Standing Up To Gossiping

[Melodeonist]

I often fall into the sin of Gossip because I do nothing to stop others from gossiping to me. It’s not that I want to hear the gossip, but rather that I’m a doormat and I don’t want to offend anyone.

What are some polite, non offensive ways to stop people from telling me stuff about people that I don’t want to hear?

 

[pensmama87]

I often fall into the sin of Gossip because I do nothing to stop others from gossiping to me. It’s not that I want to hear the gossip, but rather that I’m a doormat and I don’t want to offend anyone.

What are some polite, non offensive ways to stop people from telling me stuff about people that I don’t want to hear?

“So, how about the [local sports team]?”

“What about that rain yesterday?”

“I don’t really want to discuss that.”

“Oh, look at the time. I really must be going.”

 

[mommy_k]

When people start gossiping you can pick one topic that the mentioned and change the subject to that.

An example would be if a gossip said --did you hear what Susan did at the movies yesterday–and you reply–wow, I haven’t been to the movies in a long time, what did you go see…

Or you can tell a gossip, hold that thought, I have to…and then step away, or check your phone.

 

[Rosebud77]

Hard one, OP and well done for seeking to do this. I wish I knew the answer. No I do not gossip but the talk that some are putting round about me…

 

[ConfusedLucy]

It’s not always avoidable to be in the hearing of other people gossiping. You have to really try not to be drawn into it and try never to form opinions based on it. I work in a place where it’s just the norm and some people don’t have a good opinion of anyone and I just try not to let it influence me.

I don’t know if I could pull off an abrupt subject change without sounding rude but I am a bit charmless

 

[pensmama87]

It’s not always avoidable to be in the hearing of other people gossiping. You have to really try not to be drawn into it and try never to form opinions based on it. I work in a place where it’s just the norm and some people don’t have a good opinion of anyone and I just try not to let it influence me.

I don’t know if I could pull off an abrupt subject change without sounding rude but I am a bit charmless

Sometimes I think it’s just fine to be abrupt. There is a place for that, and the other person is *already *being rude. Refusing to listen to rude talk is not rude.

 

[Monica4316]

You can also say something good about the person or excuse them

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Sometimes I think it’s just fine to be abrupt. There is a place for that, and the other person is *already *being rude. Refusing to listen to rude talk is not rude.

There is definitely a time for abruptness but I find this gossiping behaviour is often just a part of a very negative atmosphere and I don’t know if adding more negative behaviour to the situation is a good idea.

 

[LethalMouse]

Do people really have nothing better to do than lament about what he said/she said?

If someone talks words to you it doesn’t matter go do something good with your life!

This is the biggest waste of your energy

 

[Melodeonist]

Thanks for all the replies!

I often run into this at work or when checking out at stores. I’ll try changing the subject next time.

The only problem I can see is when customers are complaining about the managers to me. I don’t like when customers do this because it makes me very uncomfortable as I like the managers. I would assume if I tried to change the subject the customer may get angrier.

 

[pensmama87]

Thanks for all the replies!

I often run into this at work or when checking out at stores. I’ll try changing the subject next time.

The only problem I can see is when customers are complaining about the managers to me. I don’t like when customers do this because it makes me very uncomfortable as I like the managers. I would assume if I tried to change the subject the customer may get angrier.

Is there a formal method for making complaints? Or could you ask if they would like you to discuss their concerns directly and you could call one over?

 

[pensmama87]

There is definitely a time for abruptness but I find this gossiping behaviour is often just a part of a very negative atmosphere and I don’t know if adding more negative behaviour to the situation is a good idea.

Yes, when it’s in the general atmosphere, it’s much harder to deal with. Then I think the trick is to get out of there if possible, and just calmly repeat, “I’d rather not hear about that” until you’re let alone.

 

[Faxero]

I do nothing to stop others from gossiping to me. It’s not that I want to hear the gossip, but rather that I’m a doormat and I don’t want to offend anyone.

Set boundaries. You would not be rude, but assertive.

Behold the wisdom of Charisma on Command (youtube channel)! :dancing:

youtube.com/watch?v=F08qtHtrXI8

You will start to acquire much-needed advice at around the 40 second mark. Hopefully it will be applicable to your circumstances.

If not, then too bad.

 

[robertmidwest]

Thanks for all the replies!

I often run into this at work or when checking out at stores. I’ll try changing the subject next time.

The only problem I can see is when customers are complaining about the managers to me. I don’t like when customers do this because it makes me very uncomfortable as I like the managers. I would assume if I tried to change the subject the customer may get angrier.

Working in retail and listening this customers complaints is totally different than gossiping.

 

[eatpraylove11]

I usually nod my head and hear the person out, but don’t add to it…it must be the therapist in me

 

[pianistclare]

Working in retail and listening this customers complaints is totally different than gossiping.

Exactly.
Forget about it.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Working in retail and listening this customers complaints is totally different than gossiping.

Hi melodeonist,

I agree with robert’s post.

When you are working in retail, it’s different. There must be a “chain of command” of who you are supposed to go to, when a customer has a complaint.

If you aren’t sure, then you should find out what it is.

 

[pianistclare]

Hi melodeonist,

I agree with robert’s post.

When you are working in retail, it’s different. There must be a “chain of command” of who you are supposed to go to, when a customer has a complaint.

If you aren’t sure, then you should find out what it is.

Yes. Plus those are complains. That’s NOT gossip. Gossip is if you chime in and add details to the story.

Your scruples are acting up.
GO SEE THE PRIEST.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

You can also say something good about the person or excuse them

This is a favorite tactic of mine. It’s good to have an arsenal of tactics because different situations will call for different solutions.

ETA: But not helpful in the OP’s situation, I see. In that case, you could say, “I’m sorry you had that experience. What can I do to help?” then try to zero in on something concrete you can do to fix the situation. Some managers aren’t good at dealing with people (and it could be the fatigue of doing it for so long) so if you can smooth things out, listen. Sometimes people just need to be heard and you don’t have to do anything. One caveat; there will be things that are outside of your realm of authority, and you also do not have to be on the receiving end of abuse. In these cases bring them to your manager’s attention.

 

[Irishmom2]

If a customer is complaining to you just say: “Oh, I can get the manager for you if you would like to speak to him.” Most likely they will stop talking.