Something I Need to Know Before Marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter Gisella
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jrabs said:
Or we can have another tea party as we did last time the topic of circumcision came up.

Tea and homebaked cookies anyone? On the East coast, it’s almost time for a small glass of wine. 😃
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Apple danish, please. (Weren’t you the one with the great danish? 😉 )

Sorry, couldn’t resist… 😊 I’ll stop being off topic now.

Gisella - Hon, if this is something you feel really strongly about, then don’t “settle.” I felt very strongly about marrying a virgin, and I did. I am so glad I didn’t compromise on that issue. If it’s that important to you, stick with it. I wasn’t shy about asking a guy about his virginal status from the very beginning, and I think you could do the same with circumcision.
 
Or we can have another tea party as we did last time the topic of circumcision came up.
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Tea and homebaked cookies anyone? On the East coast, it’s almost time for a small glass of wine.
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Well i"m in the midwest but I’ll pretend and have the wine thank you.

Maybe it will drown out the Mohel in my head…😊
 
shannyk said:
Some people here are SERIOUSLY obsessed with the issue of circumcision.
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Me, huh? :rolleyes: I’m not obsessed with it. I’ve learned a lot about it and don’t mind letting people know about it. Just as some people know and talk a lot about breastfeeding, or cosleeping, or any number of other things. Doesn’t make it wrong to know something and want to share it with those who don’t know, even if it does offend some people.
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shannyk:
We all need to stop reading and posting because it’s the only way this totally inane subject will curl up and die as it should.
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This seems very rude to the OP. What if she’d come on here saying: “I’m so afraid to marry an intact man. My friends tell me it looks weird, that foreplay is gross, and that there are smells. I want a circumcised husband!” What would be the answers to her, then? Would people be rolling their eyes and telling her she’s shallow, and that the subject is stupid, or would they be sharing their own concerns or experiences to help her feel more assured that it’s okay?
 
This is the last warning for those of you who insist on hijacking the thread and ignoring moderator direction. If I come back to monitor this thread and see continuing discussion concerning the suitability of this topic, then appropriate infractions will be dispensed and those of you who are unable to participate on the actual topic will be required to cease replying at all.

As I said earlier, if you’re offended by this topic, then ignore it and go elsewhere. Little advice has been given concerning the OP’s actual question.

Begin a new thread if something off-topic is interesting enough to tempt you in hijacking this current topic.
 
Off-topic includes pretending this is a thread for Clubhouse games. It’s disrespectful and unnecessary. Go to the appropriate forum if anyone wants to pretend it’s a tea party.
 
sanctareparata said:
This seems very rude to the OP. What if she’d come on here saying: “I’m so afraid to marry an intact man. My friends tell me it looks weird, that foreplay is gross, and that there are smells. I want a circumcised husband!” What would be the answers to her, then? Would people be rolling their eyes and telling her she’s shallow, and that the subject is stupid, or would they be sharing their own concerns or experiences to help her feel more assured that it’s okay?
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This is my thought exactly. I think that this thread has touched a nerve with a lot of people since circumcision is the norm in this country. It seems unimaginable to them that a young woman would be highly bothered by it when considering a marriage partner. I honestly think if it was someone who was saying she didn’t want to marry someone who was intact that very many people would have the same problem with that statement.
 
Physical preferences is one thing–we can’t really choose who we are attracted to and physical attraction is definitely a part of marriage. However using a single solitary physical feature as a dealbreaker is disappointing…

My advice would be to reconsider what marital love is. There is a physical side, yes, but this issue does not determine whether or not you can have a wonderful love life…

I would say the same thing to a man who wanted to marry a blonde, a brunette, a woman with or without a large bust, etc. Having or not having these physical attributes does not make a good love life let alone a good marriage. If that was the case more men would marry strippers.

What makes a good marriage is marrying someone who cares more about you than your body and it goes both ways. You do that and you will not be disappointed on your wedding night…or any other nights for that matter. 👍
 
So then lets adress Gisellas original post directly…
I hope this isn’t TMI, but I really want to marry an uncircumcised man. This is really a must for me!
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Seems this is something you have already decided is of the utmost importance to you. Many of us disagree but to each his own. Go for it.
I’ve taken an abstinence pledge, and I plan on keeping it.
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Wonderful! God bless you. 🙂
I just don’t know an appropriate way to bring this issue up before marriage.
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I’m not sure of an appropriate way myself. But, if it is that important to you, you will just have to figure out a way to do it. If you know the man well enough and have a good relationship already it shouldn’t be as difficult as you think.
I don’t want to be disappointed on my wedding night.
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You won’t be if you have talked about it before hand.
I’m sorry if this thread offends anyone.
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Okie dokey:)
I just don’t feel comfortable bringing up the issue with anyone in my life, and I’m really concerned about how I should approach this.
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Well, as uncomfortable as you might feel, you HAVE to bring it up to the man you intend to marry if the issue could be a deal breaker. It’s only fair and considerate. I;m sure you will ask him if he is a virgin, so that would be a good time to ask about this I’d guess.

