Starting a family after 30

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We’re going to be starting our family after 30. I had some health problems that made me sterile, so we’re going through the adoption process right now.

I wish we had had children earlier, but I feel like God chose this path for us and I’m happy to walk it.

My mom (who had me at 21) told me that as an “older” mother, I’ll be ahead of the younger moms, since I’ve had more life experience. Personally I think she’s just wanting grandkids, 😉 but it made me feel good.
 
ac_claire said:
[Re-posted from Parenting sub-forum]

Are there any moms out there who - for whatever reasons- started their families after turning 30 (or therabouts)?

I ask because in my family at least, the girls tend to get married right out of high school or college, and the kids come quickly after. I know of course that 30 is NOT too old to start a family, but since so many Catholics traditionally start sooner…I’d be interested in hearing from “older” moms (and dads!). Any problems conceiving, or special concerns for first-time parents no longer in their 20’s? I guess just whatever you’d like to share on the subject would be appreciated.
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We married (DW=30, me=34) late. No real problems getting pregnant. The opposite was probably truer… Last one, I was 43 and it was getting tough to get up for those mid night feedings. Now I’m elegible for retirement but my oldest isn’t driving yet. Some of my coworkers are becoming empty nesters. I’m somewhat jealous, I must admit. Having three really takes a lot of energy, and somedays, well, we’re not 30 anymore.

But you know… I am glad for what God gave me. Hope he blesses you as well or even better!
 
I turned down all the offered tests as well, except for one ultrasound with my oldest son to establish heartbeat. I refused amnio as I heard that there is a slight increased risk of miscarriage sometimes with it -and we weren’t going to terminate under any circumstances anyway- but accept as a gift whatever child God sent us.
 
We intended to start a family when my wife was 26 but that wasn’t God’s plan for us. After a miscarraige when she was 28 we finally got pregnant and had our first son when she was 30 and I was 33.

I’m not 38 and she is almost 35 and we have 3 wonderful boys. I worked in Child Life and with At Risk Youth just out of College so I was “ready” even then.

However things would have been insanely difficult because of all the family things we had going on that needed our attention then.

While we do meet a lot of couples at our Parish who are younger, I would say over half are our age. My sponsor and his wife are the same age with the same aged kids as well. They both finished their PhD before starting a family.

I don’t think it’s that uncommon anymore and we couldn’t be happier now.

Joe
 
I have no qualm about it. If I ever do get married and have kids I would be well over 30. Wish I had be able to do it younger but apparently it wasn’t Gods will. :confused:
 
Oh, and my friend had hers at 43 and swears the prgnancy and first 3 years after are EASIER than when she had her other son, 10 years previously! So, there is hope for us older moms:D !

Anna x
 
Vanny said:
I turned down all the offered tests as well, except for one ultrasound with my oldest son to establish heartbeat. I refused amnio as I heard that there is a slight increased risk of miscarriage sometimes with it -and we weren’t going to terminate under any circumstances anyway- but accept as a gift whatever child God sent us.
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I wouldn’t do amnio ever, but I did ultrasound and blood tests just in case there were any problems we would see and address as early as possible. A friend of mine actually had severe gall bladder problems that would have impacted her baby. She had the gall bladder removed and her son is a healthy happy 4th grader today.
The one other thing I wanted to mention is don’t wait too long for your first. My best friend (who was told by her GYN that she had plenty of time) has no baby after fertility treatments. She started trying at 38.
 
I had my last child at 35, and even then the doctors were really pushing me to get an amnio. There was no way I would go through that procedure knowing that I would lovingly accept any child that God gave me, and he did give me a wonderful, mischievous, deeply spiritual and loving little cutie. I don’t think I would be afraid to get pregnant at any age…just at this point in life it looks like there won’t be any more…and I am ok with that too.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
I wouldn’t do amnio ever, but I did ultrasound and blood tests just in case there were any problems we would see and address as early as possible. A friend of mine actually had severe gall bladder problems that would have impacted her baby. She had the gall bladder removed and her son is a healthy happy 4th grader today.
The one other thing I wanted to mention is don’t wait too long for your first. My best friend (who was told by her GYN that she had plenty of time) has no baby after fertility treatments. She started trying at 38.
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Oh yes, I agree. I did do ultrasound with my first.
I was also pg at 42, and 44 but sadly m/c all three(last was twins)
The dr wanted to do ultrasound and some blood test to make sure everything was OK, but sadly I lost the babies(possibly due to age) I didn’t know about NFP then, possibly had a progesterone shortage that could have been supplemented.
I also agree not to wait too late. In my case I had no choice as I never married until I was 37- and I was worried I would never have kids at that late age - all 4 of my pg’s were conceived quite easily, though- the first two went to term, the last two were m/c.
I do know conception is not as easy for some women past 30.
 
I also agree not to wait too late. In my case I had no choice as I never married until I was 37- and I was worried I would never have kids at that late age - all 4 of my pg’s were conceived quite easily, though- the first two went to term, the last two were m/c.
I do know conception is not as easy for some women past 30.

I personally think alot of it can have something to do with what God wants for us!! I had a miscarriage (at 38) and about 6 months later, I was pregnant with my 5 year old (when I showed up at my doc’s office, he walked in the room saying “hello fertile myrtle”, 14 months later came my baby. I know that’s it for me because their dad and I are no longer together - unless God has a plan I don’t know about… He will have to literally knock me down and draw me a picture if He thinks I should get married again.
 
I married at 29 and had DS at 30, followed by DD at 32 and DD at 33. We’ve had NO problems fertility wise. I think that the hard thing for me was being established at work, making decent money, having goals, accomplishing them and moving on. Being a SAHM was a HUGE adjustment. No interaction with adults and my world prior was fast paced and I loved it (stressful as it may have been) but I thrived on it. My life is fast paced now but in a different way - monotony and while there are big goals like potty training, weaning, or learning to dress themselves it is different. The final achievement is raising a holy child who loves God and is destined for heaven…that is a life long job and so it’s hard in that respect. I’ve dealt with PPD as well compounding problems but I doubt that age has anything to do with it.

You’ve got to listen to God’s call for you and know that He will guide to the path He has in mind for you and your DH.
 
My husband and I were 26 and 40 when we were married and now are 44 and 58.

We were very much of the contraceptive mentality at the time and waited 5 years before trying for children, so I was 32 when my first DD was born.

We had concrete plans (so we thought!!) to have only one, but God had other plans. In less than a year we realized we weren’t ‘done’ and conceived DD#2. DD#3 came along when I was 38 and my doctors thought I was crazy.

By this time we had come to understand and accept the Church’s teaching on openness to life and began practicing NFP. I got a little careless about writing down dates and conceived DS at 41 and gave birth to him 3 days after my 42nd birthday. God is so good!!

I never thought I could love so much and God has used our children to totally transform our hearts.

I especially love my husband for being so open to all of this. It would have been so easy for him to have a real problem with all this considering our age difference.
 
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