Something I Need to Know Before Marriage

[Gisella]

My question is - why is everyone picking on *this *thread? I haven’t seen a response like this on any *other *sexually explicit thread… It seems odd that this one, which has pretty much remained just “anatomical” is getting such a rap when others that discuss more intimate details don’t.

That’s what I’m wondering. I’ve read far more risque threads on here.

 

[rpp]

My question is - why is everyone picking on *this *thread? I haven’t seen a response like this on any *other *sexually explicit thread… It seems odd that this one, which has pretty much remained just “anatomical” is getting such a rap when others that discuss more intimate details don’t.

You mean other than the fact that it is in the Family area of CAF, it is sexually graphiuc, full of medical misinformation and wacky historical and Biblical assertions that have have no basis in fact, was started with questionable motives, is about a subject that is simply not worth discussing and is about as Catholic as Hustler magazine? Yeah, other than those things, I do not know why this is upsetting people either.

 

[catherineajt]

When did I ever say what I was attracted to physically?

I thought I remembered reading a post you made in this thread where you said you were not attracted to red headed men, and would likely not be attracted to the “type” of man who would most likely be circumcised. Please, correct me if I am wrong.

 

[sanctareparata]

You mean other than the fact that it is in the Family area of CAF

As have been other threads of a sexual nature.

it is sexually graphiuc

Not really…

full of medical misinformation

I don’t think anyone mentioned anything medical. Did they? Anatomical, yes. Medical? Well, someone did list some HPV stats though…so yeah…

and wacky historical and Biblical assertions that have have no basis in fact

And you know these are wacky how? (Since I’m the one who gave that info, I will tell you it was confirmed by two rabbis I know as being accurate). And there’s a momma on here who knows a rabbi / mohel who performs his circs the traditional, God-ordained way, so he too knows this to be true. Just because it’s “new” info that some may not have ever heard certainly does not make it wacky.

was started with questionable motives

Why are her motives questionable?

is about a subject that is simply not worth discussing

It is definitely worth discussing. Circumcision affects parents and infants for a time, but husbands and wives for life.

and is about as Catholic as Hustler magazine?

Never read it!

 

[Gisella]

You mean other than the fact that it is in the Family area of CAF, it is sexually graphiuc, full of medical misinformation and wacky historical and Biblical assertions that have have no basis in fact, was started with questionable motives, is about a subject that is simply not worth discussing and is about as Catholic as Hustler magazine? Yeah, other than those things, I do not know why this is upsetting people either.

1.It’s far less sexually graphic than other threads on this forum.

2.Having differences of opinion on Biblical and Medical issues makes this disgusting?

1. You’re confusing opinions you don’t agree with with misinformation.
2. How do you know my motives?
3. It’s your opinion it’s not worth discussing!
4. You’re likening discussion of the human body to a porn mag?!

 

[Gisella]

I thought I remembered reading a post you made in this thread where you said you were not attracted to red headed men, and would likely not be attracted to the “type” of man who would most likely be circumcised. Please, correct me if I am wrong.

I did say that I’m not attracted to red headed men. I forgot about that, but I hardly think that alone means I have unreasonable standards, and when I said I wouldn’t be attracted to the all-American type who’d be circumcised it had nothing to do with looks.

 

[sanctareparata]

Let me just add: If any one of us were in the opposite situation - living in a country where almost all men were intact, and we had heard only the bad things about foreskin - greater chance of this or that, yeast infections, smell, etc…would we not be nervous too to partner ourselves for life with an intact man?

Would we not think to ourselves, “Gee…circumcision is normal to me. Everyone has told me terrible things about the foreskin. I don’t know if I want to marry an intact man! What if I keep getting infections? What if foreplay isn’t something I would be comfortable with? Is it dirty? What if, what if?”

I find her concerns and questions quite reasonable. And the answers have been reasonable too. No one’s telling her to choose a spouse based on the status of his penis.

(Though methinks if it were the other way around, people would be telling her to marry whomever she falls in love with, and then afterwards try to talk him into getting cut. )

 

[rayne89]

(Though methinks if it were the other way around, people would be telling her to marry whomever she falls in love with, and then afterwards try to talk him into getting cut. )

My husband and I have discussed circumcision versus non, I personally like the look of the circ’d over the non. Ofcourse my husband being the only man I’ve been with that is what I am accustomed to. Ofcourse if he had not been I’m sure that is what I would be used and would not find the whole moist thing and different look at all unattractive or gross because that is what I would be used to. I would never have in a million years asked or be interested in him getting circ’d as an adult. That would be like my husband telling me to get a boob job.

 

[sanctareparata]

I would never have in a million years asked or be interested in him getting circ’d as an adult. That would be like my husband telling me to get a boob job.

Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t implying that anyone HERE would do that. I meant that the people in the reverse scenario I presented who would be telling her of the “dreaded problems of the foreskin” and how she may be infected with something for life would be the ones telling her to encourage getting her guy cut.

 

[PaulinVA]

I’m sorry, but this whole subject is just incredibly shallow.

When is this questioning actually going to take place? If it’s during the first couple of dates, then the response will be, “Hey I asked you to the movies or dinner, I didn’t ask you to marry me. Good bye” Or, if it’s the “wrong” guy, you are in for a demonstration or other unexpected reaction.

If if occurs after there is some indication of seriousness, if the answer isn’t the desired one, then you are going to dump someone for something they have no responsibility for AND you have no objective reason or experience to require?

Concentrate on the factors that make for a good husband. This is not one of them.

