Son's Secular Wedding

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OutinChgoburbs said:
I am trying to put it in as simple terms as possible. I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say, though, or what Phemie has to say. If I’m reading you correctly, you want all of us to chuck canon law in the bucket and become Protestants.
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I have been a Catholic my entire life and am now in my 30’s. I am just now starting to see a few holes that are quite glaring…and troubling.

Who knows where this path will take me, but there are some things that just don’t make sense and this IS one of them.

A Non-catholic christian marriage is a sin for a Catholic without dispensation but it’s Ok with dispensation???!!

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. :rolleyes:

Sounds like Bureaucracy to me.
 
onetimeposter said:
I have been misunderstood…I am only talking about catholics marrying outside the church.

The Bishop has the power to say Yay or Nay to a Catholic marrying outside of the Church…Yes,and for good reasons.

1.) The Catholic, in choosing to remain Catholic, places himself or herself under canon law. They are certainly free to leave at any time, to defect from the Faith.
2.) The bishop has to do everything in his power to ensure that the Catholic party knows what marriage is really about as taught by the Church, as well as that the Catholic understands that the Catholic is to do all in his power to baptize the children Catholic and raise them as Catholics.
3.) The non-Catholic has to understand that the Catholic has made this promise. In fraternal charity, isn’t it better to ensure the non-Catholic knows, rather than be surprised when the kids come down the road? “What do you mean my baby is going to be baptized Catholic?” the shocked non-Catholic screams. “Why, honey, I promised when we got married. Didn’t you know that?” asks the equally shocked Catholic spouse.
4.) They both need to know that Catholics don’t use ABC, that they can’t withhold the marital embrace without a good reason (and that works both ways, male and female, and that the Church considers that once the marriage is vowed and consummated, one of them has to die to get out of it.

After it’s been determined that the couple has been properly catechized, or knows all this stuff, the bishop grants a dispensation for cult disparity, and to get married in another venue.

Therefor the Bishop has the power to decide if a Catholic marrying outside the Church is destined for heaven or hell.No, the Catholic decides that himself or herlself.

Like I said, that man made rule is a tough pill to swallow.
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onetimeposter said:
I have been a Catholic my entire life and am now in my 30’s. I am just now starting to see a few holes that are quite glaring…and troubling. Well, I am in my fifties, and been at it awhile. It takes study, and reading. But it is entirely logical.

Who knows where this path will take me, but there are some things that just don’t make sense and this IS one of them.

A Non-catholic christian marriage is a sin for a Catholic without dispensation but it’s Ok with dispensation???!! Yes, and I’ve explained why- twice.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. :rolleyes: Yes, it does. You simply don’t want to listen right now. Why don’t you cogitate upon it for awhile? Give it a good mental chew. Take it to the Apolgetics thread, where somebody with a degree in canon law can explain it better than I.

Sounds like Bureaucracy to me. You assume all method of organization is bad.
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onetimeposter said:
I have been misunderstood…I am only talking about catholics marrying outside the church.

The Bishop has the power to say Yay or Nay to a Catholic marrying outside of the Church…

Therefor the Bishop has the power to decide if a Catholic marrying outside the Church is destined for heaven or hell. It is said clearly that without proper dispensation, a catholic marrying outside the church is committing a mortal sin.

So if the Bishop says Ok, the person goes to heaven, if the Bishop says NO and the person gets married, we are too assume, with the mortal sin stained on his / her soul, they are destined for hell…because the Bishop didn’t say yes to the marriage?:confused:

Like I said, that man made rule is a tough pill to swallow.
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No, the person has the authority to decide.

You can decide to obey your Bishop, or to disobey your Bishop and sin. The choice is fully the individual’s. It’s not like the Bishop does this after the fact.

What’s so horrible about marrying in a Catholic Church anyway?

God Bless
 
Nothing. This seems to be off-topic, whihc is janman’s son, and whether she should gather her family to pray before his apparently civil marriage.
 
bilop said:
No, the person has the authority to decide.

You can decide to obey your Bishop, or to disobey your Bishop and sin. The choice is fully the individual’s. It’s not like the Bishop does this after the fact.

What’s so horrible about marrying in a Catholic Church anyway?

God Bless
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Nothing wrong with it at all. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Christian marriage is Christian marriage.

Catholics marrying outside the Church used to be ex-communicated before Vatican II…but that changed to what we have now. I wonder when the Church will change the present rules.

That`s the problem with man made rules, they can change on a whim.

I will never believe that any married person, whether civil or in a protestant church and they are Catholic are committing a sin…that`s ridiculous.
 
onetimeposter said:
Nothing wrong with it at all. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Christian marriage is Christian marriage.

Catholics marrying outside the Church used to be ex-communicated before Vatican II…but that changed to what we have now. I wonder when the Church will change the present rules.

That`s the problem with man made rules, they can change on a whim. Actually, the Church merely updates rules. The gap between the update on this code of canons, and the code of 1917, was 66 years. Don’t you think it needed updating? Button shoes went out of style,and so did buggywhips. The basic doctrines have never changed, only the disciplines. There is a difference. Also, people- priest included- used to interpret canon law for themselves, and come up with things that simply weren’t true in the 1917 canons. Now, at least everybody has the same base from which to learn.

I will never believe that any married person, whether civil or in a protestant church and they are Catholic are committing a sin…that`s ridiculous. Is it ridiculous that when a person becomes a Catholic, the person has a particular set of laws he or she follows? Why? Lutherans have their laws, Anglicans/ Episcoplians theirs. Even ecclesial communities that claim to have no law but the Bible have rules and regs.
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fix said:
What whim? They change as needed.
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The Bible doesn`t change…

Back on topic, she should got the wedding, enjoy her son`s happiness and the fact that he is getting married. That is my opinion.

