Son wants to wear chapel veil

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Bruised_Reed said:
I mean, what is the problem with this?
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It depends on the kind of outfit the boy would wear. I know some boys and men wear those print shirts and they might have some florals in it. Men wear flowers in their tuxes at weddings.

A boy might look strange in a woman’s hat, though.
 
I remember my mom hairpinning a Kleenex to my hair because I had forgotten my scarf/veil. I can only hope that it was clean (moms always had a mixture of used and unused Kleenex thrown into their purses in the 60’s)
 
TK421Regular1d5
I taught 20+ classrooms of poverty-level 5-7 years-olds for a few years and some these responses mystify me.

I’m not much for veils for those who aren’t religious. But if she chooses to veil, she just needs to keep wearing the veil and keep telling him that he’s not allowed to pull his sweater over his head, and patiently repeat the process, again and again and again and again and again, possibly with consequences, even if there is (seemingly) no effect. There’s like a 98% chance he’ll get bored with it after so many Sundays but an extremely low chance he’ll give up at first. Simultaneously, it will be a valuable experience for him in terms of limit-setting.

It would, very likely, be easier to just have the dad do this, but anybody can.

A lot of times, the only thing that motivates a kid to want to do something is the fact that they can’t do it. Either way, their attention and fascination moves on to something else.

As the father of two boys, now long grown, and the grandfather of two more, I agree with the sentiments expressed above (copied here because I still haven’t figured out how to reply to a specific post :confused:)

And I would simply ask, how do you deal with all the other things that your six year old “insists” on doing that you don’t want him to do.
 
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I think moms had mixed Kleenex in their purses when we started walking upright and making fire
 
alice24 said:
No, historically
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In the past hat etiquette was gender based, but today, and for the last how many decades, 90% of the places I’ve been at least, taking off hats is a sign of respect for both genders.
 
They are mistaken on proper etiquette, then. (On the other hand, there barely is such a thing as etiquette anymore.)
 
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The etiquette remains but the practice has not. It’s difficult if people don’t know it.
 
When I was very young my mother had a talk with me about the importance of men not wearing hats indoors and how women could wear hats indoors.
 
angel12 said:
I’m not saying that doesn’t happen. But I personally know about half a dozen ladies who wear head coverings to Mass. Not a single one of them is saying hey, look at me, I’m holier than you. Not one.
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I don’t know what they’re saying. I don’t judge them. That’s just my first emotional reaction, though I’m aware it could be entirely wrong. It does attract attention, though, and I don’t think we should attract attention at mass, but again, no judgment. I live in Los Angeles, and people here tend to be very casual. I feel rather embarrassed when I dress up for mass, though I usually do.

I should have put in my post that it was my emotional reaction. In no way do I judge their actual intentions or feelings. Still, I think the emotional health of a small child trumps his mother’s desire to wear an infinity scarf (her description, not mine) on her head.
 
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buglady said:
I get a kick out of how British royalty wear their hats. They look great in them. Maybe they will set a trend, especially Kate. I always loved hats but of course I don’t wear them anymore, unless it’s cold out. I have a faux fur hat if it gets cold and windy, but I haven’t worn it in years.
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I don’t like to wear hats myself unless they are very small and not decorated, but I, too, love to see the British royalty in their huge hats! Especially those they call “fascinators,” that sit on the side of the head. I love Royal Ascot when the more outlandish the hat, the better. They do wear them well.
 
felsguy said:
As the father of two boys, now long grown, and the grandfather of two more, I agree with the sentiments expressed above (copied here because I still haven’t figured out how to reply to a specific post :confused:)

And I would simply ask, how do you deal with all the other things that your six year old “insists” on doing that you don’t want him to do.
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But you’re both missing half the picture here. This is a woman trying to guide a boy in something that she doesn’t wish to turn into a negative experience. She’s not a man. She can’t grow a penis and model how to be a man for him.

Yes, every child needs to hear “no” and they often need “no” firmly. However, not every parent has the luxury of being able to be the “bad guy” at all times and in all things because they, unfortunately, are already up against the odds.

This is a little boy who’s already being given a huge mixed message from his father that men don’t attend Mass. The OP’s first duty is to alleviate that tension, not exacerbate it.
 
ConstantLearner said:
Still, I think the emotional health of a small child trumps his mother’s desire to wear an infinity scarf (her description, not mine) on her head.
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His emotional health is not going to be affected by his mom wearing a hat/veil (or not wearing one). 😄 It’s possible to way overthink these things.
 
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How about a beanie? Those are plain and cover the crown of the head. I
guess a boy could wear one, as long as it doesn’t have the propeller
twirling around on top.
 
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I think I’d say, “Well, as it turns out, the custom is that women may cover their heads in church–in fact, there was a time when we were required to cover our heads in church–but under most circumstances men aren’t allowed to. Now we are the only ones allowed to wear a veil in church. Men can maybe be chosen by God to be priests, but we get to wear a veil if we want to.”

Then show him a video showing how a bishop removes his miter at the beginning of Mass–for a six year old, this is possibly the coolest piece of headgear a man could wear into a church–and then removes even his zucchetto for the Liturgy of the Word…and priests who wear zuccettos have to leave them in the sacristy!

Six year old boys usually like to be told there are things they do because they are men. Use the word “man” not “boy.” You can tell him, “You may be a boy now, but if you’re going to be a fine man you need to start practicing now.”

Then tell him that while he can’t wear a veil during Mass, you could get him a hat he likes to wear outdoors any time he likes. Then get him some hats he likes, let him wear them outside and teach him about removing hats indoors, because this is what well-mannered men do.
 
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It isn’t now nor has it ever been “etiquette” for a woman to remover her hat when going indoors. I would have to say if this in the norm in 90% of the places you’ve been, you need to get out more.
 
EnglishTeacher said:
His emotional health is not going to be affected by his mom wearing a hat/veil (or not wearing one). 😄 It’s possible to way overthink these things.
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I think it could be affected by his desire to wear an infinity scarf (that’s how his mom described it) and model himself after his mom. Yes, it is possible to overthink this kind of thing. You are right. I’m really all for just telling the boy, “No, it’s only for women, like dresses are.” I don’t think he needs to be rewarded, either, at least not for this. Maybe for not pulling his sweater over his head. But then, I’m not his mother. Thanks for your post. 🙂
 
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Genesis315 said:
Don’t you remember in Acts where St. Paul had to replace the income from his tent-making–so he cut up his leftover tents and sold them as headcoverings for women 🤑
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Is that where Levi Strauss got his idea for jeans?
 
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