Son's therapist--chapter 2

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NonTimendum said:
Female therapist for a boy? Not a good idea.
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I think a female therapist would be fine for a little boy, but you’re right that (all things being equal), a male therapist is better for a teen boy.

(I just recently realized that it was time to switch the 12-year-old boy over to a male pediatrician.)
 
Al always, thank you for all the advice. I have never come across a male therapist in my immediate area. Great idea!

DH did write to her and enclosed a letter written by DS about what he felt was wrong with the sessions. She had muttered about the RCC before, and we had to correct her on it. It stopped but recently resumed. That’s when I wanted to halt the therapy and update DH’s knowledge.

As for social skills, he really is way beyond a social skills group. He’s very smart, and he talks over his peer’s heads on some subjects or corrects them when they are wrong. He is not snotty about it. He just knows his stuff. But, teens don’t like to be told they are wrong. We just tell him to “drop it” and let them think what they want. We explained to him that we often hear people saying illogical or incorrect things; but if it is not hurting us or them, let them think what they want.

At one point, the therapist told DH to dumb down the way he talks (math prodigy–very smart). It was an impossible thing for him to do. DS is a science prodigy. The kid was talking with the 2006 Noble Laureate in physics, and having a lively debate. I don’t want to squash that.

The straw for me was when she told DS to be less pious in Church and cut up with his friends rather than pay attention to the priest. Now that he serves, this is no longer an issue. But seriously, I was furious, as this was advice given to him and he didn’t tell me because the therapist said he did not have to.

So, she’s gone. My nerves are somewhat better, but it’s affected my healing. I haven’t been eating. Hopefully, she’s already checked her e-mail and read DS’s scanned letter.

Finally, the Boy she compared DS to was a former classmate when he was in Catholic school. Said boy will be working with the county’s intermediate unit while DS is in honor’s classes.

God bless you all. For those in Texas, prayers!
 
1990Domer said:
As for social skills, he really is way beyond a social skills group. He’s very smart, and he talks over his peer’s heads on some subjects or corrects them when they are wrong. He is not snotty about it. He just knows his stuff. But, teens don’t like to be told they are wrong. We just tell him to “drop it” and let them think what they want. We explained to him that we often hear people saying illogical or incorrect things; but if it is not hurting us or them, let them think what they want.

At one point, the therapist told DH to dumb down the way he talks (math prodigy–very smart). It was an impossible thing for him to do. DS is a science prodigy. The kid was talking with the 2006 Noble Laureate in physics, and having a lively debate. I don’t want to squash that.
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You don’t want to squash that, but at the same time, he needs to learn to calibrate himself to his audience. Over the next year or so, he should work on developing his kid small talk and put some effort into figuring out what are shared areas of interest with his audience.

If he’s going to be a priest, he’s going to need small talk and to be able to talk to anybody.
 
I was that kid when I was in school. I also had a lot of problems with finding areas of shared interests with classmates, especially pre-high school. So, I understand.

But at the same time, he is going to need to stretch himself and learn to find common ground.
 
1990Domer said:
Al always, thank you for all the advice. I have never come across a male therapist in my immediate area. Great idea!

DH did write to her and enclosed a letter written by DS about what he felt was wrong with the sessions. She had muttered about the RCC before, and we had to correct her on it. It stopped but recently resumed. That’s when I wanted to halt the therapy and update DH’s knowledge.

As for social skills, he really is way beyond a social skills group. **He’s very smart, and he talks over his peer’s heads on some subjects or corrects them when they are wrong. He is not snotty about it. He just knows his stuff. But, teens don’t like to be told they are wrong. We just tell him to “drop it” and let them think what they want. **We explained to him that we often hear people saying illogical or incorrect things; but if it is not hurting us or them, let them think what they want.

At one point, the therapist told DH to dumb down the way he talks (**math prodigy–very smart). It was an impossible thing for him to do. DS is a science prodigy. The kid was talking with the 2006 Noble Laureate in physics, and having a lively debate. **I don’t want to squash that.

The straw for me was when she told DS to be less pious in Church and cut up with his friends rather than pay attention to the priest. Now that he serves, this is no longer an issue. But seriously, I was furious, as this was advice given to him and he didn’t tell me because the therapist said he did not have to.

So, she’s gone. My nerves are somewhat better, but it’s affected my healing. I haven’t been eating. Hopefully, she’s already checked her e-mail and read DS’s scanned letter.

