Spiritual and Emotional Pain During Mass

  • Thread starter Thread starter Torie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

Torie

Guest
Mass is painful. I went to mass for years with my abusive ex, was ignored when asking for help from multiple men of strong faith. Going to mass now triggers overall anxiety, emotional disturbance, strong desire to just cry during all parts of mass. PTSD-esque symptoms. I desperately want to be able to return to mass. Via faithful, strong, faithful Catholics, advice is to start small - go to the adoration chapel and just be there with Jesus. Go to the sanctuary and pray, just be until I can at least “tough out” mass, leading to fulfillment at mass. Any other thoughts?
 
Last edited:
I think starting small is a good idea. Especially starting with Adoration. Spend time with Christ and tell him of your pain. Pray for healing.
 
Healing is what we all need. As a layman, I suspect that that you need to disassociate the mass from the past abuse that you suffered. I am one that develops strong associations and I fight this as well - just in another arena. The mass is a healing event, as well as the greatest prayer of the Church. It is communion with God, the reception of Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity so that we might have life within us and be healed.

What do we pray aloud before reception of the Eucharist?
“Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”
Click to expand...
Have you spoken with Father about this? Have you considered therapy to help you move past the abuse?
 
Last edited:
Having lives through much the same thing, I would suggest forgiveness in the healing process.
Do not allow the abuse to define you.
Forgive. It’s hard, but with a good Spiritual Director you can do it!
 
Adoration and weekday mass are both good ideas…less crowded.

I am truly sorry for your issues. Just remember the Lord is there for YOU.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, Fatima, AMEN… (I know this isn’t the prayer thread, but I think you needed some!
 
I’m sorry you are going through this.
I have had periods of my life when I suffered from anxiety and PTSD at Mass, and I didn’t even have an abusive ex or other abuse history in my past. I just felt very different from everyone at the Mass and I was struggling with anxiety on a daily basis in many areas of my life, and was not attending in the parish I had grown up in, or any place close to it, and the parishes I was in seemed strange in many ways. I was not happy about having this problem and it did eventually drive me away from Mass for a long time as I got out of the habit of going.

It’s good that you still want to go to Mass or at least Adoration, and aren’t letting this problem take you away from Jesus.

I think going to the Adoration chapel is a good start. I also think that you should try to attend as much Mass as you can sit through before having to leave. Even if you can just get through five minutes, it’s a start. Once you can do five minutes, try staying for 10 minutes. Or if you have to sit out in the vestibule and just go in at Communion time, that’s fine. (Talk to your priest about whether you need absolution before receiving Communion, if your anxiety has caused you to miss a lot of past Masses on Sunday.) Maybe mention to your priest that you are having this issue and see if he has a suggestion, like a separate room you can sit in and hear the Mass, so if you get emotional you can just cry or whatever without feeling like you are on display.

If you have a supportive friend who can accompany you to Mass, that might also help. You can start associating the Mass with your friend and not so much with your ex.

I am happy that my issue has gone away now and I no longer have anxiety problems at Mass. I wish you the best in resolving yours. I will pray for you. God bless.
 
Last edited:
Speak with your pastor.

Ok, one great thing is that there are various different forms of celebrating mass. Did you go to a novus ordo mass with the man or a traditional Latin Mass? Have you tried going to the opposite of what you went to with him? For instance, if the novus ordo mass triggers the anxiety, have you tried a traditional Latin Mass approved by Rome? The thing is, it may not be as associated with it as it is different.
 
I’m so sorry for the trauma and pain you have gone through. It’s okay to feel your feelings. The more you try to bottle them up, the more likely they are to explode. I have cried at Mass on numerous occasions. God loves you and wants you to be with Him no matter what. He wants to help you heal. I’m wondering if you would benefit from a spiritual retreat. Many diocese offer them just for women. They are usually just a weekend of prayer and reflection. Give yourself time and patience. Prayers and peace be with you!
 
No, have not spoken to Fr. since I discovered that what I’m experiencing probably are PTSD-like feelings. It was just last week. I moved from Kansas to a different state, so lost closer priest connections a year and a half ago. The situation is known to them so I don’t see expending the painful energy of re-hashing it. I have, however, emailed one of my favorite priests from KS, and requested a phone conversation. At the risk of being a smart-aleck, of course I know I need to get past it! The mass issue is the most painful; I’m for the most part through the rest. I’ve been in therapy off and on-I’m bipolar II, so yes, lots of therapy! I’ve been through enough that I really do know what to do, it’s just a matter of doing it. I have multiple supportive friends-both Catholic and ones who battle similar chemical imbalances. (I am a functional BP for the record:) Thank you for taking the time to respond.
 
That makes sense. I have to admit that I probably won’t take the time to seek out those other mass options! I will speak with my priest, and I am going to try the adoration chapel, sanctuary time, more personal prayer. I’ve even had a difficult time getting back to that. They’re baby steps, but they’re do-able for me. Thank you for your ideas-I wouldn’t have thought of that.
 
I use humor to deal with my pain a lot… I think Jesus knows by now what is going on-I’ve talked, prayed, yelled, cussed at/to God and Jesus over the last 8 years!
 
Wow, that’s a lot of additional information to digest - which would have changed my initial response somewhat. I can only imagine living it out! Still, we are called to bloom where we are planted, so a closer relationship with your local priest is a good thing. You need not lay your life’s experiences bare. Perhaps just work toward developing a good priest-parishioner relationship so that the bond of trust can be nourished.

2¢ worth.
 
Ah. Looks like I am going through the same thing as you but I always thought it was my fault.

Have you tried going to another Catholic Church for Mass? Daily Mass? I don’t have these feelings when I go to my favourite Church for Daily Mass. You can also try Mass in another language (assuming you know that language of course).
 
Oh I guess this is more common than I thought! I have pain because of my scrupulosity. I end up reliving all the times I wasn’t able to receive Communion even though I tried so hard.
 
I do have someone very close to me-my fiance. I still have to work through an annulment as well… as soon as I get through the baby steps, I’ll be working on the 5-10 minutes step. I’ve thought of that, just never tried it. Thank you!
 
Thank you-that makes total sense. I believe I’ve forgiven. That doesn’t change the lingering triggers, though. I thought it would…
 
I used to cry so hard sometimes when I was at mass with him, or alone. In the adoration chapel… Crying in mass-the social aspects-doesn’t bother me. It’s the emotional drain from the pain that I just can’t bring myself to go through. I really did try to go back intermittently since the end of the relationship. No dice…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top