Spinoff thread: Large Families and One Bag Minimalism

[Xantippe]

Wow is right!

What I’d keep or give away would depend on factors like weather, access to libraries, parks and children’s museums, size of yard and garage,(if there is a yard and garage), ability to replace items if we later needed something I gave away, etc.

My children would need different things in their suitcases, depending on the season. Snow gear takes a lot of room.

That’s a very good point about snow gear. Actually, those are all very good points.

I have pretty widely spaced kids (13 year-old-girl, 10-year-old boy, 3-year-old girl) and I’ve had to give up on keeping big poofy winter items for a subsequent child–they’re just too big for the value and you might not even hit the right season/size/gender combination. But jmjZelie may find it more practical to keep winter stuff if she’s in a colder climate with more tightly spaced kids.

When my youngest is a little bigger (5ish?) I’m planning to dispose of some puzzles that she has been slowly shredding. You know it’s time when they’re so far gone that you can’t even donate them…

 

[jmjZelie]

I guess I’m the odd person out.
As an artist and musician, I find the lack of toys and creative stimulation (building blocks and such) to be really sad and depressing. Kids need a creative outlet.
This requires “stuff”.
Children are small for such a small amount of time. I encouraged my children in creativity. They played store, Mass, and all kinds of things, but the “stuff” that others saw as clutter was fodder for their creative minds and activities. We had a blast. Now that they are grown I have a few very sentimental items. I’m purging all the time…but this thread makes me sad. I tend to look at the world through the lens of a child…( I guess because I work with children all the time).

I am sorry to have made you sad. My toddler is currently sitting beside me playing with bath toys. My kindergartener has her little figurines that she loves to play with, as well as her dolly. They have Duplo and Lego and Lincoln Logs. My son has a couple action figures and some cars. My oldest has her dolls and her stuffed animals. We have arts and craft supplies. We have books.
We also go to parks and playgrounds and nature walks and the beach and museums and bike rides, etc.
In fact, we have more time and energy for those things with a more minimal household.

 

[gardenswithkids]

We are 7 people living in 1200sqft. Even after giving up 75% of our belongings this year (and moving thousands of miles, and cutting our home size in half) we still have too much. We want to maintain a simple, and extremely mobile, lifestyle.

Wow is right!

What I’d keep or give away would depend on factors like weather, access to libraries, parks and children’s museums, size of yard and garage,(if there is a yard and garage), ability to replace items if we later needed something I gave away, etc.

My children would need different things in their suitcases, depending on the season. Snow gear takes a lot of room.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I guess I’m the odd person out.
As an artist and musician, I find the lack of toys and creative stimulation (building blocks and such) to be really sad and depressing. Kids need a creative outlet.
This requires “stuff”.
Children are small for such a small amount of time. I encouraged my children in creativity. They played store, Mass, and all kinds of things, but the “stuff” that others saw as clutter was fodder for their creative minds and activities. We had a blast. Now that they are grown I have a few very sentimental items. I’m purging all the time…but this thread makes me sad. I tend to look at the world through the lens of a child…( I guess because I work with children all the time).

I grew up living in apartments, my parents didn’t purchase a house until I was in my 20’s. Eventually, toys are outgrown, clothes are outgrown, and they can be given away. My sister and I are almost 8 years apart. By the time she came along. my mom had kept a few outfits, and no baby toys at all. I think she might have kept the crib (or did she get my cousin’s crib I can’t remember)

My kids about 3 years ago lost all their toys (maybe about 95 percent of them) due to hurricane Sandy. Buzz and Woody belonged to my oldest and my youngest would play with them. They were replaced that Christmas. My then three year old was so happy to see them. “Santa brought Buzz and Woody back to me.”

My youngest is six, I’m 46 and not really thinking another one is coming. Eventually all the toys will be given away, or played with until they fall apart.

 

[jmjZelie]

Yeah, we live in SoCal now. So no snow gear. If we want to go snow tubing in the mountains, we will rent the gear.

 

[EasterJoy]

The main thing I can see in favor of this is that your children seem to be in favor of it. While there is less margin for error, it is easier to keep track of your stuff when you have less of it. A great many people who cut their belongings down to next to nothing will never look back and never regret it! Winning their hearts before emptying their closets and toy boxes was a key part to making this a victory instead of an unmitigated disaster!

The main thing I can see against this is to pointedly avoid getting “religious” about it. This is a choice with a lot going for it, but it isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t need to be for everyone. You will do well if you teach your children to be very careful not to imply it *ought to be *for everyone. You also ought to leave the possibility open that you and your family are ready to do some backtracking, if the evidence weighs in favor of that. The whole point of this exercise, after all, is to free yourselves. It would be counter to that goal to become inflexible about your flexibility!

