Son wants to be protestant

[dad_o_six]

Sorry for offense. Yes, I didn’t know if you were a mom or a dad. But wasn’t entirely sure it mattered in this case. Didn’t know about the racial difference or the adoption or that you home schooled. If memory serves, it struck me that you or someone else in this thread moaned about the sad state of catechesis, perhaps in RCIA. Or am I mixing this up with another thread? Or is that just about every thread in CAF?

I still stand behind my critique not so much of you or anyone else in particular, but of the state of the church in America and Europe generally. Yes, the Sacrament of Confirmation will leave an indelible mark, but only if the Sacrament is valid. This is the most parsimonious explanation of all the ills in the church currently and should not be dismissed offhand. The priest shortage is the most obvious example. When a priest is validly ordained, he receives the Grace to perform his duties and to live a chaste life. If he cannot do either, then it follows that something must have been missing from the validity of the Sacrament. (And the Rite of Ordination has been drastically changed since VII.) Individually, there could be many reasons for the Sacrament not taking. But when this occurs in perhaps the majority of cases (most priest now abandon their vows), then it follows there is likely and institutional problem. Likewise with the droves of young men and women–baptized, first communion’ed, and confirmed–who are currently leaving the Catholic Church at a faster rate than youths are leaving any other religion (see Barna study).

Again, these remarks might best be applied to the principles as a whole and not to individual applications of these principles. For that, I am sorry to offend.

But on the other hand, perhaps the details you provided in your defense would have been vital to an honest discussion of this topic. The same could be said about me. Funny how people, including me, can leave out important variables to the discussion.

 

[theamari]

I did not provide those details initially because my question wasn’t about raising an adopted child of another race as a Catholic. I was not asking for opinions on why my son wanted to be protestant, only about how to fulfill my obligation as a Catholic parent in that situation. You gave me your opinion about that, and I thank you for it. However, you also have inserted in this thread your opinion on the validity of Catholic sacraments, which has no place here. If you want to discuss that, you should start a separate thread, and I will not go into a critique of your argument here.

The topic of catechesis is also unrelated to this thread, although I may have expressed an opinion when it was brought up. The fact is that parents are the primary teachers of their children, especially when it comes to religious education. Nothing taught in CCD or Catholic school will make up for what is lacking at home. Parents who actively practice their faith and show their children unconditional love, using the Holy Family as their model, generally are able to bring up good Catholic children no matter what they are exposed to outside the family.

 

[dad_o_six]

Obviously, you are annoyed. And, frankly, I too would like to be done with this discussion.

But I would be curious about a comparison of outcomes, say, five or ten years from now. Not that that is likely.

You say that a discussion of the validity of the Sacraments is irrelevant to this thread. Not if that is a reasonable explanation of the cause of so many young people leaving the Catholic faith. You cite the parents’ having the primary responsibility for educating the children. True. But that doesn’t really address the overall trend. Why are so many parents falling short on the education of their children? Besides, I have no doubt that you have done a marvelous job at educating your son in the Catholic faith, as has my wife. And yet, we are both having teens who don’t exactly have both feet under the kneelers. The Sacrament of Confirmation should be giving young people the Grace to become soldiers of Christ, defenders of the Faith. But that’s not happening. Why?

You also say that your son’s adoption, ethnicity, etc. were irrelevant to the discussion. Not if that is a reasonable explanation for his alienation from Catholicity and attraction to other faith groups.

You call me judgmental. My reading on the saints today, on the seven sorrows of our Lady, talked about the virtue of being incommodious. I’d like to think I’m being incommodious. Hippocrates, the great physician, talked about two things: diagnosis and treatment. Part of the fallacy of modernism is treatment without diagnosis. You, likewise, want to have a discussion about your struggles with your son without having a discussion of the cause. You want a treatment without a diagnosis. And when I provide a diagnosis, you dismiss me and say my comments are irrelevant and I’m being judgmental. Well, diagnosing the causes of a problem is essentially a judgmental task. That’s reality.

Of course, you can disagree with my diagnosis. But don’t create arbitrary rules for discussion that necessarily preclude finding a solution.

 

[LRCnow]

As a candidate to join the Catholic Church I can offer the following.

Up until three and one-half years ago I was an atheist. Upon God’s divine intervention into my life, I attended a charismatic church for the past three years and found it amazing - for the preaching, praise and worship. But with time I found that Sunday service seemed much too much about myself; my feelings, my identify. Service was too much of the world in order to please and coddle its congregants. I realized that service (mass) is not about me, but about Him.

If your son is seeking the excitement of a non-denominational experience, he is perhaps merely seeking the familiarity of the world about him. I suggest a good conversation on whats important. He can get a charismatic experience in many venues outside of church - Christian rock concerts and the like. Perhaps even let him go to a charismatic service with a friend now and then, and after his mass, but only as long as he understands the difference.

 

[theamari]

Of course, you can disagree with my diagnosis. But don’t create arbitrary rules for discussion that necessarily preclude finding a solution.

How am I creating arbitrary rules? Here is what I asked: “What is my responsibility as a Catholic parent in a situation like this?” You are attempting to hijack the thread and insert your “solution” to a question that was not asked!

LRCnow, that you for your suggestion. I have discussed this with him, and suggested that he go to a charismatic service, but he will have none of it. I suspect more and more as time goes on that he really doesn’t want to be protestant, either.

 

[theamari]

Welcome back to the Church! All the devotions and apparitions were hard for me to accept at first, too. You are smart to stick with the basics for now. Keep bringing your children to Church and pray for your wife!

It has been awhile since I posted the original question. Now my son is 16, and he is going to Mass. I can’t say all his problems have been solved, but at least that is not an issue anymore. We did not permit him to attend Protestant services instead of Mass, and we made it clear that if he chose not to go to Mass on Sunday we would not give him permission to go anywhere else. Rather than stay home all day, he went to Mass even when he didn’t want to.