Finally, the Boy she compared DS to was a former classmate when he was in Catholic school. **Said boy will be working with the county’s intermediate unit while DS is in honor’s classes. **

God bless you all. For those in Texas, prayers!
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Oh well he’s in the county intermediate group so surely you don’t want your son around that kind of riff-raff.

Do you have any idea how all of this sounds?
 
Xantippe said:
You don’t want to squash that, but at the same time, he needs to learn to calibrate himself to his audience. Over the next year or so, he should work on developing his kid small talk and put some effort into figuring out what are shared areas of interest with his audience.

If he’s going to be a priest, he’s going to need small talk and to be able to talk to anybody.
Click to expand...
Xantippe said:
I was that kid when I was in school. I also had a lot of problems with finding areas of shared interests with classmates, especially pre-high school. So, I understand.

But at the same time, he is going to need to stretch himself and learn to find common ground.
Click to expand...
PhiloMed said:
Oh well he’s in the county intermediate group so surely you don’t want your son around that kind of riff-raff.

Do you have any idea how all of this sounds?
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I have to say I agree with these posts in particular.

Domer, I know you love your son very much and are intensely proud of him. I know he’s devout and is actively discerning the priesthood.That is all wonderful. But there really is something to what PhiloMed is saying - I’m kind of familiar with your “tone” in posting but if this is how you speak, and your son speak, to people in “real life,” I can see how it would make things much, much harder than they need to be. Whether or not you mean to, it sounds prideful. And it’s easy to be proud of one’s children! But please be careful that your love and pride in your son does not blind you to the work he needs to do, especially if priesthood is his calling. He will have to deal with people who are not as smart as he is, or who are much more knowledgeable about other subjects even if they’re not passions of his. He would have to shepherd others and help them grow in holiness, too. That requires a lot of “meeting people where they are.”

All of this is kindly meant and I hope you take it that way.
 
I’d have to second this.
I know a priest (the one who married us) who is brilliant… I mean, way up there as a scholar in BIblical languages, has a pile of degrees, as well as a Canonist.

He’s a fun guy in spite of all this, but even still, when his name comes up in conversation, the other priests all roll their eyes. They behave differently around him. They feel like he needs to be “managed”.

Managing your own son means letting him find things out naturally without pushing. A parent can’t decide what their child will do in life.
He has to decide that. It may not be what you envision, but you will still love him.
If you decide everything for him, he might not still love you. :o
Something to think and pray about.
**This is not to say **that you have to put up with an unprofessional therapist.
But these next few years are going to shape him more than you realize. Some of it has to happen organically or he will not know where he begins and you leave off.
Trust the Lord. Trust your son.
 
In all Christian charity, I do not talk like I write, which is why I hate social media. Anyone who knows me in real life knows I lack self-confidence and constantly push off compliments. I am also overly sensitive and anxious.

Now, that was a low blow saying that I saw his former classmate as riff-raff. This kid was physically and verbally abusive to classmates. I think our parish school did him a disservice by keeping him in that setting. My son was berated by this boy with verbally abusive language. But, this boy’s temper was on a hair trigger. I’m glad he’s getting the help he needs. And my son is relieved that he won’t have to worry about setting him off.

My son was labeled as mentally challenged in third grade. The fact that he has come so far is a gift from God. And as I mentioned, he knows his limitations. He does not want to be a parish priest but a monastic priest or brother.

In closing, my descriptive writing and my persona are two very different things. And going to Notre Dame, we were always told to be humble, as in the “real world” we would not be surrounded by people who challenge us academically.
 
PhiloMed said:
Oh well he’s in the county intermediate group so surely you don’t want your son around that kind of riff-raff.

Do you have any idea how all of this sounds?
Click to expand...
Um, my son was also in the county’s intermediate group. My son WAS that riff-raff, and I had my share of insults and exclusion because of that. Low blow. Before making assumptions, can you ask me to clarify?

Also, the intermediate unit kids are NOT riff-raff. That’s an insult to my son’s former classmate too. They deal with all sorts of developmental delays/issues. I don’t consider those in detention centers riff-raff either. What kind of person do you think I am?

You know what happens when you assume…

And I’m outta here. This forum is going to pot. I should have listened to my husband’s advice and avoided posting here. Now, I will listen to him.
 
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