Speaking of Modesty - Veils/Headcoverings

[PetiteFoi]

This may be better suited to the Spirituality forum.

After a quick search, I found that there are many forums here on the subject, but most are over 10 pages long, and over a year old.
So I thought I’d start a new one and let some newbies weigh in…

If modesty is not drawing attention to yourself, sexually or in any other sense (green hair etc) then what about headcoverings?
Technically, they’re biblical, (then again, so is Mary’s robe, that doesn’t mean it’s the definitive description of modest dress) but are they only traditional/cultural?

All the Masses’ I’ve gone to, I have been the only one to headcover - a practice I started even our evangelical church; though I wear a snood, and not a mantilla.
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
((this isn’t me, just a stock pic of the snood I purchased))

So if by wearing a headcovering, which is not the cultural norm, am I attracting unnecessary attention to myself and in doing so, actually being immodest?
Or am I justified for believing I’m just following personal convictions?

Thoughts?

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

 

[lizaanne]

There is a very active social group here, with over 300+ members: forums.catholic-questions.org/forumdisplay.php?f=274

Sadly, social groups are no longer easy to find on the forum as they used to be.

Please feel free to join our group and discuss with like minded women there as well.

God bless,

~Liza

 

[PetiteFoi]

There is a very active social group here, with over 300+ members: forums.catholic-questions.org/forumdisplay.php?f=274

Sadly, social groups are no longer easy to find on the forum as they used to be.

Please feel free to join our group and discuss with like minded women there as well.

God bless,

~Liza

Thank you! I actually found that group already! But I know what like-minded women would say - which is why I’m asking for differing opinions.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

 

[lizaanne]

Thank you! I actually found that group already! But I know what like-minded women would say - which is why I’m asking for differing opinions.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

Ah – well then, brace for impact. That can often be a very loaded topic here, depending on the mood of some folks. Hopefully the discussion will go well this time and not end up locked.

~Liza

 

[Em_in_FL]

So if by wearing a headcovering, which is not the cultural norm, am I attracting unnecessary attention to myself and in doing so, actually being immodest?
Or am I justified for believing I’m just following personal convictions?

Thoughts?

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

Hehe… that’s a picture of my friend who makes headcoverings! (Hi Cammie!)

As for your question that I bolded… I think you need to answer that for yourself more than anything.
*Are you? Is **that *your motivation? (doesn’t sound like it from your post!)…
So really, if it is a personal devotion, don’t stress it! Go with what your heart is calling you to do!

*** For the record… this is not something I feel called to do, definitely not the culture of my parish, etc… but whatever - that’s just me and I’m cool with those who feel called to that!

 

[PetiteFoi]

Hehe… that’s a picture of my friend who makes headcoverings! (Hi Cammie!)

As for your question that I bolded… I think you need to answer that for yourself more than anything.
*Are you? Is **that ***your motivation? (doesn’t sound like it from your post!)…
So really, if it is a personal devotion, don’t stress it! Go with what your heart is calling you to do!

*** For the record… this is not something I feel called to do, definitely not the culture of my parish, etc… but whatever - that’s just me and I’m cool with those who feel called to that!

Lol! Seriously?? I’ve ordered tons of stuff off her etsy site! and have gotten so many compliments on her snoods.
Wow - small world!

See, and I totally agree with that - if you don’t feel called to it, then you shouldn’t be made to feel like you should headcover, and if you do; you shouldn’t be made to feel foolish for doing it.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

 

[Baelor]

If you are not wearing it to attract attention to yourself, you are fine. I think that your definition of modesty is also a bit off – one cannot control whether others are drawn to one.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I do not wear a veil or cover my head at all, but I admire those who do. I have felt called to cover my head so for many years now but have never gotten the courage to do so. I’m so proud of my oldest daughter though. She began veiling ON HER OWN without me ever mentioning it to her when she was 8. I guess God also put it in her heart. She has always been the type to march to her own drum so she didn’t need to become brave to do it (like I have struggling with). Maybe God is trying to lead me through her example? I don’t know, but I’m proud of her and all you ladies that do veil. It is beautiful. Pray for me as I continue to struggle, and for my two younger daughters as well.