Peace to you all, clearly I`m struggling with my faith.
 
A very nice, religious gift might be appropriate, too. Something blessed and romantic, such as a marriage rosary or marriage crucifix.
 
onetimeposter said:
The Bible doesn`t change…Again- Are you aware who put together the Bible and how? I don’t think so. It didn’t fall out of the sky, nicely bound, words of Jesus in red. The Catholic Church structured scripture.

Back on topic, she should got the wedding, enjoy her son`s happiness and the fact that he is getting married. That is my opinion.As do most of us, myself included.

Peace to you all, clearly I`m struggling with my faith. I’ll pray for you and your journey.
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hasikelee said:
A very nice, religious gift might be appropriate, too. Something blessed and romantic, such as a marriage rosary or marriage crucifix.
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I really like this idea and will use it…by the way, I have not been watching this thread for some time…I’m the OP. I am my son’s Father. It is very interesting to see where this thread has gone. I am trying to help save my son and his soon to be wife. They are having a retired methodist minister perform the ceremony.

I heard a definition of love once that has really stuck with me. Love is when you seek to foster the goodness of God in someone, from where you find them. We are not all in the same place on our spiritual journey. I recognize where my son is. He is not hostile, he is for lack of a better word a little confused. As a Christian, as his father, I cannot give up on him or her. I won’t. But things don’t happen in my time, only in God’s time. I think I’m operating outside the lines of our canon here a little but within its spirit of reaching out to those in need.

The wedding is a little less than a month away. We are having a shower for them next weekend and hopefully her parents will come as well (Mormon) They will see a Catholic home, complete with a statute of the Blessed Mother in front of our home flanked by blooming red roses.

God bless each and every one of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and your prayers. Keep the ideas coming
 
janman55 said:
I really like this idea and will use it…by the way, I have not been watching this thread for some time…I’m the OP. I am my son’s Father. It is very interesting to see where this thread has gone. I am trying to help save my son and his soon to be wife. They are having a retired methodist minister perform the ceremony.

I heard a definition of love once that has really stuck with me. Love is when you seek to foster the goodness of God in someone, from where you find them. We are not all in the same place on our spiritual journey. I recognize where my son is. He is not hostile, he is for lack of a better word a little confused. As a Christian, as his father, I cannot give up on him or her. I won’t. But things don’t happen in my time, only in God’s time. I think I’m operating outside the lines of our canon here a little but within its spirit of reaching out to those in need.

The wedding is a little less than a month away. We are having a shower for them next weekend and hopefully her parents will come as well (Mormon) They will see a Catholic home, complete with a statute of the Blessed Mother in front of our home flanked by blooming red roses.

God bless each and every one of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and your prayers. Keep the ideas coming
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I will again be in your shoes in 11 months when my son marries a nominal Lutheran in a civil ceremony. Again, as with his sister, I will attend the wedding, smile at their happiness and hope and pray that one year the faith he grew up with will once more be revived. Ruining their wedding day would not contribute to that happening.
 
kage_ar said:
How sad for you. As the parent of a son, I could never attend an invalid wedding. I would let him know I love him, and spend the day in prayer and fasting for him.
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As the mother of a son, I could NEVER in a billion years boycott my son’s wedding, because that would cause a rift that could never truly be healed. Even if he is married in an invalid wedding, there’s always the possibility that he could have it convalidated later, especially if his parents serve as a model of love and faith for the young couple!

Refusing to attend is condemnation and will only drive both of them farther away from the church.
my mothers parents never came to her wedding because she was marrying a french catholic… guess what happened… she never had the same relationship with them ever again. don’t let that happen to your relationship with your son!
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I agree with this. A dear friend’s parents refused to attend her Catholic wedding to a Catholic man (and refused to allow her 17-year-old sister to attend) because the bride was four months pregnant at the time of the wedding.

Guess who’s now completely estranged from their daughter and son-in-law, and has never met their four Catholic grandchildren…?!
 
Jaden(name removed by moderator) said:
Even if he is married in an invalid wedding, there’s always the possibility that he could have it convalidated later, especially if his parents serve as a model of love and faith for the young couple!
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Agreed. All of us who have children who have fallen away continue to pray ceaselessly for their return to God. We still have the opportunity to be the face of God’s merciful love for them as long as we stay in their lives. We still have the chance to set an example of Christian life as long as our children still want to spend time with us.
 
blessedtoo said:
Agreed. All of us who have children who have fallen away continue to pray ceaselessly for their return to God. We still have the opportunity to be the face of God’s merciful love for them as long as we stay in their lives. We still have the chance to set an example of Christian life as long as our children still want to spend time with us.
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I agree with this entirely. I think that refusing to attend one’s child’s wedding means that you’re effectively disowning him or her.

I could NEVER do that to my son. He’s too precious to me.
 
kage_ar said:
Second, would it be easy to stay away - well, is any kind of discipline easy? For those parents who spank, was it easy to make your child cry? Sometimes, being a parent is really hard. Being a Catholic parent is even harder.
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Just out of curiosity, do you really think that parents should still be disciplining their adult children?
 
The Holy Spirit is at work!! We had the wedding shower at our home this weekend. Our daughter-in-law-to-be (raised Mormon) asked my wife if she could go to Mass with us the next time I play music. God works in His time not ours!!

“Hope in the Lord and you will never hope in vain, God love ya” Fr John Corapi
 
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