No, I think most of us who read this were as shocked as you. Don’t let the comment of one or even many Catholics keep you from the Church, make sure you know what the Church actually teaches.
Do Catholics REALLY regard marriage this callously?
You might want to open up a conversation also on why she thinks that your family can only handle two children. Explore more fully what her issues are, and try to address them.
Speaking as a single catholic woman, if the above stated was the reason why a man that I was involved with left his previous spouse, then I would cease to be involved with him myself.
Agreed 100%. I am glad I was not the only one who was completely appalled by that post.
Just because one could technically qualify for an annulment does NOT mean someone should throw their marriage away to get one. An annulment is not a get out of jail free card to be used if your marriage is not going the way you hoped.
In addition, the OP didn’t mention if they already have the first planned child – if they do, would you really callously suggest that he cast off his wife and child, and find a better Catholic model? What would THAT say to the child as he or she is growing up and asking questions about why mommy and daddy aren’t married. and I can tell you as a child from a divorced household, divorce is NOT good for kids, and should be resorted to only in extreme circumstances, like abuse. One partner changing their mind about using birth control is not worth breaking up a family for. Do Catholics REALLY regard marriage this callously? And what about the poor wife? She did not go into her marriage thinking BC was going to be an issue, we don’t know what her employment situation is, would she be out on the street, hoping for alimony, when she had once been keeping house for her family. Feeling completely discarded because her husband’s views changed and he didn’t love her enough to work through it with her? That his love and devotion to her depends on how good of a Catholic she is?
This makes my own marriage, with my very loving, but non-devout husband who has to be coaxed to any church service, and sits through it out of love to me, more than devotion to God, feel much more holy. Thanks, I guess.
Yes, it is harsh. In my view, to the point of being uncharitable, and completely unchristian.
God bless you for this post.
Just because one could technically qualify for an annulment does NOT mean someone should throw their marriage away to get one. An annulment is not a get out of jail free card to be used if your marriage is not going the way you hoped.
In addition, the OP didn’t mention if they already have the first planned child – if they do, would you really callously suggest that he cast off his wife and child, and find a better Catholic model? What would THAT say to the child as he or she is growing up and asking questions about why mommy and daddy aren’t married. and I can tell you as a child from a divorced household, divorce is NOT good for kids, and should be resorted to only in extreme circumstances, like abuse. One partner changing their mind about using birth control is not worth breaking up a family for. Do Catholics REALLY regard marriage this callously? And what about the poor wife? She did not go into her marriage thinking BC was going to be an issue, we don’t know what her employment situation is, would she be out on the street, hoping for alimony, when she had once been keeping house for her family. Feeling completely discarded because her husband’s views changed and he didn’t love her enough to work through it with her? That his love and devotion to her depends on how good of a Catholic she is?
This makes my own marriage, with my very loving, but non-devout husband who has to be coaxed to any church service, and sits through it out of love to me, more than devotion to God, feel much more holy. Thanks, I guess.
Yes, it is harsh. In my view, to the point of being uncharitable, and completely unchristian.
We have one and one on the way. She tells everybody that she is stopping after the second which is how this conversation came to be. We have talked about this a little, but I think you are right–if I can help out and make her life easier maybe it will help her have a change of heart.
Don’t worry everybody–I am not getting divorced, annulled or otherwise.
What a joy that you are a wonderful Catholic man. Just to share, I remember when we had our first. I had such a tough pregnancy. I said I was not having ANYMORE!! I guess God showed me he was God. 2 1/2 years later came my little one. Now my youngest is 4 and I am getting the “itch”. She will. Just wait!!! As, for helping, please do as much as you can. It will be a rough few months when the baby’s home. Keep to a schedule and mommy and baby will be happy!! Congrat!!
I married a Catholic man and converted, and take my faith seriously, but my husband still treats it much more lightly. He skips mass maybe 1 to 3 times a month, and rarely goes to confession. This is not that uncommon, but God has His own timeline for winning over hearts.
Someone really understands us women???!!! No thank you to “Playgirl,” “YES PLEASE!” to this book!!! Hahahahha! Perfect!You might want to open up a conversation also on why she thinks that your family can only handle two children. Explore more fully what her issues are, and try to address them.
As a woman, wife, and mother, I can tell you the single most important thing you can do to encourage your wife not to cut off her childbearing ability is to be an active parent once the blessings start arriving. Change diapers, don’t always assume a fussy baby needs to be nursed and hand him back, get up at night, especially when baby is no longer nursing, encourage her to pump a bottle and sleep through a feeding, Enlist a family member to feed/entertain the baby once in a while so you can get through dinner and reconnect, stuff like that. Little things done over and over are HUGE. They will win her over faster than any argument.
**I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but there is a hilarious book out called “porn for women”, which shows pictures of (clothed) men helping with housework, etc. My favorite photo, my “porn” fix is a picture where in the middle of the night, a couple is in bed,and the man is in the process of getting up, and the caption says “Is that the baby, I’ll get her, you go back to sleep”.
**
It’s that kind of ultra sexy stuff that will get you ABC free lovemaking. Just sayin’
As for public conversations, you can keep it light, and say something like “she doesn’t yet know what an awesome father I’m going to be, or how completely awesome our kids are going to be,” and raise a glass to here’s to hoping she changes her mind.