 

[SubjectVerb]

I’ve been doing a bit of reading on headcovering recently, and I found a good article by Jennifer Fulwiler that addresses your question of whether it draws attention to yourself.

From the article:

When I thought of my own reaction to encountering women wearing scarves or veils, it dawned on me that you don’t spend much time looking at them because there’s simply not that much to see. Even if you do a double-take when you first glance at them, your focus soon drifts to something else since you can’t see many of the details that make people interesting to look at. Their hair, most of their heads, and many of the details of their faces and necks are obscured. They wouldn’t hold your attention because it’s boring to look at a bunch of fabric.

While I do not wear a headcovering, the idea really appeals to me, which is why I have been reading so much about it. There is only one woman at my church that does wear a mantilla, and what Fulwiler says about the veil being “boring” is true. Yes, I do notice her in church, but only because I admire her. I don’t spend nearly as much time being distracted by her than I do by the hair of the other women around me. I am a bit ADD, so staying focused on the Mass is sometimes hard for me. So actually, for me, it would be awesome if all women covered their heads so I could focus more

I have also seen some women wearing hats and scarves at my parish, but I can’t keep count or figure out why they are doing it (maybe they just like hats? It’s winter, so they never took them off?). This leads me to think that a mantilla draws a lot more attention than a scarf or a hat because hats and scarves are a lot more common. If I start covering my head in the future, it will probably be a scarf or hat because of this reason.

Also, thanks, lizanne, for the mention of the group - I am pretty new to the forum, and I hadn’t been able to find anything like it

 

[KnitNut]

Have you asked your confessor/priest/spiritual director about your concerns? This person may have a more objective understanding of your spiritual life; hopefully you’d get some helpful guidance there.

 

[dixieagle]

This may be better suited to the Spirituality forum.

After a quick search, I found that there are many forums here on the subject, but most are over 10 pages long, and over a year old.
So I thought I’d start a new one and let some newbies weigh in…

If modesty is not drawing attention to yourself, sexually or in any other sense (green hair etc) then what about headcoverings?
Technically, they’re biblical, (then again, so is Mary’s robe, that doesn’t mean it’s the definitive description of modest dress) but are they only traditional/cultural?

All the Masses’ I’ve gone to, I have been the only one to headcover - a practice I started even our evangelical church; though I wear a snood, and not a mantilla.

So if by wearing a headcovering, which is not the cultural norm, am I attracting unnecessary attention to myself and in doing so, actually being immodest?
Or am I justified for believing I’m just following personal convictions?

Thoughts?

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

Another head covering thread…

As routinely wearing some type of head covering is no longer the cultural norm, unless you are attending a Mass in the Extraordinary Form (Traditional Latin Mass) you may well be the only one in your parish doing so. It should be of of no consequence whatsoever what others think, if it is something you feel comfortable doing. If it is not your aim to draw attention to yourself - and I doubt that it is - you’re good.

Full disclosure… I grew up in the 50s and 60s and wore hats, beanies, berets, chapel veils, Kleenex… whatever was seasonal or handy. I feel no need to cover my head/hair now, as I believe there is no real significance to the practice any longer. However, it was a required practice for a long time and I respect those who feel it helps them focus in prayer, etc. It is not really for any of us to criticize or look askance at those who so choose.

Also - Hello to Cammie in the photo!

