Something I Need to Know Before Marriage

[Em_in_FL]

Just so you know…this is something that women do talk about quite a bit. I’ve heard it discussed at work, lunch with friends, in the waiting room while daughters are in ballet…both what their choices were for their sons and what their own thoughts were as far as what is preferable.

Maybe I was naive and sheltered… but in my 29 years I’ve never heard a discussion about this!

 

[dulcissima]

Maybe I was naive and sheltered… but in my 29 years I’ve never heard a discussion about this!

Do you work with a lot of men or a lot of women? I think that makes a difference. It is in settings where it is a lot of women, with no men around that such a topic comes up.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Do you work with a lot of men or a lot of women? I think that makes a difference. It is in settings where it is a lot of women, with no men around that such a topic comes up.

Good point… I’m an engineer…

 

[kage_ar]

How about if we turned this around - would it be a-okay for a young man to ask the young lady he is dating about the condition/shape of her genitals? Can he question if your hymen is intact?

Hands down, this is the most bizzarre condition for a future spouse I have ever heard a Catholic come up with.

 

[sanctareparata]

How about if we turned this around - would it be a-okay for a young man to ask the young lady he is dating about the condition/shape of her genitals?

Hands down, this is the most bizzarre condition for a future spouse I have ever heard a Catholic come up with.

If a man lived in a country where the typical *girl *grew up circumcised from a young age, and he was against it, and he knew there would probably be “comfort” factors because of it for himself and his bride and maybe even an issue of pain for either of them, then I can easily see how he’d be hesitant to marry a circumcised woman and would desire a non-circumcised woman.

That seems to be the OP’s issue.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Maybe I was naive and sheltered… but in my 29 years I’ve never heard a discussion about this!

I beat you…I’m 38 and I can’t remember this conversation either. And I don’t necessarily have “virgin ears”

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For Gisella,

I will give you an anecdote. Many years ago I had a relationship with a man from Italy. As a norm, guys there are not (unless they are Italian Jews.) He was also quite handsome, could have been a model. I did not marry him, because If I had I would have been divorced, and abused mentally, if not physically. So in deciding whether he whether he was for me…the status of his ,…really did not matter.

My husband is the perfect husband for me. I love him very much. One of the purposes of marriage is to get each other to heaven…so, really the status of that really didn’t matter.

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For Paul

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulinVA
Show of hands, ladies.

1. How many knew the condition of your husband before you were married? (from discussion, not experience)

I did.

Quote:
2. How many talked about whether to circumcise the male kids before you were married?

I can’t remember before being married , but definitely while I was pregnant. I had my ideas, he had his. We came to an agreement. We weren’t going to. I was pretty adamant. And lo and behold the baby ended up having one of the rare conditions where circumcision was medically necessary. 3 different pediatricians and a pediatric urologist agreed. So you change your mind accordingly.

I don’t know about what will happen if we have another boy

---

I’m done sharing.

 

[kage_ar]

If a man lived in a country where the typical *girl *grew up circumcised from a young age, and he was against it, and he knew there would probably be “comfort” factors because of it for himself and his bride and maybe even an issue of pain for either of them, then I can easily see how he’d be hesitant to marry a circumcised woman and would desire a non-circumcised woman.

That seems to be the OP’s issue.

Seems you quoted while I was typing.

Would it be okay for her boyfriend to ask if her hymen is intact?

 

[sanctareparata]

Seems you quoted while I was typing.

Would it be okay for her boyfriend to ask if her hymen is intact?

Well, if he wants to know for the sake of knowing if she’s a virgin or not, then he can ask if she’s a virgin if he feels he needs to.

If he wants to know for the sake of knowing if she just has one or not then that would be weird. I’d tell him he was a pervert and stop dating him.

A hymen can be broken even in childhood by rough play or any number of other things.

But I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Hymen or no hymen doesn’t change how sex works (other than perhaps the first time). It’s similar to asking an intact man if he’s retractable or not. Once the hymen’s gone, it’s gone, and that’s normal and natural. Circumcision and lack of foreskin, as the OP pointed out, is not “natural”.

Anyway, I’m clueless as to your point. Care to clarify?