Maintaining a certain flexibility about how you see your choice goes along with the general rule that a gracious person will curb his or her enthusiasm about his or her “best” choices in life. Even if you give up smoking, which is arguably one of the best things anyone can possibly do for his or her health, or if you beat an addiction or change your diet so you don’t have to use insulin any more or reach a career goal at a very young age by hard work and self-discipline, it is worth avoiding becoming a “crusader” for your own accomplishments.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Yeah, we live in SoCal now. So no snow gear. If we want to go snow tubing in the mountains, we will rent the gear.

I figured you likely moved somewhere warmer. :tanning: We can get by more easily with less in summer. On sunny days we may barely even use the house. On vacation to a warmer climate last winter, we stayed in a something closer to a studio apartment with reasonable comfort because we spent so much time outside.

Can some of the toys you’re drowning in move outside? The plastic castle you ’ re thinking about getting rid of might be a nice addition to a sand box or patio.

 

[jmjZelie]

I figured you likely moved somewhere warmer. :tanning: We can get by more easily with less in summer. On sunny days we may barely even use the house. On vacation to a warmer climate last winter, we stayed in a something closer to a studio apartment with reasonable comfort because we spent so much time outside.

Can some of the toys you’re drowning in move outside? The plastic castle you ’ re thinking about getting rid of might be a nice addition to a sand box or patio.

We do use the patio for playing with some toys. We don’t have access to a sandbox, though. That would be awesome. Our sand playing is at the beach and we are keeping all our pails and shovels and toys for sand castles. That bag of toys lives in our garage.

 

[jmjZelie]

So thanks for all the feedback on the toys. We have made the decision on what to do about that. Next on my agenda is board games and hobby stuff. We need to pare it back by at least half. And the homeschooling stuff. I am going to convert my own personally-created curriculum into PDF files and get rid of the hard copies. That will free up a ton of space.

My husband is on board with the plan, too. He is trying to figure out how to attack some of his items that he has been hanging onto but never using.

The only problem is, what we we going to do with all of our stuff that we are getting rid of??? Our city does not have a Goodwill or Salvation Army and there are no drop-off places that I can find. No pickup services either. I am not sure what to do about that.

 

[Xantippe]

So thanks for all the feedback on the toys. We have made the decision on what to do about that. Next on my agenda is board games and hobby stuff. We need to pare it back by at least half. And the homeschooling stuff. I am going to convert my own personally-created curriculum into PDF files and get rid of the hard copies. That will free up a ton of space.

My husband is on board with the plan, too. He is trying to figure out how to attack some of his items that he has been hanging onto but never using.

The only problem is, what we we going to do with all of our stuff that we are getting rid of??? Our city does not have a Goodwill or Salvation Army and there are no drop-off places that I can find. No pickup services either. I am not sure what to do about that.

You can Craigslist ANYTHING and people will take it.

We once Craigslisted a box of sand and a box of tiny wood scraps and people came and got them.

(I used to sell stuff, but these days because of safety concerns, we mainly just set it on the curb and advertise it.)

 

[Xantippe]

Living in CA makes a difference–you guys have an 800+ mile long sandbox.

How do music stuff and craft paraphernalia fit into your bag rules? My daughter’s musical instruments and cases and sheet music would probably blow through the bag limit all by themselves. She has a sewing machine, a sewing table, basic sewing notions and an entire drawer full of fabric. She also has recently taken up cake decorating and we’re slowly but surely acquiring a collection of cake decorating stuff.

I guess we’re whatever the opposite of minimalist is. If/when DD ever leaves home, she’s going to need a moving truck to haul her stuff away.

 

[bitterhope]

We are going through the opposite dilemma in ways. We have been highly mobile and now we are putting down roots. We went from moving every 18-36 months to stationary. We’ve finally bought a house and have added outdoor animals. We’ve lived here longer than anyplace our whole marriage and we thought we were moving but now know we will be here at least another two years.

I am finding I enjoy mobility much more in so many ways. What we did with the toy situation was each move we would get rid of nearly everything and then restock when we got settled again. Most things we picked up for free off freecycle, bookoo or Craigslist. Others we got at goodwill, St. Vincent de Paul or similar type store. Certain toys were always with us–security blanket type things I guess. We never stayed anywhere to accumulate much until we got here. Now I am dreading getting orders to move anywhere ever again. It’s kind of like a trap I guess.

Good luck with your project. It’s a freeing feeling to unload stuff. To be able to get up and go as God or the world calls you is an amazing way to live.