 

[JackieMom]

I am not one to want to stick out. So, at our regular Mass I would never think of wearing a headcovering, since no one else does. At the local EF Mass, about half of the adult women cover their heads. So, if I went there I’d feel comfortable with the practice if it meant something to me. I really do not “get” this practice/style/devotion, but since I don’t have to wear a headcovering, I don’t have to get it. To each her own

 

[PetiteFoi]

I do not wear a veil or cover my head at all, but I admire those who do. I have felt called to cover my head so for many years now but have never gotten the courage to do so. I’m so proud of my oldest daughter though. She began veiling ON HER OWN without me ever mentioning it to her when she was 8. I guess God also put it in her heart. She has always been the type to march to her own drum so she didn’t need to become brave to do it (like I have struggling with). Maybe God is trying to lead me through her example? I don’t know, but I’m proud of her and all you ladies that do veil. It is beautiful. Pray for me as I continue to struggle, and for my two younger daughters as well.

I was the first to headcover in my family at age 15 - my mom and sister did headcover for a time. It sort of went through a “fad” at our church for the women to headcover, then died off again.
I’m so glad you’re allowing your child to cover - my mum fought me on for a few years, before deciding that it was a personal conviction of mine and not to easily given up.
Just keep researching and be at peace with your decision! I don’t think you can be “wrong” any way you choose.

I’ve been doing a bit of reading on headcovering recently, and I found a good article by Jennifer Fulwiler that addresses your question of whether it draws attention to yourself.

From the article:

While I do not wear a headcovering, the idea really appeals to me, which is why I have been reading so much about it. There is only one woman at my church that does wear a mantilla, and what Fulwiler says about the veil being “boring” is true. Yes, I do notice her in church, but only because I admire her. I don’t spend nearly as much time being distracted by her than I do by the hair of the other women around me. I am a bit ADD, so staying focused on the Mass is sometimes hard for me. So actually, for me, it would be awesome if all women covered their heads so I could focus more

I have also seen some women wearing hats and scarves at my parish, but I can’t keep count or figure out why they are doing it (maybe they just like hats? It’s winter, so they never took them off?). This leads me to think that a mantilla draws a lot more attention than a scarf or a hat because hats and scarves are a lot more common. If I start covering my head in the future, it will probably be a scarf or hat because of this reason.

Also, thanks, lizanne, for the mention of the group - I am pretty new to the forum, and I hadn’t been able to find anything like it.

In my RP church, I used to wear a scarf, over the top of the head, and then crossed under my chin to the other shoulder. Though most of the women headcovered that way too.
When I started headcovering at my evangelical (and now Catholic) church, I wanted to keep it simple, hence the snood.

Have you asked your confessor/priest/spiritual director about your concerns? This person may have a more objective understanding of your spiritual life; hopefully you’d get some helpful guidance there.

I’m afraid at this point, I have no spiritual director. I haven’t been a member of any Catholic church for years and are only now just visiting different perishes to decide where I fit.

I am not one to want to stick out. So, at our regular Mass I would never think of wearing a headcovering, since no one else does. At the local EF Mass, about half of the adult women cover their heads. So, if I went there I’d feel comfortable with the practice if it meant something to me. I really do not “get” this practice/style/devotion, but since I don’t have to wear a headcovering, I don’t have to get it. To each her own

When I choose to headcover, it isn’t so much about the tradition or culture of the church, believe me if that were the case I wouldn’t choose to feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, by covering in my non-covering church.
It’s very rarely about “comfort” - most of the time I do feel uncomfortable, but conviction rarely lines up with personal comfort.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

 

[Kelfa28]

I have some pretty ponytail scarfs that I wear as headbands.
They don’t completely cover my head…so I guess it’s my way of tipping my hat to the practice.

My parish is very conservative…and still no one covers their heads unless it’s the Latin Mass.

 

[DarkLight]

If you’re worried about sticking out, why not wear a wide headband or a more modern hat? A beret or cloche would cover the head without necessarily appearing that you’re trying to “cover.”

 

[JackieMom]

If you’re worried about sticking out, why not wear a wide headband or a more modern hat? A beret or cloche would cover the head without necessarily appearing that you’re trying to “cover.”

