Spaghetti straps are immodest - why exactly?

[chevalier]

Maybe, or maybe to me they seem more like party or dress-up clothes, and similarly a ballgown and massive jewels wouldn’t be appropriate in Mass or school.

Seeker, I don’t know. But I think there’s a difference between dressing up and spaghetti straps or bare arms. It’s not a matter of wearing a higher-scale or a more expensive outfit since spaghetti straps happen in all kinds of clothes, daily or party or ball, business wear mostly excepted.

Perhaps it’s the distraction factor.

Possible. Especially with church or school.

I guess one could ask, is anything that grabs attention and causes a distraction automatically immodest, or is it merely inappropriate for a situation where one’s focus should be elsewhere, such as at Mass or in school?

Yup. There is a lot of distraction factor and propriety vis-a-vis the situation in dress codes. But sometimes I wonder if there isn’t more to it.

I’m not saying that there’s ever a reason to wear a see-through negligee-like top with bra straps hanging out, but an evening dress cut straight across the top to cover breasts and cleavage, with spaghetti straps and worn with a good strapless bra, doesn’t seem immodest to me in the right situation (like a fancy evening wedding reception).

I don’t think bra straps showing are necessarily immodest in any way with sexual connotations. Neither are bare shoulders. However, underwear in the open is somewhat too private for public exposure. It just doesn’t belong in public view. A bit of the similar factor may be with thin straps and a lot of shoulders exposed, but some outfits give an overall impression of skimpiness, while some others don’t.

So, a woman’s partly to blame for her own rape. That’s great.

No, I wouldn’t say that. But it’s not a good thing to dress with the purpose of making men suffer in mind. I wouldn’t like to address blame, but there would be a causal link between excessive purposeful tempting and the target’s failure in self-control. Similarly, if one woman were to tease a man to such a level that he would go and rape another woman, the man would still be at fault, but in some way, the first woman would also have somehow contributed to the situation.

 

[peregrinator_it]

I think you kind of picked what you wanted to read out of my post as well… I wasn’t saying clothing should be first on your mind when you approach our Lord. I said would you approach him in spaghetti straps/flip flops (attitude both inner and outter implying a laid back, lazai-fare (lol I can’t spell that phrase) attitude, or would you approach him with fear, humility and awe, clothed in modesty and purity? The fear/humility imply a state of heart, and the clothed in modesty/purity implies you would have given SOME thought to your attire before attending a private dinner with our Lord.
I consider whether or not to wear my lounging/comfortable sweatpants/t shirts or a nice pair of slacks and sweater or something along those lines just to attend dinner with my IN LAWS. While I would definitely have my HEART more in mind when approaching our Lord, I should hope I’d at least TRY to dress my physical body in something that reflected my respect for HIM.

I’m not always the most articulate online.

My response was mostly prompted by the fact that the “imagine what you would were if you were going to meet Christ for dinner at His home” exercise doesn’t work well for me.

Which is why I said you wouldn’t find my responses enlightening.

I further suspect that you & I probably have very different attitudes towards clothing in general (greater than any slight variation in standards of modesty.)

Clothes probably don’t have the significance for me personally that they do for other women; I’m not particularly interested in them. They should be modest, fit appropriately, be affordable, durable, and practical for whatever situation I’m wearing them in, and that’s all the thought I’m willing to give to them. (I’m not a make-up or jewelry person either.)

I wouldn’t come to Mass in (what I consider to be) casual clothing; however, I do wear sandals because they’re my dressiest option. (I walk (I don’t have a car) and my neighborhood is not safe.)

 

[peregrinator_it]

Let me do the bolding this time and I’ll give this one more shot.

Unless by “again” you mean “on the contrary, in this case” (the opposite of “again”)…?

In essence, you are suggesting by your post that clothing is not important. I counter this claim with my response to point # 3.

Hope that helps, I’m out.

Assuming that you understand the meaning of “again” in English, you just stated 3 times that you couldn’t give a hoot about dress in worship. Now, I urge you to read point # 3 in my post. If this still isn’t clear, I’m not sure that I’ll be able to help you.

I wasn’t talking about “dress in worship” in all 3 cases!

Finis.

 

[Catholic90]

The OP asked about spaghetti straps. Nowhere in the original post did it say anything about wearing them to mass.