 

[gardenswithkids]

… Next on my agenda is board games and hobby stuff. We need to pare it back by at least half. And the homeschooling stuff. I am going to convert my own personally-created curriculum into PDF files and get rid of the hard copies. That will free up a ton of space…

The homeschool stuff!!! No!!! Such drastic measures!!! We have more books than a small library. Seriously. I tried Kindles to save on needing more book shelves; that worked for a bit until the screens all got stained, so I’m back to buying real books. At some point I plan to get a table at a homeschool conference and sell or give away most of it, but for now, we use it and we have the space.

We’ve lived for years in the same big house. We have a basement and have built lots of storage space into closets, etc. so it doesn’t look cluttered even though we have a lot of stuff. Most of our stuff is out-of-sight, and we rotate what’s easily available to use. Some of that is seasonal, like cold weather gear vs warm weather gear. Our Advent and Christmas decorations just emerged from storage, as did the snowblower. Some what’s out is based on whims–like if we have out the giant box of Legos vs the giant box of trains vs other giant boxes of other building toys, which we switch around. Most of what’s in use depends on my children’s size or age. We’ve saved money by holding onto things that we eventually use, but it takes time, space and effort to manage a livable house that doubles as a classroom, library, toy museum and second-hand store. (If you factor in the price of real-estate, it takes money too.) There’s nearly a twenty year spread between my youngest and oldest. And now that I’m able to get rid of things as my youngest gets older, I ponder if I should keep some of these things for future grandchildren. We’ve got the space, so we keep things, but we vary what’s accessible vs. what’s in deeper storage. My husband and I have pondered moving, and if we did that, lots of the things we store would not come with us.

Shortly after my husband and I got our first house, both our parents started giving us boxes of stuff and old furniture. We got even more as our parents sold their homes, and more yet when they passed away. While I can play the game of “what would you keep in your suitcase” the reality is, I want several suitcases, but I don’t want to have to carry them all at once. I want to be able to pull out and unpack the “suitcase” (which is often old furniture, boxes and even occassionally an old suitcase) with things like pieces of my mother’s linens, silver and China for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I want to be able to enjoy original antiques that belonged to beloved family members, not just fashionable replicas from Pottery Barn or Target. I appreciate minimalism, but I also appreciate “stuff” neatly stored away to be pulled out at appropriate times.

 

[jmjZelie]

I spent three hours last night sorting through the Legos, saving the special figures and pieces and keeping them in the one bucket we are keeping. We had FOUR buckets of Legos. I know already that my son is getting yet another Lego set for his birthday, and my kids spent two hours sorta trying to get the Legos sorted and picked up yesterday but it was just too big of a job. I had to take drastic measures when asking the children to pick up choking hazard toys resulted in wails and gnashing of teeth that it was too much of a job to request of them.

With regards to the books and Kindles and homeschool stuff… We will still have to buy new things and we will still want new things. My goal is not “to never buy anything ever again”, but rather to focus upon replacement purchases and a “one in-one out” rule. That is what I have done in the past couple years, but we have a cluster of birthdays right around the holidays and it causes me to fall behind in that process, as do visits from the grandparents. The grandparents are…generous…or should I say, competitive. They are divorced and they like to be the one to get the biggest and best gifts for the grandkids. And my husband is very much like his dad and likes to solve problems by throwing money at it.

I feel thankful that my family is cooperating with me and allowing me to show them how to live with less and not say yes to every possible thing that can be afforded. It is a slow process, but I can see we are making tremendous progress, and even the grandparents are slowing down (although that might be due to the fact that we keep having more kids). On the days where my husband has to sacrifice several hours to dig us out of kid bedroom chaos, he becomes aware of how much the toy buying habit has harmed us and how much a tiny home and simpler lifestyle has helped us. Thank goodness! At this stage of life, with homeschooling and having five kids (two still in diapers and one still nursing round the clock) I don’t need to take care of a bunch of stuff! I need to be able to focus upon the people and their needs.

 

[maryjk]

I guess I’m the odd person out.
As an artist and musician, I find the lack of toys and creative stimulation (building blocks and such) to be really sad and depressing. Kids need a creative outlet.
This requires “stuff”.
Children are small for such a small amount of time. I encouraged my children in creativity. They played store, Mass, and all kinds of things, but the “stuff” that others saw as clutter was fodder for their creative minds and activities. We had a blast. Now that they are grown I have a few very sentimental items. I’m purging all the time…but this thread makes me sad. I tend to look at the world through the lens of a child…( I guess because I work with children all the time).

I’m with you.

I also think it is easy to get a four year old to go along with something so extreme. Or a child young enough to play with a “dolly.” But I wonder, when the children are teens or even adults, if they will be happy that mom tossed all of their memories.

