How DO you pray? Are you speaking of spontaneous prayer?
I’m talking about a half hour or an hour every day to speak with the greatest love of my life, Jesus. First I just sit still. I relax my muscles, easing the tension in my sholders/forearms/fists/forehead/whatever, and let it go. Breathe. Deep. Slow. Breathe. I might even yawn. I used to hate that. Now I know it is a sign that I am relaxing, either that or the three hours of sleep I got last night wasn’t enough.
Have ever seen someone die? I have. Their breathing gets shallow, and somewhat loud. Its unforgetable. They breathe slower and slower as they go into oxygen debt and their body begins to shut down.
***aaaaaaaah… haaaaaaa…aaaaaaah… haaaaaaa…
abba… father… abba… father…***
I close my eyes and breathe. ***Abba… Father… Abba… Father… ***Maybe now I kneel, and when I am ready I place myself in God’s presence.
***Lord God, Heavenly Father, I believe you surround me. You are everywhere around me. Like a fish encounters water, like a bird encounters air, you are everywhere around me. If I go up to heaven you are there. If I go down to hell you are there. If I go to the furtherst shore your right hand holds me fast. My Lord and my God, I believe you are everywhere, and you surround me.
My Lord and My God, I believe you are inside of me. You have promised that if I obey you, that you will come to me, that the Father and the Son will make their abode in me, and so I believe you are present inside of me right now. I can only see the outside of me but you see all of me. You see every bone, every muscle, every drop of blood. You know every thought and every action of my life. You know what I have done and what I am about to do. My Lord and my God, I believe you know me better than I know myself.
My Lord and my God, I believe you are present in Heaven, that you look down on your creation, that you pay attention to Christians, especially Christians at prayer. My Lord and my God, I believe you are listening to me now.***
And if I am in adoration…
***My Lord Jesus Christ, I believe you are present, that you can see me and hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask pardon for my sins, and for the grace and peace to make this time of prayer fruitful. Mary my Immaculate Mother, Jospeh my Lord, St. Augustine my Patron, my guardian angel, pray for me. ***
That’s St. Francis de Sales.
Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.
I might pray psalm 63 or the Magnificat or Psalm 91 as the mood strikes me. Its important to read God’s word and pray it back to him. And then I pour out my soul to God.
I was with a group of men recently and as part of a spiritual exercise, we were asked if we were honest with God when we pray. Most men said that they always held something back from God, but one man said that the only place he could be perfectly honest, the only place where he felt safe in opening up those parts of his heart and mind where no one was allowed to go, the only place where he could open up those places where it hurts too much to look was when he was alone with God. I feel that way too.
Sometimes I aks Mary to sit with me, to pray with me to her son, especially if I am praying the Office. But mostly I just tell God where I struggle, and ask him for help, and admit that, as another has said, I can do
nothing without him. My life is proof that I can do nothing without him. Or I cry for the woman who’s husband has left after twenty years of marriage and she is loosing her house, or ask for the strenght to raise my children right. I thank God for allowing me to serve him as an altar server in an awsome parish with people who love me and care about me, and for all the other things too boring for this post.
***For Susie, for Autumn, for Darryl, for my daughers Emily and Amanda, and for myself Lord, hold us close, never let us go.
For my relationship with my daughters, Lord, help us to stay close.
For Micheal and Monique and their children, bring them close and protect those little children Lord.
For Darren, Joan, Tom, Bob, Janine, Arthur and all all those whom I love who are seperated from your Church.
For William, Stephie, Matty J, and all those in my family Lord who have died, Frank and Louise and Roberto and all my ancestors who I don’t even know, have mercy on their souls.
Help me to follow you Lord, even though I can’t see where you are leading me. **
Exhale: Our Father…
**Inhale: **Who art in heaven…
Exhale: Hallowed by thy name…
Abba… Father… *
I don’t know what else to say, except that it is imporant to listen. It’s important to say, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening” and just sit still, hearing the train whistle or the motorcylce in the distance, the crickets outside, or even the hum of the flourescent lights. God sometimes speaks. It is uncanny. Sometimes he waits a while to let me know in other ways. Usually with big things he says nothing, and I know I will just have to grope around in the dark, I know I will just have to trust. Sigh.

He is impossible to figure out.
I don’t know if this makes sense. It is just me. Maybe I sound like an idiot I really don’t care what anyone thinks. I like to pray.
One of the monks, the vocations director, said in a good New York accent, “Guys come and they tell me they got this devotion and that devotion and I tell them you gotta like to pray. Monks pray seven hours a day. Devotions are great. I still pray the rosary every day but you gotta like to pray.”
-Tim-