Son rejected God

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jennawhite
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Reasonable people can see the same evidence for something and come to differing conclusions. As others have said making him go won’t cause him to believe or change is opinions on the topics you mentioned. Discussion might help, but I’d guess he’s already heard the arguments and found them wanting. Punishing him for not going to mass is tricky. How far do either of you want to escalate this?

You mentioned he’s good with the other kids. For the sake of the household you may wish to make the following compromise: He doesn’t go to mass, while at the same time he keeps quiet on the matters of faith and morals while in the house so as not to rile the other kids against the faith.
 
@Jennawhite from your description:

What your son is saying is INDIRECT.

Several things caused him not doubt, but anger and disillusion. He’s probably thinking why he’s supposed to be the only one living up to catholic standards (which are high) when everyone else seems to be socially more successful than him. Honestly: what tangible good and satisfaction did the faith bring him?

He’s a young man of his age. He wants friends, he wants to enjoy himself, and he’s probably overflowing with libido. So how do you address that?

Find a catholic context with young persons his age where he can be happy. [At this point it’s the only way and your only chance.] ← If you don’t find something like that now, your son will be exposed to making the wrong choices not far up the road based on the secular reasoning he’s verbalizing. His problem is not of faith or reason, it’s of socializing.

REALLY??? You expect him to go to mass every Sunday at that age without talking to a single girl -before, during, and after- the religious service and be happy, fulfilled, and satisfied with that state of affairs and socializing?

For the Love of God I hope you read this!
 
Last edited:
Similar to a few here may I suggest you deal with the language and manner in which he expressed himself. I’ll presume enough time has passed that that’s probably done with.

Next you mentioned he is smart. As a nonbeliever may I also suggest that his rejection of God might not be a matter of rebellion against you and your values but that he honestly thought about them and has come to a different conclusion? At some point didn’t most of us consider the rules, concepts, and values we were raised with and derived our own conclusions about which make sense and which don’t?

I do not have a ton of experience, but the services and masses I’ve attended over the years have yet to inspire belief in me. Perhaps you should have a series of calm conversations to figure out the reasoning behind his views, something beyond a vague problem of evil. Additionally, you might want to talk want how your faith is a positive experience to you. How has your faith helped you, etc.

This goes against the common advice here but I’m not sure if “forcing” mass or other religious participation is productive. Obviously it’s a family rule so there’s that but from personal experiences it seems service/mass is geared towards those whom already believe and might do the opposite of inspiring belief. Anyone here is free to disagree.

Respectfully,
HCH

(Flamesuit on)
 
Sounds like the tip of the iceberg.

Hes living in your house so you have the say on what he does there as far as sexual things go. You can’t force belief so don’t try. People can disbelieve for rational reasons but at that age and with the apparent vehemence I think there is likely an element of rebellion. However I do think you should expect that you’re going to end up disagreeing with him on things. Pray for patience and have a conversation, really listening.
 
Last edited:
You can’t force him to believe in God, Jesus even says this. Faith can’t be forced. But parents have the duty to inform their children of these moral teachings. It is stil up to your son to accept them or not.

But if he lives in your house, a general rule should be no porn or masturbation in your house. This isn’t even a religious thing, plenty of atheists agree it is wrong and highly damaging. Check out The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd and give it to your son. Check out the podcast Love People Use Things which has multiple episodes ran by an atheist Noah Church as well as Catholic Matt Fradd. Also check out Fight The New Drug and tell him to look at these sources. You can approach homosexual relations, contraception, and impurity struggles from a religious but also scientific standpoint and if he denies the religious, I bet he wouldn’t deny the scientific
 
HerCrazierHalf said:
Nearly all excrement references are except “poop”
Click to expand...
I believe Col. Sherman T. Potter from MASH has a few that are family-friendly:

“horse hockey!”
“mule fritters!”
“monkey muffins!”
“buffalo bagels!”
“buffalo chips!”
“pigeon pellets!”
“pony pucks!”
“beaver biscuits!”
“cow cookies!”
“bull cookies!”
“road apples!”
 
Last edited:
Pray for him and show him the faith through your own love and actions.

In the UK a 16 year old can move out of the family home and may have a sexual relationship; they may also get married (with parental permission) and join the armed forces (again with parental permission). Forcing him to do anything or treating him like a younger teen would probably be counterproductive.
 
I have two adult children, my daughter is 44 and my son is 38, sio I have experience.

Those who tell you that if your teen doesn’t believe in God or want to be a Catholic it’s your fault, is nonsense and it’s cruel to tell you such.

You can’t make some one believe in God and the more you force religion on them, the more they’ll reject it.

They need to find Christ because they seek Him, not because you dragged them to Mass against their will.

I agree that providing them with the knowledge of what being a Christian Catholic is about, is important, but their faith will be because they will open themselves up to Christ and decide to follow Him.

In fact in today’s Catholic world, you can not force a teen to receive Confirmation and a good pastor will refuse to Confirm a teen who is receiving the sacrament to appease their family.

To the OP, you be the example of a good Christian, and that example will be noticed by your son, even when you think he’s not looking.

Lastly, your son never called God a bad work, but the “idea,” was horse***t

Don’t get discouraged. Pray for your son and ask St Monica, the mother of St Augustin, that Christ will come into their lives.

Jim
 
I am really sorry you are struggling with your son. Teenagers can be a challenge. If it is any consolation, remember that this is normal and to be expected. I know that doesn’t make it any easier.

I am a little surprised at some of the posts here that suggest you “tighten the screws”, so to speak. The reality is that once a kid is 16, you really have little to no control over them. I am sure your son probably looks more like a man than he does a little boy.

You can certainly take his phone away from him. And as you stated, he will just go get another. You can put a block on your home internet, but as soon as he walks out of the house he has access to whatever he wants to search for. You can tell him he isn’t allowed to have sex. He can choose to have it while he is away from home. You see how this is.

What you want to do, rather than control at this stage in his life, is positively influence him and the choices he makes. Influencing takes a lot of creativity, patience, and love. It is difficult sometimes. You need to figure out how to “sell” your values in a way that he is going to “buy” them. All of this, without blinking. If he sees you blink, it is pretty much over (not to put any stress on you. LOL)

With all of that said, it is certainly within your right to have boundaries. It is your house, and your rules apply. You control your boundaries, but you don’t really control your son. I think it is always a good thing to work together with a teenager to establish boundaries together. Perhaps he swears around you to get a rise out of you because he is tired of feeling you are trying to convince him of your religious beliefs. If you negotiate with him that you will stop doing that, perhaps you can lead him to a place of being willing to agree he won’t swear in the house. I have seen it over and over again: When a parent lets go of thinking of their older teenager as a child, it is amazing what the two of them can accomplish together.

The best advice I can offer is to accept that your son is not you, and you are not him. You are going to have differences. Sometimes big differences. He may not accept your value system. You certainly can’t force him to believe what you want him to believe.

I realize many here will say this is the wrong approach, but I have seen it work. The teen grows into adulthood with confidence in his/her abilities to respect boundaries and to expect the same in return from those they have relationships with. It is an important thing to learn.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top