 

[Zelie_Louis]

This thread needs to stay on topic. The OP asked about how to bring up a specific concern regarding marital intimacy with a future spouse. We have many similar questions in this forum and others.

Please cease any discussion about the suitability of this topic. Those of you who are offended by the discussion might consider ignoring this thread if you are unable to offer suggestions regarding the OP’s question.

Thanks for your cooperation.

 

[iamrefreshed]

I hope this isn’t TMI, but I really want to marry an uncircumcised man. This is really a must for me! I’ve taken an abstinence pledge, and I plan on keeping it. I just don’t know an apropriate way to bring this issue up before marriage. I don’t want to be disappointed on my wedding night. I’m sorry if this thread offends anyone. I just don’t feel comfortable bringing up the issue with anyone in my life, and I’m really concerned about how I should approach this.

Gee, that’s a toughie! How about…

Asking his mom? or dad?
Maybe a brother?
Pay someone at his gym?
Maybe before you answer his “Will you marry me”? you just spurt it out and ask…“Only if you are uncircumcised”.

Good luck with your search for a life partner!

 

[redpepper]

I hope this isn’t TMI, but I really want to marry an uncircumcised man. This is really a must for me! I’ve taken an abstinence pledge, and I plan on keeping it. I just don’t know an apropriate way to bring this issue up before marriage. I don’t want to be disappointed on my wedding night. I’m sorry if this thread offends anyone. I just don’t feel comfortable bringing up the issue with anyone in my life, and I’m really concerned about how I should approach this.

If this is a must in your future husband you should not compromise it. There are many men in the USA that are intact. You can increase your chances if you meet men who immigrated here from other countries that do not circumcise (Europe, Latin America). However, if these men come from conservative catholic families they might be less likely to marry outside of their ethnic group. But you can always delicately ask a man before your realtionship gets serious. Anyway you would have to have a discussion about children so circumcision would definitely come up.

 

[dulcissima]

Anyway you would have to have a discussion about children so circumcision would definitely come up.

I think that might be the best way to bring it up…to see what his views are on whether or not any sons you might have should or should not be circumcized.

 

[PaulinVA]

But you can always delicately ask a man before your realtionship gets serious. Anyway you would have to have a discussion about children so circumcision would definitely come up.

Show of hands, ladies.

1. How many knew the condition of your husband before you were married? (from discussion, not experience)
2. How many talked about whether to circumcise the male kids before you were married?

For the guys:

1. How would you react to this question from someone you were not yet serious about?

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Show of hands, ladies.

1. How many knew the condition of your husband before you were married? (from discussion, not experience)
2. How many talked about whether to circumcise the male kids before you were married?

I’m not married, but me and my boyfriend have already talked about both of these. It wasn’t a big deal. I asked about circumcision in the context of what it was, exactly, and if people still did it. I figured he, being a guy, and being the eldest in a large family of boys, would know.

 

[dulcissima]

Just so you know…this is something that women do talk about quite a bit. I’ve heard it discussed at work, lunch with friends, in the waiting room while daughters are in ballet…both what their choices were for their sons and what their own thoughts were as far as what is preferable.

Women actually do tend to have pretty strong opinions one way or the other. I have heard many, many women say that they could not imagine being married to a man who was intact, that they even think it is disgusting. That is because we live in a country where circumcision is pretty much the norm, so I think a lot of women would just assume that any man they are interested in would be circ’d. In most of the rest of the world, it is the opposite.

While I could never see rejecting someone that you would otherwise be in love with based on such a thing, imagine if it was something that a woman had a strong opinion on and that she thought that one way or the other was disgusting. How would her husband feel about marrying someone who thought that part of him was disgusting? I think in that case it would be really important to bring it up well in advance.

There are a lot of intimate things that people who are discerning marriage really do need to discuss.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

Show of hands, ladies.

1. How many knew the condition of your husband before you were married? (from discussion, not experience)

I did, but it was a discussion about religion (I was not baptized and unchurched at the time), and I asked him if Catholics circumcised like Jews did. My husband admitted he wasn’t sure (we were only like 15-16 years old), but shared with me that he was. My brother is intact, so we had our first talk about it. We were not dating yet, though, so it was just a discussion between friends.

1. How many talked about whether to circumcise the male kids before you were married?

Talked about it, yes, and we initially held opposite views. We actually made the decision after the birth of our son (which was about 4 years after the wedding). He knew what my preference was, but also knew that as the head of household, he could make the ultimate decision and I would support him. After reviewing information on the issue from the American Academy of Pediatrics, we ended up on the same page.

 

[sanctareparata]

Show of hands, ladies.

1. How many knew the condition of your husband before you were married? (from discussion, not experience)

I did. (Not from experience).

1. How many talked about whether to circumcise the male kids before you were married?

We did. We decided to circumcise them. And then after marriage, we got pregnant with a boy and had to re-examine that decision.

For the guys:

1. How would you react to this question from someone you were not yet serious about?

My DH told me to answer “It didn’t matter to me”. We spent the first initial months of our dating “laying it all on the line” so to speak, so we would know right off if this would work. In other words, all serious conversation came first, and then we were free to fall in love and not worry about the big stuff.

 

[dulcissima]

We spent the first initial months of our dating “laying it all on the line” so to speak, so we would know right off if this would work. In other words, all serious conversation came first, and then we were free to fall in love and not worry about the big stuff because we already knew we were on the same page.

That’s an interesting approach. I think most people start dating someone who is nice don’t worry too much about the important stuff until later, when there is already an attachment and it is hard to think, outside of just wanting to stay with that person who makes you feel good.