Soon to be Married & Conflicted

  • Thread starter Thread starter jnkonczal
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You should be conflicted! Run for the hills. Things will only get worse. She is definitely a male basher.
 
I would like to add that her insistence on using abortifacient contraception, even from the very start of the marriage, should be another cause for grave concern. The birth control pill, used continuously by a sexually active married couple, will cause a number of early abortions over time. That should not be acceptable to anyone considering marriage.
 
RUN, RUN, RUN !

People are normally on their best behavior before marriage, and real life sets in after. If THIS is her best now, you my friend, are going to be in a world of hurt the rest of your life. Go through with this marriage, and your life will be one of being bullied, ridiculed, belittled and bossed around. Then, she will treat you even worse because women do not respect a weak man who she can make do whatever she wants. People will treat you the way YOU let them.
You ARE being abused.
Not one person who has responded to you has said differently… are we ALL wrong???

RUN, this will NOT be a winning situation for you.
 
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These concerns are all serious. The only thing the fiancé might have a point on is not discussing your relationship with family. But a priest? That’s what priests are for! (Well, one of many important things!) I would unload this woman. She is not ready to be a wife. I know that’s easier said than done when you love someone, but it’s a lot easier now than when you’re married. The birth control thing along would be a deal breaker for me!
 
People are always responsible for their own actions. If this is a regular relationship dynamic between the two of you then yes, she is emotionally abusing you. No one really wants a spouse who involves their parents/siblings/friends in every aspect of their relationship. You would after all be married to each other, not to your parents. However completely forbidding talking about things to anyone is controlling and manipulative. If your family, whom has known you for your entire life, believe you are being manipulated and abused, it is probably a good idea to respect that opinion. They most likely have what is best for you in mind. Healthy relationships are built on respect, not domination. 🙂
 
She sounds extremely narcissistic. She may well be a “covert” narcissist, meaning that she is pleasant in public but a monster behind closed doors.

Please do NOT marry this woman. If she does this to you, imagine what she could do to your children.
 
Listen to the people in this thread and don’t marry her. Either break up now and be joyful in what God has for you in the future, or marry this woman and be miserable the rest of your life. Your spouse should hold their responsibility of leading you to Heaven. That, my friend, does not sound like her goal. Trust God, leave her, and pray for her.
 
His_helpmeet said:
Please do NOT marry this woman. If she does this to you, imagine what she could do to your children.
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Also, this is an incredibly important and accurate point! Think of your children. Do not put them through that, please!!!
 
My impression ftom reading this is that neither you or this fiancee are mature enough to be married.
A mature man would not need an Internet group or his sister to tell him his fiancee was acting inappropriately.
A mature woman would not do and say things like what you have described.
I suggest you call it off.
 
I agree to an extent but abusers are very good at hooking their victims.
 
Broke off the engagement, seeking counseling. Thank you for your responses. Will pray for you all - please pray that I may stay strong, as 90% of our friends believe my fiance deserves a second chance. Pray for her healing and conversion.
 
You do not owe your family any more explanation than it just won’t work.
 
jnkonczal said:
…as 90% of our friends believe my fiance deserves a second chance.
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I know it might sound a little harsh, but somebody like this isn’t gonna change without a massive shock to their system. Don’t feel guilty about breaking things off. You did the right thing.
 
You have done the right thing in both breaking the engagement off, and in seeking counseling. Sorry to hear your friends don’t seem to be supporting you, but YOU STAY STRONG ! It’s easy for your friends, they won’t be the ones having to live the life you would have had to live. She may try very hard to manipulate you and the situation to make you feel guilty or bad, to pull you back in. Never forget that you are a child of God who should be treated with respect. Love and respect yourself and NEVER let anybody treat you like that again. YOU STAY STRONG. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.
 
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I’m so glad that you have exited this relationship. She’s definitely some kind of narcissist. Your life would have been a disaster, and it would have been cruel to bring children into the situation.
Hope that you find a woman with whom you can truly share your life; who doesn’t have this baggage to deal with. If she decided to change, seriously, tomorrow, it would take years of hard work and commitment to a therapist for her to begin to start to change!
So, take care of yourself, and God Bless!
 
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From what you have said, I think your sister is right and maybe you should reconsider going through with the marriage.
 
jnkonczal said:
Broke off the engagement, seeking counseling. Thank you for your responses. Will pray for you all - please pray that I may stay strong, as 90% of our friends believe my fiance deserves a second chance. Pray for her healing and conversion.
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Your post gave me some bad flashbacks. It was so uncanny that I was half tempted to ask if her name was ____ . Take it from someone who ignored warnings signs: you did the right thing. The fact that you sought counseling puts you two steps ahead of the mistakes I made. The fact that you came here for feedback is yet another point for you.

🙏 Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
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