Now, some wedding/bridesmaids dresses do have spaghetti straps, and I think some of them (like the pic that was posted) do look very nice. I think those are fine! Some very formal dresses do have spaghetti straps.

 

[Litcrit]

The OP asked about spaghetti straps. Nowhere in the original post did it say anything about wearing them to mass.

No, I didn’t, thanks. /i actually don’t bare my shoulders for church, but that’s cultural, as this is frowned upon in, my country.

And bikinis to the beach are fine, yes. That’s my culture, and I follow and respect it.

Now, some wedding/bridesmaids dresses do have spaghetti straps, and I think some of them (like the pic that was posted) do look very nice. I think those are fine! Some very formal dresses do have spaghetti straps.

In my culture, we don’t bare our shoulders in church. Or in any institutional / formal setting. But bare shoulders aren’t sexually enticing, just culturally not formally proper, ome can wear them informally.

My wedding dress had broad straps, but I wore a veil over my shoulders.

Hey! In my culture, women usually cover their heads in church! I most often do! Are US women immodest for not doing so? I don’t think you are

 

[filios]

It’s Even though we have progressed a long way from the notion that no skin should show, it is still considered immodest to reveal your shoulders, because we all know what are below your shoulders, .

But isn’t that like saying that it is immodest to expose your head because we all know what’s below your head? Come, come, if you’re not exposing the actual parts of you that are private (part of your breast, buttocks etc.), then you are not being immodest.

 

[MerryNic]

traditioninaction.org/Cultural/C024cpWeddingDressess.htm wedding dress specific but it addresses things like strapless, spaghetti, etc…

traditioninaction.org/Cultural/C000rpMannersCustomsClothingIndex.htm#manners

this is the link to the entire sections…

Why? because you are to expose your innocent/virginal body to your husband the night of your wedding - not to the public/church before hand or after…

 

[jmcrae]

But isn’t that like saying that it is immodest to expose your head because we all know what’s below your head? Come, come, if you’re not exposing the actual parts of you that are private (part of your breast, buttocks etc.), then you are not being immodest.

Yes, but they aren’t going to suddenly pop out over your head. Whereas if you have nothing holding your front together (ie: sleeves and top buttons), then what’s under there could potentially pop out - and (more to the point) looks like it probably will, at some point.

 

[KelseyBelsey]

So, I got this dress that has spaghetti straps because at school they told us to wear “Sunday clothes” (I wouldn’t wear this dress to church, but I wanted to look dressier on this day) on a certain day. I have a white shirt I could put under it so that it could look like a romper sort of thing, but honestly I’d rather have it just the spaghetti straps alone. So, does this mean I have to wear the shirt? I can’t wear the spaghetti straps?

 

[jmcrae]

So, I got this dress that has spaghetti straps because at school they told us to wear “Sunday clothes” (I wouldn’t wear this dress to church, but I wanted to look dressier on this day) on a certain day. I have a white shirt I could put under it so that it could look like a romper sort of thing, but honestly I’d rather have it just the spaghetti straps alone. So, does this mean I have to wear the shirt? I can’t wear the spaghetti straps?

Not if they told you to dress up.

Spaghetti straps are for the bar, or the beach - they are for picking up men or for getting a sun tan; they are not “dress up” clothes for school or Church, or the symphony, or anything formal or even semi-formal.

 

[KelseyBelsey]

Another question I just came up with: What if you went to, say, a party or something and there were only girls around–no guys to see you in a spaghetti-strap dress? Would it be unacceptable then as well?

 

[Debora123]

Hehe, me again… What’s immodest about a person’s shoulders?

Nothing.

 

[severus68]

I’ve found this past year my spaghetti strap tops are becoming house/night wear. I do have some tank tops and a sleeveless top I wear out still, but they are modestly cut, showing no bra straps and not a single bit of breast on top or on the sides.

A few thoughts on this great topic:

1. I do think it’s important for us to care about modesty. Not just for purity reasons, but we also need to start letting our little girls know they are worth more then how “sexy” they are or how much attention boys give them. I find it so sad that some people want to scream “girl power”, but they feed into trends like provactive dressing that is anything BUT girl power.
2. If you can’t wear it to your grandmother’s house, don’t wear it to God’s house either. Seriously, it’s THAT easy folks.
3. I tend to agree that girls in skirts get more looks from guys not just because of exposed calves (taking knee length skirts as the ideal for modesty) but because it’s feminie. I wear alot of long skirts and I can tell you, I find jeans much more immodest because they’re form fitting and draw attention to certain areas instead of a curtain over them.
4. I agree we should have equal standards of modesty for men and for women, but as women we DO have to be a little more conscious on it. **Not just to keep from leading men into sin, but also because there are men who will take it as invitation, sometimes ending in rape. **Men don’t have to deal, realistically, with the threat of a woman raping them and then saying they shouldn’t have worn those jeans. Just a thought.