 

[Gisella]

If this is a must in your future husband you should not compromise it. There are many men in the USA that are intact. You can increase your chances if you meet men who immigrated here from other countries that do not circumcise (Europe, Latin America). However, if these men come from conservative catholic families they might be less likely to marry outside of their ethnic group. But you can always delicately ask a man before your realtionship gets serious. Anyway you would have to have a discussion about children so circumcision would definitely come up.

I’m hoping I might marry a guy from Italy or Latin America. That would solve this problem, and I also like those cultures a lot. I’m just hoping they wouldn’t be turned off from the fact that I come from a far different culture(My mom is French-Canadian, and my dad is from Denmark.).

 

[Em_in_FL]

I need to just stop reading this thread…
But I just can’t FATHOM this even being an issue!?!

You can’t base matrimonial love on FORESKIN…
Conjugal relations is an EFFECT of marriage…
The potential comfort level preference is not a prerequisite…

If you’re a virgin, then how do you know you wouldn’t PREFER a circ’ed guy anyway…
I wouldn’t base my personal likes/dislikes of ANYTHING on anecdotes of others… especially something that we shouldn’t be testing out ahead of time!..

Weird, weird, weird… I’m just done here…

 

[MyriamMS]

I need to just stop reading this thread…
But I just can’t FATHOM this even being an issue!?!

You can’t base matrimonial love on FORESKIN…
Conjugal relations is an EFFECT of marriage…
The potential comfort level preference is not a prerequisite…

I’ve got to agree with you…I just cannot imagine basing my decision on whether to date a guy or marry him on (lack of) foreskin. Can’t imagine basing it on the question of, as you say, potential comfort level.
I mean - even if the guy suits the OP’s preferences on this matter, there are so many other physical/anatomical factors that may influence the actual comfort of sex ! And then there is the fact that even if one marries the (physically) perfect guy, sex will still require quite a bit of training (and love, and understanding, and self-giving and emotional closeness) to become ‘good’ or ‘comfortable’ sex.

 

[dulcissima]

I’ve got to agree with you…I just cannot imagine basing my decision on whether to date a guy or marry him on (lack of) foreskin. Can’t imagine basing it on the question of, as you say, potential comfort level.
I mean - even if the guy suits the OP’s preferences on this matter, there are so many other physical/anatomical factors that may influence the actual comfort of sex ! And then there is the fact that even if one marries the (physically) perfect guy, sex will still require quite a bit of training (and love, and understanding, and self-giving and emotional closeness) to become ‘good’ or ‘comfortable’ sex.

I feel the same way too, but I have heard enough women who feel the same way about UNcircumsized men, that I am going to believe that it is a real issue for her. She shouldn’t marry someone that she feels a revulsion for in that way. It would be unfair to a future husband if he married and she never desired him.

 

[MyriamMS]

I feel the same way too, but I have heard enough women who feel the same way about UNcircumsized men, that I am going to believe that it is a real issue for her. She shouldn’t marry someone that she feels a revulsion for in that way. It would be unfair to a future husband if he married and she never desired him.

Some have stated - as you note it - that some women have a sort of revulsion about uncircumsized men. I can understand that this is not something they can control and it is better if they avoid marrying such a man.
However, from what I have read, this is not the OP’s situation. She seems to have an issue with ‘comfort’ - not with the look. That’s why I feel she misses the point as far as mechanics and meaning of sex are concerned.

 

[kage_ar]

Well, if he wants to know for the sake of knowing if she’s a virgin or not, then he can ask if she’s a virgin if he feels he needs to.

If he wants to know for the sake of knowing if she just has one or not then that would be weird. I’d tell him he was a pervert and stop dating him.

A hymen can be broken even in childhood by rough play or any number of other things.

But I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Hymen or no hymen doesn’t change how sex works (other than perhaps the first time). It’s similar to asking an intact man if he’s retractable or not. Once the hymen’s gone, it’s gone, and that’s normal and natural. Circumcision and lack of foreskin, as the OP pointed out, is not “natural”.

Anyway, I’m clueless as to your point. Care to clarify?

My point is, this is the most shallow thing I have ever read. The size, shape, extra skin attachments etc of someone’s genitals as a requisite for marriage? PUHLEASE.