What a good idea. I have cherished photos of my grandma ready for Mass in her perfectly-adjusted hats. She looked so chic, ladylike and elegant… Seems like a good way to cover one’s hair without it screaming “Look at me, I’m covering my hair!”

 

[Marysann]

I find it very encouraging to read that other women want to dress in a modest and Christian manner. I try to do this myself, but I have to agree with JackieMom, just wear a hat if you wish to cover your head but not draw undue attention to yourself. The snood in the attached picture reminds me of the head coverings of the ultra-orthodox Jewish women I meet in Israel. In the United States, I am afraid that such a head covering would be associated with hair loss from chemo therapy since these types of head covering are not the norm. Sympathy for an illness that you don’t have is certainly not the type of attention that you want.

 

[Catholic_Wife]

If you are not wearing it to attract attention to yourself, you are fine. I think that your definition of modesty is also a bit off – one cannot control whether others are drawn to one

.
This is so true! My husband mentioned that he thought it was really attractive that I covered (before we were married).

If modesty is not drawing attention to yourself, sexually or in any other sense (green hair etc) then what about headcoverings?
Technically, they’re biblical, (then again, so is Mary’s robe, that doesn’t mean it’s the definitive description of modest dress) but are they only traditional/cultural?

All the Masses’ I’ve gone to, I have been the only one to headcover - a practice I started even our evangelical church; though I wear a snood, and not a mantilla.
[snip]
So if by wearing a headcovering, which is not the cultural norm, am I attracting unnecessary attention to myself and in doing so, actually being immodest?

Or am I justified for believing I’m just following personal convictions?

Thoughts?

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi
This is something my former priest and I went around and around about. He insisted that since I was one of only a handful of women in our parish to cover, I was drawing unwanted attention to myself when I served as cantor. He told me I was not to cover when I served at the altar. I ended up just not covering at all, since I didn’t want to seem like a hypocrite covering some weeks and not others. I still feel called to cover, and started covering again “full-time” at the beginning of the year. Even though he hasn’t said anything one way or another, our new priest doesn’t seem to mind if I cover, even when I cantor. I’ll keep covering until he tells me not to.


I have come up with a couple of creative ideas. The first is a crocheted snood similar to THIS. I have them in several colors to coordinate with my different outfits. I overheard a couple of older women talking about the snood I word Christmas day, which made me feel a little self-conscious. The second idea is using a long, narrow scarf as a wide headband and braiding the tails into the my hair like THIS (I use this one mostly when I get off work and go straight to Mass). One little girl told me after Mass that she liked my scarf (and my crucifix), but nobody else has mentioned my scarf / braid. My main goal is to avoid looking like a cancer patient (without having to wear a mantilla), since a woman I know at our Mass is and wears a wig due to the effects of the chemo she’s taking and I don’t want to make her feel self-conscious. I will admit that wearing the scarf like a headband does help cover the demarcation line I have from growing out my natural hair color.

 

[gmarie21]

The second idea is using a long, narrow scarf as a wide headband and braiding the tails into the my hair like THIS (I use this one mostly when I get off work and go straight to Mass). One little girl told me after Mass that she liked my scarf (and my crucifix), but nobody else has mentioned my scarf / braid.

Okay, I LOVE this idea (never thought of it). My husband and I go back and forth on this. I am not a fan of a mantilla. At one of my former parishes a young woman wore a bandana in the Cinderella fashion. I love color and with breast feeding usually just wore a scarf to mass that I would put over my head during breast feeding (it was long enough to cover my head and cradle my son and cover myself all at the same time). But now that I’m not breast feeding, this braid idea is GREAT!!! Thank you for sharing.

 

[Megan7]

There is a very active social group here, with over 300+ members: forums.catholic-questions.org/forumdisplay.php?f=274

Sadly, social groups are no longer easy to find on the forum as they used to be.

Please feel free to join our group and discuss with like minded women there as well.

God bless,

~Liza