]

How could you hold that against a man? It was not his decision!
I had both of my sons circumcised, just because it seemed more hygenic. I would hate to think that if my son was a wonderful, faithful man that circumcision alone would make him a bad choice. Yikes! Most women I know would say the opposite. But, well, to each her own, I guess. But isn’t that kinda like a guy saying, “Gee, honey, you’re really great and all… but your breasts really aren’t big enough for me. Sorry.”

 

[lotusblossom]

If you have nothing to compare it to (and I’m most definitely NOT advocating comparison), then you won’t know what you’re missing if you marry a circ. man. Plus, a few more thoughts:

1. When you are with a man you truly love, I don’t think dryness will be an issue, at least in the beginning…
2. And if it is, well, it can be very easily remedied (someone mentioned lubricant)…
3. It really doesn’t matter b/c it’s what’s in the heart that makes the sex bad or good.

 

[kettle]

If it’s something you NEED to know, then just ask. After all, if it’s the man you’re intending to marry, you shouldn’t have any problem asking him. Good grief.

 

[dulcissima]

I agree with what everyone says about other things being much more important, but I think bad sex can affect a relationship. I’ve done research on this along with hearing friends’ experiences. It really seems like sex with an uncircumcised man is much more comfortable and pleasurable. I just don’t want to stuck in a marriage where sex is a chore.

Gisella, if I had to pick, I would probably pick uncircumcised as well. I will tell you this much though…I was previously married to a man who was circumsized. That in no way made the sex bad. Sex has much more to do with communication and how you treat each other than it does to anything physical like circumcision. You will have wonderful sex if you can tell each other what you like or don’t like and if you are both really in it to make the other happy. That is what is so much more important.

 

[Seatuck]

I agree with what everyone says about other things being much more important, but I think bad sex can affect a relationship. I’ve done research on this along with hearing friends’ experiences. It really seems like sex with an uncircumcised man is much more comfortable and pleasurable. I just don’t want to stuck in a marriage where sex is a chore.

Here’s something to think about. There’s a higher risk for women who have sex with an uncircumsized male to get cervical cancer. Hope that uncirc’d man you find is also a virgin cause otherwise he has a 20% chance of carrying the HPV virus and women who have sex with uncirc’d men tend to get more infections. Do the research. That’s rather more important than anecdotal evidence of sex being more pleasurable. Guess Jews have been having horrible sex for thousands of years. What was God thinking!

Chances are this is a troll post but in the event it is not. Really sex will not be a chore because of the presence or lack of a foreskin.

 

[kettle]

Post your resources on your stats, please. According to my doctor, approximately 80% of all sexually active people carry the HPV virus. It can lie dormant and/or undetected for a lifetime in some. Scary stuff.

 

[Gisella]

HPV very rarely leads to cervical cancer. With yearly screenings, it’s easily treated.

 

[kettle]

HPV very rarely leads to cervical cancer. With yearly screenings, it’s easily treated.

It depends on whether or not you have the high-risk or low-risk type of the virus as to your chances for developing cervical cancer. Yearly screenings don’t always detect HPV in women, and there is no screening for men, yearly or otherwise. There is no cure for HPV, and “treatment” is usually surgery to remove the warts or surgery to remove the affected portion of the cervix. I wouldn’t call that “easily.”