I think that covers her question pretty well. No need to further discuss the pro and can’s and what if’s of circumcision (since that is not what she asked )🙂
 
I honestly think if it was someone who was saying she didn’t want to marry someone who was intact that very many people would have the same problem with that statement.
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I disagree.

Personally I’m very pro intact. My son is not circumcised for all of the good reasons there are to not circumcise.

However people have elevated circumcision to a height of consideration it does not deserve. It does not in any way hinder a couple unable to engage fully in the marital act, or experiences that are intrinsic to it.

Conversely if someone was equally as obsessed with marrying a circumcised man, I would think them equally shallow.
 
Zelie_Louis said:
Off-topic includes pretending this is a thread for Clubhouse games. It’s disrespectful and unnecessary. Go to the appropriate forum if anyone wants to pretend it’s a tea party.
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That is my fault and I sincerely apologize to all.
 
dulcissima said:
Do you work with a lot of men or a lot of women? I think that makes a difference. It is in settings where it is a lot of women, with no men around that such a topic comes up.
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I gotta say, I went to an all-girls’ high school AND college, knew women who were sexually active, and worked in places where it was mostly or all women…and the only place I’ve “heard” women discuss this issue is on the Internet. It’s just not something most people talk about IRL, in my experience.
 
Gisella said:
just don’t know an appropriate way to bring this issue up before marriage.
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Okay, here it is. If the purpose of dating is to find a mate, and this is a deal breaker for you, you have to ask on the first date.

I would suggest, “I only intend to marry a man who is not circumcised. Since dating can lead to marriage, if you are circumcised, leave now.”
 
shannyk said:
Conversely if someone was equally as obsessed with marrying a circumcised man, I would think them equally shallow.
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I wonder if that’s because you are already pro intact, and have an intact son. I’ve met LOTS of people who find intactness disgusting, whether on an adult or on an infant. Some people won’t even change an intact baby’s diaper because they find it too gross. Seriously.
 
PaulinVA said:
Okay, here it is. If the purpose of dating is to find a mate, and this is a deal breaker for you, you have to ask on the first date.

I would suggest, “I only intend to marry a man who is not circumcised. Since dating can lead to marriage, if you are circumcised, leave now.”
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You must have been an interesting first date. Did you show up with a list of all of your deal breakers, and work your way down the checklist so that you could decide if you would go out again?

Sometimes what is a deal breaker can change over time. It is possible that over time in dating someone, that factor might matter less. Of course, it could be something that continues to linger for her, and it might be a good idea to have some clue how to bring it up casually.
 
PaulinVA said:
Okay, here it is. If the purpose of dating is to find a mate, and this is a deal breaker for you, you have to ask on the first date.

I would suggest, “I only intend to marry a man who is not circumcised. Since dating can lead to marriage, if you are circumcised, leave now.”
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I agree with this. I mean it isn’t something you know at first glance (like whether or not you are physically attracted) and it doesn’t have anything to do with his tastes (which you can tell fairly easily) or his morals (which you can also tell through conversation) and it isn’t something he has any control over, so it’s much kinder to him to get the question over with than to wait it out.
 
dulcissima said:
You must have been an interesting first date. Did you show up with a list of all of your deal breakers, and work your way down the checklist so that you could decide if you would go out again?
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We are not talking about me! I had no deal beakers

If this is a deal breaker, you have to be upfront.

If there is a possibility of this changing, then it isn’t a deal breaker, is it?
 
Gisella said:
I’ve been told by several people that being with a circumcised man causes dryness and just doesn’t feel as good(without getting too explicit). I’d feel like I’d be missing out if I married a circimcised man. Since I don’t plan on having pre-marital sex, I can’t exactly compare.
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I’m sorry, but this comment and the entire first post were ridiculous. Good luck finding a man I guess.
 
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