I can speak from experience since I grew up in the military. Mom and Dad could only ship so much from one place to another. So toys and art projects were pretty much tossed, willy nilly. Looking back now, I am not too happy that I only have a few pictures of me from when I was little. And no treasured toys.

 

[jmjZelie]

I’m with you.

I also think it is easy to get a four year old to go along with something so extreme. Or a child young enough to play with a “dolly.” But I wonder, when the children are teens or even adults, if they will be happy that mom tossed all of their memories.

I can speak from experience since I grew up in the military. Mom and Dad could only ship so much from one place to another. So toys and art projects were pretty much tossed, willy nilly. Looking back now, I am not too happy that I only have a few pictures of me from when I was little. And no treasured toys.

Don’t worry. We do portraits twice a year and we have a memorabilia box that the children themselves get to decide what goes in there (and sometimes I insist special things I know that they will want someday). I do not “toss all their memories”. And my children are not 4 and under. They are 10, 8, 5, 2, and 1. And my oldest still has her favorite dollies and uses them sometimes. And all my kids that have “lovies” still have them and will keep them an will never be asked to give them up.

I know that not everyone will understand the push towards a minimalistic lifestyle, and I am not saying that anyone else needs to do it for themselves. I was just looking for some feedback on which of certain types of things to keep and which to let go. I hope that those who find it odd to deliberately choose to have less than one can afford, in order to be able to do better things with the spare time and money, and in order to make a large family lifestyle function in practice and not just in theory, can just give me the benefit of the doubt here and not add details to this story that aren’t in keeping with the reality that I have explained here. Thank you.

 

[jmjZelie]

The thing that I think is lost in translation sometimes for those who are not drawn to this lifestyle is that living with fewer material possessions is actually a joyful thing. We are not talking about poverty or severe deprivation. We are talking about leaving space in our home and in our lives for playfulness and spontaneity.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m a little behind on the thread, but I wanted to mention that Kindle Fires are now $50–they were even $35 over Black Friday, so there may a similar deal next year.

 

[bitterhope]

The thing that I think is lost in translation sometimes for those who are not drawn to this lifestyle is that living with fewer material possessions is actually a joyful thing. We are not talking about poverty or severe deprivation. We are talking about leaving space in our home and in our lives for playfulness and spontaneity.

You are so right! Most people don’t understand and that’s alright. It is not some form of penance or self deprivation that we seek to impose on others, it is a freedom that can’t be explained as well as we would like. Knowing that at any given moment we could easily get up and go without extensive planning or coordination is a blessing.

My teens are actually pushing to get back to a more mobile lifestyle, even if it’s only in theory. They don’t feel deprived or anything. To them less stuff means less responsibility. They love living in the country and having the animals and garden and they don’t mind if we are “stuck” here for a while or even the rest of our lives. They just want the option of mobility and we are losing that now.

We are 10 people in a 1400 sq ft home. My five sons bought a sign at Hobby Lobby last week as a gift for the family. It says, “Love grows best in small houses.” We have to find the way to get along because there is no where to hide from each other. Their friends always opt for hanging out at our house instead of their own homes. It’s not unusual to have 15 kids running around here. When we lived in quarters our home was bigger (1800 sq ft) and two rooms were completely empty. Those rooms became the neighborhood hang out because the kids could run, jump, act crazy or whatever without fear of breaking things or having to pick up afterwards. We do have tons of Legos, art supplies, musical instruments, trains, horses, etc. but more often than not the kids play with each other outside or are making projects or music–often together, sometimes alone. My oldest daughter is a writer and my oldest son an illustrator. They make books together all the time. Kids tend to be more creative, not less, when they have fewer things to occupy themselves. Sticks and rocks become castles, horses, carts or people outside and the advantage is they don’t need to be rounded up and put away afterwards. If they get lost, you just go find more. Brown paper bags and cardboard boxes provide hours or weeks of play time. When they get ripped up you can recycle them and get more. Kids aren’t deprived by having fewer things, they are encouraged to create and entertain themselves instead.

It’s not a life for everyone but for those of us called to it either by choice or necessity it is freedom.

 

[EasterJoy]

The thing that I think is lost in translation sometimes for those who are not drawn to this lifestyle is that living with fewer material possessions is actually a joyful thing. We are not talking about poverty or severe deprivation. We are talking about leaving space in our home and in our lives for playfulness and spontaneity.

There are people who learn this while trekking around Europe on a Eurail pass with just a backpack. They get the message and never go back. They watch the tourists struggling with their huge bags and realize how much easier it is to be content with less stuff.

I have always had the theory that many women get used to having something for every contingency in a diaper bag and essentially never give that up. My mom had a purse so heavy it felt like she had a 0.44 magnum in there!