Son rejected God

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jennawhite
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
OP, I don’t know what country you’re in, but I’m pretty sure that in the US a kid is not free to move out until age 18.
And if you have younger children in the house, you need to seriously consider if you’re going to let him defy the house rules (mass attendance is not an unreasonable house rule).

That being said, in your shoes, I would pray over the incident, get my self into a good headspace, then approach the kiddo at a quiet time it a line sort of like “we really got into it the other night. Things got heated. Please know I love you no matter what and nothing you do or say can make your mom and I stop loving you. We’re here for you if you want to talk, okay?”
At this point he will either grunt and turn away, start yelling, or be open to conversation.
In the first instance, leave him some space to think
In the second or third instance, don’t lose your cool. Let him vent. Let him say his peace.

If this is a suddenly personality change, there may be other stuff he’s dealing with. Be brave and listen.

Your son needs to know that you are a safe and constant presence in his life, and that he can always come to you, even if he doesn’t like everything you say.

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: For you all ❤️
 
halogirl said:
He’s not a bad kid he helps out,cleans up and is very loving and empathetic towards other kids.”

Sounds like his parents have done a great job to be honest
Click to expand...
I just want to point out here that while I get where you’re driving at (there are teens whose behavior is an absolute nightmare for everyone around them) superficial friendliness is not the same as goodness
 
A tidbit from Dr. Ray Guarendi:

"Illustrating how low our standards of behavior for our children have sunk Guarendi explained how many parents come to him saying, “Don’t get me wrong he is a good kid, after all he isn’t on drugs or anything.” Rationalizing our child’s bad behavior has become a national epidemic…

“Parents have to be willing to grow a spine,” said Guarendi. He recommended, when your teen talks back, tell him he owes you a 600 word essay on disrespect. If he balks, make it 700. Then, take away everything, (TV, phone, computer, games, books.) “Go into what I call total black out mode until that essay is written. You have more power than you know.”

 
Last edited:
I wouldn’t class superficial friendliness in the same bracket as love and empathy though and his parent feels he shows the latter. Seems like here is a wonderful kid here who is questioning everything and getting rude expressing it which yes, needs to be challenged . If we are honest with ourselves there are things on that list of teaching some of us struggle with as adults.
 
You can do all those things and more, and yes you will have a kid that either totally toes the line or rebels even more, but they won’t make him turn back to the Church in his heart.
 
Trust me, I’ve got a very long way to go before I earn that title lol
 
halogirl said:
You can do all those things and more, and yes you will have a kid that either totally toes the line or rebels even more, but they won’t make him turn back to the Church in his heart.
Click to expand...
Uh-oh! He’s going to rebel? Better give him everything he wants then…🤣

www.drray.com

Setting High Standards: Will my child rebel? - Dr. Ray

Many "so-called experts" warn that setting high standards will cause children to rebel and behave worse than those with lower standards. Here's why I disagree with this premise.
www.drray.com
 
Last edited:
I agree with being consistent and persistent with consequences and punishments If they are pushing things with behaviour but you will not get your child to suddenly believe by doing this. Got to box cleverer and lead by example for that to happen and keep praying for them.

I must sleep it’s 1am here have a good evening
 
Last edited:
Oh, I agree there is no way to force him to believe.
But I don’t think he should be allowed to be that disrespectful, and I get the sense that he is just a bit on the edge with his behavior, and I think the mom / parents have more power than they realize. But they are afraid to use it, I think. Afraid to ground him. Afraid to take away the cell phone, is what it sounds like to me.
 
Last edited:
Sorry to hear this.

Explain to your son what godliness is, specifically living in a state of grace and purity of mind and language.

I do not think he knows the BASICS of the faith: what is grace?

What are the fruits of the Holy Spirit, do I check my conscience against the 10 commandments; do I know how serious the sin of pride and anger is?

He might not think that he is stubborn, as he just wants to be assertive, but he is still stubborn.

I suggest that forcing him to agree seing a priest to sort out his life, he is still dependent on parents.

He has to feel what it is like for people to willingly reject him, and cry…

I do not want to know a person like this.
 
You are correct that we pay for his phone service. I have made regular threats to cancel contract but that will only cancel his calling, texting and 4g the phone is owned by him which he bought without me or my husbands name.if I do cancel his contract He would buy a pay as you go sim at Shop and top up with his own money.
 
Forcing him to see a priest is possibly the most counter productive thing I can think of in this situation. All kids rebel, some in small ways some in big. My family never went to church, ever, and when I was a little kid I used to badger them like to let me go to Sunday school and church 😂 you couldn’t make it up!! I have seen many many times ‘cradle’ church kids fall away in their teens. I honestly believe it’s maybe on some level necessary for them in the grand scheme of things, for us to later realise what they’re missing and return . Maybe they could get him involved in family stuff that goes on in the parish, positive and fun stuff where he can see that Catholics can have a normal life and still be practicing faithfully.
 
Show him Aquinas’s 5 proofs for God. Show him the reason behind the Church teaching. Our faith is not nonsense with no logical backing. Show him the facts. Let logic and truth speak for themselves. Praying for your family.
 
OP can you explain why you are punishing him is it ‘just’ him swearing at you(not Downplaying this ‘) or the fact he doesn’t believe at the moment? Then I really must sleep 😂
 
No point at this stage. When you were 16 would you honestly have read and take seriously something written by and in the language of someone from the 12th century?
 
Yes. I had a crisis of faith when I was 16. Logical proofs for God as well as understanding why the church taught what it taught helped me. I recommend this from personal experience.
 
Last edited:
You are extremely atypical then. Willing to bet that many kids in this situation would either laugh (inwardly if you’re lucky) or say a polite thanks and chuck it in the corner of the room when the adult has gone.
You have to reach the young person where They’re at. For some, ancient catholic texts float their boat, for some it’s far more contemporary 😉
 
Last edited:
So wait, if my 13 year old daughter babysits or gets birthday money and buys a phone, I can’t take it away? LOL How about a ten year old, or a three year old?
The reality here is that it appears that the boundaries and parental powers have been abandoned long before this, and with two years left on his home contract and probably his cellphone as well it may indeed be too late to change tactics here. And our advice is not likely to fix this problem going forward, the only thing we can really offer is prayers. And OP: You have mine.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top