I used to spend a lot of time in adoration. This is no longer possible for me to do b/c devotion around here has lessened so much. There aren’t many parishes offering it any more and the few that do don’t offer it at a time I can go.
I had many answered prayers in that time of devotion; many “lights”. I can’t say it was a result of adoration or a result of simply taking the time from busy life to spend in quiet before the Lord (present in the eucharist or not - God meets us where we are). Our parish is soon opening an adoration chapel though and I’m not sure what I will do. I don’t know if I can ever go in faith again, and with this level of uncertainty I’m not really comfortable with trying it again. Answered prayer and "light"does not always come from God.
Not ignoring you Guanophore. Your post is going to take me a while to respond to.
OK. So please trust me on this one: The evil one is attacking your faith, as he does with all of us. Many of us have passed through spiritual dryness. But, “those who persevere to the end will be saved”. You’ve lost much of your trust in the Church that Christ founded, and the Church of your youth. This is a spiritual attack. The father of lies has sown the seeds of doubt. If the one Church that traces directly back to Christ is not true, then satan wins. If he convinces you of the same, even if not true, he wins. And, everything you have expressed here is doubt.
Doubt even in Christ in the Eucharist! Martyrs died for it, so strongly they believed. “Consubstantiation” was the evil one’s foot in the door of doubt. I can hear him: “'See? It’s not really changed from bread, but Christ is in there somewhere” This is the diminution of Christ’s presence. It has lead to many Protestants abandoning the Eucharist altogether. Who would cause this doubt? Who causes you to doubt?
Confidence comes from illumination by the Holy Spirit. And, what you see here is that same confidence. Doubt and skepticism come from the evil one. Make no mistake that you are under attack. Judas was motivated by greed, yes, but also by doubt in Christ. Others and I will pray for you, that your faith is restored.
Remember that if you reject Church authority, you begin to reject the bible that the same authority produced. The two cannot be separated, as much as the evil one would like to. Once you reject the authority behind the bible, God’s word becomes twisted, polluted and leads to division. Satan delights in division. He has caused 30,000+ divisions so far.
Luther was not moved by the Holy Spirit to divide the church. The Lord does not work that way. The Lord restores what is corrupt, as He has done in the OT and brought to completion in the NT. Only the Holy Spirit unites. The demon divides.
You’re in my prayers, brother.