P
pax_tecum_filum
Guest
Please pray for me. I really believe I’m experiencing a spiritual attack.
I’ve been having such trouble praying, though I go almost every night for Adoration. I attend Mass, go to confession, receive Holy Communion, etc. As I’ve been unemployed, I’ve been volunteering for a spiritual cause. And I’ve been praying a lot for myself and for others.
I’ve prayed for myself because, as many of you know, my life fell to pieces. My boyfriend left me, I lost my job, and I left my husband all within the space of 20 months. (sort of descending order, there!)
I’ve prayed for my brother, who is ill, for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, for friends who are priests, for friends at the foundation I’m volunteering at, for my uncle who is dying, and for many here on this list.
As I mentioned, I’m having trouble praying. I went to a healing Mass last night and left early, rather than wait. I also stumble over words when praying. I’ve been spending less and less time at adoration. I feel darkness around me. And even though I’m trying very hard to make amends for having sinned so grievously these past months and for all my life, everything is still falling apart. I truly feel tormented. It’s not just that I didn’t get a job I thought I had in the bag (though that is part of it), I definitely feel like something is trying to harm me.
I’m making a conscious effort to be kind to people. I really am. Last night, I asked a woman who was walking home from Adoration if she wanted a lift. She didn’t really speak English and I admit, my Spanish is poor so I didn’t even try. But she was an older woman and this chapel is in a less than great neighborhood. There was a shooting around the corner from the chapel the over the weekend. Anyway, the woman seemed more afraid of me than the walk home. I suppose she didn’t really need one or felt perfectly comfortable walking. She probably does it all the time. I suppose, it could have been she didn’t have the ability to say what she wanted to convey to me. She wasn’t impolite, but there was a look on her face that seemed fearful.
Yesterday, as I was praying, I felt that someone tapped me on the shoulder. There was a wind and a hard tap on my shoulder. I thought, at first, something fell on me, as my father is doing construction. But, no. He wasn’t upstairs and there was nothing around me. I thought, too, that maybe it was a bug. But it definitely felt like a cold wind and a tap on my shoulder.
I’ve been tempted by psychics and have engaged them. (I’ve confessed these sins.) But, I’m still tempted daily to consult with them.
I’ve had a car accident this summer. I chalked it up to my having still been in a state of being stunned after the break up. But, I had another near miss at an intersection recently following adoration. I was on my way home, it was near midnight, possibly even later than midnight, when I came to an intersection. A black car doing about 80 (on city streets–probably a teenager) came tearing through the intersection, blowing a red light. Had I been a few seconds ahead, I’d be dead now. I know the Blessed Mother was looking out for me that night. It was close.
I am not the kind of person to state these sorts of things lightly. I’m really afraid of being labeled as mentally unstable. I’m not. But I have to say, I have felt strange presences around me. Now, I appeal for help with discernment and for prayers from any priests who may read this post.
I hesitate to ask for prayers from lay people, as I’ve heard that when someone prays for a person under spiritual attack, that person, too, opens themselves up. That is the last thing I want on my conscience right now!
Sorry for such a long, disorganized post. I’m really confused by all of this. I’m still willing to accept that all of this is simply coincidental, but on the chance that it’s not, I need to ask for help. Do you think I should be worried?
Thank you for any and all comments, esp. regarding discernment.
I’ve been having such trouble praying, though I go almost every night for Adoration. I attend Mass, go to confession, receive Holy Communion, etc. As I’ve been unemployed, I’ve been volunteering for a spiritual cause. And I’ve been praying a lot for myself and for others.
I’ve prayed for myself because, as many of you know, my life fell to pieces. My boyfriend left me, I lost my job, and I left my husband all within the space of 20 months. (sort of descending order, there!)
I’ve prayed for my brother, who is ill, for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, for friends who are priests, for friends at the foundation I’m volunteering at, for my uncle who is dying, and for many here on this list.
As I mentioned, I’m having trouble praying. I went to a healing Mass last night and left early, rather than wait. I also stumble over words when praying. I’ve been spending less and less time at adoration. I feel darkness around me. And even though I’m trying very hard to make amends for having sinned so grievously these past months and for all my life, everything is still falling apart. I truly feel tormented. It’s not just that I didn’t get a job I thought I had in the bag (though that is part of it), I definitely feel like something is trying to harm me.
I’m making a conscious effort to be kind to people. I really am. Last night, I asked a woman who was walking home from Adoration if she wanted a lift. She didn’t really speak English and I admit, my Spanish is poor so I didn’t even try. But she was an older woman and this chapel is in a less than great neighborhood. There was a shooting around the corner from the chapel the over the weekend. Anyway, the woman seemed more afraid of me than the walk home. I suppose she didn’t really need one or felt perfectly comfortable walking. She probably does it all the time. I suppose, it could have been she didn’t have the ability to say what she wanted to convey to me. She wasn’t impolite, but there was a look on her face that seemed fearful.
Yesterday, as I was praying, I felt that someone tapped me on the shoulder. There was a wind and a hard tap on my shoulder. I thought, at first, something fell on me, as my father is doing construction. But, no. He wasn’t upstairs and there was nothing around me. I thought, too, that maybe it was a bug. But it definitely felt like a cold wind and a tap on my shoulder.
I’ve been tempted by psychics and have engaged them. (I’ve confessed these sins.) But, I’m still tempted daily to consult with them.
I’ve had a car accident this summer. I chalked it up to my having still been in a state of being stunned after the break up. But, I had another near miss at an intersection recently following adoration. I was on my way home, it was near midnight, possibly even later than midnight, when I came to an intersection. A black car doing about 80 (on city streets–probably a teenager) came tearing through the intersection, blowing a red light. Had I been a few seconds ahead, I’d be dead now. I know the Blessed Mother was looking out for me that night. It was close.
I am not the kind of person to state these sorts of things lightly. I’m really afraid of being labeled as mentally unstable. I’m not. But I have to say, I have felt strange presences around me. Now, I appeal for help with discernment and for prayers from any priests who may read this post.
I hesitate to ask for prayers from lay people, as I’ve heard that when someone prays for a person under spiritual attack, that person, too, opens themselves up. That is the last thing I want on my conscience right now!
Sorry for such a long, disorganized post. I’m really confused by all of this. I’m still willing to accept that all of this is simply coincidental, but on the chance that it’s not, I need to ask for help. Do you think I should be worried?
Thank you for any and all comments, esp. regarding discernment.