Re your words I placed in bold. Rape is about power. NO , NO, no woman invites rape, no woman asks for it. This is so wrong.

On jeans, then based on your views, men should not wear trousers too. We should all, men and women wear sacks.

 

[severus68]

This reminds me of a girl from high school. We were all dressed up to go out and she was standing next to her mom. She was telling us (with her mom nodding beside her) how her mom taught her to “Make men suffer” by dressing in a way that “Makes them want her” but acting in a way that says “You can look but you can’t touch”.
What if the man doesn’t have self control (his fault) and doesn’t pay attention to the “can’t touch” part? I’m not saying that this is how rapes always occur or anything but I am pointing out that if some women are purposefully dressing to invite men to want to touch them, then it isn’t surprising that some messed up men will actually do it. Or even worse, grab another more accessible innocent girl to satisfy their lust.

Also, saying women have to be careful for how they dress is not saying they are to blame for rape. Ick, those monsters that rape are to blame for rape. Nevertheless, women dressing provocatively to be oggled at are contributing to the mentality that women are objects, and isn’t that part of the problem with rapists too? Using women as objects for their own pleasure or whatever sick satisfaction they get?

So women are not to blame for their being raped but on the other hand they are? Actually rape is about power and control.

 

[severus68]

Nothing.

Agreed. Just realised this is a 2008 threads.

 

[chevalier]

Hehe, me again… What’s immodest about a person’s shoulders?

Without the benefit of reading further responses (sorry, I just don’t have the time, I’ll be working at night again): nothing per se. Then again, there’s nothing immodest per se about any part of a person’s body. The problem with modesty and privacy is about respecting the boundaries of one’s own and other people’s sexuality, decency etc. Basically not playing with fire, especially not without a good reason. This includes thoughtful situational choices as opposed to just sticking with some kind of hard and fast rules (which either don’t exist or can’t be ascertained or whatever). This said, again, I see nothing per se in spaghetti straps. Only perhaps, for example, the shapely shoulders of a young woman could make it hard for the older, lone man standing behind her in church for an extended period of time and trying to focus on prayer, so in church a scarf could be a good idea (and the lack of willingness to use one could be a sign of vanity ).

 

[jmcrae]

Another question I just came up with: What if you went to, say, a party or something and there were only girls around–no guys to see you in a spaghetti-strap dress? Would it be unacceptable then as well?

If it were a casual gathering, like a swimming party, then it would be fine. If they had asked you to “dress up” then no. Spaghetti straps are not formal or even semi-formal - they are completely casual - they are even more casual than t-shirts and jeans.

 

[Debora123]

If it were a casual gathering, like a swimming party, then it would be fine. If they had asked you to “dress up” then no. Spaghetti straps are not formal or even semi-formal - they are completely casual - they are even more casual than t-shirts and jeans.

I’m not sure why so many people here are saying spaghetti straps are never formal and even more casual than T shirt and jeans…

http://sidomoro.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/spaghetti-strap-ball-gown-wedding-dresses.jpg

There are plenty of dresses and nice, formal clothes that have spaghetti straps.

 

[PatriceA]

So, I got this dress that has spaghetti straps because at school they told us to wear “Sunday clothes” (I wouldn’t wear this dress to church, but I wanted to look dressier on this day) on a certain day. I have a white shirt I could put under it so that it could look like a romper sort of thing, but honestly I’d rather have it just the spaghetti straps alone. So, does this mean I have to wear the shirt? I can’t wear the spaghetti straps?

Sunday Clothes or Sunday Best, definition:

Sunday best
n
(Clothing & Fashion) one’s best clothes, esp regarded as those most suitable for churchgoing
Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

Therefore, if you knew its a dress you wouldn’t wear to church, its not a dress you should wear for this particular function. There can be a time and place for formal wear with or without spaghetti straps, school functions that are calling for you to wear your “Sunday best” is not such an event/function. Wear a shirt underneath or pick a dress you would wear to church.