If someone remains celebate and chaste until the marriage and remain that way after, they will have no way to ever know if sex would have felt or functioned in a different way had the partners genitals been differently configured.

This is insanely silly.

 

[kage_ar]

And for the young’ens, remember,… our bodies - every part of our bodies - change as we go through different stages of life.

 

[sanctareparata]

My point is, this is the most shallow thing I have ever read. The size, shape, extra skin attachments etc of someone’s genitals as a requisite for marriage? PUHLEASE.

I don’t think she’s concerned about shape or size. She never mentioned that, at least that I remember reading. And for the record, foreskin isn’t “extra” skin. It’s skin that has always belonged there, serves a purpose and has a function. Just because some people choose to remove it doesn’t make it “extra.”

I agree with dulcissima: “I have heard enough women who feel the same way about UNcircumsized men, that I am going to believe that it is a real issue for her.”

 

[shannyk]

Gisella,

I posted earlier in this thread, but it became another argument about circumcision which has been done and done again ad nauseum on these boards. And, it wasn’t what your original post was about.

After reading through the entire thread, I can say a few things very certainly…

1.You have taken anecdotal information from friends much too seriously.

2.You have preconceived notions about circumcision, and what ‘kind’ of person is circumcised, that are frankly very snobbish.

3.You really have already made up your mind about this, and brought it here to the forums for what reason I can’t fathom.

4.You have little if any idea what a Sacramental Christian marriage is, and seemingly no willingness or maturity to go and genuinely seek out the Truth on the matter.

5.At this point in your life, you have a lot of growing up to do before you could consider marriage, and a lot of prayer is needed to open your heart and mind to God’s will and His Truth about matrimony, and the inherent dignity of the human person.

6.No amount of what ‘if’s’ , bible verses, medical or other information justify your attitudes here. I think it is a glaring example of your being unready for marriage when you continually state your own (very odd) stereotypes of different men and how ‘exotic’ they must be for you to consider having them as a husband…

Lastly but not least…

6.Some people here are SERIOUSLY obsessed with the issue of circumcision. Truly, to be so obsessed with the skin of a penis and it’s place in marriage totally takes God out of the equation. Can God not ‘fill in’ the empty places in our lives if we ask him and are humbly accepting? Whatever may be supposedly lacking in a person internally or externally, surely God can make up for.

 

[shannyk]

I need to just stop reading this thread…
But I just can’t FATHOM this even being an issue!?!

We all need to stop reading and posting because it’s the only way this totally inane subject will curl up and die as it should.

 

[jrabs]

We all need to stop reading and posting because it’s the only way this totally inane subject will curl up and die as it should.

Or we can have another tea party as we did last time the topic of circumcision came up.

Tea and homebaked cookies anyone? On the East coast, it’s almost time for a small glass of wine.

 

[redpepper]

Gisella,

I posted earlier in this thread, but it became another argument about circumcision which has been done and done again ad nauseum on these boards. And, it wasn’t what your original post was about.

After reading through the entire thread, I can say a few things very certainly…

1.You have taken anecdotal information from friends much too seriously.

2.You have preconceived notions about circumcision, and what ‘kind’ of person is circumcised, that are frankly very snobbish.

3.You really have already made up your mind about this, and brought it here to the forums for what reason I can’t fathom.

4.You have little if any idea what a Sacramental Christian marriage is, and seemingly no willingness or maturity to go and genuinely seek out the Truth on the matter.

5.At this point in your life, you have a lot of growing up to do before you could consider marriage, and a lot of prayer is needed to open your heart and mind to God’s will and His Truth about matrimony, and the inherent dignity of the human person.

6.No amount of what ‘if’s’ , bible verses, medical or other information justify your attitudes here. I think it is a glaring example of your being unready for marriage when you continually state your own (very odd) stereotypes of different men and how ‘exotic’ they must be for you to consider having them as a husband…

Lastly but not least…

6.Some people here are SERIOUSLY obsessed with the issue of circumcision. Truly, to be so obsessed with the skin of a penis and it’s place in marriage totally takes God out of the equation. Can God not ‘fill in’ the empty places in our lives if we ask him and are humbly accepting? Whatever may be supposedly lacking in a person internally or externally, surely God can make up for.

You are aware of that that you are extremely judgmental, right?